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Super Yum Yum

08 Wednesday Jan 2014

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photo (50)You know my deal about cooking.  I only do it if it’s easy.  Well this holiday I made a couple of winners that I found on Pinterest and wanted to share with you.

* 8 Can Taco Soup – I actually skip a can (the chicken … canned chicken sounds gross) so for me this is 7 Can Taco Soup!  This could not be easier.  You take a bunch of cans of food (specific ones not just any that you happen to throw in your cart), drain whatever is in them and then plop them in a big ol’ pot.  Done!  I’ve actually made this twice once with and once without the taco seasoning packet.  I like it better without but remember I’m a huge wimp when it comes to anything spicy.  Someone on the blog suggested substituting a ranch dressing packet for the taco seasoning.  I actually had planned to do that on my last batch but totally forgot to purchase it.

If you are fancy you could add a dollop of sour cream, a couple of slices of avocado and some tortilla chips.  If you are me you can just ladle it right out of the pot and into your mouth.  I love soup and I love mexican food so this is the perfect lunch or dinner for me.  Today I’m eating it for both!  Yum yum!

Ingredients:

  • 1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed
  • 1 (15 oz.) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
  • 1 (14.5 oz.) can petite diced tomatoes, drained
  • 1 (15.25 oz.) can sweet corn, drained
  • 1 (12.5 oz.) can white chicken breast, drained
  • 1 (10.75 oz.) can cream of chicken soup
  • 1 (10 oz.) can green enchilada sauce
  • 1 (14 oz.) can chicken broth
  • 1 packet taco seasoning
Directions:
  1. Mix all ingredients together in a large pot.
  2. Heat until warm, stirring occasionally.
  3. Serve.

* Cake Batter Rice Krispie Treats – You read that correctly.  Already sounds delicious doesn’t it?  When you click on the link to go to the original blog post of this amazing concoction you will notice that the fancy pants woman made cute little cupcakes out of the krispie treats.  She even made the effort to top them with some fancy schmancy icing.  I did not do that.  I made them like a normal person would make rice krispie treats and packed them into a pan and cut them into squares.  Worked great.  Tasted better.  Seriously for how little effort it takes to add some vanilla and cake mix to your krispie mixture the additional wow factor for your taste buds is amazing.  Do it.  Wow your taste buds.  They deserve it.

Ingredients 

  • 6 tbs margarine* (3/4 of a stick)
  • 3/4 cup yellow cake mix
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 3 cups Rice Krispies
  • 1/2 10oz bag of marshmallows (5oz)
  • 1 tbs sprinkles

Instructions 

Melt margarine in the microwave (about 45 seconds). Mix in marshmallows and return to microwave for 30 second intervals, stirring between, until melted. Mix in cake mix and vanilla until combined. Add in sprinkles and 2 cups of Rice Krispies with a spatula. Add in the third cup of Rice Krispies.

Fill each well-greased pan with the Rice Krispie mixture and press it in gently with the back of a spoon. Cool for 30 minutes in the refrigerator.

(I don’t have any pictures of any of this so enjoy some more dog pictures.  They are cute and sweet too.)

Humpty Dumpty

10 Thursday Oct 2013

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Earlier this week one of my good friends, Martha, came over for dinner.  Post food while we were chatting over whatever TV we were watching I excused myself and came back with a giant bottle of hydrogen peroxide that I have turned into a spray bottle, pulled up my pants and sprayed down one of my newest scrapes.  Martha’s responses:

photo (17)* “You hurt yourself so much you have a hydrogen peroxide SPRAY BOTTLE?” – Yes.  Well technically the spray bottle’s actual purpose is to make using hydrogen peroxide for house cleaning easier (search on Pinterest will offer suggestions on what exactly to use it on) the fact that it makes disinfecting my tortured body easier too is just a happy accident.  No pun intended.

* “Aren’t you suppose to be all graceful and junk in that class you take?  Aren’t ballerina’s good at balance?” (Perhaps not an exact quote but this is how I remember it.)  Sigh … yes.   First of all let’s get one thing straight.  I’m not a ballerina.  Sure my exercise of choice utilizes a barre but, tragically enough, it is used mostly to help balance yourself while you do near to impossible exercises.  I’m extra clumsy in Bar Method class.  I ALMOST fall over at least 1/2 dozen times a session.  Every class starts with leg raises (just march really … that’s all it is … marching).  Which I constantly fumble at.  After basic bicep and shoulder work you move to a position that was created by the devil.  You stand with your feet parallel then move one foot (let’s say right) back and turn it out a bit.  Then you lean over at the waist, roll your shoulders down and pull them together, align you neck, hold in your stomach, open up your chest, lift your right arm (in this case) above your hip as high as you can while keeping your shoulders and hips level, then straighten your arm as much as possible.  Once you get all that together you spend the next 3 minutes or so going through little arm motions continuing to keep it above your hip and as straight as possible.  You can use the mirrors around you in the room to make sure your back is flat (which is what really kills me) and that your shoulders are level (which they probably aren’t).  Each time I check a mirror I don’t gracefully return my gaze down to a few inches ahead of my toes, as suggested.  I bobble my way back to position barely making it there without tripping over my own feet.  There are a number of times during heel raises (is what it sounds like … raise up on your toes and down a bunch of times) and stretching where you are encouraged to “take a balance.”  Every now and then a nice supportive teacher will call me out and tell me to give a balance a try.  In my head I scoff at her/him and think, “Yah right.  I almost fell over and died when I put my leg on the bar for stretch earlier.  I know you saw that.”

photo (16)So there you go.  I am destined to be covered in bumps, bruises and scrapes.  I have a number of dog related paw sized bruises and nail scrapes but right now my big issue comes from falling down on my hike with the dogs on Tue.  We were coming down the trail from the Griffith Park Observatory.  Wide path.  Very little incline.  No reason at all to fall.  I stepped wrong, twisted my ankle, and fell down on hands and knees.  To add insult to injury NO ONE came to help me and/or check on me.  5 people actually walked by me without saying a thing.  Can you imagine?  Oh well at least I had the dogs.  Nope!  Riggins, who is normally very loyal in these situations, just kept walking down the hill with Asscher following (after she tried to steal my hat when I was down on the ground).  Only little Creature stayed to keep me company as I picked myself back up.  From this incident I have an ankle that hurts and a giant scrape on my right knee.  The burn  and chunk of missing skin on my finger from crafts a couple of weeks ago is still healing and, if hit wrong, hurting.  Then Tuesday as I was dropping off Asscher at home I parked on a steep incline.  I got out of the car and moved to open the back door for her as my door swung itself closed into the back of my head.  That’s right folks.  For the second time in less than a year I hit myself in the head with my own car door.  I screamed, “YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.” when it happened.  Then, while cooking dinner for my friend, I casually cut my finger while chopping something.  I estimate this happens about 33.33% of the time I have a knife in my hand.

I suppose the lesson here is stay far away from me and if you do get close make sure you have a first aid kit packed somewhere on your person!

(My clumsy self.  One of my favorite topics was also written about here.  In case you want/need to read more.)

Camping Menu

08 Monday Jul 2013

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photo (12)This past holiday weekend my Dad, Mom, Riggins and I drove my folk’s motor home to my sister’s families house in Oakhurst, CA (just outside of Yosemite). From there we drove a short distance to Bass Lake to spend the 4th of July at a campground. My dad does a great job of reserving early so we get the perfect camp site that can easily fit all of us and is just a short walk to the lake.

For the camping portion of our trip I was in charge of the menus. Partially because I volunteered but I also think my family didn’t want to hear me moaning and groaning about my stomach hurting after each meal. My stomach tends to get angry at 1/2 the things I try to eat. My taste buds and stomach DO NOT get along! Like any good social networker I turned to Pinterest for fun, yummy, and camp appropriate recipes. I thought I’d share them with you:

Lunch #1 – Tuna Macaroni Salad. (I skip the onion — because I don’t like it.) I actually make a batch of this at home every once in a while and eat it for lunches for a week. It’s super yummy. I usually use “Smart Pasta” because I like to fool myself that it makes it better for me. For the camping trip I used vegetable bowtie pasta and it was pretty delicious. Honestly the only reason why I used that kind of pasta, is because the day I went shopping was super hot and I was sick of running errands. By the time I got to Target (my last stop before the grocery store) I had given up and decided God put grocery stores inside Targets for a reason and who was I to question him?

Dinner #1 – Grilled Chicken and Fruit Foil Dinner. This one I have to be honest … I didn’t really follow the recipe. The grocery store didn’t have pears so I substituted with plums and apricots. The plums were delicious while the apricots where a bit tart. I also didn’t use dried sage leaves because I’m just not that fancy. Foil packs are the perfect camping dinner. You pile in some food into foil, wrap it up, and stick it in the coals. Tada! Dinner! I didn’t know how long to leave them in so made up a time when my dad asked me. Probably 45 minutes ish … maybe it was 30. I don’t know. Chicken scares me so I tend to over cook it. Just check it every now and then and pull it out when it seems good. I really liked these but they definitely didn’t win any “best of” awards.

Dessert#1 – Campfire Cones. Hells ya! These were the bestest in the westest. Take a sugar cone, stuff it with yummy stuff (we used pieces of marshmallows, pieces of Hershey bars, and strawberries), wrap up in foil, and throw on coals for a bit (no idea of the time … we let them cook until we couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to eat them). I like these better than S’mores (gasp). They were a big hit.

Lunch #2 – Lunch boxes. We needed something we could take down to the lake to eat so my sister and I sneaked (I originally wrote “snuck” but spell check didn’t like that word. I Googled it to see if it was right and just happened to be on the Google images page from a previous search. A TON of boobies came up. Why? Explain please. What am I missing? Snuck. How is that equal nudie time? Am I missing something obvious????) away from the water pre-lunch to put together our individual lunch boxes. We used regular Tupperware and cupcake liners (not the silicone ones — regular paper ones). Depending on who you were your box contained some of the following:

  • cheese slices
  • crackers
  • apple slices
  • spinach & kale dip (If my dad asks you kale is just lettuce. It was tough enough getting him to continue to eat the dip after he learned it was made with yogurt. He wouldn’t be able to handle the honesty of kale.)
  • trail mix
  • pepperoni
  • turkey lunch meat

I dropped in a little bubble container (party give away size) in each one (different colors) to be able to identify whose was whose. Go on to Pinterest and search “lunch boxes” and you will see some real food art! We weren’t that fancy. We plopped ingredients in individual cupcake wrappers and shoved them in a container.

Dinner #2 – Sweet and Sour Turkey Meatballs Foil Dinner. The link to this recipe isn’t at all what I used but it was how I thought of the dinner so I’ll give them credit. In lazy mode I had my dad purchase premade/precooked turkey meatballs. Why not? It just makes the entire dinner prep that much easier! My mom and I put 4 meatballs on foil, topped them with a handful of pineapple, some red onion and sweet and sour sauce. Then we wrapped them up and stuck them in the coals to heat. That’s it! These dinners were really good and everyone’s favorite (except my Dad’s who doesn’t like pineapple. Add that to the yogurt dip mishap and he may not allow me to be in charge of the menu ever again.).

Dessert #2 – Campfire Cake. Sooo …. I’ve done this now …. don’t have to do that again. They were good but not at all worth the effort. First my mom and I took the time to scoop out the oranges. A task I’m afraid we both failed at. My mom insisted there had to be a way to get all the pulp out while I had long since given up and said “good enough” at a certain point. She finally fell in line with my thinking and we semi dug out the pulp in enough oranges for everyone. image (15)Somehow my dad and I choose the juiciest oranges on the planet and a good portion of juice and pulp ended up all over the front of my shirt and shorts. I was afraid the bugs would find me even more delicious with orange sauce so I covered myself with bug spray to keep them off the scent (it was too much trouble to go change). I did this spraying out side in the open which I learned was necessary from a small incident the night before when I sprayed myself in the motor home and set off some sort of secret fire alarm thing that my dad didn’t even know existed. Ooops. Back to the cake. I poured in cake mix, wrapped it up, and stuck it in the fire. Honestly they weren’t great so I give these a big thumbs down. Just make the cake the old fashioned way and be done with it. You also end up with a bowl full of orange guts. I was a good little girl and ate oranges during dinner that night and lunch the next day. My dad managed to gulp down some juice as well. Post camping lunch when I put them on the table for everyone to eat my dad let his real feelings show upon cleaning up when he said, “let’s just throw this orange shit away.” Done!

Snack – Cowboy Caviar. I’ve told you before this dip is delicious and I’ll tell you again … it’s delicious. As far as I’m concerned no party, social gathering, or camping trip should be without it. Make it. Eat it. You’ll be happy you did.

So there you go! Some of these will make it on the next camping trip menu while others will be ditched making room for some new ones. What camping meal do you like that I can try next time?

Be Badass

12 Wednesday Jun 2013

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image (4)You know when you see something on Pinterest you want to make so you have to then make up a reason why you need to do it?  That happened to me yesterday.  For awhile know I’ve seen wall hangings that had sayings written in hot glue and then painted monochrome (monochromatic … ahh I don’t know which is correct … one color).  I wanted to try making one!

I just had to think of a worthy recipient!  One of my good friends is sort of amazing maybe a little bit crazy but in an amazing way.  She is not just a marathon runner but an ultra marathon runner.  I didn’t even realize those existed until she started participating in them.  She recently told me she was going to be running a 50 mile race in Catalina.  50 MILES … ON AN MOUNTAIN FILLED ISLAND.  WHAT???????  She does a marathon every year on Catalina and last year I came with and ran a 10K.  Just over 6ish miles up and down hills.  AAAAAAHHHHHH.  She looked better after finishing her 26ish miles than I did after my “run”.  Now she is planning to almost double that distance.  That deserves some words of encouragement!

photo (6)I rushed to my craft closet(s) (which desperately needs to be organized as I found my glue gun in the first box I looked in but the glue was in the last) then to Michael’s to gather what I needed:

  • hot glue gun
  • hot glue
  • spray paint (for a canvas you only need a small can unless you want to use the rest for tagging later that day)
  • canvas (50% off at Michael’s right now)
  • pencil (harder to find in my house than you would think)

Although there are numerous examples of this craft on Pinterest I couldn’t find one with instructions.  How hard could it be?  Here is what I did:

  1. I printed out on the computer what I wanted to write so I would have something to refer to
  2. To act professional I first wrote on the canvas with pencil.  Tips to learn from my mistakes – hot glue is harder to manipulate than your pencil.  Put more space between letters and then you think you need.  After a while I pretty much ignored my pencil markings
  3. Then I grabbed my glue gun and went at it!  Tips to learn from my mistakes – treat the glue gun like a paint pen holding it perpendicular to the canvas.  Don’t touch the tip to the canvas but hold it away so you can get a nice clear 3d effect.  When writing letters act like you are teaching a kindergartener by making each line individual and picking up your “pen” after each movement.
  4. As you know hot glue dries fast (so don’t make mistakes) which makes it even more image (3)fun.  I need instant gratification!  When I was finished with my wording I used my finger to scrub off any glue “webs” between letters.  Tips to learn from my mistakes – this is a much more important step than I realized.  Do it well.  I’d suggest getting an old toothbrush or something and really scrubbing off any signs of webs.
  5. Then I grabbed some magazines to cover up the patio, told the dogs to stay away or they’d become a different color, and spray painted the top and sides.  That was pretty fun.

1/2 hour later I went back to get it and tada!  Art!

be brave

be strong

be badass

be you!

Good suggestions for all of us!

P.S. My mom asked why I didn’t center it.  I choose to be artistically off-center starting at the bottom left and working up.  To be honest I did this because I knew it would be a pain in the butt to actually center correctly.

Bananas Two Ways

15 Wednesday May 2013

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photoYou guys I’m zonked.  That’s the only word that accurately describes how I feel.  Monday I gave up being sick and made my way to the doctor who prescribed me cough medicine and anitbiotics.  I’m sure the cough medicine was prescribed due to my whining about non-stop coughing and inability to sleep.  I may have even begged, “please help me sleep.”  My doctor took that to heart and ordered me a cough medicine with a dash of sleeping potion.  Honestly I can’t tell you what was dream or real over the past 48 hours.  It’s all fuzzy.  My whole body feels like it’s being pulled down by that lead blanket they put on you before taking x-rays.

I’m starting to feel better and I’ve held off taking the sleeping potion all day so I’m a little less foggy than I was yesterday.  I may even be able to vacuum or do the dishes today.  Nah … at the very least I can push around my lead filled wrists and fingers to write a blog post!

I’ve told you before I’m not a fan of bananas.  In fact just saying the name makes me gag a little.  Sadly bananas are good for you and I’m convinced that with a combination of greek yogurt, honey, applesauce and bananas you can pretty much sub out any of the bad things in any baked item for something healthier.  Oddly enough I do like banana bread.  Putting banana in bread form makes the evil mushy fruit edible, even delicious!  When I was on Pinterest recently I found a couple of banana based recipes I thought I’d try.  Hence this post.  Bananas two was (the good way and the bad way).

The good way – Banana Oatmeal Cookies (aka Germ Cookies) – Monday I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted to eat.   Nothing sounded appetizing.  That is when I noticed the bananas on my counter were at the “very ripe” stage and decided to whip up a batch of cookies.  I’ve made these before so I knew that they would be worth the trouble of standing up and forcing myself into the kitchen.  There are many versions of this cookie on Pinterest so I’m not sure who to give credit to.  You actually don’t need a recipe.  Mush up 2 bananas, add a cup of oats, mix, put blobs on a cookie sheet and back at 350 for 15 minutes.  Done!  The first time I added white chocolate chips and coconut (because it was in the same place as the white chocolate chips and seemed like a good idea).  The second time I added another banana and another cup of oats, then when the cookies where almost done I plopped a chocolate melt on top.  My goal was to have the melt, “melt” all over the cookie so that it was covered in chocolate.  I used this method because I was lazy and zapped of energy from cough syrup.  It didn’t work.  You are better off using chocolate chips inside or melting the “melt” and dipping the tops of the cookies in the chocolate.  Don’t worry.  I still ate them!  As I was mushing the bananas and mixing in the oats I kept coughing and sniffling hence the nickname, “germ cookies.”  You don’t have to use that name if you don’t want to.  I really like these cookies and I have essentially lived on them since Monday.  I figure oats and bananas can’t make them that bad.

The bad way – Banana Pancakes – Seriously I’m almost embarrassed to write this up.  It was such a giant fail it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  The recipe for banana pancakes is easy.  Take an egg, mix in a mushed up banana and pretend it is pancake batter.  I’m shaking my head at myself as I write this.  As I was mixing the two ingredients together it became clear to me that the only thing I was making was scrambled eggs with banana.  There is NOTHING less appetizing than scrambled eggs with banana.  As I cooked my “pancakes” I tried to put that thought aside and tell myself they were a delicious fluffy breakfast treat.  I didn’t have any syrup around and putting powdered sugar on my mini banana omelets seemed like a bad idea so I dug in with my fork and a clear mind, then proceeded to move to the trash can, spit out everything in my mouth and dump the rest of the contents on the plate in after it.  WORSE PANCAKES EVER.  You can’t even call them pancakes. They are blatantly banana omelets and NO ONE thinks that is a good idea.

If you have “very ripe” bananas on your counter may I suggest turning them into cookies and skip the creepy pancake omelet.

Pinterest Recipe Update

19 Friday Apr 2013

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image (4)I first posted some of my successful Pinterest cooking experiments awhile back. I’ve tried a few more and wanted to get you the 411. There are some really funny blogs out there of Pinterest fails. The theme being, the blogger will attempt something off Pinterest and then showcase their failed creation. They are hilarious. They also make me feel pretty cocky. After all, my attempts have, overall, turned out pretty good. If I’m to be honest with myself (and who likes to do that) it is because I’m picking easier things than these comedian bloggers. I’m having an annoying day … on my last nerve and boarding on a menace to society … so let’s just give me this one … okay?

CAULIFLOWER FRIED RICE – I made this last night. Giovanna was coming over to study Algebra and those nights demand food and tea (which we sometimes substitute with wine). More on Giovanna’s night in a second. First dinner. I had NO FAITH at all that this would turn out. None. Zero. Zilch. I could not have been more wrong. This stuff is DELICIOUS and actually does taste like fried rice. Perhaps a little earthier tasting but could easily fool a child and my dad (if he didn’t see you making it). What a crazy healthy meal! I’m so impressed with this I can’t push it hard enough on you. Try it. I’m going to be honest with you … I didn’t measure anything. I had shredded (via my trusty food processor) a small head of cauliflower and was planning to use it all. I just estimated ingredient amounts around the mound of white faux rice. Worked like a charm. A few other tweaks, I hate onions so didn’t use them. I hate egg yolks so just used whites. Finally I added shredded chicken. Delicious!

Okay back to Giovanna. I had told Giovanna how adorable our houseguest Lousy is and had no doubts that he would love my fellow dog loving friend. When she came in I had Lousy and Riggins outside and once settled I went to go let them in. Riggins made a beeline for one of his favorite people with Lousy close behind. I, being human with only two legs, was a bit further behind. Next thing I know all hell was breaking loose in my

Pictorial proof that Lousy is actually a cuddle monster.

Pictorial proof that Lousy is actually a cuddle monster.

dinning room. Lousy had gone into kill mode and was mean growling and biting in Giovanna’s direction. The poor woman leapt onto my dinning room table to save herself. By the time I got there Lousy had felt his duty was done and had left the room. When I called him back to scold him (Giovanna still on the table — I really wish I had a picture of that) he strutted in like he was the star and was shocked when he was forced to lay down on his side with my hand at his throat. He totally didn’t understand why he was being marched back outside where he was forced to stay alone for the rest of the night. Every time I checked on him he was sitting exactly where I left him looking toward the back door with sorrowful eyes. My assumption is that Lousy thought Giovanna was an intruder and went on attack to save the house, his bff Riggins, and me. Not a bad quality for a dog …. unless that intruder is actually one of your really good friends. Although it isn’t surprising for a dog to be protective of his space, humans and things it is a little odd that Lousy is so bonded considering it isn’t really his house, his brother, nor am I really his human. I also stand by my statement that Lousy is one of the cuddle-ist dogs I’ve ever meant. If he had his way he would spend all day in my lap. Lesson for all — if a dog has teeth he/she can always bite, so be careful. Learn the signs of a dog in distress so you know when to back off and when all else fails be sure you have a dinning room table nearby to climb up on!

BROCCOLI GRAPE HARVEST SALAD – I made this. It was okay, not great. I left out the grapes which I suppose could have been the big problem. Grapes/raisins are poisonous to dogs so my house is grape free. I’m also not sold on the “yogurt can be used as a substitute for mayo” thing. Yogurt is disgusting and makes me gag. Mayo is sent down from the gods to make salads and sandwiches delicious. Now that I look at the recipe again I didn’t really follow it at all. Maybe it is better if you actually do what they say.

PEANUT BUTTER COCONUT CUPS – These were freakin’ awesome! Peanut butter, oats, and coconut … oh my! It’s like someone took items from my favorite food list and stuck them in a food processor and then smashed them into a cupcake tin! Add chocolate and the dream is complete! I used milk chocolate and didn’t care about it being raw or whatever it is they suggest. You already know I keep coconut oil for slathering on my body and don’t cook with it. I used olive oil, but just a tiny bit. Finally I didn’t have maple syrup so used honey … and, as usual, gave up measuring as soon as the first ingredient hit the bowl. These things are a good time …. you should make them.

ZUCCHINI FRITTERS – These were yummy too. You could probably call them hash browns and trick your kids and my dad (if he didn’t see you make them). A little cakey but there is a good chance I put too much flour in them. They did well in a Tupperware and put in the fridge to eat the next day. Thumbs up on veggie hash browns!

ROASTED CHICKPEAS – I was looking for a popcorn replacement and came up with these. They take an annoyingly long time but if you can wait they are delicious. I did nothing it said short of use chickpeas, oil, and an oven. For seasoning I used some California Mix I picked up at Ralphs. Fancy … I know.

CROCK POT BAKED POTATOES – The fact that these even have a recipe is hilarious. BUT I can never get my baked potatoes made the old fashioned way or even the nuked way, to turn out well. These were delicious! Seriously … super yummy. My stomach had been really causing me issues a week or so ago and baked potatoes with veggies on top was the only thing that sounded good. Stop shrinking back due to your hatred toward the evil carb-by baked potato. They have some good qualities and if you are going to eat them might as well make them good! I added olive oil & some salt before wrapping them up in tinfoil. These are one of the recipes where I think afterwards, “huh .. that worked … shocking.”

There you go. Maybe you can try some of these this weekend. Have fun and stay away with any dogs that have teeth!

 

Thumbs Down to Dirty Birds

11 Thursday Apr 2013

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Riggins chillin' on the "locked" bed. I had just gone running which makes me sweaty and delicious.

Riggins chillin’ on the “locked” bed. I had just gone running which makes me sweaty and delicious.

When I decided to quit my job my biggest concern wasn’t how Riggins and I would survive with no income … it was how I was going to survive without my cleaning lady. I LOVE my cleaning lady. I love her more than almost any other human I know. She has been with me through numerous apartments and has been loyal to me longer than any man I’ve ever dated. Telling her that I couldn’t pay her until I got a new job was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I almost cried. I have a friend who once said she would rather go without food than go without her cleaning lady. Who can blame her? Food only allows you to survive. Your cleaning lady allows you to be happy!

What was I going to do? I simply can not live in filth. To be able to breathe I need vacuumed carpets and clean counters. The only option I had was to … gasp … do it myself. I am NOT a domestic goddess. I strongly dislike housework. Not that anyone loves it but I SERIOUSLY dislike it. I’m really good at throwing crap out. I can do that all day long but the actual scrubbing and cleaning. No thanks!

Speaking of throwing crap out. You’d think I would make a great hoarders therapist don’t you? You’d be wrong. First of all I can’t even watch the show Hoarders on A&E. It honestly gives me the chills and makes me gag. WHO WOULD LIVE LIKE THAT? WHO????? I saw part of an episode once where some guy thought throwing away his dog’s shed hair would kill the dog. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT KIND OF HAIR HOUSE I’D LIVE IN IF I THOUGHT THAT WAS TRUE????? Gross. Gross with a capital GR. I’d have no patience for those people. I realize they are sick and have a condition and blah blah blah but you can bet I’d have to be dragged out of there kicking and screaming, “that stack of newspapers means nothing … NOTHING … BURN THE PLACE DOWN!!!!” I actually have a brilliant plan for any hoarders therapist/cleaner helper person. This is what I’d do. After introductions and shock/awe at the state of their living conditions I’d make them a bet. They can be all weird about ever single scrap of paper and empty ketchup bottle UNTIL I find a dead animal. Any dead animal. Then all bets are off. They have to vacate the premises and I get to throw crap out willy nilly. They will come back to a nice clean house that will stay that way for at least a good week. Sure they won’t be “cured” but really how often do those shows really cure people? Brilliant right? They ALWAYS say there is no way something is dead in their house and there is ALWAYS a cat or rat corpse. ALWAYS! GRRRRROOOOSSS!

Brilliant daily chore chart.

Brilliant daily chore chart.

Back to me. I’m no good at dedicating an entire day to cleaning. It just isn’t going to happen and that only keeps my house clean for a day or two so what is the point? Pinterest to the rescue (as always). I found lots of suggestions on Pinterest on how to do a chore a day so that you have a rotating cleaning schedule. I thought I’d give it a shot. To keep my chore list close to me and top of mind I put it on my phone. I’ve been doing it for a few weeks now and I’m sold! My house is never super-duper crazy clean but it is always tidy and clean enough! Of course I cheat and skip a day or two. Honestly I’ve only dusted once because dusting is boring. I could bump my vacuuming up to two times a week but that isn’t going to happen. I do have a few time-saving tips that I’m happy to share:

* Get rid of your husband and kids. I realize this works well for me because it’s just Riggins and me. Men and kids are dirty.

* Move to a smaller house. I live in a two bedroom one bath. That helps a lot!

* Quit your day job. Really frees up your time and gives you the chance at a higher daily chore success rate.

* If you have a Riggins “lock” your bed and sofa. This means covering locations Riggins sits and sheds with a sheet. Sure it doesn’t look great but if company pops over then you can pull that sheet off and have a clean bed/sofa. LIKE A MAGICIAN. TADA! (Although I usually just leave the sheet on. Less trouble.)

Dirt from one pass through my living room. DIE DIRT .... DIE!

Dirt from one pass through my living room. DIE DIRT …. DIE!

* Get a good vacuum. I heart a good vacuum. I’ve been obsessed with Dyson since it became a brand. I want everything they make. Sadly each item is approximately 1 zillion dollars. For my birthday lots of friends got me Target gift cards so I could get me a fancy Dyson. I got a Shark instead. To be more specific a Shark Rotator 3-in-1 Lift Away Vacuum. I just couldn’t pull the trigger on a zillion dollar dirt sucker. The Shark is still the most expensive vacuum I’ve ever owned and about $200 less than its Dyson rival. It got great reviews so I figured I’d give it a shot. I used it for the first time this week. I love it. It’s my new favorite thing in the entire world! (BTW no need to get one with all the attachments. I’ve used 2 and figure I may get as high as 4 but really they just get lost making them useless.) One crazy reviewer vacuumed her house first with her old unit then with her new Shark. Just to see how much more filth was picked up. There was no way I am crazy enough to vacuum my house twice. I barely have the stamina to do it once. I’ll take her word for it.

* Don’t dust. Okay this isn’t true. I really need to dust.

There you go! That is how you successfully keep a clean(ish) house! I’m not getting rid of my other vacuum. If I was a hoarder I’d collect (doesn’t seem so bad when you call it a collection) dogs and vacuums. I may be crazy but at least my carpet would be clean!

Magic Oil

04 Thursday Apr 2013

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Coconut oil is magic. I know this because Pinterest told me so and Pinterest would never ever lie to me. A quick Google or Pinterest search should give you an impressive list of uses for this magic oil, many of which I wouldn’t try because I would never think of it and/or the use is just dumb. For example, many will list it as a natural sunscreen of a huge giant SPF of 4ish. 4???? 4???? I slather spf 70 on my face and 50 on my body and I still manage to get burned/tanned/sun damaged. 4???? Don’t make me laugh. I suppose if I was stranded on a desert island with no hope of rescue I’d take a coconut and rub it all over me just to pass some time, but really that’s it.

There is also lots of advice on what kind of coconut oil you should use. I bought the Trader Joe’s a couple of times. The bottle contains the buzz words “organic” and “virgin” so it sounded good to me. Last time I purchased some I was too lazy to make a trip to Trader Joe’s so tossed the brand they have at Ralphs into my cart. The only ingredient listed is coconut oil so that was good enough for me. Works fine. I see/feel no difference.

My use for coconut oil is limited to my hair and body. I tried cooking with it once but it was annoying to measure and liquefying took patience I just don’t have as a chef. Coconut oil will be solid in most of our homes only liquefying at 77 degrees-ish (I could be wrong on the exact temperature … I said “ish” to remain safe and honest.) and above. Before I use it I usually stick the container under some hot running water to liquefy enough for me to slather all over myself. One genius blogger said she keeps hers in the shower and by the time she is finished getting clean it is warm enough to use. Brilliant! That’s now where mine is kept.

Here are my main reasons I like coconut oil:

  • It’s a wonderful hair conditioner. Kinda brilliant in fact. Before going to bed slap some on your head and work it into your scalp/hair. The next morning, after rinsing it out, you will be amazed at your soft locks. The first thing people ask is how you can sleep in bed with a head full of oil. For one, you aren’t dipping your head in it. You put some in your hand and work it around. There isn’t enough to cause any problems. If you don’t believe me put a towel on your pillow. My other tip, if you are worried, do this the night before you change your sheets.
  • As a skin conditioner it works really well. Not the best in the land but pretty good. In fact it has helped the bumps on my upper arms. In the past I’ve used keratosis pilaris lotion along with any other lotion I could get my hands on. Nothing worked that well. The KP lotion was the best but it kinda smells like you are burning your skin off. The other day I noticed that after using coconut oil for a couple of months the bumps are a lot less noticeable. Plus it is much nicer to smell like a mai tai then a burn victim.
  • The number one reason I like using coconut oil for a skin moisturizer is that it makes Round back with Riggins. Strong leg and ab Bar Method muscles allows you to put your dog with your feet!doing round back in Bar Method easier. Hear me out. There is an exercise in Bar Method called round back that targets slimming and elongating your legs as well as working your arm and abs. You sit in front of the wall with your butt a foot or so away so you can lean back against the wall on your shoulders. Then you put one floor flat on the floor and the other lifted as high and as straight as possible. Finally you push both your hands up into the barre over your head. I think round back is one of, if not the most, effective leg tapering exercises in Bar Method. Unfortunately you do need the barre so it isn’t something you can do at home. Anyway, once your leg is as high and as STRAIGHT as you can get it you go through a series of lifts and extends that test your mental endurance not to mention make the top of your thigh (among other things) quiver with the intense effort. In between the 30 one inch lifts or 40 small extends or 30 tiny circles you get to hold back on for a 1/2 of a second to your ankle for a quick reset. This is where coconut oil comes in. when I use lotion on my legs, even if it is hours before, the lotion is doing its job and therefore my hand slips right off my leg. I can’t get a grip which means no short time-out for me! Coconut oil will soak completely into your skin. This doesn’t happen right away so don’t run to take as shower, cover yourself in oil, and then get angry at me because you are all slippery. Give it 30 minutes or so and you will no longer feel like a human slip and slide. Coconut oil allows me to get a firm grip on my ankle and take that miniscule time out that gets me through the rest of the exercise.

    The correct way to do round back. If you are super fancy, like the founder of Bar Method in the blue tank, you can be cool and put your non-working let straight out vs. on the floor. Source.

    source


So there you go! Give the stuff a shot and let me know why you like/hate it.

39 Acts of Kindness – 6, 7 and 8

26 Tuesday Feb 2013

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I’m on a roll now! You can’t stop the niceness from oozing out of me. Here are today’s Wendy Kindness Bombs:

photo (4)#6 – Treats for the postman. I had decided to leave a refreshing drink and a nutritious apple for my mailman and then glanced over and saw the M&M’s (the other day I raided the 99 cent store while on the hunt for niceness ammo) staring at me and had to throw them in. No one deserves chocolate more than that poor man. Every single time he comes to my door to bravely bring me my mail Riggins charges into the screen door aggressively barking as if the mailman was Satan himself. I definitely needed to include the chocolate!

#7 – Treats for two cuties. Last night I backed some delicious (I sampled one so can say this with certainty) chocolate chip cookies for two sweet boys. Today after school they will come home to a yummy treat! I didn’t want these to be just any boring cookie so I made them cake mix cookies. Although there are many different versions of this recipe on Pinterest I used this one http://tinyurl.com/b8kmhzr, because it was easiest. Personally I thought there were too many chocolate chips but I have a feeling the boys won’t have a problem with that.

#8 – Treats for the puppers. I’m sure by now you realize that my love for dogs is greater than my love for some humans. This makes it super easy to do nice things for them! I packed up some doggie treats and added a note letting owners know they should take one for now and one to hand out on the trail. This morning as we entered Runyon, Riggins and I duct taped the bag to the announcement board at the trailhead. I grabbed a few treats and gave them out to the owners that where around. Their dogs seemed mighty appreciative! Why the owners and not the dogs themselves? Glad you asked. Because Riggins forgot we were doing nice things and lashed out at one poor sweet dog as I was trying to give him a bone. Riggins can sometimes be protective of his treats and his water bowl. Apparently he felt he deserved the entire bag of treats and there was no reason he should share.

Speaking of Riggins look at that picture of him with the treat bag. Have you ever seen a more pathetic look on a dog’s face? He was in trouble for not obeying me earlier in his photo shoot. I felt so bad after seeing the picture that I not only gave him a treat but played the ball game with him in an attempt to get him to perk up. (Video of the ball game below for your enjoyment.)

I’ve packaged up a couple more Wendy Kindness Bombs that I need to drop in the mail. I’ve decided that I’m going to delay posting about things I mail to give them some time to get to their recipient.

(I wonder if that last paragraph will get me on some sort of government watch list.)

Acts of Kindness Roll-Call:

To be continued …

Lesson in Failure

27 Sunday Jan 2013

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Before I dive into how I failed let’s start on a positive note.  Look who read my post (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/beautiful-inside-and-out/) and responded!  Well her or someone with access to her Twitter account.62314_10200476591017263_1938208159_n (2)

That’s right!  Ann freakin’ Curry.  Isn’t that exciting?  It made me giddy!  Her response reminds me that I sent Dr. Drew a link to a post where I not only talk about him but told you ‘all to subscribe to his podcast (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/the-best-medicine/).  That’s worth a shout out by him right?  Just a tiny one?  Fine.  I’m done with him.  … … … Oh who am I kidding?  I still love him!  He is a lickable dreamcicle with a creamy center made of logic and medically sound advice.  Despite his shunning me I will continue to believe everything he says without question.

Now back to the topic at hand and why you tuned into this broadcast — to hear about my failure.  Well my friend last night was a homemaker/crafter disaster zone in my house.  It was only a matter of time before Pinterest wronged me.  I had such a good record happening and the run was bound to end at some point (read about successes https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/if-i-can-do-it-you-can/.  Speaking of successes I made this the other day and it was delicious – http://skinnyms.com/slow-cooker-macaroni-and-cheese/.)  Last night I decided to make my mom a birthday cake.  Easy enough right?  Wrong.  I was smart enough not to make the entire thing from scratch and instead went for the cake mix + can of soda technique.  I’ve made cake this way before so I know it works.  Not to mention I was experiencing an extreme headache due to caffeine withdrawal and this gave me an excuse to buy a six-pack of delicious caffeine rich soda.  It just taste like chocolate cake with a kick of diet coke.  It isn’t the real southern soda cake, which includes a long and tedious list of ingredients (well to me it is long), but instead the So. Cal fake version.  I DID decide I was going to make the coke glaze to put over it (recipe here – http://mayflaum.com/2011/06/08/the-chocolate-cola-cake/).  That was my first fatal mistake!

Now while I was in the grocery story I did glance over at the unsweetened cocoa powder that the recipe calls for.  4+ bucks.  Are they insane?  I’m not paying 4+ bucks for something I need 1/4 of a cup of.  Now I realize to you 4+ bucks may not seem like a lot but let’s remember I’m unemployed with zero income.  I had regular cocoa at home.  I’d make that work.  Mistake number two.  Liquid sugar.  That’s what I made.

In my attempt to make up for the sweetness my cocoa was adding I didn’t include as much confectioners’ sugar.  It seemed so logical at the time.  Looking back, mistake number three.  I just made really watery liquid sugar.

For some reason when I poured the cake into the suggested pan size it seemed like the cake was going to be more of a flat bread since the batter barely covered the bottom.  No worries.  I’m smart remember?  I just shoved the cake from that pan into a nice small 8×8 one.  Mistake number four.  The cake was 1/2 the size which meant I had twice as much liquid sugar.  I mean glaze.  Twice as much glaze (it soooooo wasn’t glaze).

Finally when the cake came out I didn’t pop it out of its pan and onto a cooling tray where any extra sugar-water could artistically drip down the sides.  Not that I own a cooling tray.  Nah.  I just poured that concoction right over the top of the cake and watched as it quickly drizzled and then ran and then pooled down the sides between the cake and the pan.  Mistake number … I’ve lost count.

Because I’m a genius who deserves a treat I waited a bit and cut myself a big ol’ slice.  Admittedly it didn’t look right or at least nothing like the picture.  In fact it didn’t seem to have any glaze on it at all.  Once I cut into it the whole thing seemed a bit goopy, which was odd because the cake was definitely well cooked.  After 1 bite I realized all the glaze — ALL OF IT — was now soaked and soaking the bottom of the cake.  My lovely birthday surprise for my mom was now essentially a diabetic inducing chocolate bread pudding.  Blah!  Looking back all my mistakes seem obvious.  At the time I was oblivious to my own stupidity.

In between cake cooking, eating, and gagging I was attempting to make her a beaded bracelet.  This should have taken me all of 15 minutes.  Instead I strung all the beads only to realize it was way to big so took off most of the beads to start over (there was a fancy charm in the middle so it had to be centered).  Then I made the entire thing only to realize, as I tried to put it on, that I had used two different size clasps on each end.  So I cut the wire and started again from the beginning.  After remaking the entire thing I was thrilled to have it completed only to realize I put a jump ring (which I hate doing as I’m no good at it so was reeeeeaaaaallly careful to do it well) on the center charm (this allows the charm to fall the correct direction) when it wasn’t needed.  That means the center fancy charm would always hang sideways.  I was done.  I added it to my present as is.  I told my mom I’d be happy to remake it once it started to bother her but it wasn’t going to happen last night!

Finally I decided to fold a pocket in the wrapping paper to store my Mom’s card (like this – http://navybeanonline.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-to-make-pocket-wrapping-paper.html).  Not hard right?  Apparently difficult for me.  It took me waaaaayyyy too long to make a silly little fold.  The first piece of wrapping paper fought me and then ended up being too small.  The second piece of paper I finally got to work and then realized the “pocket” was too deep.  I used it anyway.

I gave it all up and went to bed.  Sometimes that is just the right answer!