Tag Archives: clean

Mother Nature’s Wash Machine

26 Wednesday Feb 2014

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photo 2 (9)You know I dislike cleaning my house and since I have a zillion dogs coming in and out I have to do it all the time.  It’s exhausting.  Here is my current absolutely genius idea.  Starting tonight it is supposed to rain in Los Angeles for a few days.  It happens so rarely I’m sure it will make national news.  In fact, if I turned on the news right now I’m sure there would be some kind of “storm watch” countdown happening.  It just so happens my kitchen floor mats need to be washed.  Why don’t I just put them out on the back fence and let the rain wash them?  Then, when the rain stops, lay them out to dry? photo 1 (10) Isn’t that genius?  To tell you the truth my big mat has been hanging out there for a while already.  Someone peed on it and I cleaned it but felt like it needed to be aired out and then never brought it back in.  Not just anyone peed on it.  A dog peed on it.  It isn’t like one of my friends came in, pulled down her pants and squatted right there in front of my kitchen cabinets.  What I’m trying to say is this whole plan will take very little effort for me.  I’ll just have to add the little mat and then when it is all said and done bring them both back in.  Is there an easier way to clean a rubber backed kitchen mat I ask you?  Nope.  Great.  I’m glad we are all on board with this plan.

(Pictures of kitchen mats are boring so here are some pictures of Asscher, Riggins, and me on our hike this morning.)

Clean as a Whistle – Kinda

12 Monday Aug 2013

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photo (1)With my dog sitting business I constantly have people dropping by my house.  Whether it’s a pick up, drop off, or meet and greet, someone will be setting foot in my house multiple times a week.  Because of this I believe I’ve become a “get your house clean fast” guru.  I thought I’d share a few of my tips and tricks:

  • Keep an ongoing cleaning schedule.  This isn’t a fun tip but it is the most important thing for these other tips to be successful.  It’s the stable base to all the trickery.  This isn’t for deep cleaning but does make it possible for you to jump into “panic” mode without a full meltdown when you hear guests coming up to the door.  My schedule works well.  Honestly, I sometimes do nothing one day and push the activity to the next but, for the most part, this stuff gets done once a week every week (vacuuming, kitchen, bathroom, change linens, dust, laundry).
  • I’m brilliant at doing laundry and pretty amazing at not folding it and putting it away.  My house has a long counter right by the washer/dryer.  It’s the perfect location to pile up laundry that is now clean yet in need of further attention.  There was a pile there yesterday when Lousy was being picked up by his mom and dad.  I needed to get rid of it quick and there was no time to do it correctly (fold and put away).  Solution?  Just shove it all in the dryer.  I have about 3 loads stuffed in the dryer right now.  Sure things will get wrinkly but that is the price you pay for not folding right away.  If you live in yoga pants and tank tops, as I do, wrinkles aren’t a problem!
  • If you only have time to do one thing vacuum!  Vacuuming is the eye brow waxing of house work.  It makes a HUGE difference.  If you only have time for a few rooms focus on what people will see.  For me this is the living room, hall and kitchen.  My kitchen isn’t carpeted (obviously) but I still use an attachment to vacuum it.  It’s so much fun to watch all the dog hair (and there is a lot) being sucked up and away!
  • Close the doors to rooms that are a disaster and/or off-limits.  If a guest dares to open a closed-door to snoop around they deserve to be shocked by an unmade bed and undies on the ground.
  • Lighting.  Lighting is KEY.  You can’t see dust when it’s dark.  Turn the lights off and if people HAVE to see then light some candles.  This also will keep you from doing things like cleaning windows and mirrors not to mention the carpet.  Lighting can cover a number of problems.
  • Trick people with smells.  I know it sounds manipulative.  It’s because it is.  Light a smelly candle (I stick with the pumpkin and vanilla scent) in key rooms.  Especially near trash that hasn’t been taken out recently.  Grab a bottle of fantastic, aim it in the air and pull the trigger.  Run around the house fantastic-ing the air.  At least it will smell like you recently cleaned.
  • Turn on any and all air purifiers.  People who have air purifiers wouldn’t dare take the time to turn them on if their house was disgusting.
  • Grab a rag and a cleaning bottle and stick it right in the middle of your counter.  Fill theimage (1) sink with water, suds, and any dirty dishes.  Grab the vacuum and stick it in the corner with it plugged in.  Turn on the wash machine with or without dirty clothes in it.  When guest show up exclaim, “excuse the mess I was just in the middle of cleaning.”
  • If you have dogs (or kids) DO NOT let people get on their hands and knees and crawl around.  I had to get down on the floor Sat to take care of Lordy and almost had a seizure.  The FILTH down at that level is beyond upsetting.  I was forced to stop everything I was doing and go around the house cleaning all the walls at dog level.  You are just better off not looking.

There you go!  I hope those tips and tricks help save your sanity once in a while.  Feel free to share yours.

An United Stand

22 Monday Apr 2013

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Clean and Cuddily

Clean and Cuddily

As you know Riggins and I have had a doggie guest for the last few days. As a three-year old the unfortunately named Lousy, has the extreme energy level of a much younger Riggins. Recently Riggins started limping a bit so I put him on a long/walk and hike time-out. He has been spending his exercise time out in the backyard chasing squirrels or at the dog park. Lousy, on the other hand, needs some extreme tiring out. I have been taking him running around the neighborhood or around the Rose Bowl trails and up Runyon. Both dogs, no matter what their exercise routine, have spent valuable time outdoors and then feel like their indoor time needs to be spent snuggling next to me. Needless to say the two creatures needed a bath to make cuddle time more bearable for their human.

Normally, when I’m doggie sitting, it is an extra service and cost for me to give the dog a bath. This time it was on me! As I told my mother Lousy’s cleanliness was more for my sanity than his parents. I had hoped that Lousy would be a better bath candidate than Riggins but alas, I believe Riggins’ water anxiety was shared by his almost half-brother Lousy.

Almost half brothers united in their fight against the man (aka me).

Almost half brothers united in their fight against the man (aka me).

After coming back from the hill with Lousy I started to get the bathroom ready. Riggins immediately knew what was happening and took a solid stance on my bed. Lousy followed his lead and held firm at his own bed. When I went go get them I managed to get Riggins to budge and leave the protection of the bed/throne only to have him make a beeline for Lousy’s bed where the two of them put up a united front. It was the first time both of them could be found on that bed at the same time. If they were going down they were going to make sure they went down together.

I finally got them both in the bathroom closing the door and locking them into their destiny of being clean. First I got Riggins all bubbly and let him out of the shower into the bathroom, to chill for a while. His special shampoo (Yes he has special shampoo. He is a very fragile baby.) requires a 10 minute soak before washing off. While Riggins was in time-out bath mode, I got Lousy into the shower. As I washed him he pressed his nose against the corner of the door and wall sucking in the smell of freedom leaking in from the outside. Riggins stood on the other side of the door, their two eyes were locked on each other. I couldn’t tell if the two of them were plotting my punishment for forcing them to become clean or if Riggins was talking down his little buddy letting him know it would all be over soon. Once Lousy was finished I rinsed off Riggins and let the two loose. They ran around the house like they were on fire until they calmed down and accepted their fate as clean and wet creatures.

BATH PTSD

BATH PTSD

They may not have been happy with the whole ordeal but based on the muddy color of their bath water I would say my actions were necessary. Now both are clean and can be cuddled without me looking like I had been wrestling around in the dirt … well at least for right now.

Thumbs Down to Dirty Birds

11 Thursday Apr 2013

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Riggins chillin' on the "locked" bed. I had just gone running which makes me sweaty and delicious.

Riggins chillin’ on the “locked” bed. I had just gone running which makes me sweaty and delicious.

When I decided to quit my job my biggest concern wasn’t how Riggins and I would survive with no income … it was how I was going to survive without my cleaning lady. I LOVE my cleaning lady. I love her more than almost any other human I know. She has been with me through numerous apartments and has been loyal to me longer than any man I’ve ever dated. Telling her that I couldn’t pay her until I got a new job was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I almost cried. I have a friend who once said she would rather go without food than go without her cleaning lady. Who can blame her? Food only allows you to survive. Your cleaning lady allows you to be happy!

What was I going to do? I simply can not live in filth. To be able to breathe I need vacuumed carpets and clean counters. The only option I had was to … gasp … do it myself. I am NOT a domestic goddess. I strongly dislike housework. Not that anyone loves it but I SERIOUSLY dislike it. I’m really good at throwing crap out. I can do that all day long but the actual scrubbing and cleaning. No thanks!

Speaking of throwing crap out. You’d think I would make a great hoarders therapist don’t you? You’d be wrong. First of all I can’t even watch the show Hoarders on A&E. It honestly gives me the chills and makes me gag. WHO WOULD LIVE LIKE THAT? WHO????? I saw part of an episode once where some guy thought throwing away his dog’s shed hair would kill the dog. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT KIND OF HAIR HOUSE I’D LIVE IN IF I THOUGHT THAT WAS TRUE????? Gross. Gross with a capital GR. I’d have no patience for those people. I realize they are sick and have a condition and blah blah blah but you can bet I’d have to be dragged out of there kicking and screaming, “that stack of newspapers means nothing … NOTHING … BURN THE PLACE DOWN!!!!” I actually have a brilliant plan for any hoarders therapist/cleaner helper person. This is what I’d do. After introductions and shock/awe at the state of their living conditions I’d make them a bet. They can be all weird about ever single scrap of paper and empty ketchup bottle UNTIL I find a dead animal. Any dead animal. Then all bets are off. They have to vacate the premises and I get to throw crap out willy nilly. They will come back to a nice clean house that will stay that way for at least a good week. Sure they won’t be “cured” but really how often do those shows really cure people? Brilliant right? They ALWAYS say there is no way something is dead in their house and there is ALWAYS a cat or rat corpse. ALWAYS! GRRRRROOOOSSS!

Brilliant daily chore chart.

Brilliant daily chore chart.

Back to me. I’m no good at dedicating an entire day to cleaning. It just isn’t going to happen and that only keeps my house clean for a day or two so what is the point? Pinterest to the rescue (as always). I found lots of suggestions on Pinterest on how to do a chore a day so that you have a rotating cleaning schedule. I thought I’d give it a shot. To keep my chore list close to me and top of mind I put it on my phone. I’ve been doing it for a few weeks now and I’m sold! My house is never super-duper crazy clean but it is always tidy and clean enough! Of course I cheat and skip a day or two. Honestly I’ve only dusted once because dusting is boring. I could bump my vacuuming up to two times a week but that isn’t going to happen. I do have a few time-saving tips that I’m happy to share:

* Get rid of your husband and kids. I realize this works well for me because it’s just Riggins and me. Men and kids are dirty.

* Move to a smaller house. I live in a two bedroom one bath. That helps a lot!

* Quit your day job. Really frees up your time and gives you the chance at a higher daily chore success rate.

* If you have a Riggins “lock” your bed and sofa. This means covering locations Riggins sits and sheds with a sheet. Sure it doesn’t look great but if company pops over then you can pull that sheet off and have a clean bed/sofa. LIKE A MAGICIAN. TADA! (Although I usually just leave the sheet on. Less trouble.)

Dirt from one pass through my living room. DIE DIRT .... DIE!

Dirt from one pass through my living room. DIE DIRT …. DIE!

* Get a good vacuum. I heart a good vacuum. I’ve been obsessed with Dyson since it became a brand. I want everything they make. Sadly each item is approximately 1 zillion dollars. For my birthday lots of friends got me Target gift cards so I could get me a fancy Dyson. I got a Shark instead. To be more specific a Shark Rotator 3-in-1 Lift Away Vacuum. I just couldn’t pull the trigger on a zillion dollar dirt sucker. The Shark is still the most expensive vacuum I’ve ever owned and about $200 less than its Dyson rival. It got great reviews so I figured I’d give it a shot. I used it for the first time this week. I love it. It’s my new favorite thing in the entire world! (BTW no need to get one with all the attachments. I’ve used 2 and figure I may get as high as 4 but really they just get lost making them useless.) One crazy reviewer vacuumed her house first with her old unit then with her new Shark. Just to see how much more filth was picked up. There was no way I am crazy enough to vacuum my house twice. I barely have the stamina to do it once. I’ll take her word for it.

* Don’t dust. Okay this isn’t true. I really need to dust.

There you go! That is how you successfully keep a clean(ish) house! I’m not getting rid of my other vacuum. If I was a hoarder I’d collect (doesn’t seem so bad when you call it a collection) dogs and vacuums. I may be crazy but at least my carpet would be clean!

Cleanliness Sucks

18 Monday Feb 2013

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“Cleanliness sucks.” – Riggins Newell

rigginsObviously this is Riggins speaking.  I like cleanliness in fact I dare say taking a bath is one of my favorite things to do.  If there was a way to make the bathtub mobile, maybe add a few wheels and a motor, I’d happily go about my life peacefully soaking in warm water with a glass of red wine at my side.  Tub cruising.  Alas this brilliant invention does not yet exist.

Riggins, on the other hand, is a dog.  A boy dog at that.  His goal is to get and then stay as disgustingly filthy as possible.  His favorite dog park isn’t the nice sweet one with clean benches and ample green grass. Nooooooooo.  His favorite is the gross one that’s all dirt and dog pee where you sit at your own risk.  If he happens to find a stinky pile of anything that can’t be digested then he will just flop down on his back and roll around to make sure the stench gets in real deep into his fur.  Suggesting a bath is Riggins idea of hell on earth.

Since I live with the kid he gets a bath once a week.  This is when the dog people who read this blog inform me that washing a dog once a week is actually bad for his skin.  Yah yah I hear you, but did you hear me about the rolling around in grossness?  Riggins is an outside dog who wants to spend his indoor time cuddled up in my face.  Believe me.  You’d find a way to give him a bath weekly too.  To set your minds at ease I do use a special shampoo (designed for show dogs — nothing is too good … obviously) that is actually safe to use daily.  This is swapped out, every other week, with a special medicated shampoo from the vet (In case you were wondering I use Suave or anything cheaper than a giant bottle of Suave that just happens to be on sale for my hair.  We can’t all be kings of the castle.) which is also safe to use as frequently as weekly.

Bath time is always after a hike, which Riggins has long since figured out.  He refuses to go inside directly from a hike and will instead demand to go in the backyard as if I’d forget what I was planning on doing if he can stall long enough.  I take this time to prep.  The white bath mats get thrown into the hall, the towels move down to the floor and I go to the linen closet to grab a Riggins and Wendy towel and hang them up.  I install the dog wash hose onto the shower head and finally strip off my shoes, socks, and any other outer garments that can be shed.  Then I go get the victim.  Once inside Riggins knows it’s getting real when I take of his collar.  This is when he goes into survival mode.  He slips into the corner of my dinning room in an attempt to blend into the darkness.  Usually I just get behind him and tell him to move it and he will slowly …. very very slowly walk his way into the bathroom and into the shower.  Once he gets all four legs into the stall he is resigned and gives me little to no problems.  He takes his medicine until he is freed.  Post Riggins wash, I strip off the last of my clothes and make myself clean as he runs up and down the hall violently shaking in the hope of flicking off the pleasant scent he has acquired.

This weekend I tapped him on his journey to the shower and he acted out just for you (Please ignore any clutter or untidiness.  It doesn’t make sense to pick up until after the wet Tasmanian Devil settles down a bit.).  Enjoy: