Getting Older Check List for Women

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Not 50 … yet.

Huffington post recently posted an article on their blog “50 Things Every Woman Should Know How To Do by 50” by Shelly Emling. Like most things posted on Huffington (or anywhere else widely read on the web) it caused controversy with the readers. Comments included suggesting the story was sexist while others happily added to the list. I don’t have enough energy to think about it being sexist. I just thought it would be fun to tally up where I was on the ol’ list. Below find the original list with my personal notes.

By 50, women should know how to:

Say “no” without feeling guilty – Can anyone do that? A man can I suppose. Screw this. Maybe this list is sexist.
Book their own travel – Check.
Say “I’m sorry” and mean it – Fine. Whatever. If I was every wrong I would totally do this.
Laugh at themselves – My favorite activity.
Change a tire – Ummm. AAA. Why would I do that myself?
Take themselves out to dinner and/or a movie — on their own – My second favorite activity. It actually annoys me when women or men won’t go see a movie by him/herself. It’s so much better. You don’t have to worry about another person enjoying themselves and you don’t have to share the popcorn. I wish I was at a movie by myself right now.
Get around in a foreign country – Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.
Program and operate their TV (this is easier said than done!) – It’s really not hard.
Mix at least a few classic cocktails – Well Cathy did get me a cocktail shaker for my birthday. She was horrified I didn’t own one.
Do their own taxes – Nope. Thanks Dad!
Invest in the stock market – Does 401Ks count???
Make themselves and their own needs a priority – Constantly.
Sew — at least a little – No problem-o
Defend themselves against an attacker with at least one signature self-defense move – Is everyone’s signature move a kick to the crotch?
Perform CPR – Check.
Carve a turkey – Sounds horribly boring.
Choose their own wine – Ummmm. Yah. I choose wine by their price/what’s on sale/pretty labels. It’s a very scientific system that has worked well for me for years.
Light a grill — and then cook on it – Yuppers.
My super awesome swimsuit.

Swim – I wish I was swimming right now. Now I’m sad. Stupid list.
Order a credit report — and then be able to read it – Sounds more boring than that turkey thing.
Examine their own breasts – If I was drinking I’d do a spit take.
Graciously accept a compliment – Define “graciously.”
Flip their own breaker – That sounds dirty.
Plunge a toilet – This is obviously a list for women who have never lived alone or prefer to let their bathroom flood with poo water.
Properly hang photos and artwork – I agree! I hate when pictures are hung too high. It causes me rage. EYE LEVEL PEOPLE. EYE LEVEL!
Whip up a signature dish that’s not spaghetti or meatloaf – Do purple pork chops count?
Walk away from a situation or relationship when it’s not working – Only after screaming doesn’t work.
Tell off at least one person who deserves it – I take that back. This is my most favorite thing to do.
Say what they really want in bed – To sleep. Duh.
Eating alone in a place where I had to hail a taxi.

Put together a piece of “some assembly required” furniture – Yup. Until I was smart enough to have someone do it for me.
Apply makeup without a mirror – Do I have to be good at it? Wasn’t this a challenge on one of those Tyra model shows?
Buy something crazy expensive just because they want it – Have you met my vacuum? Not “crazy” expensive but most expensive vacuum that has been in my house.
Ask for a raise – definitely.
Mow their own yard – There are people who do this for me. Why would I take their job away?
Unclog a drain – Of course.
Tell which direction they are facing – Are you joking?
Tell at least one really good joke – A dog walked into a bar …
Make small talk with just about anyone – Sales person for 17 years. Got this one covered.
Know when to reveal personal information — and when not to – So it would be bad to tell you I think I smell right now? Seriously … I’m going to put deodorant on. BRB.
I saw this in a bathroom once. It just made me laugh. Squirrels????
Think critically and independently when hearing speeches and listening to the news – I’m ignoring you.
Paint a room – Why?
Buy the right-sized bra – Sure.
Beautifully wrap a present – I’m sure there has been at least one.
Hail a taxi – Traveling salesperson for 17 years. Again … covered.
Reach out to an old friend – Thanks Facebook.
Jump a car battery – Does the person who wrote this list not know about AAA?
Show love with actions and not just words – Like kissing with tongue?
Put together a real retirement strategy – Nah.
Look good in a photo – Thanks photo filters.
Open a bottle of champagne – Yes please