I was in a car with co-workers once and somehow the conversation lead me to the following comment, “When you are in a packed elevator do you ever look around and decide who you’d eat first if you got stuck in there for a really long time.” I think those people are still afraid of me.

Don’t look at me like that. I wouldn’t kill someone but if I was stuck somewhere, like an elevator, for an extremely long time and someone just happened to die of starvation, I’m not against looking to his carcass for a source of protein. I did hear somewhere that eating human can sometimes carry some sort of horrible brain disease. I think I learned that on the show Oddities. I suppose it would be safer cooked. I don’t know how I’m going to safely start a fire in an elevator. We’d have to assume something really bad went down to trap us their for so long. Some sort of end of human race event that caused everyone outside that elevator to perish. Hmmmmm. That reminds me of a book I recently finished, The Dog Stars (http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Stars-Peter-Heller/dp/0307959945. It got great reviews but honestly I didn’t love it. A plague kills off most of the human race and small gangs of survivors do what the have to, to survive. The lead character made people jerky. To his credit he only fed that to his dog but that’s an idea. I wonder if eating jerky is safer than uncooked? Can you make jerky in an elevator? I bet that would smell horrible. Although a dead dude stuck in an enclosed space with you is eventually going to start smelling too. I guess I haven’t really thought this through.

Oh stop pretending I’m freaking you out. Sitting there all high and mighty behind your computer screen thinking, “I’d never eat a person.” You know what I say? Never say never. You think that poor rugby team thought they’d be chowing down on their friends/family to stay alive after a horrific plane crash? You don’t know what you’d do for survival if out of options. For example, I can say I’d never dive into a dumpster behind a sushi restaurant (I hate sushi) and eat up but if there was some sort of deadly disease spreading across the planet and they discovered the only cure was a type of mold that grows on decaying raw fish and chopsticks but is only strong enough to work if eaten directly from the dumpster, I’d be diving in head first!

If I died of natural causes and your only chance of survival was to chomp down on my thigh I’d be okay with it. I’m dead what do I care? I’m an organ donor after all (as everyone should be) that’s just really stepping it up a couple notches. If, in my death, I can save you then go for it. No need to thank me.

Don’t even suggest I eat Riggins. That’s disgusting. I’d rather die.