Recently a friend was telling me a story about a Match.com connection gone wrong and it reminded me of my worse Match.com date … ever! I thought I’d share the post I wrote about the event back in 2010. I just re-read it and it is obvious I was still shaking with fear/anger/weirdness overload when I wrote it (no idea where the “dog” thing comes from but at the time it made sense). Please enjoy …
My date last night was so unbelievably bad I can’t even manage to retell the story again. I’ve already called and vented to my mom and emailed girlfriends so instead of retyping the entire thing again let’s just relieve last night via the emails I sent to a friend.
I hate men. Well not all of them but more than half.
So he finally comes in and finds me. He demanded he was there for a long time earlier but there is no way. You know the (edited so you can’t stalk me). I got there about 10 minutes early. There was a couple that came in right before me and sat at the end of the bar. One single guy watching the game from the bar and talking to the bartender. The doorman was sitting by the fireplace to the right watching the game and I sat by the fireplace to the left. the game ended maybe 5 minutes after that and the doorman left to do his job so I was THE ONLY ONE SITTING IN THAT SECTION OF THE BAR. Seriously. It was like I was diseased. I was the only blond woman. The only woman with short hair. AND THE ONLY PERSON SITTING IN THAT AREA. It is actually impossible to not see me.
He then demanded that I wasn’t there the entire time and my “clock was wrong.” BTW nothing he said was in a flirty fun way but a “I’m better than you and so much smarter it’s pathetic” sort of way. He wasn’t intelligent. He was actually a bit of a moron and obviously had insecurity issues.
Not attractive. At all. BUT we know personality and fun can get you a long way. Unfortunately he had neither.
Now know at this point I’ve been here 40 minutes and have finished my drink. He, at no time, made an effort to buy me another one. A normal person would have apologized and IMMEDIATELY offered to buy me a drink. This guy did the opposite. Told me I was wrong about when I got there and didn’t make a move for the bar.
He pushed stools out-of-the-way to sit RIGHT next to me. Not across the little bar table to the side like you would expect. Like we were sitting on the sofa together watching the TV (on mute) above the fireplace. Then he spent most of the time not looking anywhere near me but at the TV.
Wendy – How are the dogs?
Weirdo – People who show up there, you have to wonder if they are doing bad things to the dogs. At least they aren’t going to die. Well right away.
Weirdo – You have a dog?
Wendy – Yes.
Weirdo – Just one? (said as if it was a judgment against me.)
Wendy – Yup. More than one starts to be a little much for a single lady.
Weirdo – At least you don’t have 3 cats.
Wendy – Nope. My dog would eat a cat.
Weirdo – Three dogs are okay but if you have 3 cats you are insane. (No hesitation. Stated as a fact. True, honest, undeniable fact.)
Wend – Or you are a really nice person who likes cats.
Weirdo – No. (Again said with finality.) You are insane. I know for a fact.
Within 5 minutes of sitting down he was insulting my job and my industry. He now somehow ran the marketing of his company when his profile said he was the CTO. He then debated me on how ridiculous market research is, knowing it is my job. His “debating” was more a “you are wrong no matter what you say” type of deal less give and take discussion.
He pounded the table to help make his point. Which he did often. While staring at the TV.
Turns out he works for a company that developed a software that helps families with autistic children be matched with financial and medical help. Figures. He would definitely score on the autistic spectrum. Imagine what it would be like talking to Trump about what he does for a living. The over inflated ego, no one is as good, I’m the only person in the world who is this important. It was like that.
In an email he said he lived in Pasadena. He doesn’t. He lives in Burbank. He just sold his house with no plan on what to do now but does want to move closer to work. By doing this he will cut his 35 min commute down to 25. HE’S HOMELESS FOR A POSSIBLE 20 MINUTE A DAY COMMUTE DIFFERENCE.
BTW I rarely spoke during this. I would TRY to be nice but really went back and forth between debating him and standing up for myself and being “date” Wendy. After he insulted my work I pretty much spent the rest of the “date” nodding, smiling, and drinking melted ice water.
He insulted Glendale and said anyone who lived there loved Armenians and was insane.
Insulted my major. Couldn’t understand how I could have possibly minored in physics (in that — there is no way you are smart enough sort of way). Then insulted my college but that was after this conversation.
Weirdo: Where did you go to college?
Wendy: Whittier College.
Weirdo: Nixon went there.
Wendy: True. But not at the same time. (smile)
Weirdo: Obviously. (in a “what are you a moron” way)
He got on the subject of Scientology. Insulted them, then Mormons. Then this conversation.
Weirdo: You don’t believe religion exists. (not a question)
Wendy: Oh I believe it exists. I just don’t follow a religion.
Weirdo: Your profile says you are an Atheist.
Wendy: That’s right.
Weirdo: That means you don’t think religion exits. That’s insane (have you noticed this is his favorite word). Of course it exists.
Wendy: That’s not what Atheist means.
Then he went on to explain why science had it wrong. Why the big bang couldn’t happen. What does he think? Well he went on to explain how we are like a giant computer game and don’t even know it and someone (not necessarily God) is in charge of everything we do. Like when he plays a video game and the players in the game don’t know he is in charge. Leading to this conversation:
Wendy: Well I’ll tell you what. I don’t believe I live in Tron.
Weirdo: Of course not it isn’t like that. It’s like the Matrix.
Wendy: We live in the Matrix?
Weirdo: Yes. That is the best reference to what is happening.
Wendy: So Scientologist are insane because they follow the writings of a fiction writer but you are normal for believing we live in a movie staring Keanu Reeves?
Weirdo: Yes. That is exactly what it is like.
Then lots of hand pounding on the table as he lectured me on chaos and patterns and blah blah blah.
Finally this is how it ended –
Wendy: Well I finished my drink and I’m not having another one so it’s time to go. I’m glad you came back and found me.
Weirdo: Right. Me too.
Then he pounded the table, stood up, and walked out the door. Didn’t even look back. He was gone before I grabbed my purse. I then waited in the bar for a while to make sure he would be gone before I left.
FREAK …. KING OF THE FREAKS … FREAK