Author Archives: wendynewell

Not Patient enough for Pretty

25 Thursday Jul 2013

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Table top low curl turned out and with an unamused Dragon.

Table top low curl turned out and with an unamused Dragon.

At one point during the hour of a Bar Method class you get to ab work.  After knee lifts, shoulder work, arm work, stretching, thigh work, more stretching, and butt work, you move to some leg work that also includes your abs and then you move straight into “kill me know” ab work.  A few days ago the instructor, who just happens to be perfect in every visual way, came up to me and put her hands further away from my already outstretched arms in an attempt to make me work harder and get to a higher sit up position.  I grunted and did it and while doing so realized my gross, dirt caked, dog smelling nails were having to touch her perfectly manicured hands.  I was HORRIFIED.  Not horrified enough to fix it as it happened again the next day with another perfect instructor.  Know your faults and be okay with them.  That’s my theory.  One of my faults is my inability to care about some girly grooming activities.  Nails being number one on that list.

Downward facing dog on a dog.

Downward facing dog on a dog.

I just don’t have the time for it.  Do you realize how stressful and boring it is to sit in one ofthose mani/pedi chairs and have someone do it for you?  Gah!  I almost always screw up something on my way out because I don’t have it in me to wait long enough to let them dry.  I envy those lovely ladies who find the activity relaxing and have a standing weekly appointment at their local nail joint.

I don’t know what my problem is.  I’m super girly in other ways.  If it was socially acceptable I’d be wearing a corset right now.  If I was allowed to walk around in a costume from the Moulin Rouge my life would be so much happier.  My theory about heels?  “The higher the better.”  I managed to do some things, like get my eyebrows waxed.  That only takes a few minutes and is an AMAZING transformation from hideous hairy beast to normal human.   Nails?  Nope.  Ain’t got that kind of time.

At one point I worked down the street from a nail place and forced myself to go there during the summer on a regular basis to get my toes done.  I was pretty happy with myself and my toes actually looked good in summer sandals.  Of course I refused to get away from black nail polish, even in the dog days of summer.  It’s the only color that makes sense to me.  Don’t ask for the logic behind that statement.  There is none.

Cutie Kira with her "my nails are prettier than my Aunts" face.

Cutie Kira with her “my nails are prettier than my Aunts” face.

I’ve never gotten my fingers done on a regular basis.  That’s a SERIOUS waste of time. With my active schedule they look like crap in a matter of hours.  Years ago I was in my boss’ office for a meeting.  A boss I actually respected and looked up to.  She was super stressed and eating lunch as we talked.  I noticed her nails.  They were short.  Really short.  I loved them.  I saw it as a powerful nail cut.  Don’t mess with the chick who has the guts to cut her nails super short.  That’s been my style ever since.  No fuss no muss!

My sister often sends pictures of my niece with her nails newly painted.  She’s 4.  A 4-year-old has more patience than me.  Seems about right.

Discovering LA’s Parks

24 Wednesday Jul 2013

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image (19)Last week while taking the long way (aka I got lost) to the Hermon dog park I passed by the LA River Center and Gardens.  Since I was once an avid customer of the LA River bike path I had read about the center a number of times but never really knew where it was.  I was excited to return and check it out.

Monday Riggins, Dragon, and I set off on our adventure.   The park is located near the corner of Ave. 26 and San Fernando.  Unlike other locations in Los Angeles, it has a huge parking lot.  I assume this is to accommodate special events when they are happening but on a typical Monday it was a breeze finding a shady spot.  I was a little nervous walking in with two dogs.  I had my “the web site said dogs were allowed so f* off” speech all ready.  I never had to use it.  The only people we saw were those who were either working on the gardens or in the few nonprofit organizations that reside within the garden buildings (Friends of the Los Angeles River, Northeast Trees, Los Angeles Conservation Corps, and the National Parks Service Rivers, Trails and Conservation Assistance Program.  And yes, I did immediately return home and check their web sites for open positions I could apply for.).  The folks there didn’t seem super happy to have a crazy woman and her two dogs invade their little oasis but they left us alone.

Inside the buildings courtyard is pretty darn amazing.  Oddly enough it reminded me of the Leela Palace in Bangalore that I had visited while I was there.  Except it wasn’t as grand, you couldn’t get an amazingly americanized brunch, and Bangalore wasn’t just outside the gates.  It did share the fact that it is a lovely oasis in the middle of a city (and, if we were being honest, not the best area within the city) with beautiful plants and architecture that gave you a place to get away and just wander around.  The dogs and I did a couple of loops checking out all the nooks and crannies and looking for the perfect photo backgrounds.  Much to Dragon and Riggins dismay there were almost limitless pretty picture options!

photo (16)Just outside the courtyard you will find the bicycle staging area.  It has a drinking fountain, tire pump, and other facilities cyclists may need.  I had expected the center to back up right to the bike path but it doesn’t.  There is train tracks and the actual river between the end of the bike path and the center.  To get there on bike you would have to take some LA streets.  Not my favorite on my bike, but good to know it is there if I ever need it.

Just past the courtyard is the actual River Garden Park.  It’s kinda crappy.  I’m sure it’s amazing when it is clear of weirdos hanging out and the water element is on but that isn’t what we experienced.  It’s tiny and separated from the center so not really a positive or negative addition.

I have to say the courtyard would be an AMAZING location for a special event.  I’ve spent the last hour looking at photos of folks who have had their wedding there.  There is even a beautiful outdoor fireplace and a built-in bar.  It’s designed for a party.  Based on the reviews I read it is crazy expensive.  Still, it would make a wonderful location for my 40th birthday party.  I just need to win the lotto and make a crapload of more friends before next March!

We hadn’t done nearly enough walking to poop out the dogs so on our way home we stopped by another park, Rio De Los Angeles State Park.  What a friggin’ gem that is!  It is image (21)huge, very clean, and pretty.  They have some spectacular playground equipment complete with a water park!  It also has tennis courts, basketball courts, baseball fields, softball fields, soccer fields, and a walking trail.  The dogs and I took the walking trail.  It’s an easy loop that takes you down close to the railroad tracks (and therefore the river).  It has been restored to look like the wetlands the area once was, which makes it another time-out from the city just beyond the gates.  When we were there the majority of folks at the park were on the soccer field.  There were only 2 kids on the play equipment and only 1 very smart child having fun in the water.  I got close to take pictures and couldn’t help but laugh at his happy giggles.  He was having way too much fun.  I wanted to leave the dogs with his nanny (I’m assuming) and go have fun with him!  I honestly don’t know why everyone with kids isn’t there everyday!  My mom suggested perhaps it wasn’t a safe neighborhood.  Ok.  I’ll give you that.  Outside the gates is a bit of a crapshoot.  That area is mostly industrial.  The FedEx joint is next door and the Kia dealership is a bit further down the road.  When I had a crappy Kia that’s where I’d go for service and then walk across the street to this dive burger joint for THE BEST breakfast sandwich of all time.  I was the only woman customer there and the only person that would mark “white” when asked ethnicity on a form but I never felt unsafe.  It is technically on the edge of Glassell Park which isn’t known for its safe and gun free neighborhoods but come on … what neighborhood is really safe?  The park is clean, well-kept up, and oodles of fun.  Just hit the ground if you hear gunshots.

Trash the Retractable

23 Tuesday Jul 2013

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pizap.com13746056976801I had an incident this morning that caused me to have to push the other topic I was planning to discuss today and write about it instead.  I was driving Riggins and Dragon to the Silver Lake reservoir to walk around it and spend some time in the dog park.  On a major street heading that way I eyed trouble about to happen on the sidewalk.  A woman (I’m horrible at ages but let’s say mid 50 ish) was walking her two small dogs with a skateboarder coming straight toward her.  This teenage jackass proceeded to skate almost in between the woman and her dogs sending both her dogs into a tizzy.  That caused the skateboarder to become off-balance adding to the chaos.  One dog, freaked out by both the skateboard and the skateboarder almost falling on him, ran for his life.  Ran for his life right into the street which he was able to do because he was on a retractable leash and had the freedom to do so.  To stop from hitting the dog I had to come to a very sudden stop sending poor Dragon, who was not in a seat belt (get your dog a seat belt), slamming against the back of my chair.  I stayed there for a good couple of beats before the dog walker managed to get over the shock of her near collision with the asshole skateboarder to even realize her dog was almost under my car.

Let’s pause for a second to think selfishly about me.  Do you realize how traumatized I would be if I hit a dog with my car?  It would be the end of my fragile mental state as we know it.

There was more than one person that caused this almost disaster.  First of all the skateboarder.  Dude, what are you thinking?  EVERYONE knows that dogs don’t like skateboards and usually anything with wheels.  Don’t act dumb.  Sure you may think it is the dog owners responsibility to train his/her dog not to overreact to you zipping by but 90% of us (including me) haven’t taken the time to do this.  So what are you thinking?  You vs. dog (any dog) you lose, so stop being so dense.  The youngins in my hood have had the snot scared out of them enough that they now pop up and off their board carrying it as they pass Riggins.  Smart kids.

Now for the dog walker.  I use to be nice, skating around the issue of retractable leashes.  I didn’t like them but if you wanted to use it so be it.  I’m done with those niceties.  DON’T USE A RETRACTABLE DOG LEASH.  There was an article recently on one of the dog blogs (if I wasn’t so lazy I’d look it up for you) talking about the rules of using a retractable dog leash so that it is safe.  This woman was going against two of these rules (as I remember them):

  1. She was walking more than one dog at a time.  Retractable leashes shouldn’t be used but they REALLY shouldn’t be used if you taking more than one dog on a walk.  It’s too hard to control the leash when you are dealing with multiple dogs.  Not to mention it adds a level of danger to the safety of the dogs and you as they get tangled up together.
  2. She wasn’t aware of her “leash circle.”  When using a retractable leash you need to be constantly aware of the area ALL AROUND you where the dog can go.  This is true of a non-retractable lead as well but at least it doesn’t have the choice of getting larger.

Now with all that said I’m still standing firm by my earlier exclamation.  Don’t use retractable dog leashes.

When I first got Riggins I knew little about dog training and dog ownership.  I quickly started reading and watching how-to videos/books.  Every single dog specialist said to get pizap.com13746081854961a non-retractable lead and a majority even call for leather.  When I’m doing something new I tend to look to those who are better than me for advice.   Seems sane right?  If they are better than me they must be doing something right so why don’t I take advantage of that knowledge.  Pre-research I was planning on getting a retractable leash (gasp).  It just seemed more convenient.  Some of you are shaking your head thinking how big Riggins is and some pro-retractables will say big dogs shouldn’t have them just the tiny ones.  Let me remind you as a puppy Riggins was tiny.  Super tiny.  I felt like his lead dwarfed him and was even questioning my decision at that point.  Once we went to puppy classes and anyone with a retractable leash had to go buy a lead that very second, I knew I had made the right decision.  The trainer wouldn’t even allow retractable leashes in his class.  That was good enough for me.

Now I know if you use a retractable leash you are going to say you can handle it and that you are fully aware of your surroundings.  I can guarantee the dog walker I saw this morning would have said the same thing.  That was until some moron came careening at her on a skateboard.  What I’m saying is that you can’t predict what is going to happen so I’m not buying this pro-retractable argument.

You are going to say that you are an expert at “locking” the leash and pulling it back.  I will say that I’m good at texting and driving.  It doesn’t make it safe.  Not buying that point either.

You are going to say that you have a small dog and have total control of him/her while on a walk.  Again I’m sure the woman I saw this morning would say the same thing.  Her dog almost got squashed.

pizap.com13746051413031In fact in that pro-retractable article I mentioned earlier (okay I’ll try to find it for you) I read a number of the reader comments and I didn’t buy a single one of the retractable arguments.  Those folks are putting a lot of faith in the outside world, a heaping of luck, and on their own mental sharpness.  I don’t know about you but my mind wonders while I’m walking the dogs.  I’m not on 24/7 alert for that entire hour to two-hour jaunt.  I can admit that why can’t they?

I’m not being nice about it any more.  Trash the retractable.  Head to your local pet store, or online store, and buy yourself a non-retractable lead.  It can be skinny if your dog is small.  It can be huge and fat if your dog is big.  I don’t care the size of your dog, what kind of retractable expert you are, how trained your dog is … TRASH THE RETRACTABLE.

Paws/LA

22 Monday Jul 2013

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photo (14)One of the things that I would love to have in my new job is the feeling that I’m helping society.  You don’t get that feeling when you are in sales!  I remember years ago having a meeting at The Children’s Hospital.  It was so emotional to walk through those halls.  It seemed wrong to try to push my bullshit product on them, but I did.  That was my job.  I wowed them with my presentation and demo skills.  When I got back to my car I cried.  I knew I had sold them on the product and I knew it was a giant waste of their money that should be used for good not evil.  It was heartbreaking.

One afternoon a while back, I filled out a ton of volunteer applications.  Selfishly I thought if I did some volunteering with an animal group those organizations I’ve been applying to would take me more seriously as a candidate.  Oh yah … and I wanted to do some good too.  Only one organization got back to me.  Isn’t that a pisser?  Here I am ready and willing to help and only one out of a zillion decide to take me up on my offer.  Maybe I should write back those other organizations and suggest they hire me as their volunteer manager!

The one company was Paws/LA.  Saturday I went to their volunteer orientation.  It was just under an hour-long which is perfect!  The thing I hate worse than not being allowed to volunteer is the need to sit through an 8 hour orientation before I get to work!  I’ll be honest I didn’t know much about the organization when I filled out their application and didn’t do much research before showing up on Sat.  Turns out Paws/LA is pretty special as it isn’t just geared toward feeding and helping animals but also, and even more so, to helping their owners.

You can go to their website to read all the wonderful things they do but to give you a quick snapshot the main goal of the organization is to keep chronically ill (life threatening) clients and low-income senior clients with their companion animal.  Often these people would have to give up the animals that they love so much and in doing so loose the friend and loved one that gives them the support they need.  Paws/LA is supported by volunteers and donations that allow these animals to get the food and care that they need so they can continue to bring joy and happiness to their humans.

Wanna cry?  Take a look at this video about the organization – 

Now that I got you with that I bet you want to know how you can help too.

Volunteer – So far I’ve just signed up to deliver food to client houses in the area but I hope to get more involved in the future.  There are a number of volunteer opportunities so take a look and see if one or more is right for you.

Donate – Cash, food, other animal type items.

Ralphs – “PAWS/LA has joined the Ralps, Community Contribution Program. Which means, every time you use your Ralphs card, PAWS/LA will get a percentage of what you spend! What you will need to do is go to Ralps.com and register PAWS/LA on your Ralps card. Our Organization number is 94269. Ends August 31st” – straight from their Facebook page.

Facebook – Like them on Facebook to hear more about what they are doing and how you can support.

“The difference between friends and pets is that friends we allow into our company, pets we allow into our solitude.”
– Robert Brault

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

18 Thursday Jul 2013

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The Bad & The Ugly –

photo (13)Today I took the Fantastic Four, Riggins, Bear, Jax & Dragon up to the observatory via the Fern Dell trail.  They all did great, and once we took a time out at the top we started back down.  On the way up we had passed a dozen or so dogs and even more humans.  My pack had no issues with anyone.  Some dogs they ignored while others everyone wanted to say hi (aka sniff butts).  There was no growling, no fighting, no lunging, no issues.

On the way down I had gone just a few steps when I saw a women coming up with 3 dogs.  She looked like she had stopped in the shade to rest (she wasn’t in the best of shape).  As we got closer she started to scream “PULL YOUR DOGS BACK.  PULL THEM BACK.  PULL YOUR DOGS BACK!”  Her dogs seemed fine at that moment.  One was crouched down in a “staking” mode but that isn’t uncommon for dogs.  The other two didn’t seem to care one way or the other that their mom had gone crazy.  I ignored her as I walked past keeping my guys as far away as the path allowed.  She kept screaming at me, which triggered one of her dogs to lose his shit and start barking aggressively.  Smallish dog … I didn’t think it was a problem as I figured, even with three dogs, she could keep such a small guy contained on leash.  Finally, after more outbursts from her, I had to point out the obvious:  1.  She was crazy.  2.  If she was so worried about her dogs meeting other animals she shouldn’t take them to a public location.  Well, that did nothing but throw fuel on the crazy fire.  She went, what I would consider, “ape shit.”  Looking back she is lucky I was in no mood for a fight because it would have been so fun to fight with her.  She started following me screaming that I had no right to have 5 dogs that I couldn’t control (Please note my puppers where pretty afraid of the woman shrieking at them so where keeping as far away as possible, not barking, and not causing any problems … which is actually pretty shocking).  It didn’t help that my response to this was that she couldn’t count.  5 dogs?  Was she counting me?  By then I was far enough away to mumble, “bitch” under my breath before moving on.

30 ish seconds later I let Riggins off leash to trot along beside us without being tethered to me.  You know what happened when I let that vicious creature that I couldn’t control free?  Nothing.  He walked all the way down past many more dogs and many more people and didn’t have a single problem … none of us did.

On the other hand I could hear crazy yelling at more people further up on the trail.  I assume she left carnage from her ridiculousness all the way up and down that path.  This “incident” had two things that make me insane and start to feel all stabby.

image (17)First of all, don’t question my ability to care for my dogs.  Don’t you dare.  This happens more often than you would think and usually I get adequately pissed off to cause a scene.  Once a young man was walking down the street to Runyon with Riggins and me scolding me the entire time about Riggins wearing a retriever bell.  I was polite at first and then verbally destroyed him to the point he turned around and went back to his car.  RETREAT!!!  I care for Riggins and my guest dogs with love and extreme passion.  For you to suggest otherwise really chaps my hide!

Secondly, this woman couldn’t admit SHE was in the wrong.  Obviously she had gotten in too far over her head bringing her dogs there (BTW she did yell at me that her aggressive dog was a shelter dog and I needed to have more compassion … yah I really need to work

Walking nicely together.

Walking nicely together.

on showing more compassion to dogs … it’s a huge problem for me) and instead of apologizing and moving on she choose to channel her embarrassment into angry toward an innocent bystander.  Why?  All that does is make more people feel bad.  When I walk aggressive dogs, like Bud, I ONLY walk them alone and when passing a dog that looks like he/she will get close tell the owner that my dog isn’t being very nice today so I am going to keep him away from their dog.  SEE WHAT I DID THERE … MADE IT TOTALLY MY RESPONSIBILITY … BECAUSE IT IS … I BROUGHT THE AGGRESSIVE DOG … MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE IT IS DONE SAFELY.

This happens a lot in life.  How many times have you seen something like this play out in the work place?  Embarrassment or fear causes us to push blame on others instead of accepting it.  It’s so much better to accept, apologize, find a solution, and move on.

The ugly part?  Well that chick was ugly … YOU UGLY!

The Good – 

I have found a new favorite dog park.  The Hermon Dog Park right off the 110 just outside image (19)of downtown LA.  When I walked up to the park gate I wasn’t really impressed.  It is smaller than other dog parks I go to and is all dirt.  There is a sign that says it was named one of the best 10 parks in 2009 (or something like that … don’t quote me on those numbers) and my first thought was, “why?”  It’s pretty much a big ol’ fenced in dirt lot.  Turns out I was wrong.  It is really a very nice park and what makes it that way are the people.

Dog park people are weird.  I’m allowed to say that as I’m one of them.  Each dog park has its own personality and its own “type” of people.  Hermon Dog Park, like the area it sits in, is home to many different types of people.  My experience is that they are like the Silver Lake dog folks but less freaky and more grown up.  That’s a good thing!

I can go to a dog park and not really interact with anyone.  There is usually the “regulars” who form a gang at a central location and you enter at your own risk.  It’s a lot like high school.  Normally I head to a location that is comfortable, stick in my earbuds, and laugh out loud to an Adam Carolla podcast.  At the Hermon park everyone was so nice and welcoming I had to take my earbuds out in order to have conversations … I know … wacky.  I had invaded their park with 4 dogs (dog parks around here only allow each person to bring 3 dogs so I was technically breaking the rules … not something I suggest doing) and they were nothing but sweet and nice to me and the pups.  They get a bright shiny gold star from me!

My previous favorite dog park was the Pasadena Dog Park and it still has a place in my image (16)heart.  I had avoided taking all 4 dogs there simply because it is full of Pasadena Dog Park people … who can sometimes be a little judgy (don’t tell them I said that).  Yesterday I planned to take only my guest dogs to the park but Riggins looked so sad I added him to the outing at the last-minute.  Turns out, that day and hour, I had nothing to worry about and the folks at the Pasadena location were super nice and not judgy at all … shame on me for assuming otherwise.

Jumping to that conclusion was my fault.  I am sorry.  In the future I won’t make assumptions based on sweeping generalizations I make about other visitors of the parks.  Have a good night!  (accept, apologize, find a solution, and move on … see not hard!)

 

Hazards of the Job

16 Tuesday Jul 2013

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Here is a video of my attempt at a nap today:

A long day of playing poops you out.

A long day of playing poops you out.

Jax and Dragon have become BFFs who spend 99.5% of their time awake wrestling with each other.  The other 0.5% is spent following me around like a mini dog choo choo train.  Their friendship is apparently stronger when they are closer to me!

This is all well and good … except when the wrestling happens on top of me. Which is the case more often than not.

Dogs wrestling + daily blood thinner medication = paw size bruises.

image (15)      photo (15)

(BTW the current bruise on my arm pictured here is actually from Bear just walking on me while in bed.  The one on the other arm, not pictured, is collateral damage from a Jax/Dragon wrestle match.  The bruise on my thigh, seen here, is of unknown origin but I blame the dynamic duo.)

Sit. Stay. Good Human.

15 Monday Jul 2013

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I once went on a couple dates with a guy who treated me like a puppy.  I think the total number of dates was 3.  I kept giving him a shot because he looked so good on paper.  Cute enough, had a stable job, lived in a house near the city, had a vacation house in Big Bear, etc.  I tried to pretend that he didn’t talk to me like I had just peed on the carpet, but it was a deal breaker.  I swear the dude even patted the top of my head … honest.

I thought of him today when I realized with all the time I spend with dogs I’m surprised my human interactions haven’t been downgraded to one word commands, angry staccato growls, and high-pitched words of encouragement.  I suppose it’s only a matter of time.

This week I have 3 guests plus Riggins.  That’s four adorable dogs and sometimes I feel like the lion tamer at the circus.  When getting in the car you can hear me say:

  • Jax up.  Jax up.  Good boy!
  • Riggins up.  Good boy!
  • Bear up.  Bear up.  BEAR UP!  Good girl.
  • Dragon up.  Up.  Good boy!

Then reverse when we get out of the call but add a couple “stay” to keep them in place until they are called.

When I leave the house by myself you hear:

  • Jax to your house.  Jax in.  Good boy! (close crate and lock it)
  • Bear next, to your house.  Dragon back.  Dragon stay.  Bear in.  Bear to your house.  Good girl! (close crate and lock it)
  • Dragon come.  Good boy.
  • Riggins treat.  Treat.  (take Riggins outside with treat and close and lock gate)
  • Good Dragon.  (close and lock the backdoor)

All I need is a top hat and some of those big black boots and I’ll be set for the center ring!

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Blurred Lines

11 Thursday Jul 2013

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I once dated a musician.  From that experience I learned never to date musicians.  This isn’t an uncommon reaction.  Unless you are 22ish this will likely be the conclusion you come up with if you ever date a musician.  From my experience with the breed, there is a narcissistic quality that is really necessary for success.  I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule … but not many.  Now let’s face it.  I’m not fooling anyone into thinking I’d be a good “band girlfriend” no matter what kind of personality disorder the dude may or may not have.  If asked to be in charge of the email sign up list my answer would be an immediate, “no” before sipping my gin and tonic at the bar.  After parties make me physically ill so I rarely attend.  I don’t care how good a gig was a person can only take so much inflated ego stroking before she wants to jump off a balcony.  My least favorite quality of this breed is the inability to take non-positive feedback and advice.  Much like other creative folks and non-creative folks that run companies, there is a sea of “yes men” ready to kiss some serious ass.  Yes men are dangerous.  Yes men don’t help, and they often hurt. I am in no way a “yes man.”   All this points to the fact that I’d be a HORRIBLE manager.  Well I’d be a great manager but I wouldn’t have any clients.

Now … on to my point of this blog.  I’m OBSESSED with Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines song (featuring T.I. and Pharrell Williams). Now before we go any further I think you need to listen to the song (click below or just turn your radio to a pop station.  It’s probably playing.):

Catchy right?  I love a good pop song.  It reminds me of a Shaggy song and I heart Shaggy.  His tunes are still regulars to my iTune mixes.  With any good pop song you really can’t dig into the lyrics too much or you will lose respect for the song.  I’m good with, “… you wanna hug me? … what rhymes with hug me? …” because that just makes me giggle every time.  I’m just not hip to the lack of female respect lines like, “… I’ll give you something to tear your ass in two …”  WHAT?  OUCH?  THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE FUN AT ALL!!!!  STAY AWAY FROM MY ASS T.I.!!!!

Now my favorite part and most confusing part of this entire obsession is my inability to get over the video.  Have you seen the video?  Oooohhhh you are in for a treat.  There are two versions but here is the one that is a zinger (NSFW):

http://www.vevo.com/watch/robin-thicke/blurred-lines-unrated-version/USUV71300526 (gotta click … I couldn’t embed …. sorry)

WTH JUST HAPPENED?  SERIOUSLY …. WHAT WAS THAT???

Here is how this video pitch would have gone if I was in charge:

Me:  Where’s Robin.

Yes Man:  Mr. Thicke is in the other room.  You will be talking through me.

Me:  Great!  Can’t wait!  It seems we have pitched a dozen or so ideas for the video to Robin and he has shot down all of them.  I wanted to meet face-to-face (sigh) to get his feedback so we can move on with a successful collaboration.

Yes Man:  Mr. Thicke wants to be sexy.  He wants to trend.  He wants to be hot.

Me:  Of course he does.  I tell you what.  Why don’t we just have him prance around the room with naked chicks.

Yes Man:  Let me bring that idea to Mr. Thicke (leaves the room).

Me: (To the others in the room)  He knew I was kidding right?

Yes Man:  (returns) Mr. Thicke loves that idea.  He feels like you are finally getting him.  His only problem is he wants to “trend.”

Me:  Does he know what that means?

Yes Man:  He knows he wants it.

Me:  So no.  He has no idea what that means.  Fuck it …. we will just put #THICKE in big fat ass red letters over the entire fucking video.

Yes Man:  Let me take that to Mr. Thicke (leaves the room.)

Me:  Is it too early for a cocktail?

Yes Man:  (returning) Mr. Thicke says, “right on.”

Me:  Great!  Let’s get this masterpiece of art made! (sigh)

I read an article where Robin Thicke said his wife made him do the video with naked chicks.  This is how I feel that conversation went:

Mr. Thicke: I’m doing a video with naked models hanging all over me.

Ms. Thicke:  Great.  Now you can’t question why the pool boy comes by everyday instead of once a week.

There is a non naked version of the video for those uncultured folks at MTV and YouTube, but it isn’t nearly as fascinating.  Don’t get me wrong … that guy can prance.  He is king prancer!  Puts Adam Levine in his Moves Like Jagger video to shame.

Here is the part I have a hard time admitting to myself … he’s hot … I like him … despite everything I just typed … I need help.  Admitting it is the first step.

Wendy and Riggins Guide to Oakhurst

10 Wednesday Jul 2013

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My sister and her family live in Oakhurst CA. When people ask where that is I usually say just outside of Yosemite. That is the best description of the location and it’s atmosphere. From LA you take the 5 North and just follow the signs to Yosemite (99 to the 41). Once you hit Fresno drive for about 45 minutes more (depending on traffic and how willing people are to let you pass them) and then stop. That’s Oakhurst! It’s a small town that is inhabited by “mountain people.” When I’m driving my brother-in-law, who grew up in Oakhurst, has to remind me that there is no need to honk and get annoyed at drivers since everyone and everything works on “mountain time.” If you ever happen to get stranded there on a family trip to Yosemite you will need to know what is worth checking out. So here are the places Riggins and I find acceptable for us city folk:

* Bravo Farms. Bravo farms is off the 99 about an hour-ish outside of Fresno. If you are looking for it you really can’t miss it. The only things located on that exit are a gas station and Bravo Farms, plus there are a zillion signs warning you of the fun you will miss if you choose to pass without stopping. When I go up to see my sister, Riggins and I always try to stop there for a bathroom break, lunch/dinner, and to stock up on yummy cheese (to be used later in the trip). They have a very cool saloon style dinning room and bar. The back is covered in fun things to look at and purchase along with a dozen or so live animals for the kids to gawk at and Riggins to bark at. The cheese is super yummy and can actually be found in specialty stores in LA. Why not just get it from the source? I’ve eaten with Riggins on the edge of the outside dinning room and also in the back at a picnic table. They are pretty tolerant of dogs … although I have to usually ask for help ordering, getting him some water, etc. Don’t miss it. It’s worth the bathroom break stop, if nothing else.

pizap.com13735180310001* Hiking. As you can imagine, since Oakhurst is so close to Yosemite there are a ton of trails. Oodly enough I haven’t been on many. It can snow there in the winter and it is 100+ in the summer. Those are the two times I’m usually in town and I don’t do extreme weather. Once, when Logan was a baby, our family went off on a trail. Logan was on my back and we were leading the pack. All of a sudden it started snowing and I screamed, did an about-face, and headed back to the car! If you can brave weather better than me then check out some of the trails. There is a little path in Oakhurst that I run on when I’m there and usually spot a deer or other wildlife. It’s very pretty … nature and stuff.

pizap.com13735181750911* El Cid. I love Mexican food and margaritas. There are many Mexican joints you can check out by I suggest you head out to El Cid. It’s a nice family restaurant with yummy drinks and guacamole. You can sit near the back windows and watch the finches come up to the feeders. If I’m up there you know we are going to eat at El Cid at least once!

* Butterfly Creek Winery. All they way from Fresno to Oakhurst you will see signs for wineries and, if you are anything like me, you will be ready for a drink after that drive. My absolute favorite is Butterfly Creek Winery (I’ve been to a total of 2 so I’m in a really good position to choose a favorite in the area). It’s outside of Oakhurst about 30ish minutes. You go around some mountains, down into a kind of valley of sorts, and down a private road. From there you bump right into a sweet little winery. It’s kid and dog friendly and I always let Riggins wander around off leash with the winery house dogs. It’s right by a creek (I’m going to assume “Butterfly Creek”) pizap.com13735174648761and a perfect picnic place. Of course you can try out the house wines and chat with the owner but I suggest going right to buying a bottle and enjoying a picnic (remember the cheese from Bravo Farms?? This is where it comes in handy) out at one of the picnic tables. There is a winery in “the town” of Oakhurst next to the “river” (about as river-y as the LA River). It’s not as kid and dog friendly (they are allowed there — I think — it’s just not as much fun for them) but it will do in a pinch! The wine is a little more expensive but it is mighty tasty and you can sit out on their private patio and enjoy the company of others or perhaps some mountain musicians. I don’t know the name of the place. I call it the Lesbian Winery. I don’t mean anything negative by that label. All my lesbian friends are super nice … so I assume these folks are too. I don’t suggest you ask people for directions using that name though. For one it could be seen as insensitive and secondly I have no idea if it is factually accurate at all.

* Bass Lake. About 20ish minutes away from Oakhurst is Bass Lake. It’s a cute lake with pizap.com13735179043511cute lake places to visit. My family has spent a few 4th of Julys camping at Lupine campground and love it. The lake itself is fun to swim in during the summer and pretty to look at when it is frozen over in the winter. Eat at The Forks. It’s a sweet little diner-y place on the opposite side of the lake of most of the stores/restaurants. Like most places in Oakhurst it has grown a lot since I first went there. My first visit I asked for a glass of Cabernet and had to explain that was “the red one.” I don’t think you have to specify anymore but beware, if you want sparkling water you are out of luck!

* Sugar Pine Railroad. 20ish minutes outside of town you will find a very cool railroad. It will take you on a 4ish mile loop with a quick stop in the middle. It’s a real live steam engine that runs on some of the old logging tracks (honestly that last line could be all fiction … I think it’s true but don’t quote me). The engineers will tell you some history on your ride and it’s something fun for kids and adults.

That’s it. Once you hit those places you can head back to the big city!