Well before even reading this post you know the answer is going to be Riggins and me right? It’s not! It’s Riggins, me and about 5 other dogs in a nice house in the country. Just kidding …. kind of … not really. Okay. Let’s pretend that I don’t think it’s mentally healthy to become the crazy dog woman from nowhere. Then what would be the perfect family?
Although I’m not in a relationship myself right now I have had some experience and have been exposed to stable families in my lifetime. My mother and father are still together and live in the home I grew up in. My sister and her husband live happily with their two kids. I myself haven’t always lived alone. Out of college I had a female roommate for years and multiple apartments, and once lived with a boyfriend for years, and multiple apartments. Needless to say I do much better with just Riggins and me. The facts would lead you to believe that I’m hard to live with but I’d much prefer to say that any problems were the other persons fault. After all Riggins has no complaints.
Dr. Drew informed me, during one of his brilliant podcast episodes, that there has been studies to say that it is healthier for men and women (or men and men, woman and women, whatever you define as a couple) to sleep in different rooms. That the separation leads to a more restful night. Dr. Drew said he wasn’t really sure if he bought into it. You know what I say? No shit it leads to a more restful night! You needed to do experiments to prove this painfully obvious thesis? Sleeping with someone else is just horrible. If you sleep with someone night after night you have no idea the horror you are living. Space hogs, blanket hogs, cold feet, sweaty parts, SNORING, gag! Now I know I’m hard to sleep with. I’ll admit that. I tend to flop around a lot and even if I’m not doing that I show stress signs while I’m sleeping that can be very off-putting. One thing I do is I’ll sleep on my back with my knees up. Then as I get deeper into sleep my knees fall to one side until my body notices and I yank them back up. I can see where this could be annoying.
Adam Carolla, probably on the same podcast with Dr. Drew, will tell you the key to a happy marriage is money and real estate. To be honest I may be wrong about the money thing but I know for sure he says real estate. He’s right. Real estate is KEY!
In yesterday’s post I mentioned Diego Rivera. The very talented artists, Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo came up with the perfect real estate solution. They had his and her houses with a bridge connecting them. I’m sure you can say, and there is evidence to support, they didn’t really have two independent houses, ignore that. Just focus on the brilliance of two casas in one. Also ignore the fact that the coupling of Rivera and Kahlo wouldn’t really be considered the model for a healthy relationship of security and monogamy. The casa made of two casas. That’s the take away here. Please also overlook the design of their casa(s). It’s hideous.
Two houses fixes so many problems. I don’t have to be nice and try to weave his crap into my colorful and thoughtful room designs. I don’t have to tell the cleaning lady to just skip the extra room because the slob didn’t take the time to pick up before the cleaning lady came (YOU HAVE TO PICK UP BEFORE THE CLEANING LADY COMES. ASK ANY WOMAN,) so I just threw everything strewn around the house into that room. The bathroom smells better. The list goes on and on. SO MANY PROBLEMS SOLVED!
Now here is where I take it further than Frida and Diego. I would love to have children but simply don’t feel I could take on the responsibility (financially, emotionally, time-ly) alone. It would also probably be healthier for the child to have another adult influence beside the crazy sitting here typing. Here is where my brilliance comes in. I’ve always said my casa(s) will be a home for myself, and NPH (Neal Patrick Harris aka Doogie). We could live happily in our duo abodes with the bridge connection allowing us to happily raise our children together at the same time allowing us our privacy to date and live our hetro/homo sexual lives even though we don’t find each other sexual attractive. NPH is adorable, hilarious, and seems like he’d be a blast. Plus I could go to the Magic Castle whenever I wanted!
When the world found out NPH had a serious boyfriend I was crushed, for two seconds, that my dream life had died, but then I thought, “bring him along…. why not?” It takes a village.
Then the world found out that NPH and his ridiculous gorgeous significant other were having children, and my dream died. All I really brought to the party was my uterus and apparently that was no longer needed.
So now my dream home is reserved for Anderson Cooper. Could totally happen.