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Socks, and Slippers, and Tape … Oh My

13 Tuesday Aug 2013

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I love high heels.  High heels are the best.  They make your legs look long and beautiful.  You can tower over others and hold your head high at your remarkable skills of stability on mini stilts.  They are just the best.  Unless your feet hurt.  Then they suck monkey ass.  If I’m not trying to impress anyone you will find me in running shoes.

A few years ago I got a stress fracture in my left foot.  This made perfect sense as I was running a lot at the time.  The problem is I didn’t get the stress fracture while running.  I sustained the injury when I missed a step while getting into the jacuzzi at a Burke Williams spa.  That’s right … to recap my life I’ve gotten a stress fracture by relaxing in a spa and gave myself a concussion by closing the back hatch door of my car on my head.  I’m my own worse enemy.

Stress fractures are a pain in the bum.  They take a long time to heal and often recur.  They almost always recur if you don’t give them enough time to heal in the first place which is why I often have pain in my left foot.

Running and hiking a lot also caused me to have a lot of pain in the balls of my feet.  This is mostly due to my super high arch.  No “normal” shoe or insoles ever touches my arch.  I’ve since had custom insoles made.  These suckers are expensive but worth every penny.

Custom insoles can’t always be used and even if they are they sometimes need a little help.  Here are some things I’ve found really help with feet pain while exercising.

pizap.com13764166821221SOCKS – I remember a time when I didn’t know that there were more than one kind of sock.  I was so young and ignorant.  First of all, I don’t know why they make any socks without that extra arch support stitching.  If a sock doesn’t have that I don’t want them near my feet.  When I first starting having feet problems I went to the running store and was convinced by the salesman that I needed to purchase $15 (ish) dollar socks.  Since I’m use to getting about 8 pair in a giant bag for that cost I was horrified.  BEST $15 ISH DOLLARS EVER SPENT.  I now own three of these pair of socks and get really depressed when they are all in the dirty laundry.  The brand that sold me on superman style socks?  Balega.  They are like a hug for your feet while walking on a bed of cotton candy.  I went to their site to see what kind of magic they use to make such a wonderful product but alas it was much too complicated and lost my attention after a few minutes.  Let’s just call it magic.

photo-32KT TAPE – I’ve written about this before but I can’t emphasize enough how magical this stuff is.  I normally use it for extra arch support (which isn’t what I have pictured here).  If my feet start to hurt the KT TAPE comes out.

SLIPPERS – As you know I adore Bar Method.  One of the items you must wear in class is socks.  They do have special “Barre” socks that have griper rubber stuff on the bottom.  This is to make it harder for your feet to sleep around when you are doing things like bicep curls while in wide second position.  Since I’ve always been on the tad dramatic side I owned a pair of ballerina slippers and wore them to class one day.  I was sold!  The ballet slippers where the little piece of foot magic I needed for class.  Recently I reached into my Bar bag and grabbed my one pair of Barre socks instead of my slippers.  I was running late and could already hear the instructor counting for the first exercise so I quickly pulled on the socks and took off to the studio.  Not using my ballet slippers showed me how much I love them.  Not only was I slip sliding around (even with the gripers) but positions up on the balls of my feet (there are many) KILLED me.  That thin little ballerina slipper is doing something to help protect the balls of my feet and hold my foot in the correct position.  Plus it looks better when you point your foot in a ballerina slipper.    I’ve had a number of pairs but prefer the brand Bloch over Capezio.  The inside of the shoe seems to last longer (remember I’m not really dancing in them I’m only doing Bar Method).  I always buy them through Zappos because I’m too lazy to find a ballerina store.  There is nothing funnier than reading the bad reviews for ballet slippers on Zappos.  Women who are furious that there is no arch support and only a felt sole deserve to have their money taken from them.  (The ballet slipper pictured hasn’t had the straps sewn down yet which is why they look funky.  They are new.  And yes that is dust on the toe because although they are new I bought them ions ago and have yet taken the time to sew those darn straps on!)

There you go!  My tips to happier feet.  Of course when push comes to shove and you need to wear heels you just gotta suck it up and remember how amazing your legs look!

Clean as a Whistle – Kinda

12 Monday Aug 2013

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photo (1)With my dog sitting business I constantly have people dropping by my house.  Whether it’s a pick up, drop off, or meet and greet, someone will be setting foot in my house multiple times a week.  Because of this I believe I’ve become a “get your house clean fast” guru.  I thought I’d share a few of my tips and tricks:

  • Keep an ongoing cleaning schedule.  This isn’t a fun tip but it is the most important thing for these other tips to be successful.  It’s the stable base to all the trickery.  This isn’t for deep cleaning but does make it possible for you to jump into “panic” mode without a full meltdown when you hear guests coming up to the door.  My schedule works well.  Honestly, I sometimes do nothing one day and push the activity to the next but, for the most part, this stuff gets done once a week every week (vacuuming, kitchen, bathroom, change linens, dust, laundry).
  • I’m brilliant at doing laundry and pretty amazing at not folding it and putting it away.  My house has a long counter right by the washer/dryer.  It’s the perfect location to pile up laundry that is now clean yet in need of further attention.  There was a pile there yesterday when Lousy was being picked up by his mom and dad.  I needed to get rid of it quick and there was no time to do it correctly (fold and put away).  Solution?  Just shove it all in the dryer.  I have about 3 loads stuffed in the dryer right now.  Sure things will get wrinkly but that is the price you pay for not folding right away.  If you live in yoga pants and tank tops, as I do, wrinkles aren’t a problem!
  • If you only have time to do one thing vacuum!  Vacuuming is the eye brow waxing of house work.  It makes a HUGE difference.  If you only have time for a few rooms focus on what people will see.  For me this is the living room, hall and kitchen.  My kitchen isn’t carpeted (obviously) but I still use an attachment to vacuum it.  It’s so much fun to watch all the dog hair (and there is a lot) being sucked up and away!
  • Close the doors to rooms that are a disaster and/or off-limits.  If a guest dares to open a closed-door to snoop around they deserve to be shocked by an unmade bed and undies on the ground.
  • Lighting.  Lighting is KEY.  You can’t see dust when it’s dark.  Turn the lights off and if people HAVE to see then light some candles.  This also will keep you from doing things like cleaning windows and mirrors not to mention the carpet.  Lighting can cover a number of problems.
  • Trick people with smells.  I know it sounds manipulative.  It’s because it is.  Light a smelly candle (I stick with the pumpkin and vanilla scent) in key rooms.  Especially near trash that hasn’t been taken out recently.  Grab a bottle of fantastic, aim it in the air and pull the trigger.  Run around the house fantastic-ing the air.  At least it will smell like you recently cleaned.
  • Turn on any and all air purifiers.  People who have air purifiers wouldn’t dare take the time to turn them on if their house was disgusting.
  • Grab a rag and a cleaning bottle and stick it right in the middle of your counter.  Fill theimage (1) sink with water, suds, and any dirty dishes.  Grab the vacuum and stick it in the corner with it plugged in.  Turn on the wash machine with or without dirty clothes in it.  When guest show up exclaim, “excuse the mess I was just in the middle of cleaning.”
  • If you have dogs (or kids) DO NOT let people get on their hands and knees and crawl around.  I had to get down on the floor Sat to take care of Lordy and almost had a seizure.  The FILTH down at that level is beyond upsetting.  I was forced to stop everything I was doing and go around the house cleaning all the walls at dog level.  You are just better off not looking.

There you go!  I hope those tips and tricks help save your sanity once in a while.  Feel free to share yours.

Don’t Try This At Home

07 Wednesday Aug 2013

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Puppy therapy!

Before I start my story let me tell you I know I’m dumb.  This was stupid.  I know better. Shame on me.  There … I think I’ve covered it.   This incident reminds me of the time I doubled up on my migraine medication because I was going to my birthday party later that night and needed to be able to see (migraines cause me vision problems) so I could finish creating my elaborate feathered hair clip.  What I ended up doing was going into a jittery caffeine frenzy with a migraine!

If you read this blog regularly you know that I went on antidepressants last year (long story that you can read more about here).  Recently I ran out of one (I take two).  Every time I saw the empty bottle I thought “I need to re-order these things” but that never turned into action on my part.  Now I realize I could make the prescription ordering procedure much easier by making it automatic but why would I do something so logical?  I had an empty bottle hanging around for a few days.  Then I ran out of my second medication.  Now I HAD to order some up for sure … except I didn’t.  For someone without a job I’m oddly busy!

Then I got weird.  I realize now (well I realized yesterday) that I was going through withdrawal.  You should NEVER EVER EVER EVER stop any medicine without consulting with your doctor especially those meds that zap around in your brain.  I had become beyond tired.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  Originally I chalked it up to excessive exercise for the few hours I was awake, but even with that it’s not normally to require 12+ hours of sleep a day.  For a bit I thought maybe I had a bug that only made me tired!  I also had become “fuzzy” in the brain.  I’d be trying to do work and then would think, “I wanna watch TV.”  Then I’d get up and watch TV only to discover I wasn’t paying attention and would go crawl into bed for some zzzzs.  Focus, which is usually a strength of mine, simply wasn’t there.

My brain felt weird.  Folks that are suffering from Discontinuation Syndrome describe it as “brain zaps,” “brain shocks,” or “brain shivers.”  Brain shivers is a pretty good description.  All I know is that it was weird.  Something was wrong and yet I still hadn’t put two and two together.  I blame the brain zaps!

Finally I realized I couldn’t tolerate situations that should have been easily tolerable.   Little things people said that I should have shrugged off struck me like a knife.  Yesterday I learned from Kona‘s daddy that Kona had a horrible skin irritation that required $300 worth of vet visits and medication.  I lost it.  The thought of poor Kona and the thought that I did that to her (I realize I didn’t … brain zap remember) made me lose it.  THAT’S when I finally figured out my brain was out of whack!  I immediately called in (well I scanned it in through my iPhone) my prescription.  I’m still out of sorts as everything in my system tries to re-balance itself.  I’m sure it will take a while to undo the stupid thing I did.

This was so horribly irresponsible of me.  I could have suffered seizures as a side effect and caused harm to my dogs or others if I was in the car at the time.  I could have had a harder time figuring out what was the cause and headed back into a darker depression.  I’m not going to let that happen again.  I’m keeping these things filled and when I decide it may be time to come off of them I’m going to talk to my doctor and follow his expert advice!

Learn from my stupidity.  Don’t try this at home!

Delicioso

06 Tuesday Aug 2013

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I didn't take a picture of my dish. It kinda looked like this. Source.

I didn’t take a picture of my dish. It kinda looked like this. Source.

For someone who claims she doesn’t like cooking I sure have a lot of recipes on this blog.  Things haven’t changed.  I still don’t like cooking but you know what I do like?  Mexican food.  YUM YUM!  One night I was out with a friend and she asked where I wanted to go to eat.  I suggested a Mexican restaurant across the street from where we were seeing a movie.  She looked at me with disdain only allowed a friend who has to constantly put up with the simple juvenile taste buds of a dining partner and said, “aren’t we having Mexican tomorrow with everyone?”  My response, “So?”  If you give me a choice I’m going to have a fajita and a margarita on the rocks with salt and some guac and chips.

Staples in my limited supplied fridge and pantry (I actually don’t even have a pantry) include corn, black and refried beans, salsa, tortillas, avocado, tomatoes, and hot sauce.  In fact last night I had a burrito for dinner.  And when I say burrito I mean I slapped some refried beans on a tortilla and nuked it for 20 seconds before adding hot sauce and avocado slices.  Delicioso!  When I saw a recipe for a one-skilled enchilada recipe come through my email from one of my favorite bloggers I wanted to give it a try!  So I did!

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Nothing to do with enchiladas. Cutie pics of the 2 dogs staying with us right now. Lousy and Lordy.

She (Jillee) calls it a skillet enchilada (click to see her original post and recipe along with lots of other fun things she blogs about).  I call it “Fake Enchiladas” because lets face it … they aren’t really enchiladas.  They are more like enchiladas that got in a horrible accident and you scooped up the remains and served them to your family (appetizing).  Since I don’t do well eating red meat I choose to use shredded chicken that I had cooked earlier in the week.  I also swapped out black olives for avocado because avocado is the most delicious thing on the entire planet earth.

The pluses of the recipe –

  • It is super-duper easy and only gets one pan dirty.  I’d make it for those facts alone.
  • It’s yummy.
  • It’s filling.
  • It seems like it would be a really good family dinner.

The minuses –

  • I can’t eat it.  The enchilada sauce is too spicy for me (I realize it isn’t really spicy at all) and my stomach was very angry at me for eating it.
  • If you get enchiladas at a restaurant you can also order guac and a margarita and not have to make it yourself.

So there you go.  I wanted to like this more than I did but my stomach and I weren’t on the same page.  I’m sharing it with you since it seems like the PERFECT working mom go-to-dinner.  Let me know if you make it and how it tasted.

Hiking in Runyon Canyon – Guest Blog

05 Monday Aug 2013

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A few weeks ago my good friend Robyn was visiting from Kansas where she lives with her husband and darling kitty.  During her vacation she wanted to hike Runyon.  Riggins, who loves to be the center of attention with any human, was happy to meet up with Robyn to play tour guide.  Once home Robyn blogged about her doggie hiking adventure and was nice enough to let me re-post it here on WendyandRiggins.com for you to enjoy (head on over to her blog to read more about her and he adventures).  Take it away Robyn!

Hiking in Runyon Canyon

One of the things I really wanted to do on this trip was hike in the amazing hills Southern California has. but which ones? I thought about Turnbull Canyon in my hometown and Griffith Park, but finally decided on Runyon Canyon above Hollywood.I learned about Runyon Canyon from my friend, Wendy. She hikes it regularly with her dog and posts about it on Facebook and her blog. I looked it up online and it sounded like a great hike. I let her know that I was thinking of hiking there on Friday and we made plans to meet.

Now, let me tell you about Wendy. I have known her since I was in 4th grade and she was in 5th. Her sister was in my class. So we went to the same elementary school. When I was in 7th grade and she was in 8th we went to the same junior high. We went to the same high school and I was in Drama class with her for 1 semester (she is a fantastic actress). Then, believe it or not, we went to the same college!!!!!! So I have gone to school with her all the way from elementary through college!!! I reconnected with her on Facebook.

OK, back to the hike!

We met at the top of the trail off of Mulholland.

She had her awesome dog, Riggins, and 2 guests..Bear and Jax. I loved that we did this hike with the dogs!! Runyon Canyon is dog friendly and for most of it the dogs are allowed to be off leash. I had the honor of walking Riggins when he had to be on leash 🙂

Since we started at the top we went downhill (obviously!). The views were spectacular

We went down the easy trail which is wide and gently sloping. You can see the dogs in these pictures, too.

Down there is the foundation of a home that used to sit in the canyon. I believe the owners gave this land for hiking.

A foggy view of Park La Brea. A housing community in Hollywood

Up above is the hardest trail

And the beginning of it

Wendy gave me a choice of which trail to take back up. I did not choose the most difficult. Now Wendy could and and has done that one, but for me it was a little too advanced! My other choices were the one we had just come down which is the longest or a shorter, but steeper hike. I chose the steeper one.

At the bottom, heading up

Century City?

Hollywood and beyond

On the medium trail, looking across to the easy trail and above is the hard one

Oh, and here is what I am hiking

What was I thinking???? LOL. I needed a break. (with the fabulous Riggins!!)

Great view of the Hollywood sign

Look how far we’ve come!!!!

Maybe I am ready for this one???

Maybe not lol.

Hollywood sign again

We made it to the top!!! Wendy said I did really well and I was very proud of myself. It was tough!! But it will make hiking the Kansas Flinthills a breeze lol

there was a home up here and they had this beautiful bougainvillea

Here I am with Jax, Riggings, and Bear

And the fabulous Wendy!!!

More homes in the hills

And a tour bus!!!

2 days later I took these pictures from the parking garage at the Grove. Just to give another perspective. We hiked the trail on the right!

If you ever get a chance to hike in Runyon Canyon I highly recommend it!!

Robyn’s bio (from her blog) – What can I say about me? Well… I am very random and quirky. I live in Kansas, am married to a sexy biker dude who works for Foot Locker and am mom to a crazy cat. I am a runner and vegetarian and I watch entirely too much Reality TV. I am also a Mormon, explorer, crafter, drama queen, native Californian and Spoiled Brat.

Sweet Kona Girl

01 Thursday Aug 2013

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photo (19)Kona has been on vacay with us for almost a week and I realized I have never introduced you to her.  Shame on me!  Kona is her daddy’s little girl and a pit mix.  I’ve taken care of pit/pit mixes before but did a little research on the breed for you this time.

(All the knowledge I’m about to drop on  you comes from a Google search.  You can do a search and read numerous articles on the subject.)  The label “pit bull” actually covers a large range of dog breeds although isn’t a breed itself.  It targets those with a large head and square jaw like the American Pit

Pit actor and sitter! Source

Pit actor and sitter! Source

Bull Terriers, American Staffordshire Terriers, and Staffordshire Bull Terriers.  The “Bull”dogs were originally used to control and bait bulls.  Crappy job but I guess someone had to do it.  The practice was banned in 1835, whew.  At that point some genius decided it would be good sport to put these dogs into pits with rats.  This practice was known as ratting and where the “pit” part of the name may have originated.  Side note – Riggins would LOVE to be in a pit with rats or possums

Helen Keller and her pit. Source.

Helen Keller and her pit. Source.

or squirrels or any other critter he could destroy.  As the dog moved into colonized America and Canada he/she where mixed with terrier breeds and used as farm and family dogs.  The Staffie Bull is known as “The Children’s Nursemaid” because of their protective and nurturing nature with children.  The breed, at their heart, is sweet, lovable and loyal.  It’s the assholes like Michael Vick that screwed it up for the poor sweet pits, destroying them physically and mentally by training them as fighting dogs.

Kona is a princess pit!  There is no doubt about that.  When she first came for a meet and greet her mom, dad, and 6 week old human sister came to check out her possible vacation home.  From the beginning Kona proved to be a team player immediately making herself at home with a pack that at the time, included Riggins, Bear, Jax & Dragon.  She happily hung out as Dragon tried to take her down by jumping over and over on her face!  Before the family left Kona’s new sister needed a diaper change.  I offered up my bed as a changing table and suggested Mom close the bedroom door.  She took me up on my offer and Kona sat guarding that door the entire time.  Loyal and protective of the new baby.

Kona is the first dog I’ve taken care of that sat by the door when she was dropped of and cried.  When she finally settled down she was happy to join us at the dog park to get her mind off of things!

image (26)Since she has been with us Kona has continued to be a sweetie.  She could also be described as needy and a scaredy cat!  Her first night I was in bed and one of the dogs heard something at the front door.  Dragon, Dexter, and Riggins took off to let the imaginary intruder know who was boss.  Kona, on the other hand, leapt into my bed on top of me and buried her face under my arm pit.  When I vacuum she shivers with fear in the corner (then pees on the newly vacuumed carpet).

Kona HAS to be with me 24/7.  Not just with me but on me.  Right now she is snoring next to my feet.  If I dared to stand up to get some water she would follow me to the kitchen, turn around and follow me back and plop down at my feet again!  She MUST sleep not just next to me but with some part of her body ON me.  If I have to leave her she cries and cries tugging at my heart-strings.

Kona, like all other pit breed mixes that have stayed with us, is incredibly cuddly and wants nothing but kisses and hugs.  I can’t imagine her biting a bull on the nose … unless the bull was a tiny stuffed toy!

The Anti-Photoshop

30 Tuesday Jul 2013

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A weekend or so ago I went to a college friends birthday party.  I saw lots of folks from my theatre days and was catching up with my friend David when he asked if, during my new-found free time, I was submitting my headshot for acting jobs.  I replied I wasn’t but thought it was a pretty good idea.  Why not?  Then, after some quick thinking, I admitted to him my headshots were about 10 years old (in reality I think it is much closer to 15). Since David is brilliant he suggested, since they were the old school black and white headshots (people now use color), I could just draw in wrinkle lines with a pencil to update them.  BTW this statement can only be made by a gay male friend.  A hetro guy friend would be hit in the gut and a female friend would be slapped in the face.

When I told some girlfriends this story they gasped in horror and dubbed it the “anti-photoshop.”

photo (16)Since I love you so much I went and dug through the boxes in my garage, found my old headshots and “updated” them as David suggested.  If you would like to hire this woman for the next must see TV sitcom, a national soda commercial, and/or your community theatre’s production of a Tennessee Williams play please give me a shout!

In different yet related news if anyone wants to wallpaper a room with vintage Wendy photos I’ve got a zillion I can ship off to you.

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Stolen Sangria Wine Spitzer

29 Monday Jul 2013

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ry=4001My good friend Giovanna is super-duper fit.  That means when you hang out with her you tend to lean over to the super-duper fit side of life.  I don’t do it very well, but I give it a shot!  When I have dinner with her and her dog, Morgan, I usually want a glass of wine.  I like wine.  I like wine with dinner.  I like wine when I have dinner with a friend. Sue me. Unless she ran 20-50 miles (seriously) that day Giovanna tends to shy away from caloric beverages.  That includes wine.  On the other hand she is a fun chick so wants to partake. Honestly, I also think she wants to slow down my wine consumption.  To achieve these goals she designed what she calls a wine spritzer.  It’s a simple concoction of 1/2 red wine and 1/2 sparkling water.

It takes no genius to see this is just bubbly watered down wine.  As I drink from my glass I top off from the wine bottle and as Giovanna drinks from her glass she tops off with more sparkling water.  Either way we are both happy!

Giovanna purchases giant bottles of sparkling water by the case.  No doubt wherever she is right now she has a giant bottle in her purse ready to be consumed. I can’t commit to such a huge bottle.  I am a loyal fan of LaCroix canned water. Years and years ago while traveling for work United Airlines would offer LaCroix sparking water as a beverage option. That’s where I first got hooked.  United no longer offers it but you can buy it at grocery stores and your local Target.  It’s always on sale at my Ralphs.  I assume this is because I’m the only one who purchases it.  I enjoy the no flavor variety the best.  The lemon and lime flavors are pretty tasty too.  Giovanna recently purchased the grapefruit (to be fancy they use the French word “pample-mouse”) flavor and it is divine.  Not all are winners though.  The coconut flavor tastes like ass and I pushed it on my friend/hairdresser.  She demands I’m crazy and it is delicious.  The cran-rasberry tastes like it was mixed by the devil but Giovanna disagrees and happily drank the ones I had purchased.

This past weekend Giovanna came over and made her spritzer with LaCroix and red wine. As usual it was delicious and I admit a better summer drink choice than white wine.  We happily sipped our cocktails on the porch with our wide brim summer hats on with Riggins and Morgan at our feet.  Ok … we drank them in my living room but that doesn’t seem as nice.

Last night I was looking through Pinterest and found this …

WHAT???? SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE THAT A LEGIT DRINK RECIPE???  Apparently if you add strawberries you can call the watered down wine a skinny sangria. I immediately emailed Giovanna telling her they stole her famous (at least in my house) recipe.  Hmmmm …. I have strawberries … I think I’m going to make myself some skinny sangria right now!

(The LaCroix web site actually has a number of cocktail recipes for you to enjoy.  Take a look.)

All 254 of You Can F Off! (Re-Post)

26 Friday Jul 2013

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Dearest readers:

Happy Friday!  I decided on Fridays I should share some of my older posts you may not have read.  I know you haven’t because I see the stats.  Please enjoy, “All 254 of You Can F Off!” originally posted April 28, 2010.  Have a great weekend!

Wendy (& Riggins)

All 254 of You Can F Off!

This is a screenshot from my Chemistry.com account that shows me my “connections.” I have 254 of them. That means I have gone out to more than 254 guys saying “I’m interested to learn more about you” or in Wendy online dating language, “I’ll totally meet you for a drink”. MORE THAN 254. MORE THAN. MORE THAN 254. There isn’t a font big and bold enough to write that.

I say more than since some guys, for one reason or another, have deleted themselves from my list. I’m sure for very logical reasons. Like, I’m not Asian (happened for a fact), have short hair, have a dog (which I will give you a pass on if you are allergic or just plan ol’ lame), don’t smoke, exercise a min. of 5 days a week, live in LA, drink socially, and am not “god fearing” (read past post for the pass on this one). That’s about all they have to base this “OMG I have to delete myself from this chick’s list” on. My profile doesn’t offer you much more.

Of the 254 guys a percentage I went out with so they get a “thanks for trying” participant ribbon. Neither of us have the energy to delete from the list.

BUT a good percentage of those guys never responded. NEVER RESPONDED. EVER. WHY ARE YOU ON THE SITE? WHY? EXPLAIN TO ME WHY. (Again this demands a much bigger angrier font style.) I’ll have to assume it is because I drink socially. It is such a turn off!

Now Chemistry has a new feature. It allows you to skip all their useless “get to know each other” steps and just email someone. I think I should go to all 254 one by one and write the following:

“Dear (fill in name).

I was going through my Connection list on Chemistry and realized you haven’t responded to me in the past XXX (fill in number of days). I’d love to meet you for drinks. That is, unless you are dead.

XOXO,
Wendy”

The XOXO may be a little bit of an overkill.

(Someday I’ll write about my dislike of the “nudge him” option. When someone nudges me I imagine them poking their elbow into my ribs and my reflex is to slap them. Probably not the reaction the poor guy is looking for.)

Not Patient enough for Pretty

25 Thursday Jul 2013

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Table top low curl turned out and with an unamused Dragon.

Table top low curl turned out and with an unamused Dragon.

At one point during the hour of a Bar Method class you get to ab work.  After knee lifts, shoulder work, arm work, stretching, thigh work, more stretching, and butt work, you move to some leg work that also includes your abs and then you move straight into “kill me know” ab work.  A few days ago the instructor, who just happens to be perfect in every visual way, came up to me and put her hands further away from my already outstretched arms in an attempt to make me work harder and get to a higher sit up position.  I grunted and did it and while doing so realized my gross, dirt caked, dog smelling nails were having to touch her perfectly manicured hands.  I was HORRIFIED.  Not horrified enough to fix it as it happened again the next day with another perfect instructor.  Know your faults and be okay with them.  That’s my theory.  One of my faults is my inability to care about some girly grooming activities.  Nails being number one on that list.

Downward facing dog on a dog.

Downward facing dog on a dog.

I just don’t have the time for it.  Do you realize how stressful and boring it is to sit in one ofthose mani/pedi chairs and have someone do it for you?  Gah!  I almost always screw up something on my way out because I don’t have it in me to wait long enough to let them dry.  I envy those lovely ladies who find the activity relaxing and have a standing weekly appointment at their local nail joint.

I don’t know what my problem is.  I’m super girly in other ways.  If it was socially acceptable I’d be wearing a corset right now.  If I was allowed to walk around in a costume from the Moulin Rouge my life would be so much happier.  My theory about heels?  “The higher the better.”  I managed to do some things, like get my eyebrows waxed.  That only takes a few minutes and is an AMAZING transformation from hideous hairy beast to normal human.   Nails?  Nope.  Ain’t got that kind of time.

At one point I worked down the street from a nail place and forced myself to go there during the summer on a regular basis to get my toes done.  I was pretty happy with myself and my toes actually looked good in summer sandals.  Of course I refused to get away from black nail polish, even in the dog days of summer.  It’s the only color that makes sense to me.  Don’t ask for the logic behind that statement.  There is none.

Cutie Kira with her "my nails are prettier than my Aunts" face.

Cutie Kira with her “my nails are prettier than my Aunts” face.

I’ve never gotten my fingers done on a regular basis.  That’s a SERIOUS waste of time. With my active schedule they look like crap in a matter of hours.  Years ago I was in my boss’ office for a meeting.  A boss I actually respected and looked up to.  She was super stressed and eating lunch as we talked.  I noticed her nails.  They were short.  Really short.  I loved them.  I saw it as a powerful nail cut.  Don’t mess with the chick who has the guts to cut her nails super short.  That’s been my style ever since.  No fuss no muss!

My sister often sends pictures of my niece with her nails newly painted.  She’s 4.  A 4-year-old has more patience than me.  Seems about right.