Tag Archives: Marriage Equality

Equality and You

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

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Yesterday I was lucky enough to convince my sweet friend Krissy to share a story of equality that hit her personally.  If you haven’t already read it you should definitely go do that right this second.  

Riggins doesn't have a No H8 t-shirt so he is wearing a beautiful yellow ascot in support.

Riggins doesn’t have a No H8 t-shirt so he is wearing a beautiful yellow ascot in support.

Today the Supreme Court was/is reviewing DOMA the federal law that defines “marriage” as something between one man and one woman.  I want to share my feelings on the subject but the entire thing makes me so furious.  I just don’t understand.  My logical brain cannot process someones need to give a shit about who another person marries.  A person they will, most likely, never meet in their entire life.  In fact, that is my counterargument to almost every single thing thrown at me about it.  WHY DO YOU CARE????  Let’s break it down one at a time.

1. Joseph (Seems like a nice solid name.  Let’s just pretend that Mr. “I think gays shouldn’t marry'”s name is Joseph):  Gay Marriage is against the Bible.

Wendy:  WHY DO YOU CARE?  If that is how you interpret your bible then you live that way.  What does it matter that someone else lives differently?  If we are going to use your logic anyone who doesn’t believe in your bible shouldn’t be married.  Why are you picking on the gays?  I have a number of gay friends who are religious and go to church regularly.  I’m an atheist.  So by your logic doesn’t it make more sense that I can’t marry vs. my God-fearing gay friend?

Here is the problem with the Bible as an excuse.  It is FULL of things that seem archaic now.  It is almost like it was written ions ago to scare people into living a certain way … the way someone or a group of someone’s prefer.  Doesn’t it?  Hmmmmm … kinda like a big ol’ graphic book of fables with fire and stoning, lust and hate, love and forgiveness.  Hmmmmm ….

Jodi Picoult did a lot of research before writing her book, Sing You Home.  In this scene one of her brilliant characters is questioning a pastor on the stand.  A pastor whose argument is that gay marriage is forbidden in the Bible.  Let’s see what her research into the Bible says …

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Even with EXACT Biblical quote being used in defense it doesn’t matter.  The fictional Joseph won’t care.  It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall.  Do you know why?  It really doesn’t matter what the Bible says.  That is how Joseph was raised.  In college I took a class called “The Literature of the Bible.”  I remember debating people in class.  Those who went to Sunday school as children and demanding, “Show me.  SHOW ME IN THE BOOK I’M HOLDING UP WHERE IT SAYS THAT.”  They couldn’t and they often disputed what I was saying even though I could read a quote straight from the text-book (aka the Bible).  They have been told for years what that book says.  You can’t teach an old dog …

2. Joseph:  If Gay marriage is legal it will corrupt my children.

Wendy:  Stop it.  Stop pretending that you allow your children around anyone gay and/or anyone who is gay and is brave enough to live his/her life that way.  Now tell me EXACTLY how it will corrupt your children.   You do realize gay couples currently exist with or without “marriage” right?  You do realize that your children can be currently going to school (I know I know your kids are home schooled.  You got me on a technically.  I didn’t see that coming.) with children being raised by loving parents that just happen to be the same-sex.  For that matter your child may have friends being raised by their grandparents, or their aunts/uncles.  It’s highly possible your child already knows someone who is being raised by just one parent.  I don’t want to send your head spinning too fast but it is highly possible your child has a friend who is being raised by mixed race parents.  Gasp … it’s already happening.  I tell you what.  If you can’t find it in yourself to be a parent who is able and willing to calmly discuss with his/her children that love comes in all shapes and should always be protected and respected then I’ll be happy to do it for you.  Just let me know and I’ll give you my Skype name and we can jump on the computer and straighten this whole thing out.

3. Joseph:  It’s unnatural.

Wendy:  Sigh … Joseph.  Please stop talking.  You are making me not like you and I’m trying really really hard not to be horrifically mean and start cursing violently at an imaginary person.  I want to like you.  You have such fabulous fashion style.  I mean that coat is to die for.  Honestly it’s not gay at all.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

4.  Joseph:  Two men kissing in public is icky.

Wendy:  You kissing anyone is icky.  Please don’t do it in front of me.

I have the right and the obligation as a human to live one person’s life.  Mine.  I’m lucky enough to be able to influence the minds and decisions of close friends and family.  Other than that … I got nothing.  There is no reason that I should believe that I have the right to tell you how to live.  What would possible allow me to think that I do?

Knowing that WHY DO YOU CARE?  Why do you care how someone else lives?  Why do you care who someone else loves?  Let’s just trample all over my beliefs as an atheist and assume that gays (and for other but equal damning reasons, myself and most of my friends) are pissing off God.  So what?  Imagine how happy you will be when you are standing next to the Almighty at the pearly gates with your arms crossed and your brow scrunched down in an “I told you so” look.  You can gloat all you want as the fabulous gays and I do a perfect pivot-turn and sashay ala Fosse style right on down to the depths of Hell.  If you believe in God.  Why don’t we agree to just let him be the final judge?

To bring it back around to niceness let me share one more Jodi Picoult quote that I love from The Storyteller (based on the evidence in this blog post it seems Ms. Jodi is my literature spiritual leader.  My Ayn Rand or L. Ron Hubbard.)

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Most assume that the Supreme Court will do nothing about DOMA right now.  That this older group of Americans just don’t understand why it’s even an issue.  I do believe that Marriage Equality and Gay Rights is a generational problem.  Much like women’s right to vote and mixed race marriages.  One that we be “solved” soon.  I just wish it was my generation that could make that change.

Equality and Me: I Didn’t Ask For This (Guest Blogger)

26 Tuesday Mar 2013

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601982_10150388238239953_1311720950_nToday and tomorrow are both very important to many Americans, as these are the days the United States Supreme Court will be reviewing California’s Prop 8 and DOMA.  My lack of political knowledge is unfortunate so let me have someone else explain:

“Beginning this morning, the Supreme Court will hear two cases that could recognize the right of everyone, straight or gay, to marry the person they love. The first concerns California’s anti-gay Proposition 8, and could potentially extend the right to marry to same-sex couples in all fifty states. The second challenges the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), and could end the federal government’s practice of denying equal benefits to couples who are legally married under state law.” – Think Progress, Everything You Need to Know About the Marriage Equality Cases At The Supreme Court, by Ian Millhiser

I’m a theatre arts major who lives in Los Angeles.  It’s a no brainer that I have gay friends, both men and women.  It also makes sense that the majority of my friends are pro “marriage equality.”  Today my Facebook feed blew up with love and support for all of our friends who are gay and, maybe more importantly, the need to support equality for everyone.   My friend Krissy Cummins, you remember her as one of the St. Patrick’s

Krissy and Riggins at Runyon

Krissy and Riggins at Runyon

Day fairies, wrote a bit of an experience she had.  I reached out to see if she would be willing to be a guest blogger for today and share more of her story.  My original thought was that I’d weave in my comments with Krissy’s.  After reading her very emotional and thought-provoking story I refuse to dilute it with my silliness.   Below is Krissy’s story that she wrote up specifically for you on this very important day:

Equality and Me: I Didn’t Ask For This.

In 1993 I lost my best friend and man I thought I’d spend my life with to a nasty little disease called AIDS. That’s a whole other story in itself but let’s suffice it to say he contracted it during a dark moment of (non-sexual) carelessness and carried the shame and secrecy of it up until a month before he died. I got well acquainted with this disease at a time when fear and hysteria accompanied it- we had kissed!- was I doomed? An HIV test (and educated doctors) assured me that I was not.

This loss shattered my life and ultimately resulted in me finding the balls to move to Hollywood and pursue my dreams. I’ve never gotten over it, as people who suffer this kind of loss understand; you just tuck it away and soldier on. But it left me forever linked to a community that otherwise wouldn’t have been more than a blip on my radar- sure gays had rights!- but now I was linked to them whether I liked it or not. In my despair, I joined a support group at APLA for people who had lost someone to AIDS. The group was mostly gay men who could’ve easily resented the young blonde girl who had never experienced any kind of bigotry or hatred like they had. But they lovingly embraced me and my story and gave it all the compassion and acknowledgement that they gave their own.

I grew close to one of the young men in the group. Like many of the other men there, his partner had died of AIDS and he had nursed him until the end. Hearing his story, and the final months he spent feeding, bathing, consoling, and loving his partner was very powerful for me. I remember being so struck by the quiet and holy emotion in the room: LOVE. What he shared with his partner had nothing to do with sex. Like many (married) couples over the years, they’d stopped having sex. His partner was dying and suffering, sex wasn’t even in the equation anymore! Similar (actually IDENTICAL) to ‘regular’ relationships/marriages (if they’re lucky), it had all boiled down to love and commitment.

My friend shared with the group his experience once his partner ended up in the hospital, about to pass away. The family showed up for the first time in years, and immediately had my friend banned from his partner’s bedside. The hospital staff was helpless to support him, he had no legal rights. This was gut wrenching for him as well as his dying partner. Can you even imagine this happening to you? How insane you would go? Imagine if you were dying and your most loved one wasn’t holding your hand, instead you had to look into the faces of those who had only hurt and betrayed you? My friend didn’t even get to say good-bye!

The family then changed the locks on the home my friend had shared with his partner for years; someone packed up a few of his things and left them on the front lawn. What struck me was the shame and sadness my friend carried, when he had nothing to be ashamed of. The barbaric and inhumane assholes that did this to him deserved all the shame. I’m happy to say the support group did help him realize this, and he wept with knowing he had a true love in this life. He passed away himself a year or two afterwards. I will never forget him or the lessons he gave me.

It’s OK if we don’t all believe the same things. You’re allowed to be down on gay people (just don’t expect me to drink with you). At least open your mind to see what’s happening here, all they want is to be able to have a family and the rights (and benefits!) that come with it. How does that hurt you? You don’t get any less of anything! Quit obsessing on what they’re doing in their bedrooms, you snooty snoots! All kinds of (straight!) people do all kinds of wacky stuff in their bedrooms, who cares?! I could punch people’s lights out over this small-minded horrifically cruel and disrespectful bullshit!

But instead I will BREATHE- and remember my friend and the way he silenced the room with his story, the courage of it, the grace, the way I felt humbled to be in its presence- and I will keep the faith that somehow the holiness of that love- and the love so many similar to him share- straight, gay or otherwise (EQUALITY!)- will prevail amidst all this madness. And of course I remember my own love that I lost in 1993- and all the lessons that loss forced upon me- forgive me but I’d throw them all down the shitter if I could have him back just for a day- but- alas, these lessons are mine, and I know I’m a better person for having known- and lost him.

Krissy and me Holiday Season 2010. We were pretending to fight each other ... very effectively I might add.

Krissy and me Holiday Season 2010. We were pretending to fight each other … very convincingly I might add.

Krissy – Thank you for sharing your story.  I’m so proud to be able to call you my friend!