At one point during the hour of a Bar Method class you get to ab work.  After knee lifts, shoulder work, arm work, stretching, thigh work, more stretching, and butt work, you move to some leg work that also includes your abs and then you move straight into “kill me know” ab work.  A few days ago the instructor, who just happens to be perfect in every visual way, came up to me and put her hands further away from my already outstretched arms in an attempt to make me work harder and get to a higher sit up position.  I grunted and did it and while doing so realized my gross, dirt caked, dog smelling nails were having to touch her perfectly manicured hands.  I was HORRIFIED.  Not horrified enough to fix it as it happened again the next day with another perfect instructor.  Know your faults and be okay with them.  That’s my theory.  One of my faults is my inability to care about some girly grooming activities.  Nails being number one on that list.

I just don’t have the time for it.  Do you realize how stressful and boring it is to sit in one ofthose mani/pedi chairs and have someone do it for you?  Gah!  I almost always screw up something on my way out because I don’t have it in me to wait long enough to let them dry.  I envy those lovely ladies who find the activity relaxing and have a standing weekly appointment at their local nail joint.

I don’t know what my problem is.  I’m super girly in other ways.  If it was socially acceptable I’d be wearing a corset right now.  If I was allowed to walk around in a costume from the Moulin Rouge my life would be so much happier.  My theory about heels?  “The higher the better.”  I managed to do some things, like get my eyebrows waxed.  That only takes a few minutes and is an AMAZING transformation from hideous hairy beast to normal human.   Nails?  Nope.  Ain’t got that kind of time.

At one point I worked down the street from a nail place and forced myself to go there during the summer on a regular basis to get my toes done.  I was pretty happy with myself and my toes actually looked good in summer sandals.  Of course I refused to get away from black nail polish, even in the dog days of summer.  It’s the only color that makes sense to me.  Don’t ask for the logic behind that statement.  There is none.

I’ve never gotten my fingers done on a regular basis.  That’s a SERIOUS waste of time. With my active schedule they look like crap in a matter of hours.  Years ago I was in my boss’ office for a meeting.  A boss I actually respected and looked up to.  She was super stressed and eating lunch as we talked.  I noticed her nails.  They were short.  Really short.  I loved them.  I saw it as a powerful nail cut.  Don’t mess with the chick who has the guts to cut her nails super short.  That’s been my style ever since.  No fuss no muss!

My sister often sends pictures of my niece with her nails newly painted.  She’s 4.  A 4-year-old has more patience than me.  Seems about right.