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(I haven’t gone on a rant lately about my love for my dog.  I think it is time!  And I apologize right now.  I tend to get emotional and drop FBombs and other unladylike language when I’m riled up.  So buckle up … here we go!)

You know how they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (do people still say that … my Grandma Newell certainly thought that, she bought me a big ol’ recipe book once to help in my hunt for a man.  I’ve opened that book twice.  Once to see how long to cook a baked potato and once to see how to make pork chops.  The pork chops were a hit … to a man even, until the second time I tried to make them and didn’t have apple juice so substituted with wine.  Don’t look at me like that.  It totally makes sense.  Wine is made from grapes — fruit so it is essentially a fruit juice and people use wine for cooking all the time. The purple pork chops kinda ruined that recipe for me.  Oh I did open it once to figure out what “sear” meant.  I read it, and decided that was a dumb idea and ignored the instruction to “sear” whatever protein had demanded I look it up in the first place.)?  Well the way to my heart is through my family.  Which means Riggins!

Yes despite the local mall and grocery’s parking lot definition my family is not an “adult with children” but an “adult with dog.”  Don’t even get me started on those dumb ass signs … too late I’m started.  How dare you random parking lot for suggesting I’m not a family.  Who the hell do you think you are?  Take your dumb ass 17th century sign and definition and shove it up your ass.  Do black tops have asses?  I don’t care.  Find your ass and shove it up there.  I know I know I shouldn’t take the parking lot sign as an attack about me and my life choices and bad boyfriend luck as they are only trying to make someone’s life easier.  But I do take it personally even if that is not logical.  So they can shove it … well you know.

Whew … I feel better.

Riggins and I are a family and anyone who accepts that IMMEDIATELY becomes my friend.  Riggins is everything.  He is my baby, my friend, my hiking companion, someone who loves me NO MATTER WHAT, and my protector in my not so great neighborhood.  It is because of him and his protection that I have the ability to live where I do and with the freedom I do.  It is because of him that I know my neighborhood as well as I do, know neighbors, and fun/funny/interesting things about the area since we walk that area every day.  It is because of him that I get out of my house to hang out at parks, walk around Silver Lake and see characters (seriously want some good people watching … go take a stroll around the lake), hike Runyon with the stars, and constantly have something to smile about.  If you don’t get that … if that doesn’t make sense to you … if you think that makes me a loony … well too bad for you!

Okay … once I had a date with a guy who picked a place to meet where I could bring Riggins.  I loved him instantly.  He spent the date feeding Riggins mashed potatoes from his fork.  Riggins jumped up and lounged on his lap peaking up at me as if to say, “I choose this guy …” Turns out he loved Riggins, and not so much me.  And to be honest loved Riggins a bit too much … and this is  ME saying this.  So I suppose you can go too far.

I was recently asked a question on Eharmony, Match, I forget which, about my relationship with animals (pets).  I ignored all the suggested responses and typed in, “I love my dog more than most people.”  Was it perhaps off-putting for me to type that?  Probably.  I don’t care.  Better you know now.  It was the first time I actually liked one of those silly get to know you cookie cutter question.  I liked the guy for asking.

You know what actor I love the most?  More than any other? Eriq La Salle.  Eriq La who?  Salle.  AKA that African-American dude from ER.  I LOVE HIM.  Why?  All because of his interactions with Riggins.  One day, years ago, I was on Runyon with Riggins.  We go almost every weekend and, in his mind, the hill now belongs to him.   He doesn’t stay next to me during our hike.  OOOOOOOHHHHHHH NO!  He’s got places to go and people to see.  He is, usually, ahead of me checking out whatever there is to check out or forcing someone to pet him.  Most of the time he will run pretty far ahead of me (I know this annoys other people there but I’m sure you are not shocked to find out my response is “tough toodles”) then will stop and hang out looking back until he sees I’m safely coming up the path before taking off full speed again.  One day I saw this very tall man leaning over yelling at Riggins.  My mom, “don’t F with my baby”, attitude kicked in and I stormed toward the duo ready to TAKE THAT ASSHOLE DOWN.  As I got closer I realized it was Eriq La Salle.  Now I’ve had run ins with celebrities on Runyon before.  Because … well … frankly … most are douches.  More stories for another post.  So I got closer ready to let Eriq feel the Wendy wrath!  Just before opening my mouth to take the man down I realized he was trying to stop Riggins from eating poo.  ERIQ LA SALLE STOPPED RIGGINS FROM EATING POO!  Isn’t that awesome!?!  He was looking out for Riggins!  I did a 180 with my attitude and have loved the guy ever since.  When he was on an episode of Covert Affairs last season I made Riggins come in to the TV room to watch.  I explained that it was the nice man from the hill.  I see Mr. La Salle almost every weekend and he is a DELIGHT.  Not only is he super nice to Riggins (which is all you really need to know) both him and his hiking partner (son maybe — although really I have no idea) will nod or say hello and are always happy.  BTW no one says hi on that hill … NO ONE.  Well a few people but most don’t.  Sometimes I make it a game to see how many people I can force to say  hello or good morning to me.  Mr. La Salle and partner never let me down!  I can always count on them.  Nice to me AND Riggins.  How do I find a guy like that?

So there is your hot tip single men of the world.  How do you get me to love you?  Be like Eriq La Salle and not creepy like mash potato dude.  Love my dog the perfect amount and understand that he is my family.