Tag Archives: online dating

Beyond Match.com

04 Thursday Sep 2014

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photo 1 (79)As you know I broke up with Match.com and eHarmony.  I’ve moved on to the dating apps!  Now I’m all about Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel.  Both of these apps pull from friends of friends of friends on Facebook and match you up with dudes (or dudettes) who have also signed up.  So far I’ve had zero success.  Nada.  Nothing.  It’s one of those things were if you “ok” a guy your info gets sent to them and if they “ok” you, then you can communicate.  I “ok” almost everyone.  Why not?  

On Coffee Meets Bagel (What the hell is that name mean?  I’m seriously asking.  I don’t get it.  They seem to have the tag line, “What happens at noon?”  I guess coffee meets bagel, but that doesn’t clear anything up for me.  In fact it makes it even more confusing.  Wouldn’t you consider coffee AND bagels breakfast items.  Who is the bagel and who is the coffee?  Actually I guess I’m the coffee because I’m told by the app that my “bagel is waiting for me.”  I suppose I’d much rather be the coffee. photo 4 (43) Personally I don’t drink coffee but at least it’s adjectives like “hot” and “exhilarating.”  Bagels are “white” and “doughy.”  Horrible name.) I’ve had zero matches.  I’ve said “yes” to lots (you get one match a day unless you buy/earn more “bagels” — again, no idea what that means).

Hinge I like better.  You get a handful of matches a day.  I’ve had 13 mutual “matches.”  None of them have written me.  One day, while at a bar with a friend, I said, “Screw it.  I’m writing all of them.”  So I did.  I sat there and wrote to each and every one.  I heard back from one dude who said Hinge was overwhelming and he missed my note.”  Really?  He is overwhelmed by so many responses he missed my little outreach.  I, on the other hand, have nothing. 

I got side tracked.  Telling you about the dating apps I’ve tried and their success rate wasn’t my initial message when writing this blog post.  This was:

Isn’t it a pisser when you go on your dating site and realize the old dude you were matched up with is indeed within your dating age range?  Total hit to the ego.

Screw off Match.com

22 Thursday Aug 2013

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I’m angry at Match.com.  I was going to do the “right” thing and put together a well thought out letter to inform them of my unhappiness toward the company.  Alas, I’m having a bummer day and have no time, energy, or compassion for such an effort.  Instead I’m going to rant about them on this blog post and them direct them to it!

I’ve been a member of Match.com on and off for YEARS … Y E A R S.  I’ve been on many many dates, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  In general I’m an easy date “get” (vs. just an easy date).  I will go out with almost anyone that asks from the site.  If nothing else I get a drink and a story out of it.  Unfortunately constant interaction through the world-wide web has taken away people’s “dating” skills.  It is not uncommon for me to suggest we meet for a drinks (after a few emails back and forth) only to never hear from the guy again.  Apparently what these “men” are looking for is a virtual girlfriend and/or a hooker.  I’m neither of these things …. sorry boyz!

Over the past few months, lots of months, I’ve gotten no “hits” at all.  Everyday I go in and look at my 5 suggested matches and “show interest” in almost anyone who has a picture.  Nothing.  Nada.  Simply nothing.  No response.  No one cares.  Nothing.

CaptureSo I made the decision that seems obvious.  I stopped paying the site and cancelled my subscription.  Now I get hits ALL THE TIME.  Wacky right?  Guys “wink” at me, show interest, email … it’s a friggin’ Wendy parade on that site right now.  Now what has changed between pre cancellation and now?  I think it is more than obvious that Match.com is being a bit shady.  My theory is that they are now showing my profile to more people in their “daily matches.”  Like me, they are probably wondering why no one is responding to them.  We can’t …. we are off the site.  Good business … maybe.  Depends on how you define “good.”  Personally I consider it bad business as in bad customer service, bad reflection on your brand, bad money hungry folks somewhere sitting around being in charge.

Here is what Match.com could/would/may have said had I actually written that carefully thought out letter:

You have too many pictures with dogs.  Dogs are my job.  Like it or lick it.

You have too many pictures without make up on.  I don’t wear make up a majority of my day.  I look good … screw you.

Your profile doesn’t say much.  Like people look at anything but the pictures.

You don’t accept “everyone.”  True.  I tend to pass on those who I know will be upset by me being an atheist.  That is a pretty big deal breaker for some folks.

You don’t accept people who don’t want kids.  Right now that is a deal breaker for me.

photo (4)You don’t reach out enough on your own.  True enough.  I’m busy.  Back off.

You aren’t warm and feminine enough.  Screw you.  Your mom is a whore.  (This isn’t true.  I have not even seen Match.com’s mom let alone know if she is a “whore.)

Whatever excuse they come up with the truth is I’m getting WAY more responses now that I’m not paying for the service and can’t gain access/respond to nice men vs. when I was paying a monthly fee.

So I say … “SCREW OFF MATCH.COM.”

 

Flies Like Honey?

11 Friday Jan 2013

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Sweet as Pie“You catch more flies with honey.”  That’s what they say.  I hate “them.”  Self riotous weirdos.  Alas it’s a saying for a reason (do you realize how long it took me to understand the saying “you drive me to drink”?  One evening, in the not so distant past, I took a sip of Cabernet and the light bulb went on …. oooooh!  You drive me to drink!  I get it.)

This leads me to my new online dating thinking.  It’s not so much new as recently become more clear to me.  You see now that I’m not flying all over the US every week (once did 5 planes and one train in 3 days) I actually have time to have a social life — gasp!  I’m really very excited.  Now if I can only get someone to go out with me.

I’ve always had luck with online dating (despite what you may have read in past posts — I’m defining luck with actually going on a date with a human.  It’s a very general and open definition).  I have more than one friend who have met their “special one” through dating sites and honestly feel that it is the “go to” in the 201Xs.  (I just wrote something mean about where my male friends find dates but then deleted it —- see —- I’m trying — honey=flies.)

There are a number of things going against me now.  My age – which is terribly young, don’t get me wrong.  Just not as young as I was.  The internet has taken away humans ability to socialize and mens willingness to actually go on a date (Dr. Drew agrees with me on this although he blames internet porn.  Works for me.  Damn you porn.)  But what REALLY works against me is me.  You see … I give bad email.  What does that mean?  Well you know me.  You can read what I write (like this brilliant blog post) and think, “That Wendy is Creative, Funny, Witty, and Charming.”  Unfortunately if you don’t know me and read what I write those adjectives become “Harsh, Hurtful, Negative, and Mean.”   Example, I was emailing a “gentleman” (quotes put there on purpose – sigh – baby steps) whose last email described how he had taken a young woman (15ish years his jr) to Hawaii for new years, on a whim.  Sadly, it did not work out as he was now in Hawaii alone for the actual New Years Eve celebration.  Seems the young woman only wanted to text on her phone and in a fit of unhappiness demanded to be taken back to the airport abandoning her knight in shining armor.

Now let’s step aside for a second and think about her …. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  I’m pretty confident I could find a way to have fun in Hawaii with ANYONE.  Seriously anyone.  Name someone one … yup …. I could have a good time with him/her.  Here’s the thing I learned a long time ago.  I’m an adult.  I can not get stranded somewhere I don’t want to be (in the civilized world that is).  If I’m not having fun with you at Hawaii hotel A fine … then I’m off to Hawaii hotel B.  IT’S HAWAII.  I’ve been to Hawaii by myself and had a BLAST!!!  It’s obvious this girl has no imagination.

Now back to him.  I wrote back what I thought was a nice email but COME ON …. I HAD TO POINT OUT HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT.  You brought a young-un, who you barely knew, to Hawaii and didn’t get the magical New Years you expected?  Color me surprised.  I can’t be held accountable for telling him that.  Seriously.  I expect he heard it already from any friend/family member he communicated with.  It wasn’t the ONLY THING I said in my email response …. but it was said.  Needless to say I never heard from him again.  (Based on the email exchange we did have it is possible he just got distracted by something shiny and it really had nothing to do with my email …. but I’ll never know.)

So!  Turning over a new email leaf.  All dating site emails will be put through the “stupid girl” filter.  Don’t look at me like that.  A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.  I’ll have to save my sharp wit for later … perhaps date 10ish.

XOXOXO AND SUGAR,

Wendy

The Way to My Heart (aka things you already know)

19 Tuesday Jul 2011

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(I haven’t gone on a rant lately about my love for my dog.  I think it is time!  And I apologize right now.  I tend to get emotional and drop FBombs and other unladylike language when I’m riled up.  So buckle up … here we go!)

You know how they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (do people still say that … my Grandma Newell certainly thought that, she bought me a big ol’ recipe book once to help in my hunt for a man.  I’ve opened that book twice.  Once to see how long to cook a baked potato and once to see how to make pork chops.  The pork chops were a hit … to a man even, until the second time I tried to make them and didn’t have apple juice so substituted with wine.  Don’t look at me like that.  It totally makes sense.  Wine is made from grapes — fruit so it is essentially a fruit juice and people use wine for cooking all the time. The purple pork chops kinda ruined that recipe for me.  Oh I did open it once to figure out what “sear” meant.  I read it, and decided that was a dumb idea and ignored the instruction to “sear” whatever protein had demanded I look it up in the first place.)?  Well the way to my heart is through my family.  Which means Riggins!

Yes despite the local mall and grocery’s parking lot definition my family is not an “adult with children” but an “adult with dog.”  Don’t even get me started on those dumb ass signs … too late I’m started.  How dare you random parking lot for suggesting I’m not a family.  Who the hell do you think you are?  Take your dumb ass 17th century sign and definition and shove it up your ass.  Do black tops have asses?  I don’t care.  Find your ass and shove it up there.  I know I know I shouldn’t take the parking lot sign as an attack about me and my life choices and bad boyfriend luck as they are only trying to make someone’s life easier.  But I do take it personally even if that is not logical.  So they can shove it … well you know.

Whew … I feel better.

Riggins and I are a family and anyone who accepts that IMMEDIATELY becomes my friend.  Riggins is everything.  He is my baby, my friend, my hiking companion, someone who loves me NO MATTER WHAT, and my protector in my not so great neighborhood.  It is because of him and his protection that I have the ability to live where I do and with the freedom I do.  It is because of him that I know my neighborhood as well as I do, know neighbors, and fun/funny/interesting things about the area since we walk that area every day.  It is because of him that I get out of my house to hang out at parks, walk around Silver Lake and see characters (seriously want some good people watching … go take a stroll around the lake), hike Runyon with the stars, and constantly have something to smile about.  If you don’t get that … if that doesn’t make sense to you … if you think that makes me a loony … well too bad for you!

Okay … once I had a date with a guy who picked a place to meet where I could bring Riggins.  I loved him instantly.  He spent the date feeding Riggins mashed potatoes from his fork.  Riggins jumped up and lounged on his lap peaking up at me as if to say, “I choose this guy …” Turns out he loved Riggins, and not so much me.  And to be honest loved Riggins a bit too much … and this is  ME saying this.  So I suppose you can go too far.

I was recently asked a question on Eharmony, Match, I forget which, about my relationship with animals (pets).  I ignored all the suggested responses and typed in, “I love my dog more than most people.”  Was it perhaps off-putting for me to type that?  Probably.  I don’t care.  Better you know now.  It was the first time I actually liked one of those silly get to know you cookie cutter question.  I liked the guy for asking.

You know what actor I love the most?  More than any other? Eriq La Salle.  Eriq La who?  Salle.  AKA that African-American dude from ER.  I LOVE HIM.  Why?  All because of his interactions with Riggins.  One day, years ago, I was on Runyon with Riggins.  We go almost every weekend and, in his mind, the hill now belongs to him.   He doesn’t stay next to me during our hike.  OOOOOOOHHHHHHH NO!  He’s got places to go and people to see.  He is, usually, ahead of me checking out whatever there is to check out or forcing someone to pet him.  Most of the time he will run pretty far ahead of me (I know this annoys other people there but I’m sure you are not shocked to find out my response is “tough toodles”) then will stop and hang out looking back until he sees I’m safely coming up the path before taking off full speed again.  One day I saw this very tall man leaning over yelling at Riggins.  My mom, “don’t F with my baby”, attitude kicked in and I stormed toward the duo ready to TAKE THAT ASSHOLE DOWN.  As I got closer I realized it was Eriq La Salle.  Now I’ve had run ins with celebrities on Runyon before.  Because … well … frankly … most are douches.  More stories for another post.  So I got closer ready to let Eriq feel the Wendy wrath!  Just before opening my mouth to take the man down I realized he was trying to stop Riggins from eating poo.  ERIQ LA SALLE STOPPED RIGGINS FROM EATING POO!  Isn’t that awesome!?!  He was looking out for Riggins!  I did a 180 with my attitude and have loved the guy ever since.  When he was on an episode of Covert Affairs last season I made Riggins come in to the TV room to watch.  I explained that it was the nice man from the hill.  I see Mr. La Salle almost every weekend and he is a DELIGHT.  Not only is he super nice to Riggins (which is all you really need to know) both him and his hiking partner (son maybe — although really I have no idea) will nod or say hello and are always happy.  BTW no one says hi on that hill … NO ONE.  Well a few people but most don’t.  Sometimes I make it a game to see how many people I can force to say  hello or good morning to me.  Mr. La Salle and partner never let me down!  I can always count on them.  Nice to me AND Riggins.  How do I find a guy like that?

So there is your hot tip single men of the world.  How do you get me to love you?  Be like Eriq La Salle and not creepy like mash potato dude.  Love my dog the perfect amount and understand that he is my family.

I Have No Clue if I Have a Solar Spirit

10 Monday Jan 2011

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I haven’t shared any Match.com profiles lately.  Honestly I haven’t paid very much attention but I thought I’d share this one.  This “gentleman” broke 5 of my Match.com rules:

* Pictures of himself shirtless.  In fact 5 out of 10 of his pictures required him to take his shirt off.

* Profile written in all caps.  Who, at this point, doesn’t know that all caps via the computer = yelling.  Who knows.  Maybe he really is yelling his profile.  Maybe he feels that you are so mesmerized by his abs that you he needs to yell to be heard.

* Inability to use spell check.   I can’t spell, so usually can’t pick on people for misspelled words.  BUT in this case I think I can.

* Use of any kind of emoticon.

* Excessive use of punctuation.  It’s annoying.

His profile –

“About him & Who he’s looking for

WOW!!! IF I SAY EVERYTHING ABOUT ME HERE THAN…? WHAT WILL BE THE SURPRISE!?!?!? HOWEVER I’M LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO ENJOY LIFE! POLYTE AND EDUCATED BUT WITH A SOLAR SPIRIT TO SHOW HAPPYNESS!I LIKE TO PLAY MANY SPORTS… AND I LIKE VERY MUCH SALSA! WHOT ABOUT YOU? ;)”
Seriously … what is a “solar spirit?”

Easily Amused

06 Monday Dec 2010

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I am.  Easily amused that is.  That is actually a good thing for me when it comes to my online dating life.  You have to be easily amused or you would slam you head against the closest hard object over and over due to who horrible it all is.

This weekend I got my hair cut and my stylist (brilliant by the way … if you need someone good in the area) was telling me that her dad had a heart attack earlier in the year and for some reason she was just overwhelmed with hurt and angry that he had not yet walked her down the aisle.  He is fine by the way … so she still has time.  It caused her to jump back online (she has been on before) and start dating like a mad woman.  She told me she knew the guy she went out wtih the night before wasn’t for her when he discussed how he once almost killed his dad.  I told her about the guy I dated who believed that we lived in the Matrix.  Yup.  That is the quality of men we are pulling from here!

Today I got a “wink” (if you are on match.com and too lazy to type an email you can “wink”.  I’m okay with it as I’m lazy.) from a guy that for many reasons is not my type.  No need to go through it all.  YET I will thank him for the wink and I will go out with him if he asks because of one thing.  His headline amused me.  That’s it.  That’s all it took.  His headline.  It reads, ”

Tact is for people who aren’t smart enough to be sarcastic…”

See.  Amusing.  Told ya!  As I know I’m easily amused that is all it took for me to ignore everything else in his profile that tells me it will never work!  Perhaps it is this lack of filtering criteria that leads me to go out with men who believe we live in a video game.  Perhaps I should think a bit more about that.  Nah!  The stories alone are worth it!

The Dating Pool = Toolshed of Dull Pointless Tools

15 Monday Nov 2010

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I spent a lovely weekend with friends in Catalina.  G (as always name edited to save the innocent) ran her first ever Marathon on, what is arguably, the 2nd hardest marathon route in the US coming in 3rd in her age group.  Another friend, C, ran the 10K coming in 2nd in her age group.  I had originally planned to run the 5K (as I’m not insane and that island is nothin’ but hills) but was unable to take Friday off of work to make the boat ride over.  Instead I made lemons into lemonade (or grapefruit into Salty Dogs to be more specific) and came over on the morning boat in time to see the first marathoner cross the finish line and meet up with my friends husbands at the bar.  I then spent the next 3ish hours running from the table we’d taken over in the bar to outside in order to clap/scream/cheer as the runners came by.  I honestly can’t tell you if the bar locals were amused or annoyed by my antics.  Probably both.

The rest of the weekend was a blast and I had tons of fun with two couples I was with.  We ate and drank and had fun on top of fun with a little side of fun.

I’d been looking forward to possibly doing the new Catalina zip line Sunday morning.  Unfortunately the 8AM was sold out and the next wave, 10AM, wouldn’t get me to my boat and home in time.  I had to take the 11:45 boat so I would have time to pick up Riggins from my folks, go home, and get ready for a drink date at 7PM that I had scheduled earlier that week.  The next boat at 3:45 was just too late.  I stood strong, despite my friends suggestion that I cancel the date, saying that I would feel too bad and didn’t want to be rude.  Even though I REALLY wanted to do the zip line.

It was a hard choice.  You know I live by my mom’s motto of “never say no to fun” YET I am dating for a reason.  I want to, someday, have a husband and family and to make that happen you actually have to date.   It isn’t always fun.  It means I have to MAKE TIME to do it.  Even when I’m tired, or rather be chillin’ with Riggins on the sofa, or out with friends, or in the pool swimming laps.  None of those activities will get me closer to the goal of having a family (a human family as you know Riggins is my baby).  So, just like in relationships, sacrifices have to be made.

I made the decision to stay on schedule instead of canceling on a date even though I had a long/fun/tiring weekend and was missing zip line action to be there.

I napped on the hour boat ride home, jumped in my car, headed to my folks house, picked up Riggins, hung out with them for a bit, drove home, threw on workout clothes, ran my 3+ miles (as the weekend of drinking/eating made me feel like a big puffy slob), hopped in the shower, frantically got dressed and was about to throw on the mandatory date make up when I received this email …

“I have to reschedule

I just got back from Santa Barbara and am exhausted. Maybe we can do sometime this week. 

Thanks”

I’M SORRY …. WHAT?  YOU ARE TIRED?  SCREW OFF DUDE!  Let’s put that aside.  Whatever happened to “I’m sorry”?  Do you see an apology at all in the email?  At all?  NO.  WHAT HAPPENED TO COMMON EVERYDAY MANNERS?

– The dude who says, last-minute, he is too tired to go out.  Apology — nope!

– The dude who just didn’t show up on our date because he supposedly locked himself out of the apartment.  Apology — nope.

– The dud who left me sitting in a bar for over an hour alone because he couldn’t find me (which as I said when I blogged about it was impossible).  Apology — nope

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WERE THEY RAISED BY APES IN THE JUNGLE?

Here is what I wanted to write this guy last night:

“Listen here asshat.  Man up and get your ass down to this bar, apologize, and buy me a drink.  What is 1 hour out of your life you little spineless weasel?  I’m tired too.  WE ARE ALL, ALWAYS TIRED.  You know why?  We aren’t 25.  We are older so f*ing get your shit together, grab your wallet, and get in the goddamn car.  BECAUSE I GAVE UP GUARANTEED FUN TO BE HERE IN TIME TO MEET YOU.  I chose to NOT do a zip line down through the scenic mountains of Catalina SO I COULD BE ON TIME FOR OUR FREAKIN’ DATE.  I will hate you no matter what you do now but YOU OWE ME A TOM COLLINS SO LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.”

Luckily I was talked down by a friend and instead wrote this:

“Sure.  My schedule is up in the air right now.  Check in with me later in the week.”

Then I emailed two other guys and suggested we go out this week.  BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT DATING IS … GOING OUT WITH PEOPLE IN THE HOPES THAT AT SOME POINT YOU WILL MUTUALLY LIKE EACH OTHER AND START A RELATIONSHIP.  BUT TO DO THAT YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP YOU TOOLSHED OF DULL POINTLESS TOOLS!

It’s Nicer Than Saying, “Leave Me Alone.”

03 Wednesday Nov 2010

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It’s safe to say I’m a little gun-shy after Matrix man.  I think that is fair.  He was, after all, crazier than a cuckoo bird.  It’s just not the best time to “wink” or email me via match. com.  I’m not nearly as opened minded as usual.  This one poor guy has emailed me twice nearly begging me to read his profile as “he took a  lot of time writing it.”  He also asked what sexy costume I was wearing for Halloween.  Now I know he was trying to be all honest and flirty but back the F off buddy.  First of all how long could it possibly have taken you to write two paragraphs about yourself?  In all honesty I didn’t get past the “My good female friend … helped me write this.”  You can’t write a few key items about who you are without help?  I also tend to be against “sexy” Halloween costumes in general.  I mean Snow White wasn’t a whore so why did you make her skirt so short you can clearly see her lady parts and add fishnets?  There are no fishnets in the enchanted forest.

Now Match.com has the option to send someone a pre-written “no thanks” email.  I’ve never done it before.  Ever.  I just feel like it is so mean and heartless.  Today I used it.  The cold response seemed leaps and bounds nicer than the “STOP EMAILING ME YOU FREAK.  JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.” gut response I had.  I enjoy that the first suggested email mentions that you found someone you want to give it a try with so sorry.  That one tickles me.  How come you are still trolling the site if you found someone you want to “try it out” with?  I went with the heartless, “Thanks for writing to me but unfortunately you’re just not a good match.  Good luck in your search.”  Ouch right?  Doesn’t it just drip with an “F off you loser” undertone.  Oh well.  Moving on.

(BTW I was on a roll today and sent that message to about 4 different people.  I mean once I got over the initial sting it became easy.  Kinda like drinking alcohol.)

More Reasons Drinking is Necessary on a First Date

25 Monday Oct 2010

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My date last night was so unbelievably bad I can’t even manage to retell the story again.  I’ve already called and vented to my mom and emailed girlfriends so instead of retyping the entire thing again let’s just relieve last night via the emails I sent to a friend.

To a friend – Sunday, October 24, 2010 8:47 PM
Btw I’m sitting at a bar drinking alone because dog boy isn’t here.  16 min late and counting.  Good thing I have a gin and tonic on front of me.  Yet another reason drinking is necessary on a first date!
To a friend – Sunday, October 24, 2010 8:49 PM
And good thing I downloaded cribbage on my phone!  I love that game.
To my date – Sitting at a bar. Drinking. You aren’t here.

To a friend – Sunday, October 24, 2010 8:57 PM
25 min late.  I sent him an email.  He is, supposedly, a CTO.  Therefore he should have NO PROBLEM getting email in his phone! 

I hate men.  Well not all of them but more than half.

From my “date” – October 24, 2010 9:03:31 PM PDT
I was just there and didn’t see u.. hold on I be there in 8 mins
To a friend while forwarding his email – Sunday, October 24, 2010 9:13 PM (5 more minutes and I would official be at the bar for an hour)
Really.
Based on the few people that are here that isnt possible.
To a friend – Sunday, October 24, 2010 9:31 PM
Omg.  Omg.  Crazy man.
To a friend – Sunday, October 24, 2010 9:34 PM
Seriously.  I need a drink after that “date”.
The date recap to a friend – Monday, October 25, 2010 9:11 AM
OMG.  I can’t even remember all of it.  I wanted to take out my phone and write stuff down so I wouldn’t forget but that seemed rude.  considering how rude he was I should have done it. 

So he finally comes in and finds me.  He demanded he was there for a long time earlier but there is no way.  You know the (edited so you can’t stalk me).  I got there about 10 minutes early.  There was a couple that came in right before me and sat at the end of the bar.  One single guy watching the game from the bar and talking to the bartender.  The doorman was sitting by the fireplace to the right watching the game and I sat by the fireplace to the left.  the game ended maybe 5 minutes after that and the doorman left to do his job so I was THE ONLY ONE SITTING IN THAT SECTION OF THE BAR.  Seriously.  It was like I was diseased.  I was the only blond woman.  The only woman with short hair.  AND THE ONLY PERSON SITTING IN THAT AREA.  It is actually impossible to not see me.

He then demanded that I wasn’t there the entire time and my “clock was wrong.”  BTW nothing he said was in a flirty fun way but a “I’m better than you and so much smarter it’s pathetic” sort of way.  He wasn’t intelligent.  He was actually a bit of a moron and obviously had insecurity issues.

Not attractive.  At all.  BUT we know personality and fun can get you a long way.  Unfortunately he had neither.

Now know at this point I’ve been here 40 minutes and have finished my drink.  He, at no time, made an effort to buy me another one.  A normal person would have apologized and IMMEDIATELY offered to buy me a drink.  This guy did the opposite.  Told me I was wrong about when I got there and didn’t make a move for the bar.

He pushed stools out-of-the-way to sit  RIGHT next to me.  Not across the little bar table to the side like you would expect.  Like we were sitting on the sofa together watching the TV (on mute) above the fireplace.  Then he spent most of the time not looking anywhere near me but at the TV.

The opening:
Wendy – How are the dogs?
Weirdo – People who show up there, you have to wonder if they are doing bad things to the dogs.  At least they aren’t going to die.  Well right away.

UMMMMM ….

Seconds later:
Weirdo – You have a dog?
Wendy – Yes.
Weirdo – Just one? (said as if it was a judgment against me.)
Wendy – Yup.  More than one starts to be a little much for a single lady.
Weirdo – At least you don’t have 3 cats.
Wendy – Nope.  My dog would eat a cat.
Weirdo –  Three dogs are okay but if you have 3 cats you are insane.  (No hesitation.  Stated as a fact.  True, honest, undeniable fact.)
Wend – Or you are a really nice person who likes cats.
Weirdo – No. (Again said with finality.) You are insane.  I know for a fact.

oooookkkkaaay.

Within 5 minutes of sitting down he was insulting my job and my industry.  He now somehow ran the marketing of his company when his profile said he was the CTO.  He then debated me on how ridiculous market research is, knowing it is my job.  His “debating” was more a “you are wrong no matter what you say” type of deal less give and take discussion.

He  pounded the table to help make his point.  Which he did often.  While staring at the TV.

Turns out he works for a company that developed a software that helps families with autistic children be matched with financial and medical help.  Figures.  He would definitely score on the autistic spectrum.  Imagine what it would be like talking to Trump about what he does for a living.  The over inflated ego, no one is as good, I’m the only person in the world who is this important.  It was like that.

In an email he said he lived in Pasadena.  He doesn’t.  He lives in Burbank.  He just sold his house with no plan on what to do now but does want to move closer to work.  By doing this he will cut his 35 min commute down to 25.  HE’S HOMELESS FOR A POSSIBLE 20 MINUTE A DAY COMMUTE DIFFERENCE.

BTW I rarely spoke during this.  I would TRY to be nice but really went back and forth between debating him and standing up for myself and being “date” Wendy.  After he insulted my work I pretty much spent the rest of the “date” nodding, smiling, and drinking melted ice water.

He insulted Glendale and said anyone who lived there loved Armenians and was insane.

Insulted my major.  Couldn’t understand how I could have possibly minored in physics (in that — there is no way you are smart enough sort of way).  Then insulted my college but that was after this conversation.
Weirdo:  Where did you go to college?
Wendy:  Whittier College.
Weirdo:  Nixon went there.
Wendy:  True.  But not at the same time. (smile)
Weirdo:  Obviously. (in a “what are you a moron” way)

He got on the subject of Scientology.  Insulted them, then Mormons.  Then this conversation.
Weirdo:  You don’t believe religion exists. (not a question)
Wendy:  Oh I believe it exists.  I just don’t follow a religion.
Weirdo:  Your profile says you are an Atheist.
Wendy:  That’s right.
Weirdo:  That means you don’t think religion exits.  That’s insane (have you noticed this is his favorite word).  Of course it exists.
Wendy:  That’s not what Atheist means.
Then he went on to explain why science had it wrong.  Why the big bang couldn’t happen.  What does he think?  Well he went on to explain how we are like a giant computer game and don’t even know it and someone (not necessarily God) is in charge of everything we do.  Like when he plays a video game and the players in the game don’t know he is in charge.  Leading to this conversation:
Wendy:  Well I’ll tell you what.  I don’t believe I live in Tron.
Weirdo:  Of course not it isn’t like that.  It’s like the Matrix.
Wendy:  We live in the Matrix?
Weirdo:  Yes.  That is the best reference to what is happening.
Wendy:  So Scientologist are insane because they follow the writings of a fiction writer but you are normal for believing we live in a movie staring Keanu Reeves?
Weirdo:  Yes.  That is exactly what it is like.
Then lots of hand pounding on the table as he lectured me on chaos and patterns and blah blah blah.

Finally this is how it ended –
Wendy:  Well I finished my drink and I’m not having another one so it’s time to go.  I’m glad you came back and found me.
Weirdo:  Right.  Me too.
Then he pounded the table, stood up, and walked out the door.  Didn’t even look back.  He was gone before I grabbed my purse. I then waited in the bar for a while to make sure he would be gone before I left.

FREAK …. KING OF THE FREAKS … FREAK