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CaptureI always thought I’d make a very entertaining on air news reporter.  I’m guessing the producer wouldn’t like me much but I can almost guarantee I’d be a viewer favorite.  One thing that always baffles me is how those people have so much to talk about in a breaking news situation when there is no new info to pass on to viewers.  As an example the Los Angeles area is in the tail end of a crazy heat wave right now.  Temperatures are triple digits and we are breaking records left and right.  Of course any weather activity at all is a HUGE story for local Los Angeles news folks.  Here is a taste of what it would be like if I was on on-scene reporter:

Bob – Let’s go out to Wendy.  She is on the streets of Los Angeles were the temperatures just hit a scorching 104.  What is happening out there Wendy?

Wendy – Well Bob it’s hot.  Real hot.  I’m sweating.  I’m starting to smell really bad too.  How is it in the studio?  Air condition working well there?

Bob – Yes it is Wendy.  You should get inside fast.

Wendy – You think?  Thanks for the great insight Bob.  That’s why you are an anchor and I’m out here hoping for the end of days.  (To onsite producer) What number am I in line for the anchor position?  I need to know how many people I need to knock off so I can sit in the comfy cool studio like ol’ Bob there.

Bob – Thanks Wendy.  We will be back to Wendy in the next hour to see how things are going.


Bob – I’m told I HAVE to throw it to Wendy again.  As a reminder she is on the streets of Los Angeles where we have just broken a new heat record.

Wendy – You say “we” Bob but do you really mean “we?”

Bob – Ummm … Wendy … (to producer) What is she doing?

Wendy – I’m (bleep)ing hot Bob.  I’m moving this party to this here water fountain.

Producer off camera – She can’t go in the fountain.  Someone stop her.  George do something.

Wendy – George set the camera right there and come in here.  The water is fine.

Bob – Wendy is there anyone around you can interview?

Wendy – (Now screaming because mic was left on the side of the water fountain for safe keeping.) And ask them what Bob?  If it’s hot?  What they plan to do when the sun finally does land on top of them?  There isn’t anyone out here but us Bob.  It’s instant sunstroke.  George and I are dying for you out here just to report it’s hot.  I can report that from the air conditioning of the news van.

Bob – We seem to be having technically difficulties with Wendy’s feed.  Let’s take it back to the studio.

Wendy – Technical difficulties my (bleep).  The mic is melting.  If you want to call that a “technical” difficulty be my guest.


Bob – (to producer) No.  I’m not doing it.  No.  Fine.  (To camera)  You guys asked for it.  Back to Wendy …. Wendy …. Wendy …. Wendy

Wendy – (holding camera in passenger seat of car while George drives through a McDonalds).  … with chocolate sauce.  Yah.  Oh and ask for a glass of ice.  I want to poor it down my blouse.  Stupid on-air dress code.  HEY BOB … WE’RE HEADING BACK IN TO SEE YOU AT THE STUDIO.  YOU WANT AN ICE CREAM?  Get Bob one too.  He is cranky and needs a treat to perk him up.  BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO.