Tag Archives: manners

Thank you. Love you. Mean it.

01 Monday Apr 2013

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image (7)When I was little my mom and dad, with help from Grandma Newell, taught my sister and me that it was extremely important to write thank you notes for any and all presents you receive.  No matter what.  This was pre-internet and email (Can you believe we lived pre email?  It’s a shock we survived.) so the only way to do this was via mail.  What we now call  snail mail.  This was such a hard-core rule with my Grandmother that not sending a note in an appropriate amount of time could mean you forfeit whatever present was coming up next.  Seriously, if you wanted a birthday present you better sit down and write a thank you for that Christmas present Dec. 26th!  No ifs ands or buts!

As much as it was drilled into my head and even though it is just good manners, I often let time go by and then forget to send a thank you note.  I’m horrified on my own behalf.  To make me feel even worse about this, a good number of my friends are GREAT thank you card writers.  There is no doubt that they each had their own Grandma Newell who taught them the correct way to show gratitude.

The person who shames me the most is my friend Leslie.  I know, without a doubt, that if I give something to her I will have a handwritten note in my mailbox two days later.  I’m always so impressed not only with her manners and timeliness but with the classiness of her stationary.  In response to your gift you will receive a heartfelt written thank you on crisp and elegant card stock style note cards with her name printed in fancy font.  Every single time I receive one I think, “Now that is class.  I need to get me some of these here personalized cards for sending out notes.”  Then I remember I actually have some, I just don’t use them.

It was no surprise that after dropping off cookies for Leslie’s son I received a thank you card.  What surprised me is that this little dude (Age under kindergarten … I don’t know his actual age.  I barely know my actual age.  I’m going to go with 2.  I think that is right.  2-ish.) has his own personalized stationary.  Classy AND age appropriate.  Totally swanky! I was blown away.

So after my latest birthday I wasn’t going to let Leslie’s tiny son outdo me in Thank You photo (8)note writing!  I pulled out some thank you cards and wrote them out.  Then I addressed them and sat them on my desk.  Where they sat for a few days.  Then I managed to remember to buy some stamps and those sat in my purse, with the cards still on my desk, for a few days.  So here we are.  A week after my birthday and my cards have yet to be stamped and mailed.  That is going to be fixed today!  Maybe.  Probably.

Better late than never I say (I don’t think Grandma Newell would agree)!

(Dog update – We took Snowbell home yesterday.  She is the best puppy ever.  When her parents told me she doesn’t destroy things I rolled my eyes and thought, “sure … a six month old puppy who doesn’t chew things up … sure..”  That puppy showed me!  Riggins already misses her — image (10))

 

Mind Your Manners

28 Monday Jan 2013

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ry=400Recently I noticed on Pinterest a pin that informed you of the proper way to address wedding invitations.  I don’t plan to send out that type of correspondence anytime soon but I do send letters through the mail at least once a year.  It wouldn’t hurt for me to brush up on my mail etiquette.  Turns out that stuff is crazy!  No wonder it’s a popular pin there is no way to remember all those insane rules.  There were a couple of surprises to me, good and bad.  Good – If the woman of a couple has a doctorate while her husband does not her name comes first.  For example, Dr. Wendy Newell and Mr. Riggins Newell.  That makes perfect sense but I was surprised that it was actually a valid rule.  Bad – If children are invited their names shouldn’t be on the front envelope but should be included in the inside envelope (Or maybe it was the invite itself.  I’ve already forgotten.).  If the child is a male then his title is Master.  As in, “Master Riggins Newell.”  What the hell?  Master?  Seriously?  Am I the only one that feels uncomfortable with this rule?

It made me start thinking of the other manners I follow that are no longer popular or even known.  I wanted to share them with you.

  • Don’t Slurp Your Soup – Slurping shouldn’t really be an issue unless you dine with neanderthals.  Still there is a proper way to eat soup.  “As little ships go out to sea / I dip my spoon AWAY from me” (I didn’t actually know this little rhyme before my in-depth research for this post.  When I say in-depth I mean use of Google and assumption that when discussing manners on the internet majority rules.).  This means scoop the soup with your spoon away from you.  I do try to do this whenever I eat soup but honestly sometimes only have the energy to pull it off when with company.  Additionally, soup at my home is often served in a Tinkerbell mug making a spoon and any rules about it, no longer necessary. 
  • Gift Me Or Else – This rule is one where when it isn’t observed I wince a little on the inside but can’t really hold it against the culprit.  She probably has no idea it is bad manners and is just trying to make your life easier.  Good intentions do not equal good manners.  When sending invitations for an event, wedding, baby shower, bridal shower, etc. it is considered bad manners to list where the guest of honor is registered.  Don’t try to out wit this rule by placing this tidbit of information on an insert.  That insert is still inside the invite so still counts.  Technically it looks like the guest of honor is not only expecting a gift but have mandated where it should come from and what it is.  When put this way you can see how it would be considered uncouth.  Right?  Instead the guest of honor should have told host, close girlfriend (maid of honor for example) and family (mother for example) where she is registered.  Then it is up to the guest to ask for this information if it is wanted.  On the flip side if the invite asks for no gifts it is considered rude to bring one.  Can’t win can you?  Giving a gift at a social gathering when you were specifically told not to only causes the other guests to be uncomfortable, wondering if they should have done the same, but also the host who is looking out for the happiness of all her guests.  If you would still like to give your friend a gift it is fine it just needs to be done at a different time and place.  Just think of it this way, you get to give a gift, your friend gets a gift, plus you now get to spend more one on one time with the friend you love!
  • Stop Ruining Good Wine-ing.  Wine glasses come in all shape and sizes but one hour of television where the characters are drinking it proves that not many know how to hold their wine glasses correctly.  Wine glasses should be held by the stem so that your body heat doesn’t warm the liquid and therefore change the taste of the wine.  Although most important when drinking wine served chilled, like white and champagne, this is actually true for all types and colors.  It seems a little ackward at first but you look so much fancier getting drunk this way!  Here’s the rub if you come to my house.  I use stemless wine glasses.  It’s almost like I’m mocking my guests isn’t it?  While we are on the subject of wine can I point out that there is a very small chance you should ever send back a bottle that you have ordered.  You should only send it back if the wine has turned which should be painfully obvious to your nose once you get anywhere near the cork.  Those folks that swish the wine around and make a production out of tasting it then nodding their head in appreciation are weirdo snobs.  Smell the cork.  If it doesn’t smell like death you are good to go. 
  • I’m Done.  Turns out I’ve been doing this one all wrong.  When finished with my meal at a restaurant I have always signaled to the waiter that I’m ready for him to clear my plate by putting my folk and knife down on my plate in an X.  It usually worked so I was shocked to discover, during my in-depth research, that most people would consider this impolite.  Apparently I’m a barbarian.  Instead the more common suggestion is to lay the fork and knife side by side across the plate at 10 and 4 o’clock.  Tines facing up or down is still very much up for debate.  I think from now on when I’m finished with my meal I’ll dramatically throw knife and fork to the ground, raise my arms in an Evita pose, and yell, “I’ve finished.  Take all this away now my minions.”  That should be pretty clear.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending how you look at it, hard-core written in stonephoto (7) manners have been fading away.  You can take everything I’ve said above and find at least one person who says the opposite online.  The internet gods will let anyone post on the world-wide web without checking their facts.  So it’s your turn.  What do others do that make you silently cringe inside knowing that they were obviously raised by wolves?  Personally I can use all the help I can get.  After all at my house feeding Riggins from your folk isn’t considered bad manners it’s considered good sharing!

Walk This Way

14 Monday Jan 2013

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photo (1)This past weekend it has been FREEZING in LA.  I don’t care what others in the country think about that statement.  IT’S FREEZING.  We are not built for this cold weather.  I swear the only insulation my house has is whatever rat poop found its way into the walls and 90% of my coats are decorative (aka useless).  I can guarantee its warmer in your house in Minnesota than it is in my house in Los Angeles right now.  I’m frozen solid.

Anyway, since it’s ridiculously cold I went up Runyon with Riggins in the afternoon instead of the morning this past weekend.  I haven’t done that in forever.  New group of people!  Walking through the dirt parking lot I passed 3 young men.  One yelled out at me, “you look like you are a really good mom to that dog.”  He went on to say I looked very attractive and was sweet so he is my new BFF and I’ve decided afternoons are a much better time to hike!

As a good mom to my dog (he said it not me) I thought I’d pass on some of my walking/hiking knowledge to you!  At no charge!  Let me start by saying I am not a trained animal person but I have seen a number of “Dog Whisper,” “It’s Me or the Dog,” and “My Cat from Hell” so I feel like that, along with my own street smarts, is training enough.  Maybe we shouldn’t consider this real “rules” as much as “what Wendy thinks.”

Walking a dog on leash – My view is don’t do it if you don’t have to.  Dogs are crazy on leash.  In general a dog will want to protect his/her master and tethering the dog to you only makes that protective instinct worse.  When Riggins is bad on leash it’s because he perceives the crazy person/dog passing us to be a threat to me causing the guttural growl that translates into, “don’t mess with my Mama.”  I know very very sweet dogs that are a**holes on leash and being walked by their master.  (This is a good time to stop and say all my dog’s bad behavior and problems are my fault.  Isn’t that the first thing you learn in all those TV shows … it’s always the humans.)  Best to walk/hike in a location that allows off leash.  Of course you have to walk on leash most of the time so here are my tips:

* Get rid of that retractable leash.  Seriously.  I realize a good number of my friends use this type of leash.  I dare you to find one trained (aka not me) dog person that says walking on a retractable leash is ok.  They won’t.  It’s impossible to control a dog on that kind of leash.  Get a lead.

* Stop the sled dogs!  Don’t walk a dog with a harness on that allows him/her to pull with his/her full weight.  All dogs instantly become sled dogs in a harness.  Big or small you are just asking that animal to pull.  Use whatever equipment gives you control of the dog.  Riggins uses what I call his “walking harness.”  He hates it because he knows if he is bad it pulls around his arms … so don’t be bad.  (his looks kinda like this – http://www.amazon.com/Guardian-Gear-Harness-Large-Black/dp/B007E4S750)

* Why the giant stick weirdo?  Almost every person in my neighborhood walks their dog while holding a giant stick.  I assume to ward off other dogs from attacking theirs.  I’ve walked Riggins in this neighborhood for 6 years and NEVER ONCE had a dog attack either one of us.  Once — just once — a giant pitbull made it out of his gated backyard and came running toward Riggins and me at full force.  I stopped, held my ground, held up a “stop sign” with my hand and said “OFF.”  This was followed by a “SIT” (with appropriate hand single) and “GO HOME.”  The giant scary dog did exactly what I said.  EXACTLY.  Turns out that “scary dog” was really well trained (even if his humans didn’t know how to secure a gate).  This isn’t always going to happen.  I’ve known dogs to fight and know dogs and humans that have been hurt in the exchange but you carrying a stick really only makes it worse.  DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARY IT IS TO SEE A HUMAN COMING AT YOU THE OTHER WAY WITH A GIANT STICK????  Seriously — you are asking for it.

* Walk pretty.  This is what I tell Riggins he has to do.  Walking pretty means beside me and a 1/2 step behind me.  Riggins is a champ at this (as long as it’s me walking him, he hasn’t seen a squirrel, cat or chicken — it’s happened — and doesn’t have to poop).  He often gets told he is a “good dog” from strangers when we are on a walk and  he is on his best behavior.  I really think what helped him most with this was having him run with me when he was younger.  I held the leash in a way that he had to pace right next to me and after a while of constant pace he had no choice but to fall in line.  A pooped dog is a well behaved dog!  That and a short leash.  A short leash just makes it easier for you to control your dog.  I use one that is a mix of long and short like this, http://www.arcatapet.com/item.cfm?cat=15069.

* Keep out-of-the-way!  This is going to be one not everyone will agree on but I read it somewhere and it makes sense to me.  When walking a dog and another dog is being walked coming at you the dogs should both be on the inside so that they pass one another with no human in between.  Looking from the front it would be, from left to right, human, dog, dog, and human.  I know this is a killer for some but a well behaved dog should have no problem with this.  Remember that a dog tethered to his/her master is going to be more aggressive with his/her “save my human” mentality.  If you, the fragile human, put your body between your dog and the other dog doesn’t it make sense that your dog will go crazy trying to get over and protect you.  If everyone remains calm two dogs can pass each other, quickly sniff, and move on.  Riggins gets a C+ on this.  He has NO PROBLEM when we are walking the neighborhood as long as the other dog doesn’t bark first.  Riggins is the anti-alpha so he waits to see how the other dog reacts.  Unless the other dog is tiny.  He will walk past a tiny barking dog like it’s nothin’.  He is also REALLY BAD at this when walking in certain locations like around the lake at Silver Lake (this is LA so it isn’t a lake as much as a reservoir with a giant chain link fence all around it).  Riggins learned to walk on my right side and come hell or high water that is what he is going to do around the lake.  That leaves him smashed between me and the small concrete burm/chain link fence.  I’ve tried to get him to the other side when dogs pass and have even pushed his butt over to make that happen but it doesn’t last long.  Luckily he is perfectly happy in his safe smushed position and really never even notices the other dogs on that walk.

* Lots of dogs are good.  My neighborhood has a good number of dogs but they are house dogs and don’t do much more than sit at home and walk around the block once in a while.  Their owners cross the street or go up a driveway or walk in someones lawn to get away from the big black dog and crazy woman coming at them on the sidewalk with no intention of moving.  In short most of the dogs aren’t socialized.  Silver Lake, for example, is dog heaven.  Most dogs are pack dogs and being with others is good for them.  Riggins is always much better behaved when on a walk in a high dog populated area.  When off leash and on a hike Riggins will happily fall in line behind whatever group of dogs he can find.

* Be cool man.  You want your dog to freak out?  You freak out.  Nothing annoys me more at the dog park than when two dogs get a little aggressive in their play and from all around the park you hear “NO NO NO NO NO, OFF OFF, NO , CHARLIE COOOOOMMMMMEEEE HHHHHEEEERRE, NO NO NO NO NO” usually in a high-pitched voice.  That only makes things worse.  I think we  can all agree that dogs feed off our energy so keep calm.

Wow this is a long post and I haven’t even gotten to my hatred toward the leash law on hiking trails and really probably lost most of you after the first paragraph so I’ll stop.  One final word.  I know I’ve been very lucky.  As much as I believe dogs can be trained and well-behaved I realize this isn’t always the case and a dog is an animal that, at any moment and for any reason, can use his/her teeth for evil.  After writing all this I’m probably going to be eaten by a labordoodle on my next walk.  If that happens I leave everything to Riggins.