I recently changed my Instagram (@wnewell) account from private to public. Since 90% of my pictures are of the dogs I decided I should be kind and share the cuties with the world. Since doing this I’ve slowly been gaining followers and “likes” from folks I don’t know. I love to look at everyone’s profile (probably because it is just a few sentences long) and their pictures to learn more about these dog lovers. In general those folks that pay attention to my pictures fall into one of two categories:
Person Who Works Out a Lot
The dog lover is a no brainer but why the health nuts? I’m sure it is because all my pictures are tagged with the location we are at so there are a lot of #griffithpark, #runyon, etc. fans. After tagging a picture I often click on it to see who else was around that day and the pictures they took. I assume others do the same and that is how people are stumbling upon my dog pictures.
Anyway, those work out fans often state “God first” in their mini profiles. Not being someone who looks to God let alone place him as my number one, I tried to translate this into language I could understand (much like when someone says they are praying for me and I translate it to thinking of me/wishing the best for me). My first thought was that you are putting yourself first. That works, “me first.” Then I decided that sounded too Ayn Rand-ish and I hate Ayn Rand so I changed it to “humanity first.” That still didn’t really do it justice so I gave up swapped out the d and g and got Dog first! Bingo! We have a winner!
Everyone that knows me knows I put Riggins first. Even when I have all the other dogs with me Riggins gets priority. He gets to go in the car first so that he gets “his” spot (behind the passenger seat). If he wants to come up on to my bed and another dog is in his place everyone has to shuffle around so there is room for Riggins. He knows what’s up. He will stand next to the bed patiently waiting until his spot is ready for him. If he wants to cuddle with me on the sofa I have to move all the other dogs so he can sit next to and then lie down on me. He is my baby! There are a few dogs he will share his space with and honestly sometimes due to lack of space he has no choice. He is a good sport.
Riggins can be both a cuddle monster and an independent dude depending on what he is feeling in that moment. I love when he is in cuddle mode. Who doesn’t love a cuddly dog? Recently a friend needed some dogs for her web series and asked if I could be available. If you need dogs (or dog poop) I’m your gal! The lead actor announced he didn’t care for one of my dogs (he is a good guy and really loved them all … but not all the same). One of his reasons why is that she didn’t seem that cuddly. He was right. She isn’t much of a cuddlier. Some dogs aren’t. Other dogs NEED to be in your lap. They have to be touching you or snuggling at all times. Let’s face it as much as I love cuddle mode sometimes I need a break which makes Riggins the perfect pup for me!
If you are like me and multi task while watching TV by being on Pinterest then you know “hacks” are the new big thing. (I’m convinced this is why I can no longer watch anything but sitcoms. Anything more complicated than that and I look up from my iPhone wondering why so and so is dead and have to rewind only to do it all over again because there are succulent arrangements on Pinterest that have really caught my attention). “Hacks” are ways of doing things you normally do, but better. Most aren’t very helpful but every once in a while you find a good one and it makes the hours you spent reading through blog after blog worth it. Of course, you immediately forget about it once you turn your computer off or set down your iPhone. For a good 5 seconds your life seems much easier. I thought I’d share a few of my food hacks with you. If we were being honest, and I will be, they aren’t hacks at all but I was trying to be hip and cool so I used that word to describe them.
* Almond milk – Moo cow milk sucks. It’s disgusting. Just saying it makes me gag just a little in the back of my throat. It also kills my stomach. It took me a long time to admit that I’m probably somewhat lactose intolerant. The last time I had real ice cream I spent the evening in the fetal position praying to the gods of stomach pains to just take me and be done with it. Since my folks were not hippies and I love Lewis Black (mostly because I love Lewis Black – see video below) it took me a long time to tiptoe down the milk aisle a bit and try some of the milk alternatives. They are pretty good guys … p r e t t y good. My favorite is the unflavored almond milk. It tastes a lot like non-fat milk but not as gaggy. The very best part is that it lasts FOREVER! I was always throwing milk away. No matter how small a carton I’d purchase I’d never get through it before it went bad. Almond milk is like Twinkies of the milk aisle. It lasts forever. Well forever in milk years. There are other options out there. If you have a child who likes sugary cereals give him/her coconut milk. It probably has too many calories for you but your skinny little child can take it plus it is naturally the sweetest thing you have ever tasted … and this is me saying that … me … the woman who can eat cotton candy straight from the machine.
If you are hesitant to jump off the “Moo Cow Fuck Milk” (thanks Mr. Black) train then start with the chocolate version of your fake milk of choice. It’s the gateway milk product that can help you transition.
* Fake Chicken – I’m going to say this and then crawl under my desk in shame. I really like Chick-fil-a. It’s freakin’ delicious. I say this as an atheist sitting here typing this while wearing a “Straight against Hate” shirt (seriously). Those God loving folks know their way around a chicken sandwich. I’ll give them that. I realize I shouldn’t like them. I know I know … but it’s goooooooooooooood. They are also crazy nice. Have you been to one? Apparently the fear of God equals unparalleled customer service. I can love my gays, Bill Nye, AND Chick-fil-a … can’t I? (Note — No offense meant toward my religious friends. More toward intolerant folks. Those folks I can’t tolerant — isn’t it ironic — don’t you think?)
Well besides not wanting to support that “type” of company (that much … It’s seriously good) I also really try not to eat that many animals. I am semi-vegetarian. Which means I’m not vegetarian at all. I have no health reason to be vegetarian. I just feel like for someone who loves animals as much as I do I shouldn’t be happy with them being tortured for my food. Don’t get me wrong if you promised me I’d never get caught I’d happily crawl into a black catsuit, slink over my neighbors fence, kill that rooster, pluck out it’s feathers, cook it and eat it. I really hate that rooster. I suppose I’m fine with free range type animal foods. Sadly I’m too poor and don’t have enough patience to eat that way right this minute. So when I can I choose vegetarian over meat … at least when I’m by myself in my own home. I’m not putting anyone out for me being this crazy.
(*** I had to stop writing this to go meet a friend for lunch. I had pizza that included cheese and pepperoni. I know need to go down an entire bottle of pepto bismol. Why does my stomach hate me???? ***)
Being a non-semi-kinda-not really-vegetarian isn’t the point of this. The point is I want Chick-fil-a sandwiches without the guilt. Answer … a bagel and fake chicken patties. Now hear me out. There is no doubt that a fake chicken patty is nowhere close to a big fat juicy chick-fil-a patty. I’m not trying to tell you it is. BUT it’s a pretty good substitute and for someone like me it’s perfect. Plop one of those in the microwave and stick it in between a bagel and you have yourself a fake guilt free sandwich! The fat bagel picks up the substance slack from the non-chicken chicken. If you are gluten free or carb free then I can’t help you.
* Egg white sandwiches everywhere. Now I just said I try not to eat meat. Then I told you I had pepperoni on my pizza so you know I’m not trying that hard. I also don’t count breakfast meat. Bacon, turkey, and sausage don’t count as long as they are consumed as part of a breakfast item. Note that they don’t need to be consumed at breakfast just as long as they are part of a traditional breakfast item. You can eat a breakfast burrito with bacon for dinner, for example. One thing I don’t like at all is egg yolk. It’s absolutely disgusting. I like my eggs as nature intended. Poured out of a carton titled “egg whites.” An egg white and avocado sandwich may be the most perfect food on the planet. Egg whites are also super easy to make plus you can act really self-satisfied when the doctor says you have high cholesterol and need to stop eating egg yolks. “Way ahead of you doc.” 1 minute on the stove top or less time in the microwave and tada! Perfection. The thing is sometimes you are busy and on the road when your stomach is growling and you HAVE to stop for a bite. Now you can actually get egg white sandwiches from quick serve restaurants (aka the classy name for fast food joints). It’s a brave new world out there. Subway was the first to start this new and exciting fad. Add some spinach, cucumber and avocado and you have a great way to break your fast (I’ve been reading the Game of Thrones books). Sadly when you have 5 dogs in the car you can’t really leave them to run into Subway for a sandwich artist to take his time putting together a piece of art. Luckily two drive thru joints have joined in the fun. McDonalds now has an egg white option. It comes with canadian bacon which is gross, but you can swap it out for real person bacon or just give the canadian bacon to whatever dog is closest to you at the time. It’s pretty freakin’ fantastic. NOW Jack in the Box is on board. Never one to be left out of a food fad the box now has a yolk free option. When you hold it in your hands you are going to wonder how you got so lazy that you couldn’t make this yourself at home but then you will shrug and happily stuff it in your mouth. Their option comes with a slice of turkey and tomato and is on a hamburger bun so you don’t forget where you got it.
Riggins doesn’t have a No H8 t-shirt so he is wearing a beautiful yellow ascot in support.
Today the Supreme Court was/is reviewing DOMA the federal law that defines “marriage” as something between one man and one woman. I want to share my feelings on the subject but the entire thing makes me so furious. I just don’t understand. My logical brain cannot process someones need to give a shit about who another person marries. A person they will, most likely, never meet in their entire life. In fact, that is my counterargument to almost every single thing thrown at me about it. WHY DO YOU CARE???? Let’s break it down one at a time.
1. Joseph (Seems like a nice solid name. Let’s just pretend that Mr. “I think gays shouldn’t marry'”s name is Joseph): Gay Marriage is against the Bible.
Wendy: WHY DO YOU CARE? If that is how you interpret your bible then you live that way. What does it matter that someone else lives differently? If we are going to use your logic anyone who doesn’t believe in your bible shouldn’t be married. Why are you picking on the gays? I have a number of gay friends who are religious and go to church regularly. I’m an atheist. So by your logic doesn’t it make more sense that I can’t marry vs. my God-fearing gay friend?
Here is the problem with the Bible as an excuse. It is FULL of things that seem archaic now. It is almost like it was written ions ago to scare people into living a certain way … the way someone or a group of someone’s prefer. Doesn’t it? Hmmmmm … kinda like a big ol’ graphic book of fables with fire and stoning, lust and hate, love and forgiveness. Hmmmmm ….
Jodi Picoult did a lot of research before writing her book, Sing You Home. In this scene one of her brilliant characters is questioning a pastor on the stand. A pastor whose argument is that gay marriage is forbidden in the Bible. Let’s see what her research into the Bible says …
CLICK TO ENLARGE
Even with EXACT Biblical quote being used in defense it doesn’t matter. The fictional Joseph won’t care. It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall. Do you know why? It really doesn’t matter what the Bible says. That is how Joseph was raised. In college I took a class called “The Literature of the Bible.” I remember debating people in class. Those who went to Sunday school as children and demanding, “Show me. SHOW ME IN THE BOOK I’M HOLDING UP WHERE IT SAYS THAT.” They couldn’t and they often disputed what I was saying even though I could read a quote straight from the text-book (aka the Bible). They have been told for years what that book says. You can’t teach an old dog …
2. Joseph: If Gay marriage is legal it will corrupt my children.
Wendy: Stop it. Stop pretending that you allow your children around anyone gay and/or anyone who is gay and is brave enough to live his/her life that way. Now tell me EXACTLY how it will corrupt your children. You do realize gay couples currently exist with or without “marriage” right? You do realize that your children can be currently going to school (I know I know your kids are home schooled. You got me on a technically. I didn’t see that coming.) with children being raised by loving parents that just happen to be the same-sex. For that matter your child may have friends being raised by their grandparents, or their aunts/uncles. It’s highly possible your child already knows someone who is being raised by just one parent. I don’t want to send your head spinning too fast but it is highly possible your child has a friend who is being raised by mixed race parents. Gasp … it’s already happening. I tell you what. If you can’t find it in yourself to be a parent who is able and willing to calmly discuss with his/her children that love comes in all shapes and should always be protected and respected then I’ll be happy to do it for you. Just let me know and I’ll give you my Skype name and we can jump on the computer and straighten this whole thing out.
Wendy: Sigh … Joseph. Please stop talking. You are making me not like you and I’m trying really really hard not to be horrifically mean and start cursing violently at an imaginary person. I want to like you. You have such fabulous fashion style. I mean that coat is to die for. Honestly it’s not gay at all. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
4. Joseph: Two men kissing in public is icky.
Wendy: You kissing anyone is icky. Please don’t do it in front of me.
I have the right and the obligation as a human to live one person’s life. Mine. I’m lucky enough to be able to influence the minds and decisions of close friends and family. Other than that … I got nothing. There is no reason that I should believe that I have the right to tell you how to live. What would possible allow me to think that I do?
Knowing that WHY DO YOU CARE? Why do you care how someone else lives? Why do you care who someone else loves? Let’s just trample all over my beliefs as an atheist and assume that gays (and for other but equal damning reasons, myself and most of my friends) are pissing off God. So what? Imagine how happy you will be when you are standing next to the Almighty at the pearly gates with your arms crossed and your brow scrunched down in an “I told you so” look. You can gloat all you want as the fabulous gays and I do a perfect pivot-turn and sashay ala Fosse style right on down to the depths of Hell. If you believe in God. Why don’t we agree to just let him be the final judge?
To bring it back around to niceness let me share one more Jodi Picoult quote that I love from The Storyteller (based on the evidence in this blog post it seems Ms. Jodi is my literature spiritual leader. My Ayn Rand or L. Ron Hubbard.)
Most assume that the Supreme Court will do nothing about DOMA right now. That this older group of Americans just don’t understand why it’s even an issue. I do believe that Marriage Equality and Gay Rights is a generational problem. Much like women’s right to vote and mixed race marriages. One that we be “solved” soon. I just wish it was my generation that could make that change.