Author Archives: wendynewell

Total Soulmates

03 Wednesday Feb 2010

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Logging into Chemistry.com today I was happy to see that they had identified members of their prestigious panel who would fit well with me. They have to be correct in their love choices, after all I took that ridiculously long questionnaire just so the magical site could match me up with guys and give me valid reasons why we should spend eternity together.

“Like you Markus enjoys watching movies.”

“Like you Ben is the oldest child.”

“Like you Charlie likes to breath oxygen.”

More times than I like to admit Chemistry matches me with someone that makes me want to take the staircase to the roof of the building and swan dive off of it. Today though I was in for a special treat!

The first thing that you see is the person’s tag line. A small, usually one liner, that is suppose to capture your attention and make you want to learn more. One of today’s “match” victims had the following headline:

“ Hello easy goin fello here just chillin lookin for something different in my life thats good and appreciative of good company 22″

Not going to lie. I am intrigured and want to read more. Maybe not for the reasons Chemistry was hoping for but why argue over something so small as “reason”. So I happily read his profile:

“ Me like i said im easy goin but don’t make me mad love delicious ladies that can appreciate a real man a good man a good person if intrested take a peak.id luv too here from intresting people whats the flavor for this year??”

He loves delicious ladies and I AM a delicious lady. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and say we are soulmates but come on … can you deny it at this point? I’d love to “take a peak” but sadly he did not post any pictures. My imagination will just have to run wild! Although further analysis of his profile gives me this tidbit of insightful information:

“A book, movie, concert or play that he’s recently enjoyed: enjoyed the action and plot of transformers 2″

What a catch ladies. Back off. Chemistry has decided he is mine. I hear wedding bells.

If I Ruled the Award Shows – Revised

02 Tuesday Feb 2010

Posted by in movie; academy awards; hollywood

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The Young Victoria! I can’t believe I forgot that movie. Sorry Sherlock Holmes you have been bumped from the previous list. The Young Victoria is adorable and everyone should go see it.

If I Ruled the Award Shows

01 Monday Feb 2010

Posted by in movie; academy awards; hollywood

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This time of year Hollywood, and the entire Entertainment community, takes a time out to go on a non-stop ride of patting itself on the back. Have you ever seen so many self-righteous people talking about how great they are? You already have a dream job, make oodles more money than most of us, and get so much vacation time it would make even a teachers head spin. Do you need to take the time to CONSTANTLY award yourselves? Of course other industries award themselves too but they don’t televise it …. with a pre and post show … constant recaps … and self promotion.

Still I love to be entertained so although they aren’t heart surgeons, I will allow them to continue.

Tomorrow the tippy top of Hollywood awards, the Academy Awards, announces their nominations. Essentially an isolated group of people, using their own personal qualifications, tell us what the best movies of the year are. Here would be my choices if anyone asked me … which they don’t.

In no particular order for 10-7:
* Sherlock Holmes — Totally worth my money and caloric intact required for the popcorn and soda.
* The Blind Side — Shout out to Riggins within the first 5 minutes. Need I say more?
* District 9 — Okay admittedly somewhat creepy but did a great job of illuminating a current human problem. And the aliens weren’t “real” looking so I was okay with them.
* The Proposal — I watched this on VOD the other day. Totally charming. Not to mention Ryan Renolds is dreamy. The Wolverine movie almost made the list because of him.
* (500) Days of Summer — If you can ignore the tools in your life that say they have dated a woman who treated them just like the male lead (no you haven’t … tool) you are in for an adorable treat.
* Star Trek — I had “Live Long and Prosper” as the sign off of my personal email for months prior to this movie. It HAD to make the list.
* Up In The Air — Despite it’s length it’s strength to be tragic among Hollywood’s constant need for a happy ending, kept it real.
Now to countdown the rest:
#3 – Avatar — I don’t care what you say. Yes, James Cameron is most likely a giant tool. That doesn’t make his achievement less exciting and magnificent (and I do hate that I have to say it). Best acting? No. Best storyline? No. Crazy awesome. Yes. Those that wish to fight about this fact … well go ahead. No one is listening. Those involved in making this flick are too busy depositing their constant stream of checks.
#2 – Julie and Julia — Even though that Julie chick seemed a bit mean the movie is fabulous. Meryl Streep deserves every award she has ever received and while we are at it just hand her a truck load more for the future.
#1 – The Hurt Locker — Great movie. Tragic. Haunting. Human. Lovely. AND with a very male storyline and all male cast, directed brilliantly by a woman. SO SUCK IT!

There is a good chance 2 of the 10 on my list will make it to the Academy’s nominee list. The others are out of luck and those involved in making them should rally harder to have me be in charge of all of Hollywood.

No Pain No Gain

27 Wednesday Jan 2010

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In June of 2008 I joined my friend Martha and E. (non-Martha names protected remember?) for the Danskin Triathlon. It was oodles of fun and I was so glad I did it. The fun I had that weekend wiped out all the pain and suffering of training for weeks and weeks prior to the event. I forgot that my body was so over exercising that race day couldn’t come soon enough.

Now it’s 2010 and I’ve signed up for the Pasadena Reverse Tri with my friend G. Overall a shorter Sprint Triathlon than I did in 2008 so should be easy right? Well training isn’t. Freakin’ freak freak it’s not fun. If ANYONE tells you it is they are liars. Liar liar pants on fire. You can tell them I said that.

First of let me explain that my friend G. is a little powerhouse. Her energy is endless, her drive to win can’t be matched, and her athletic ability is ridiculous. I’m the exact opposite. I pretend my energy is endless although I’m always exhausted and feel like the walking dead during the day. I don’t need to win I just want to finish (hopefully within 30 minutes of G although that may be asking too much). I’m the OPPOSITE of athletic. That doesn’t mean that I don’t do athletic things it just means my body REALLY doesn’t want to and I have to force every single step, peddle, and arm swing.

Let me explain my life “in training”. Get up and go to work (unless it is Thursday then get up crazy early and go to Bar Method class first). Work a long hard stressful day at a desk job. Jump into crazy traffic to get home. Then, without thinking because thinking is the enemy here, throw on your work out gear, get out the door, and go. Then when you get home go to bed because to stay healthy with this schedule you need 8-10 hours of sleep. Weekend … what’s that? Get up as early or earlier than you normally would. Hit the pool before it gets crowded or the bike before the crazy drivers hit the streets of Glendale. Then after that go ahead and run 3 miles. Not finished because although this is great for you, the dog is pouting in the corner because he has yet to have any fun. Grab him and the keys and head to Runyon to walk up and down a hill (3 miles – ish which means 1 1/2 at a constant incline) so that the adorable dog can run free for awhile. Then the next day repeat.

I now remember what I had forgotten. That on race day that faithful June morning of 2008 my elbow hurt from swimming, my knee was wrapped, and my only goal was to find a way to get those 8-10 hours suggested sleep.

Here’s hoping I make it!

Counting is Fun! – Note

18 Monday Jan 2010

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Just wanted to let you know that as TV shows come out of their holiday hiatus I stand strongly by my choices of top 10 (see postings below). Well somewhat strongly as I feel I need to add Special Agent Anthony from NCIS. Darn my dad for getting me hooked on that show. In fact I love all the characters from that show except Abby. I may be the only NCIS watcher to dislike her. That wacky crazy scientist chick thing is annoying. I find it hard to believe that someone in a mini skirt, dog collar, and unhealthy caffeine addiction would be taken seriously in a male driven corporate environment. No matter how good she was at her job. (I speak from experience.)

Now that I’m talking NCIS I adore LL Cool J. I have no idea what his character name is so I can’t officially put him on the list but I still adore him.

P.S.
I heart Kendall.

Welcome to Creepville

18 Monday Jan 2010

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Please enjoy the fabulously freaky email I received from a socially inept match.com guy:

You may know me, but I know you. When you were younger you were different from the others around you. You were observant. You’d silently take in a situation and notice things about the people in your presence. Your intuition is strong. You are very caring and honest, sometimes even too much so, but you have great difficulty in letting anybody get to know you. When you finally do let somebody in, you keep him or her close to you for a long time. In fact, there’s someone close to you that you’re really worried about right now. But the best thing to do is to keep being a positive force in that person’s life. Sometimes you’re over analytic, but it’s better to try to live spontaneously. You have a scar on your left knee. Your eyes are very magical, very mystical, very psychic. So how do you see your future?

Enjoy my response:

So with that creepy email are you just betting on the fact that the gal in question has a scar on her knee? I mean it is probably a good chance so it has to work at least 10% of the time. I bet you can knock out those emails pretty quickly making that a good enough turn around to make you think that odd way of connecting works. Luckily I am “different than the others around me” and just see it for what it is … freaky. Stop it before someone “reports a concern” (aka you) to match.com.

The (Shirtless) Resolutionary War

09 Saturday Jan 2010

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I think there was some sort of group New Year’s Resolution that happened this year. A Resolutionary War that I was not aware I was a part of until they started to attack! Older (a lot older) men have dusted off their best shirtless pictures from their younger days, stormed Match.com, and have me in their sights. Why shirtless you say? Good question. Obviously it was ammunition they felt I would not be able to fight back from. Nah I say! I will stay strong and continue to retaliate with the “block” button until I am victorious!

WTF Indeed!

28 Monday Dec 2009

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Dear random guy on Chemistry.com. Just because I did not immediately write you back does not mean you have to get all crazy with it and send me an email titled, “WTF” with no text in the body of the message.

WTF indeed!

I ignored, deleted and blocked. Now that I think about it I should have wrote back in the headline BD. Then in the body of the text, “Translated: Bullet Dodged.”

Counting is Fun! – Edit

23 Wednesday Dec 2009

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Okay I thought of another great character. Cameron Tucker from Modern Family. Much like Barney ever scene he is in I’m laughing. That actor is a comic genius.

Now I have to bump someone from my original list. Sorry Hodgins … you’re out!

Counting is Fun!

22 Tuesday Dec 2009

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I love end of the year countdowns and lists. ADORE THEM! I’m not sure why. No matter the topic I have an opinion and will happily share it with anyone who will listen. I’ve even been known to watch end of the year list countdowns on ESPN and honestly I couldn’t tell you if I even have access to that channel any other time of year.

So! I decided to make my own end of year top 10 list of the best (aka my favorite) TV characters of 2009. Now I realize it doesn’t make sense to compile this list mid network season but I don’t care. I also freely admit I stole this idea from someone on Twitter who, with ties to the industry, was probably more qualified to make this list than I am. Still, with hours of programing currently recorded on my DVR I’m confident in my opinion on this matter.

#10. Dr. Jack Hodgins from Bones.
Honestly he almost got bumped by the son in Cougar Town but he made it so there you go. I really like the show Bones which is odd since I find the main female character horrifically annoying. I give full credit to Hodgins. Although I liked him better when Angela and him where “doing it.”

#9. Sarah Walker from Bothers and Sisters.
Her character is just tragic. It hurts my heart. If you can watch an episode of Brothers and Sisters without crying you are dead inside.

#8. Michael Western from Burn Notice.
Come on! The ultimate bad boy who does good. “Somebody needs you Michael.” Yah. Me.

#7. Hardison and Parker from Leverage.
I realize it is cheating having this spot shared by two characters but they kinda come as a pair and it’s my list so I’ll do what I want! I love all the characters on Leverage but these two are my favorite. He is crazy smart and she is super skilled — in the art of the con (is that how you spell that? Seems wrong.). Again bad guy/gal who does good. I say recipe for success!

#6. Kendall Cho from The Mentalist.
Okay I admit it. I had to look up this characters name. I usually just refer to him as the Hot Stoic Asian Dude. This is pretty high on the list for a character whose name I don’t know but EVERY time I watch The Mentalist I say out loud, “I love that Hot Stoic Asian Dude.” So there you go! I actually do love all the characters on this show especially Lisbon but Kendall still takes top honors. Watch the show. You honestly want to tell me they’d get anything done without him? He is calm, cool, and collected and knows more about law and life than the other 2 lower detectives combined. (I liked the “2 lower detectives” aka Grace & Rigsby, better when they weren’t “doing it”.) Without him they would fail. And who wants a fake government agency failing? Not I!

#5. Dr. Gregory House from House.
HOW CAN HOUSE NOT MAKE YOUR LIST? You heard me so called “TV person” who wrote that list I am blatantly stealing the idea of. HOW? I love that show and I’ll tell you this much it isn’t for any of the other annoying spineless characters. It’s all about House, all the time! A brilliant character who you should despise and yet love due to his wit and extreme intelligence (gross Moody from Californication could take some tips from him).

#4. Cappie from Greek.
That’s right a character from ABC Family made it on my list. Have you watched Greek? No. Then zip it and stop judging. Cappie is an adorable loser whose heart is bigger than the Grinch’s at the end of that story (after the growth spurt). My friend, the only other person I know who watches the show, agrees that the fictional Cappie should stop futzing around at college and just marry me! We can have jello shots at the reception.

#3. Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother.
Again didn’t make that other list making that other list invalid. How I Met Your Mother is often times seconds from being unwatchable. The lead male character is so annoying I’m shocked none of the other fictional characters just don’t off him and end his misery. BUT NEVER FEAR. BARNEY IS HERE. How can a character that is so disgusting and such a male chauvinist be so lovable? Comedy. That’s my answer. Even when he is saying nothing and almost out of the shot he is who I watch because his reaction is funnier than whoever is the focus of the scene … always!

#2. Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
One Sheldon line can explain my love for him, “That’s not a reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad.” Ha! How can you not love him? I have also recently learned that the actor who plays Sheldon, Jim Parsons, is older than me so I can actually love him without some dimwit calling me a cougar. (May be my top pet peeve of the moment. The next guy who calls me a cougar and then follows it up with, “Why are you angry? That’s a compliment.” I’m going to call a pot bellied pig. When they look hurt I’ll add, “What, it’s a compliment. I hear they are very loyal and make lovely pets.”)

#1. Drum roll please ….
Mary Shannon from In Plain Sight.
That’s right! A list over run by men is topped by a woman. As it should be! With an honorable mention to her partner Marshall, Mary is easily my favorite character on TV over the past year. Why you ask? Simple. She is me. Honestly. Watch the show. She is me. Go to Hulu right now and watch — http://www.hulu.com/search?query=in+plain+sight&st=0. You wont be disappointed!

Honorable mention to Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. ST:TNG has to be in reruns on some channel somewhere and Picard should ALWAYS make any TV character list. When I get married I plan for Patrick Stewart to do the honors but instead of saying, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” he will say, “engage” (with the hand gesture). It’s going to be glorious! You just wait!

That’s all folks! Although I reserve the right to edit this list as I think of others …