Tag Archives: friends

Crafts, Wine & Friends

25 Monday Nov 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , ,

photo 1 (16)One of the reasons I like making crafts and such is because I always feel so proud of myself when I’m finished.  I can stand back and say, “I DID THAT!”  I wanted my friends to have the opportunity to feel that way so I thought I’d invite them over to make their own 10 minute runner.  It just seemed natural to add wine to the mix.  This last Saturday my tiny house was full of crafty friends.  My dining room (which is tiny) became the sewing and gossip room.  The kitchen (also quit small) was the food and wine hook up.  My back entry photo (15)mud room (not really even a room) area housed the iron board and iron.  Finally my office (not a bad size) served as the cutting room.  It was like our own little factory.  Really boozy factory!  It was a lot of fun.

I’ve blogged about the 10 minute runner in the past (actually twice – here and here) so won’t make you read through all that again.  It’s a great project since it is fast and easy.  We had every level of sewing experience represented and everyone’s final result was perfection!
photo 3 (10) If you have a machine you can whip these up in no time.   Add a candle and they become the perfect hostess gift.  Everyone in my family has accumulated quite the collection.  One for each holiday/season … at least.

Even those who didn’t take part in the “craft” portion of the afternoon still had fun sipping on wine (a number of us drank the wine/sparkling water Giovanna special) and catching up.  Thanksgiving is almost here and one of the things I’m thankful for is being able to hang out and have fun with my lovely friends and family!

Advertisements

Quote

Grown Up Friendship Bracelets

13 Friday Sep 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

photo (12)Remember when you were a teenager and you could make a zillion of those friendship bracelets and wear them stacked on your wrist.  That was the best!  Yesterday I had a ton of stuff to do but instead of doing any of that I went to Michaels and purchased some charms so I could make grown up friendship bracelets for my friends that I was going to see that evening.  It was a very productive use of my time.  I originally got the idea from this Pinterest post … here.

They are as simple to make as you would think.  Although there was still a good amount of cursing on my part when things went wrong.  Here is what you do:

* Cut two pieces of floss 13 inches each (embroidery floss not teeth floss).  The Pinterest post says 18 which is ludicrous.  That length isn’t necessary unless you are making these for you elephant friend. (For those paying attention you will notice that my bracelet colors just happen to be the same as my last cross stitch colors.  Use what you already have I say!)

* Grab a circle charm (at first I hated the charms with groves on them but they actually work better by keeping the floss in place when they are on your wrist).

* Attach one floss piece around one side (loop, over, under, through) and then do the same thing on the other side.

* Grab a couple of beads.  I used ones I had left over from other projects (One of my bracelets didn’t have beads at the end.  Mistake.  That bracelet is already off my arm.  Use the beads even though the Pinterest site says “optional.”)

image (14)Thread the two ends through the bead and tie a knot on the end.  To make this easier I took a piece of wire, folded it in 1/2 and used it to help “thread” the bead.

* Wrap your beautiful bracelet around your wrist and tie a knot.  That’s right.  I said knot.  These are on until you cut them off or they fall off naturally.  You want them pretty tight so they don’t wiggle around too much.

I’m fancy so I made a set of three per person.  You can tie them on individually or as a set.  Individually is easier while as a set helps keep the charms in place.

Cute, fun, easy gifts!  Now I gotta go do those things I was avoiding yesterday!  Have a good weekend.

39 Acts of Kindness – 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 and 22

04 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Whew I’m beat! Doing nice things really takes it out of you. This weekend was full of niceness so let’s get right to it.

good#17 – Sudoku for Dad. My dad likes Sudoku puzzles. He sits in the living room or in the backyard on the porch swing and works on them for hours. They would make me crazy! Most Sudoku books are set up so they include easy, medium, and hard puzzles. A new book means new easy puzzles which, if you are my dad, can be done in pen. Apparently using a pen is quite the test of your Sudoku skills. I picked up a Sudoku book at the dollar store last week and stuck it in the mail along with a little note.

#18 and #19 – Flowers in the mail. Do you know who likes flowers and frilly stationary? Two of my aunts! I sent them each flowers. Well, I sent them infant flowers in the form of seeds. According to the chart on the back of the packages my aunt in Santa Cruz can start planting right away while my aunt who lives outside of Portland will have to wait a few months. Hopefully it will add more color to what can already be considered two very colorful gardens.

#20 – Shopper help. While at the grocery store, Ralphs, on Friday I helped a gentleman find the popcorn. Since the popcorn is in the same aisle as the soda, chips, sparking water, and Propel it is an aisle that I’m intimately familiar with. I like to call it the best aisle in the grocery store!

#21 – Man down. Yesterday was a doozy of a day! I got up early to start prepping for my tea party (see good deed number 22) and had most of the day planned down to the minute before quests arrived. Unfortunately, the main sewer line decided this would be a good time to back up. That meant an emergency call into the plumber and me having to drive to McDonalds to use their restroom! Driving home from my bathroom break I went by Ralphs (same grocery store as good deed number 20). As I was turning the corner I noticed a man who was extremely off-balance and couldn’t catch himself. He went down HARD partially in the planter, partially on the sidewalk, and partially against the tree. As I made a U-Turn to pull into the Ralphs parking lot 2 different people walked right by the guy and did nothing. How is that possible? After parking I ran over to him to see if he was okay. He wasn’t. Apparently he had hurt his ribs earlier and was on pain medication which, according to him, causes problems with his balance. Now his ribs hurt again. Falling in to a tree then onto the ground can do that to you. He insisted he was fine but couldn’t get up past his elbows and while moaning threw up. At that point a couple of women were behind me and asked if they should call 911. I turned around to say yes but they saw him throw up and walked away saying he was a drunk. Now it is possible he was drinking but he didn’t smell of alcohol and could carry on full conversations with me without slurring. He was shaky but not slurry. To me he was showing signs of Parkinsons or something like that. Luckily a man walking his dog stopped a few steps away from us and asked if he should call the paramedics. The poor man on the ground said no while I frantically shook my head yes. The good Samaritan listened to me and immediately got on his cell phone. The poor man on the floor was able to finally sit up but he was pale and still shaking so I sat down with him and we talked until help arrived. I knew he wanted to get up and leave but I really didn’t think he could stand again without falling down. I kept suggesting he should stay sitting for a while longer. I was just trying to buy time until the paramedics came as I didn’t want to have to be the one to try to catch him if he tried to stand up. We talked about how he lived across the street and should have brought his cane along with him. We talked about how responsible it was for him to bring his own grocery bag and how soon it would be the law in the area. He explained that he didn’t like plastic bags and I told him how I used them to pick up my dog’s poop. He didn’t have that same use for the bags as he had a cat. FINALLY every cop and fire truck in the neighborhood (which was 2 fire trucks and 3 cop cars) circled us. As the cop stood there questioning the man I stood up, brushed myself off and explained to the cop that I needed to go. He said that was fine so I shook the man’s hand, who was still on the ground, and the dog walkers hand and took off for my car. Now waaaaaayyyyy behind schedule!

The plumber showed up about 1/2 hour before a nice couple dropped off their boxer, Bud. To help make money while I’m looking for a job I signed up as a dog host (dog sitter) on the site DogVacay (http://dogvacay.com/pro/wendyandriggins). Bud’s mom contacted me that morning saying their original sitter was being non-responsive and asked if I could take Bud for a couple of days. I couldn’t say no, so Bud showed up during this chaos. Not the best way to introduce two dogs but after Riggins (7 years old) put baby Bud (2 years old) in his place a couple of times everything was good.

#22 – Friendly Tea (with dogs). To show my girlfriends how much I appreciate them I treahosted a tea for all. My friends are big planners and I threw this at them with only 6 days notice. Luckily many were still able to clear their calendars and join the fun. In between everything else I did that morning I frantically made cucumber sandwiches (It’s just weird to me how good cucumber sandwiches are.), chicken salad sandwiches (Recipe found here – http://arismenu.com/cranberry-apple-chicken-salad/), turkey and cheddar sandwiches (Recipe found here – http://www.stonegableblog.com/2010/05/tea-sandwich-recipes.html. I actually served them open-faced on big wheat crackers. Well … because I was sick of making sandwiches. The crackers are delicious. I topped them with scrambled egg whites this morning for breakfast. Also I skipped the poppyseed dressing.), and mini apple pie bites (Recipe found here – http://pinterest.com/pin/248823948133965180/. These were delicious but looked NOTHING like that picture.).

After pulling out and washing my grandma’s good china and setting everything up I was finally ready for guests.

My friends, Anna, Laurie, Cathy, Darci, Tiffany, Stevie, and Lucie along with Bud, Riggins, and Chloe (Darci’s tiny little white dog) sat in my backyard to enjoy tea, small sandwiches, and fun. Based on the day I had I announced that I was going to have one cup of tea so it could officially be called a “tea party” then I was moving to wine. So that is what we all did! Everyone seemed to have fun. Bud spent most of his time under the table or, if Riggins wasn’t watching, in my lap (there was a minor incident of Bud and Chloe making an escape but we won’t talk about that). Riggins sat on the lap of the person with the most food and/or who he felt should be petting him. This included laying his chin on my friend Cathy’s lap until she gave up, and allergies and all gave him a pat on the head. Chloe made her way around to all along with being the most active scavenger. The big dogs had dropped their sweet potato treats and Chloe decided it was her job to find them all for her to enjoy. Seems fair. We all had a great time and there is a push to make this a quarterly event with rotating hosts.

I hope your weekend was as fun filled as mine (minus the plumber, the dog escapes, etc.).

Act of Kindness Roll-Call:

To be continued …

39 (cough) Acts of Kindness – 1,2 and 3

25 Monday Feb 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

, , , ,

Recently there has been a lovely outreach of people doing nice things for others and hoping that the act of kindness gets passed on (more about that in this post – http://wp.me/p159Ee-8C).  In fact, a couple of years ago a sweet mom decided to spend her 38th birthday by performing one act of kindness for each year of her life (http://mixmingleglow.com/blog/?p=1358).  She even went so far as to ask her readers to do something nice and tell her about it.  I decided this was a brilliant idea and I will try to do the same for my upcoming birthday near the end of March.  As my first act of kindness I won’t ask you to do something too.  Ha!  Just kidding.  Well, until I’m at number 38 with time ticking down then I’m TOTALLY counting that!

Now I have 19 days to complete 39 (cough — I can’t say that age without some hesitation or dramatic response) kind things.  That is why I’m posting this now.  I need your help.  I need some ideas of things I can do that are relatively cheap (or free) and fall in the category of something I would actually do.  So far on my own I’ve come up with about 10.  I tried Googling “free acts of kindness” and it give you ideas like “smile at a neighbor.”  Lame-o.  Well, at least until I’m down to the last-minute than I’m smiling at everyone and TOTALLY counting it!  I really thought it would be easy to come up with ideas as I’d just take the 38 the sweet nice original lady did and then throw in, “gave out dog bones to sweet puppers while hiking” but it turns out a number of hers have to do with having children.  It would be considered creepy if I tossed loose change onto a playground or went to a bookstore, sat down in the kid’s section and started reading out loud.  There are also a few that, let’s face it, just aren’t in my wheelhouse.

photo (3)For my first 3 acts (yes I’m counting them as 1, 2 and 3) I’ve written up hand written letters to three out-of-town friends.  I’m always happy when I get non-bill related mail and I hope they will be to.  You know what I’ve learned by doing this?  You know, besides doing random nice things makes you all warm and fuzzy on the inside?  I can’t write by hand anymore.  Seriously three short notes and I need someone to message the cramp out of my hands.  Lost art indeed! 

Anyway — bring on the ideas!  (Seriously.  I’m kinda stressing out.  39 in 19 days?  What am I thinking?)

The Perfect Family

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

photo (2)Well before even reading this post you know the answer is going to be Riggins and me right? It’s not! It’s Riggins, me and about 5 other dogs in a nice house in the country. Just kidding …. kind of … not really. Okay. Let’s pretend that I don’t think it’s mentally healthy to become the crazy dog woman from nowhere. Then what would be the perfect family?

Although I’m not in a relationship myself right now I have had some experience and have been exposed to stable families in my lifetime. My mother and father are still together and live in the home I grew up in. My sister and her husband live happily with their two kids. I myself haven’t always lived alone. Out of college I had a female roommate for years and multiple apartments, and once lived with a boyfriend for years, and multiple apartments. Needless to say I do much better with just Riggins and me. The facts would lead you to believe that I’m hard to live with but I’d much prefer to say that any problems were the other persons fault. After all Riggins has no complaints.

Dr. Drew informed me, during one of his brilliant podcast episodes, that there has been studies to say that it is healthier for men and women (or men and men, woman and women, whatever you define as a couple) to sleep in different rooms. That the separation leads to a more restful night. Dr. Drew said he wasn’t really sure if he bought into it. You know what I say? No shit it leads to a more restful night! You needed to do experiments to prove this painfully obvious thesis? Sleeping with someone else is just horrible. If you sleep with someone night after night you have no idea the horror you are living. Space hogs, blanket hogs, cold feet, sweaty parts, SNORING, gag! Now I know I’m hard to sleep with. I’ll admit that. I tend to flop around a lot and even if I’m not doing that I show stress signs while I’m sleeping that can be very off-putting. One thing I do is I’ll sleep on my back with my knees up. Then as I get deeper into sleep my knees fall to one side until my body notices and I yank them back up. I can see where this could be annoying.

Adam Carolla, probably on the same podcast with Dr. Drew, will tell you the key to a happy marriage is money and real estate. To be honest I may be wrong about the money thing but I know for sure he says real estate. He’s right. Real estate is KEY!

Frida and Diego2

Although I’m sure found everywhere. My source – http://caracarmina-atelier.blogspot.com/2011/01/frida-and-diego.html

In yesterday’s post I mentioned Diego Rivera. The very talented artists, Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo came up with the perfect real estate solution. They had his and her houses with a bridge connecting them. I’m sure you can say, and there is evidence to support, they didn’t really have two independent houses, ignore that. Just focus on the brilliance of two casas in one. Also ignore the fact that the coupling of Rivera and Kahlo wouldn’t really be considered the model for a healthy relationship of security and monogamy. The casa made of two casas. That’s the take away here. Please also overlook the design of their casa(s). It’s hideous.

Two houses fixes so many problems. I don’t have to be nice and try to weave his crap into my colorful and thoughtful room designs. I don’t have to tell the cleaning lady to just skip the extra room because the slob didn’t take the time to pick up before the cleaning lady came (YOU HAVE TO PICK UP BEFORE THE CLEANING LADY COMES. ASK ANY WOMAN,) so I just threw everything strewn around the house into that room. The bathroom smells better. The list goes on and on. SO MANY PROBLEMS SOLVED!

Now here is where I take it further than Frida and Diego. I would love to have children but simply don’t feel I could take on the responsibility (financially, emotionally, time-ly) alone. It would also probably be healthier for the child to have another adult influence beside the crazy sitting here typing. Here is where my brilliance comes in. I’ve always said my casa(s) will be a home for myself, and NPH (Neal Patrick Harris aka Doogie). We could live happily in our duo abodes with the bridge connection allowing us to happily raise our children together at the same time allowing us our privacy to date and live our hetro/homo sexual lives even though we don’t find each other sexual attractive. NPH is adorable, hilarious, and seems like he’d be a blast. Plus I could go to the Magic Castle whenever I wanted!

When the world found out NPH had a serious boyfriend I was crushed, for two seconds, that my dream life had died, but then I thought, “bring him along…. why not?” It takes a village.

Then the world found out that NPH and his ridiculous gorgeous significant other were having children, and my dream died. All I really brought to the party was my uterus and apparently that was no longer needed.

So now my dream home is reserved for Anderson Cooper. Could totally happen.

Weekend Fluff Break

09 Saturday Feb 2013

Posted by in Riggins, Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, ,

I normally don’t post on the weekend but I figured you could use some fluff!  Okay … that was a bold-faced lie.  I know that Sangita’s (http://joshsang.wordpress.com/) children like posts about Riggins and I gotta give my readers what they want!  Maybe that isn’t as much of a bold-faced lie as a little white lie.  Oh well.  Either way I figured you might enjoy some Sat dog fun too.

Sit back and enjoy the escapades of Riggins and Morgan (Riggins’ BFF), Kings of Runyon (a dog park that is a hike up one of the Hollywood hills).

First to the hill!  As my east coast friends posted pictures of mounds of snow on Facebook the boys and I enjoyed a crisp morning hike in the Southern California sun:
20130209-173016.jpg20130209-173141.jpg

 

Next stop was my folks house for a visit.  On the freeway I turned around and found them sitting like this (yes I took a picture while driving … it was necessary to capture the moment … I’m an artist):

20130209-172927.jpg

Here are the two little cherubs with their best innocent faces.  In reality Morgan spent his time stealing and hoarding all of the squeaky balls and Riggins walked around whining for attention.

20130209-173229.jpg

 

What’s a post about dogs without video?  Useless I say.  Let’s fix that right now!

Morgan showing off for one of his human sisters, Shelby: 

Riggins early morning jealousy: 

Making a run for it: 

There you go!  I hope you enjoyed your fluff break.

1 Billion Rising

07 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , ,

picstitch (2)Just over a year ago I traveled to India for work.  Our offices were located just outside of Bangalore and the hotel I stayed at was just down the street.  It was pretty easy to get around.  All I had to do was get in a car that was waiting for me and go from hotel to office and back again.  That was part of my problem.  From reading this blog you know that I do a lot of outside exercise.  The back and forth from one artificial environment to the other was making me claustrophobic and just a little more than a little crazy.  At one point I’d had it and I went to the desk to ask them if it was okay if I ran up the road (it was a big loooooonnnnnngggg road) for 2  miles and back.  Just 2 miles and back.  I’m sure I’d make friends with a few street dogs along the way but dogs like me so that was cool.  “Oooooh NO ma’am,” was the answer.  It was said with such certainty and a dash of “are you off your rocker” attitude that I didn’t even question it and instead slowly shuffled off to the hotel’s tiny smelly gym.  Based on recent news stories out of India about gang rape victims I suppose I should send the hotel a gift basket.

Honestly my personal relationship with violence against women is non-existent.  I was lucky to grow up in an atmosphere where women are equal, not possessions, and sometimes even a tad bit smarter than the male sex (wink).  Still, I realize this isn’t true of all countries, of all families, and of all people.

Feb. 14th has been designated the day for one billion to rise up against violence against women ( http://www.onebillionrising.org/).  One Billion Rising is an event led by V-Day, a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls founded by Eve Ensler (author of the Vagina Monologues).  According to the web site:

picstitch“The concept of the campaign [One Billion Rising] is simple. If you take into account the statistic that 1 out of 3 women will experience violence in her lifetime, you are left with the staggering statistic that over 1 billion women on this planet will be impacted by violence. On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 2.14.13, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.”

I plan to take part in the event and would love if you would as well.  Visit the event web site to search gatherings that are happening locally.  The movement is global but if there isn’t an event close you can learn the dance to Break the Chain and jump out of your chair midday for a solo dance party! (Video of song with dance is embedded below.  You can also find a how-to video online where Debbie Allen will break it down for you.)

Woman freakin’ rock — and rock hard!

(First set of pictures is of some of my favorite ladies dancing, just because it is fun, in Bangalore.  Second set of pictures is of some of my favorite ladies dancing at Dee Dee’s bachelorette party in downtown LA.)

I’ve Got Your Back

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , ,

ry=400Don’t you worry about a thing. As of last night I’m officially up to date on how to administer Adult CPR. Go ahead and drop to the ground without a pulse. I’ve got your back.

The last time I took a CPR class I was a sophomore in College so there is no doubt that things have changed a bit. I’ve been meaning to take the class for a while now but finally have the time. I figure given the age and activity level of my group of friends at least one of us should be in the know! My father was younger than a majority of my current male friends when he had a heart attack. At the time the family was on vacation and we were at the pool of the Circus Circus RV park. I remember very little about what happened. I remember my mom ripping down the motorhome’s awning so she could drive to the hospital. I remember my dad laying down during the drive. I remember sitting in the hospital with my younger sister and being given hospital coloring books to keep busy. I remember my mom calling other people and not being able to talk since she was crying so having to hand the phone to me even though I had nothing to say. Mostly I remember spending time at my Grandma’s house where my cousins and aunt came to visit us and having a blast!

It’s no surprise that during my high stress career I’ve managed to have my own chest pain scares. At one point I realized I had been experiencing chest pains for over a week and was nearly blacking out on the hill that weekend. My mom forced me to make a doctor’s appointment where my blood pressure was so high they didn’t believe the machine was working correctly. The next day driving to work I thought “Something isn’t right I should go to the ER”. It was followed by the thought, “Sigh. I don’t want to go to the ER. What a drag.” That was followed by the thought, “If I die of a heart attack at work my mom is going to kill me.” So I mad a u-turn and headed back to the Emergency room close to my house. After a very quick chat with the admitting nurse I was rushed to a bed. Apparently they take “I’ve had chest pain for a week and it has gotten severe” very seriously. Once again my blood pressure was crazy person high. I wasn’t having a heart attack but they were extremely worried. I made a pact and promise with them that if they didn’t admit me I would go to the cardiologist the next day. I really didn’t want to spend the night in the hospital. Of course I had a HMO so getting to the cardiologist the next day was a whole different headache.

Speaking of headache … for years I had been hearing my dad’s story of how the medicine they gave them at the Las Vegas emergency room caused him the worse headache of his life. Unlike me my dad doesn’t get migraines and doesn’t even really get headaches so I figured he was exaggerating. Just like a man … right? My dad just happened to be sitting next to me when the nurse rubbed nitroglycerin on my chest. Eager to show his knowledge and help me my dad explained that nitroglycerin is what had given him the worse headache of his lifetime but did help the whole “having a heart attack” problem. Again I rolled my eyes. Come on. How bad could it be. HOLLY FUCKING SHIT (excuse the language but it is necessary to convey the pain). Headache is not the right word. Alien beings trying to eat my brains and claw their way out of my head … that’s what I experienced. It didn’t go away fast either. My cardiologist (when I finally got in to see him the next day after a number of long dramatic phone calls) gave me nitroglycerin pills to carry with me. Whenever I had chest pain I had to weigh the option of death due to a possible heart attack vs. mind numbing headache pain.

The most fascination thing I learned in class last night? Nitroglycerin plus Viagra equals death. So there you go gentlemen. Don’t get all shy and embarrassed when asked what medicines you take by the paramedics. If you take Viagra you better tell them or you may die from a teeny tiny little white pill slipped under your tongue. In fact to be safe you should probably get a medical bracelet saying you take Viagra. You know … just in case.

(Everyone should know basic CPR. I took my CPR class at the local community college. To find a class near you go to the American Heart Association website http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/CPRAndECC/CPR_UCM_001118_SubHomePage.jsp)

The Best Medicine

17 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by in work

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

sad(I’ve been hesitant to post this. Do people really want to hear the ramblings and sorrow of a crazy person? Will people judge me? I’m still tied down by the stigma I feel around the diagnosis of depression. The thought that it isn’t a real mental disease, that it just means you are weak and unable to deal with regular ol’ life, that you are just being selfish and mean to friends/family, and so on and so forth. I finally decided to post because of all of this. I don’t want to be ashamed of being sick and having the strength to get help. Perhaps my story can help someone else. I know when it came time for me to push back my own mental negativity toward depression medication and take that leap it helped me to know that people I love and respect had at one time, or still are, been treated for depression. It helped show me that I wasn’t weak and I wasn’t alone. I hope my story can do the same for someone else. If you aren’t inline with this thinking or just don’t want to deal with it please feel free to skip today’s post. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be back to a fluffier topic like the crazy antics of adorable Riggins, the insanity of my last date, or my novice ramblings on how dogs and people should live together.)

The other day I was sitting on the sofa and looked over at Riggins and started laughing. Real honest, can’t stop crying, laughter. He was just so cute. His ears were pulled down and his bright orange eyes were staring out at me and he looked just like a little cartoon woodland creature (actually a specific one but I can’t for the life of me remember the character’s name nor what show he is on so it isn’t much help to you or this story). All of a sudden it hit me. I was LAUGHING. Real honest to goodness LOLing right there in my livingroom. It made me think back and I realized my last week has been full of laughter. Talking to my mom, hanging out with my dad, Skyping with my sister and her family, at dinner with friends, watching TV (did you see that episode of The Big Bang Theory where they were dressed up as characters from Star Trek:The Next Generation? I laughed out loud at that episode no less than 1/2 a dozen times). This realization made me so completely happy. You see I had been struggling with a devastating depression and hadn’t laughed, really laughed, in a long time.

Let me start by saying I know I have a wonderful life. I’m honestly so lucky to be surrounded by friends, family, and Riggins. All who love me for who I am and will always be there for me. I say that because as I get into my story it starts to sound like I don’t understand that. I do. I just couldn’t see that through the darkness at the time.

I’m not naive enough to think my depression was caused by one event. I can tell you that the one event, my job, was the straw that broke the camels back. Even saying that it was just my job isn’t true. I really looked forward to working with many of my co-workers and enjoyed the somewhat new and exciting world I lived in of social media. I could list off everything that contributed to “the job” being my undoing but I don’t want to. It isn’t important.

Looking back two things astonish me. One, I didn’t realize sooner that I was in real trouble. There were so many signs! There was absolutely no reason for me to hurt as much as I did. Two, I am impressed with my strength to seek help and claw my way out. The battle of human vs. depression is not an easy one and anyone who tells you it is should go jump in a lake because his pants are on fire!

So what were those signs? What was I really feeling? I seem to have so many stories but I want to share the few that really lead me to knowing I needed help, finding it, and taking the scary steps to making it happen.

I was on a business trip in Chicago. As usual I was up late the night before working, didn’t sleep well in the hotel bed (the fist night in any hotel is never great), and woke up early to attend conference calls and do work before heading out for my day of meetings. That was the first time that I realized I was losing my shit over things that shouldn’t bother me. My morning was a disaster and I can’t even tell you why. I just know that I sat at a desk, on the phone, doing emails, crying. Everything threw me into a tailspin. I was full and couldn’t handle anything else no matter how small or insignificant. Anything and everything would cause me to overflow. Just before I had to leave for a meeting I tried pulling myself together, grabbed my 1 quart plastic bag with my 3oz or smaller containers of make up and looked in the mirror. I stopped short and put down the bag. I had never seen someone so sad as the person staring back at me in that mirror. Make-up wouldn’t help. I put on my jacket, grabbed my computer, and left the room for my meeting. The show must go on.

It got to the point that I couldn’t go a day without crying. When not on the road and working from home I’d throw myself on my bed and sob. Full out gasping for air sobbing. Riggins was going out of his mind. He didn’t know what was happening or what to do. He’d jump on the bed next to me as far away as possible and then get on his stomach and army crawl up to me until his nose was touching my face. This is when I realized my condition wasn’t just hurting me. It was hurting others. I came to realize that Riggins didn’t mind spending days after days and week after week with my folks while I was traveling for work. Why would he. My parents house was a fun happy house while mine was covered in a shroud of darkness and unhappiness. Who wants to hang out there?

One morning I finally realized it was all too much. I needed help. I called my primary care physician and was told that I could get in to see him in a week. The receptionist asked if that was okay and I agreed. After all I had lasted months being sad what’s a few more days? (I’m trying to think of another adjective beyond “sad” that I can use in this post and just can’t come up with one. That’s what I was. That’s how I described it.) A little later in the morning I got in my car and took off to get a soda. This was how I gave myself time outs in my day. I’d load up Riggins and we would visit one of the many fast food drive thrus in the area and order a large diet coke. Sometimes, to shake things up, with extra ice. While in the car I called my mom and dad (using Bluetooth of course) and immediately lost it. When asked what was wrong my response was, “I’m just sad. I’m just so sad.” (Time out for a second. Can you imagine being on the phone with your daughter and hearing that???? I mean how heart wrenching is that. I suppose this is the perfect time to take a step back and address my friends and family. I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for any trouble or heartache my depression caused you. It was unfair for you to have to take that on but I’m so lucky that you did. Thank you for being so caring and wonderful. I love you.) Since driving was impossible through the tears I pulled over into the Walgreen’s parking lot and stopped the car. When I could talk without gasping for air I called my doctor’s office and told them they had to see me today and as soon as possible. I needed help. Not just a pat on the back and a “it’s going to be okay.” I needed help from a doctor and I needed it as soon as possible.

Driving to the doctor’s I couldn’t stop crying. Not sobbing more like leaking. In the parking lot I tried to pull myself together. I was honestly concerned that the doctor would see me and immediately admit me into the hospital for treatment. I went through every exercise any female executive learns on how to trigger the other side of your brain and keep from crying. Look up and to the left, do math in your head, and if all else fails make a fist with your hand and jam your nail into your palm. None of this helped. This wasn’t an angry or sadness that was coming from an external source like being flown to NY to be yelled at by your CEO in front of your peers while he mispronounces your name as Wednesday (happened). This was an internal source of sadness. One at a time every cell in my body was turning toward sadness and darkness. At this point I realized I was at war with a sickness that had a definite time limit. I had to find a way to regain the parts of me that I was loosing and do so before so much of me was gone there was no going back. That was the day I started depression medicine. It helped. It helped a ton. I went back a number of times until we found a combination of medicine that worked for me. I could breath again. I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t on the cliff looking down with my toes hanging over it anymore.

One evening I was out with a very good couple friend of mine. We had dinner and then headed to a very cool bar for drinks. This bar was fabulous. Dive-y and the perfect Wendy vibe. I made the mistake of looking at my work email on my phone and that was it. Down the rabbit hole I went. My male friend asked me why I wasn’t having any fun. “Crap” I thought, “I can’t even fake it anymore.” I tried to assure him that I was, that I loved the bar, that it was just work stuff that I needed to shake off. It was then that I realized I was a giant liar. I wasn’t having fun. It was more than that. I couldn’t have fun. I went home and cried (shocker).

As I walked my life tightrope (with at lease a tiny net due to the drugs) my mantra became, “just get through it.” Just get through this early morning conference call. Just get through this business trip. Just get through this flight. Just get through this night. Just get through. That’s how I lived my life. Just barely getting through. One day I managed to give myself a concussion. That little adventure deserves it’s own blog post all by itself! Treatment for my self inflicted concussion was to do nothing. No work, no computer, no email, no phone calls, no TV, no books, nothing. For a second I saw what was important. My job wasn’t important I was important. I needed to get out of my job. This was no long a choice. It was a necessity. I started to plan how I could get a new job, one where I could be happy, and be able to leave my current one.

During my recovery my parents came over to check on me and have lunch. I remember sitting around my little dinning room table that once belonged to my grandmother, eating Taco Bell, and telling my parents I just need to get through it. Just needed to get through this week. Just needed to get through the two work trips that were on my calendar in the next couple of weeks. Just get through the holidays. They left and headed home. A couple of hours later I received a call from my dad. He suggested I should just go ahead and quit now. My father is the most logical human on the planet. I simply can not imagine a situation where he would not just condone but suggest that I leave a job without having another income available to me right away. That’s what I had gotten to. The unimaginable.

So I quit. It was really difficult. The company didn’t want me to leave and I had a number of discussions with people higher up the chain than me trying to convince me that staying was the best action to take. I didn’t tell them I was depressed. I didn’t tell them I had spent the last year hurting myself, my family, my friends, and my beloved dog. I just told them it wasn’t a good fit for me. I had my doubts a number of times. There was more than once that I almost lost the strength and took my resignation letter back. After all, as I mentioned near the beginning of this post, I really did like working with a number of my co-workers. One of my very good friends must have sensed this and sent me an email. She reminded me that during one of my business trips I had sent her an email saying I wouldn’t mind if the plane crashed because at least then I wouldn’t have to do this trip. CAN YOU IMAGINE SENDING THAT TO SOMEONE? How horrific! I didn’t just think that, I wrote that down in an email and sent it to someone I loved and didn’t think twice about it. Nail in the coffin. I was quitting.

Now on paper I should really be depressed! I have no job and don’t really have any hot leads. I’m struggling with the decision of staying in my profession or taking the hard step of leaving all I have accomplished and finding a career that may be more morally fulfilling (aka make less money). On paper I should be depressed but I’m not! I’m happy. I’m beyond happy. I’m laughing. My life is good! I realize I still have work to do. I have yet to go to therapy. I know I should but I haven’t been able to take that leap yet. Dr. Drew would be so unhappy with me going the pill route first without even trying talking to a professional. But that is what I had to do to save myself. (If you have read any of my blogs you know I adore Dr. Drew. Did you know he has his own podcast now? It’s like a wave of calm and sanity amongst the insanity fo life. He has one podcast that he does on his own and one he does with Adam Carolla. You should defiantly go subscribe to both – http://adamcarolla.com/carolladigital/.)

I realize this was a long posting but I hope it helps someone. Please please please, if you find yourself starting to slip down the spiral of sadness and depression get help. Don’t wait as long as I did. Get help as soon as you can. Go to your primary care physician and tell him/her what is happening. Grab a friend or family member by the arm, tell him/her you need help and don’t let go until they help you. Later, after you are better you can apologize for being selfish (because you had to be) and thank them for the strength they gave you.

Like me you have a right to be happy. Like me you deserve to laugh.happy

(This picture is from our annual ladies holiday dinner this year. I love it glowing eyes and all because I’m laughing!)