Before I dive into how I failed let’s start on a positive note.  Look who read my post (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/beautiful-inside-and-out/) and responded!  Well her or someone with access to her Twitter account.

That’s right!  Ann freakin’ Curry.  Isn’t that exciting?  It made me giddy!  Her response reminds me that I sent Dr. Drew a link to a post where I not only talk about him but told you ‘all to subscribe to his podcast (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/the-best-medicine/).  That’s worth a shout out by him right?  Just a tiny one?  Fine.  I’m done with him.  … … … Oh who am I kidding?  I still love him!  He is a lickable dreamcicle with a creamy center made of logic and medically sound advice.  Despite his shunning me I will continue to believe everything he says without question.

Now back to the topic at hand and why you tuned into this broadcast — to hear about my failure.  Well my friend last night was a homemaker/crafter disaster zone in my house.  It was only a matter of time before Pinterest wronged me.  I had such a good record happening and the run was bound to end at some point (read about successes https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/if-i-can-do-it-you-can/.  Speaking of successes I made this the other day and it was delicious – http://skinnyms.com/slow-cooker-macaroni-and-cheese/.)  Last night I decided to make my mom a birthday cake.  Easy enough right?  Wrong.  I was smart enough not to make the entire thing from scratch and instead went for the cake mix + can of soda technique.  I’ve made cake this way before so I know it works.  Not to mention I was experiencing an extreme headache due to caffeine withdrawal and this gave me an excuse to buy a six-pack of delicious caffeine rich soda.  It just taste like chocolate cake with a kick of diet coke.  It isn’t the real southern soda cake, which includes a long and tedious list of ingredients (well to me it is long), but instead the So. Cal fake version.  I DID decide I was going to make the coke glaze to put over it (recipe here – http://mayflaum.com/2011/06/08/the-chocolate-cola-cake/).  That was my first fatal mistake!

Now while I was in the grocery story I did glance over at the unsweetened cocoa powder that the recipe calls for.  4+ bucks.  Are they insane?  I’m not paying 4+ bucks for something I need 1/4 of a cup of.  Now I realize to you 4+ bucks may not seem like a lot but let’s remember I’m unemployed with zero income.  I had regular cocoa at home.  I’d make that work.  Mistake number two.  Liquid sugar.  That’s what I made.

In my attempt to make up for the sweetness my cocoa was adding I didn’t include as much confectioners’ sugar.  It seemed so logical at the time.  Looking back, mistake number three.  I just made really watery liquid sugar.

For some reason when I poured the cake into the suggested pan size it seemed like the cake was going to be more of a flat bread since the batter barely covered the bottom.  No worries.  I’m smart remember?  I just shoved the cake from that pan into a nice small 8×8 one.  Mistake number four.  The cake was 1/2 the size which meant I had twice as much liquid sugar.  I mean glaze.  Twice as much glaze (it soooooo wasn’t glaze).

Finally when the cake came out I didn’t pop it out of its pan and onto a cooling tray where any extra sugar-water could artistically drip down the sides.  Not that I own a cooling tray.  Nah.  I just poured that concoction right over the top of the cake and watched as it quickly drizzled and then ran and then pooled down the sides between the cake and the pan.  Mistake number … I’ve lost count.

Because I’m a genius who deserves a treat I waited a bit and cut myself a big ol’ slice.  Admittedly it didn’t look right or at least nothing like the picture.  In fact it didn’t seem to have any glaze on it at all.  Once I cut into it the whole thing seemed a bit goopy, which was odd because the cake was definitely well cooked.  After 1 bite I realized all the glaze — ALL OF IT — was now soaked and soaking the bottom of the cake.  My lovely birthday surprise for my mom was now essentially a diabetic inducing chocolate bread pudding.  Blah!  Looking back all my mistakes seem obvious.  At the time I was oblivious to my own stupidity.

In between cake cooking, eating, and gagging I was attempting to make her a beaded bracelet.  This should have taken me all of 15 minutes.  Instead I strung all the beads only to realize it was way to big so took off most of the beads to start over (there was a fancy charm in the middle so it had to be centered).  Then I made the entire thing only to realize, as I tried to put it on, that I had used two different size clasps on each end.  So I cut the wire and started again from the beginning.  After remaking the entire thing I was thrilled to have it completed only to realize I put a jump ring (which I hate doing as I’m no good at it so was reeeeeaaaaallly careful to do it well) on the center charm (this allows the charm to fall the correct direction) when it wasn’t needed.  That means the center fancy charm would always hang sideways.  I was done.  I added it to my present as is.  I told my mom I’d be happy to remake it once it started to bother her but it wasn’t going to happen last night!

Finally I decided to fold a pocket in the wrapping paper to store my Mom’s card (like this – http://navybeanonline.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-to-make-pocket-wrapping-paper.html).  Not hard right?  Apparently difficult for me.  It took me waaaaayyyy too long to make a silly little fold.  The first piece of wrapping paper fought me and then ended up being too small.  The second piece of paper I finally got to work and then realized the “pocket” was too deep.  I used it anyway.

I gave it all up and went to bed.  Sometimes that is just the right answer!