“You catch more flies with honey.”  That’s what they say.  I hate “them.”  Self riotous weirdos.  Alas it’s a saying for a reason (do you realize how long it took me to understand the saying “you drive me to drink”?  One evening, in the not so distant past, I took a sip of Cabernet and the light bulb went on …. oooooh!  You drive me to drink!  I get it.)

This leads me to my new online dating thinking.  It’s not so much new as recently become more clear to me.  You see now that I’m not flying all over the US every week (once did 5 planes and one train in 3 days) I actually have time to have a social life — gasp!  I’m really very excited.  Now if I can only get someone to go out with me.

I’ve always had luck with online dating (despite what you may have read in past posts — I’m defining luck with actually going on a date with a human.  It’s a very general and open definition).  I have more than one friend who have met their “special one” through dating sites and honestly feel that it is the “go to” in the 201Xs.  (I just wrote something mean about where my male friends find dates but then deleted it —- see —- I’m trying — honey=flies.)

There are a number of things going against me now.  My age – which is terribly young, don’t get me wrong.  Just not as young as I was.  The internet has taken away humans ability to socialize and mens willingness to actually go on a date (Dr. Drew agrees with me on this although he blames internet porn.  Works for me.  Damn you porn.)  But what REALLY works against me is me.  You see … I give bad email.  What does that mean?  Well you know me.  You can read what I write (like this brilliant blog post) and think, “That Wendy is Creative, Funny, Witty, and Charming.”  Unfortunately if you don’t know me and read what I write those adjectives become “Harsh, Hurtful, Negative, and Mean.”   Example, I was emailing a “gentleman” (quotes put there on purpose – sigh – baby steps) whose last email described how he had taken a young woman (15ish years his jr) to Hawaii for new years, on a whim.  Sadly, it did not work out as he was now in Hawaii alone for the actual New Years Eve celebration.  Seems the young woman only wanted to text on her phone and in a fit of unhappiness demanded to be taken back to the airport abandoning her knight in shining armor.

Now let’s step aside for a second and think about her …. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  I’m pretty confident I could find a way to have fun in Hawaii with ANYONE.  Seriously anyone.  Name someone one … yup …. I could have a good time with him/her.  Here’s the thing I learned a long time ago.  I’m an adult.  I can not get stranded somewhere I don’t want to be (in the civilized world that is).  If I’m not having fun with you at Hawaii hotel A fine … then I’m off to Hawaii hotel B.  IT’S HAWAII.  I’ve been to Hawaii by myself and had a BLAST!!!  It’s obvious this girl has no imagination.

Now back to him.  I wrote back what I thought was a nice email but COME ON …. I HAD TO POINT OUT HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT.  You brought a young-un, who you barely knew, to Hawaii and didn’t get the magical New Years you expected?  Color me surprised.  I can’t be held accountable for telling him that.  Seriously.  I expect he heard it already from any friend/family member he communicated with.  It wasn’t the ONLY THING I said in my email response …. but it was said.  Needless to say I never heard from him again.  (Based on the email exchange we did have it is possible he just got distracted by something shiny and it really had nothing to do with my email …. but I’ll never know.)

So!  Turning over a new email leaf.  All dating site emails will be put through the “stupid girl” filter.  Don’t look at me like that.  A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.  I’ll have to save my sharp wit for later … perhaps date 10ish.

XOXOXO AND SUGAR,

Wendy