Chemistry.com isn’t like some dating sites. You don’t get to thumb through the entire database looking for models (or liars that post old pictures of themselves) instead they give you matches. You then say if you are interested or not and that person is alerted. As we know I rarely hear back from these “gentlemen”. Recently though I did. Woo hooo! Now you can choose the stupid steps Chemistry gives you of back and forth silly questions and games or you can just send an email. He sent me “5 questions” (5 dumb cookie cutter questions someone at Chemistry.com got paid to think up). I played along, answered his questions and got his answers. Then I was done playing the reindeer games and sent him an email. He ignored that email and sent me the “love it or leave it” (more on that in a sec.). Obviously he likes the games and email scares him. In love it or leave it the person is given 6 computer randomly chosen pictures and you say if you love it or leave it. Then you compare the answers with the other person to see if you should fall madly in love or not. Sigh.

Above is our “comparison”. I’m not sure what this means as I didn’t get a guide into reading silly Chemistry game answers. Obviously we can’t fall madly in love as we didn’t get all 5 matched. Bummer. I’d like to point out I struggled with a few of these as I live in the grey. Not so much black and white. Hot Weather for example. It’s okay to a point but I can’t do extreme heat for long or I’ll either dehydrate and die or become a sweaty ball of ewe (like the Wicked Witch). And “Scented Candles” .. what scent? I can do pumpkin and have numerous ones in the house. I like some scented candles which anyone who has been to my house will know but ‘SCENTED’ = ‘SMELLY’ to me and I don’t want someone showing up to a date with a rose/violet smash scent of allergy sneezing fumes candle coming at me.

See … this game is dumb.

That rarely happens but you tell me what you would say if Chemistry.com matched you up with the following dreamboat:

Headline – DATING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF LIFE BECAUSE WITHOUT IT WE WILL NOT HAVE EXIST

In His Own Words – I AM A YOUNG MAN WHO IS SEPSRATED AND LOKING FOR A NEW PREFERABLE WHITE LADY WHO POLYGAMY MARRIGE IS NOT A PROBLEM TO HER AND IS READY FOR NEW WAY OF LIFE .FOR ME MARRIAGE DOES NOT MEAN STAYING TOGETHER IN ONE SHELTER BUT IS MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN TO ESTABLISHED THEIR FAMILLY THT IS TO LOVE EACH OTHER ,DELIVERED CHILDREEN AND GIVE THEM GOOD EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND

Profession – ISALES MANAGER AND CHARGE OF MARKETING OF OUR COMPANY PRODUC

Religious Background – FOR ME GOD HAS CREATED US WITH A PURPOSE AND THE PURPOSE IS TO WORSHIP HIM ALONE WITHOUT ASSOCIATING HIM WITH ANY OTHER CREATURE BECAUSE HE IS UNIQUE NO OTHER CREATURE IS LIKE HIM HE HAS NO FATHER NO MOTHER NO SON AND NO DOUGHTER ALL BELONG TO HIM

Movie he has recently enjoyed – I ENJOY THE GLADIATOR BECAUSE HE IS A MAN WHO HAVE WHAT WE CALL HEART

Speechless right? Told you.

Email I received from Match.com this weekend. My very intelligent Yahoo! email put it in my spam folder so I almost missed it.

“Hi Match.com Member,

I work in the marketing department for Match.com and have an exciting opportunity to present to our Match.com members in the LA area.

We’re looking to capture the fun and excitement of a Match.com first date for a new series of promos…and we’d love for you to be a part of it! Here’s the scoop: we’re filming real Match.com members on First Dates with people they want to meet from the site. These dates are light, fun and truly illustrate how exciting it can be when you give Match.com a try. So, if you’re feeling spontaneous and have someone you’ve been chatting with online – or someone you’ve been thinking about reaching out to – we want to hear from you!

To see examples of First Dates we’ve recently filmed, visit http://www.youtube.com/matchusa

If you’re interested in participating, please contact us asap at womenladates@match.com.

Please also provide the following information with your response to be considered:

1. First and Last name

2. Match.com username

3. Age

4. A recent picture of you

5. Match.com username of the person(s) that you would like to meet

6. Best phone number to reach you

Thank you and we look forward to hearing from you!

Sarah Gray

Match.com”

Hmmm. Who should I suggest my filmed date be with? The LDS fake leer jet magazine designer? The “model”? He won’t speak much but maybe he is pretty. The 53 year old possible yacht killer? Mr. Humble? Tarzan? Mr. Stand Up? Superman? Soooo many choices. Wanna make a bet my first date doesn’t make it to air? Oooh. Now I sooooo want to do this.

First of all read the last two posts before diving into this one.

Pickins’ were so slim today on my matches I almost passed through one guy without reading his entire profile. You know I rarely read the entire profile. I don’t know what caused me to scan further down but here is what I found …

“About His Religious Background: I have enjoyed learning about all Christian faiths by attending their services. I know that there is only one TRUE Church on the Earth today because the same church that was on the Earth when Jesus lived on Earth in the flesh has been Restored. LDS.

Education: Some college

A book, movie, concert or play that he’s recently enjoyed: I Design my own magazine called “Where?” that I install into the seat pockets on my home made fake leer jet cabins 12 chairs maximum per restaurant. Serve guests sodas by a beautifull waitress/or. Please tip $6 per chair. She/He will keep drink full.”

You do realize you sound crazy right? I’m totally convinced you are an alien tried to blend in here on earth and failing miserably at it.

From one of today’s Match’s. This is how he describes himself …

“i am a cool guy so nice to the col, i am a hair dressing also a model i can do all kind of hair style, i am looking for good looking girl a that can be so cool so good to every one,
a lady that can put me in a wright way that motivate my emotion, develop my potent, if i can find a lady like that i will
so happy “

You are a model? No. You don’t say. I would have thought physisist.

Back on April 28th I had a blog posted titled, “All 254 Of You Can F Off.” It outlined my philosophy of saying yes to anyone. Who knows what you will find. A philosophy not shared with others, well at least not with 254 males between the ages of 25-45 in the Los Angeles area.

On Match.com they have a “Daily 5.” They choose 5 guys daily they feel you would like. I’ve discussed their lack of a scientific formula before. I’m pretty confident it includes a dartboard and some thumbnail pictures of everyone. I decided to throw caution to the wind and just “okay” everyone on today’s list without looking at them. Why not? They aren’t going to respond anyway. Honestly take a look at those stats.

My “You’re Interested” number is 99 (add that to the 254 Chemistry and that number goes from pathetic to just plan ol’ sad). Soooo close to 100 …. sooo close … just one more …. Of those 99 that I’ve “shown interest in”, meaning they get an email that says “hey Wendy is interest in you (picture included)” only 1. ONE has responded. ONE. ONE OUT OF 99. BTW that was the guy in alien territory that I wrote about yesterday. ONE POSSIBLE ALIEN DUDE OUT OF 99.

And if you are wondering about those 8 chaps interested in me. Based on the pictures (although not all 8 have pictures) and profiles I’m pretty confident that it is actually just part of the US top 10 wanted list.

Tomorrow I’ll hit 100. I demand Match.com send me a stuffed bear for me efforts.

One of today’s “match’s”.

His headline –
“HOPEFULLY I CAN FIND NICE WOMEN IN HERE IM GONNA LOVE TAKE CARE HER AS LONG AS WE LIVE”

More about him in his own words –
“IM A NICE PERSON RESPECT CARE LOVE SHARE
HELP OUT I LOVE FISH AND CHICKEN AND ALL SEAFOOD I LOVE SPORT ,BASKETBALL,FOOTBALL RUGBY VOLLEYBALL ,MY PARTNER WHATEVER SHE WANT IM OKAY WITH THAT WE CAN DO EVERTHING ON FREE TIME GOING OUT “

I was going to blog today how my annual check up at the gynecologist this morning made me wonder why everyone doesn’t use Seasonique as their birth control pill of choice (4 periods a year — total no brainer) and how I really wish I was rich so I could afford a Dyson vacuum (my dr’s office is next door to the Bev Center which means I window shop at Bed Bath and Beyond on my walk from the car to the office) but then I got a winner of a match on Chemistry.com that could not be ignored so all other blog ideas flew out the window.

I feel somewhat bad poking fun at the guy since he is obviously way below average in intelligence. I cut him some slack and didn’t include a picture from his page nor will I cut and paste what he wrote about himself. I will say the following:

* Per the site we have nothing in common. Again I wonder how I was matched up with him and how he manages to live with no interests at all. I clicked on almost all of them so it takes a dedicated couch potato to have zero interests in common with me.

* He spelled Maybe – “mabe”

* He spelled Riding – “rideung”

* I don’t think either of the above are known to him as typos. Based on the rest of his profile and pictures I am pretty confident that he pronounces these words the way he spells them. As in “Mabe a good time can be had rideung my four wheeler around the parking lot.”

Mabe not.

The above headline is from one of my Chemistry.com matches today. Spelling and grammar aren’t the guys strengths. Okay. I had to read more to better understand what he means by “hard”.

The ENTIRE rest of his profile says ….
“im very hard worker person i,m loking for real mature persongood guy ,very resonsibel ,thinks fast , knows what rong and right , loveing,careing and helpful person ,very mature,hard workergood guy ,very resonsibel ,thinks fast , knows what rong and right , loveing,careing and helpful person ,very mature,hard workergood guy ,very resonsibel ,thinks fast , knows what rong and right , loveing,careing and helpful person ,very mature,hard worker”

Apparently being a “hard workergood guy” means you have the ability to cut and paste but not spell check.