I had a match.com date last night and it confirmed a few “guy” theories I’ve had for a while.

1.  Condescending is the New Black.  75% (guessing at the percentage here) of guys are condescending on the first (or more) date.  Remember the guy who talked to me like I was a dog.  Going as far as saying “that’s my good girl.”  I could tell he was controlling himself from patting on my head but it was only a matter of time.  I tend to write off the first date “condescending” tone as first dates are hard and don’t count.  BUT it does color my thoughts of you for the second date so why do you do it dudes?  Why?

The more I think about it the more I realize it isn’t just my dates.  I’ve seen male friends, I like, kick it into “take down the wife” mode when in social situations.  There was even an episode about it on a sitcom last week.  Don’t ask me which one because I don’t know.  One of those sitcoms that is funny but you know it isn’t going to last long so you don’t invest too much time in it.  Why is this the go to coping mechanism when they feel unsettled at a party?

The gentleman last night was nice-ish.  He get’s the “ish” for his condescending tone.  His constant need to prove he knew more about everything than me was exhausting.  A gal can only nod her head and say, “wow really” so many times.  I dare say he went as far as to scoff at me a few times.

Now I realize guys are delicate flowers and need to feel like they are more important, knowledgeable, stronger, blah blah blah.  But come on guys.  Is verbally mocking me the only way to do this?  It’s like they see a strong, smart woman who can successfully take care of herself and they think, “Screw this.  It’s time to take  this lady down a few pegs.”  Look guys, I get enough of that kind of attitude at work.  I can give you the same response I do there, “I’m perfectly happy putting up a banner above my office door that says, ‘[fill in name] is smarter and more important than me.’ if it means you will stop this nonsense.”  Difference being I get paid to take that abuse at work.  Last time I checked I’m not getting cash from this drinks date.

2.  Guys like to think the are Lance Armstrong.  All of them … most of them … a large percentage of them, ride bikes aka “are cyclists.”  I don’t know what it is but men, single men, douchebags, are drawn to that sport like moths to a flame.  They love love love it and the love love love when they realize I have a baby toe in the sport (as someone who does triathlons and therefore is forced to ride a bike a specific distance) and then they are in heaven.  They can scold me on my bike choice, lack of clipping in, training plans, etc.  They can scoff (I used the word earlier and it seemed so appropriate —- I can picture the face that goes with it.  Like he just ate a piece of lemon.) at my lack of knowledge around the “sport.”  Here is how the conversations always go:

Guy – (Constant blah blah blahing about cycling during this entire inner Wendy monologue)

Wendy – (Sip. – Wow this is a brilliant Tom Collins.)  Really?  That’s interesting.  (Sip.  Sip.  I love slushy ice.  Every drink should have slushy ice.)  I had no idea.  That’s a really good plan. (Sip. Sip.  Crap he is still on a roll with this cycling thing and I’m almost done with my delicious drink. I need to slow down.  Sip.)  Wow.  (Sip.  Just ice now.  But DELICIOUS Tom Collins ice.  I can work with this.)  Seriously.  That’s amazing.  (Oh Tom Collins ice.  You are delicious and I love you.  Slurp.  Slurp.)  Uh huh. (I could order another one but then I’ll be stuck here for so much longer.  I have to make this one last.  Slurp.)  You sure know a lot about cycling. (Crap.  Slurp.  I shouldn’t have said that now he got his second wind.)  Wow.  Fancy. (I have no idea what he is saying.  Slurp.  Slurp.  I may need one more if this continues much longer.)