I think I’m a fairly intelligent person. This week that belief has been in question. Recently one of the trouble dogs I was watching went home. She was here for just over a week. The first day of her visit she tore up my bedroom carpet while I was at lunch. After that little “incident” Bella (aka trouble) wasn’t allowed to be home alone. That meant no trips to human only exercise (Bar Method), happy hour, or the grocery store. If Bella couldn’t go neither could I. At one point in the week I was so desperate for non-dog companionship I texted a friend begging to meet us at a dog friendly location and then spent over an hour researching one in her area. Since this wasn’t a planned isolation I hadn’t stocked up on any kind of food. Every meal my choices dwindled until I was living off oatmeal, popcorn, and anything I could get from a drive thru.
About this same time my toilet seat broke. My dad was nice enough to purchase a new one and it sat on the counter in my kitchen for an entire week before he was sick of asking me if I had put it on and just came over and did it himself. During that time I CONSTANTLY mistook the box, which was flat and big-ish, for a pizza box. Had I purchased a pizza? No. That fact didn’t stop me from hoping
that one had magically appeared out of thin air. I didn’t believe this illusion for an extended period of time mind you, just for a second or two. It was a glimmer of hope. I would walk by that perfectly sized box and think, “Oh good! I can have pizza tonight.” Sometimes I would even get through that entire thought before i remembered it wasn’t a pizza but instead a toilet seat cover. You would be amazed at how many times this happened. Sometimes I’d be driving home from my daily dog activity thinking about what I’d have for lunch and for a split second think, “I don’t need crappy fast food, I have that pizza at home.”
Why didn’t I just get on the phone and order a pizza you ask. Well, because as much as I love pizza I can’t really eat it without my stomach hurting so I don’t eat it often. When you are hungry, sick of oatmeal, and worn down from non-stop dog companionship you kinda just want a nice slice. You know what I mean? Stomach be damned. It’s a real pisser (pun intended) when you realize the pizza box is a toilet seat.