Category Archives: Uncategorized

You Can’t Bore Me Into Buying That

21 Thursday Feb 2013

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ry=400(This picture has nothing to do with this topic.  I just thought you’d like it.)

During my life I’ve done a ton of work around advertising research and insight.  One of my good friends works on the production of TV ads.  This leads to a number of colorful conversations of us not agreeing.  Starting with the basics … I love good commercials.  I really do.  A 30 second spot is truly the perfect little bite for my brain.  When I worked with advertising agencies I would watch commercials, I’d read the trades, and I truly cared about those 30 seconds of messaging.  Once I got a DVR the need to pay attention to those commercial breaks became less important.  After getting out of the business I no longer needed to watch them at all.  This is our first constant “conversation” (not fight — that would be petty of us).  I DO NOT believe any data that says people with DVRs still watch commercials on a regular basis.  I mean seriously … come on!  My friend demands he does so people still do.  Then I have to point out that he works in the business so of course he watches them but there is no shooting crew in Idaho.  That audience has less invested personally into those breaks that a push of a button can make disappear or at least zoom by faster.

This brings up one of my most passionate debates (not with this friend but just in general) … bad (or worse no) research.  When an agency hires  someone to do research on their commercial concept they want it to score well.  They don’t want to go back to the client and say, “wow we thought we had these great ideas, you liked them, we liked them, but apparently no one else does so we need to come up with some new thoughts.”  Because they want it to do well, because they are paying for this research, and because those they are paying want their client to be happy, the ad tests well.  Bad research!  How do they get away with this?  The survey is built to lead a respondent to the answers they are looking for.  The pool of respondents aren’t really representative of the national consumer.  Finally, overall almost any data can be read in a way to pull out only the positives.  Then everyone buys into it because after all “the numbers don’t lie.”  Any brand owner who allows their agency to do their own research is making a mistake.

This leads me to the advertiser.  The final client.  My friend and I have different opinions on why a commercial is boring or ineffective (Actually we are really just basing our argument on if it is entertaining or not.  We aren’t running effectiveness testing for every ad we see.). He says it is a lack of creativity by the agency while I say it is because the agency has to make the final client happy and those folks aren’t creative and/or have strict company branding guidelines, etc.  I suppose it could be both and our opinions are based on the work we have done and what we have seen.  In my experience the company gets in its own way. Well, some folks with Sr., Executive, or a C in their title get in the way.   I’ve consulted with a major insurance company whose company brand guidelines were so strict it made it nearly impossible for them to keep up with how innovative their competitors were being in the different advertising media.  I’ve also had a financial institution, who purchased a huge TV spot placement, ask me to tell them how many new accounts got signed up just because someone saw the ad.  Really … am I a witch?  How exactly do you think I would be able to find out this information?  The only way is to force everyone who signs up for an account, after the spot has aired, to take a survey asking why they became a client.  Even that won’t work as most will write things like, “my wife has been hounding me to think about our future” not ” your ad on TV was thought-provoking, honest, and sincere.”  Companies have ridiculous ideas on what their TV advertising will do.  Your goal, especially in buying a high-profile TV real estate, is to increase awareness, loyalty and preference of your brand so when the customer is looking to buy what you sell he/she thinks of you first.

None of this makes any difference if consumers aren’t watching your ads in the first place.  TV ads are being fast forwarded through (despite what my friend and the ad trades seem to think), radio ads are notoriously boring, computer ads won’t keep someone’s attention since they can be avoided as easily as opening a new window, OOH (out of home / billboards) can only do so much, what is an advertiser to do?  Glad you asked!  If I was an advertiser I’d put my money on VOD and podcasts.

Podcasts – Find the ones whose listening audience align with your target consumer and start sponsoring.  This is a loyal audience who is dedicated to listening to the host of the show.  Live reads (or as live as they get) by these hosts are gold.  Some podcasts have a cult like following.  Use that to your advantage.

VOD (Video on Demand) – I really can’t explain to you how much I adore VOD.  When I was in research I’d plead with anyone involved in the medium to please please please fix it.  It’s hard to find, the menus are difficult to navigate and there is no easy way to see what is available.  Still … I love it.  I just think if someone took a little time to fix it up it would be beyond genius.  If you build it they will come.  Advertisements on VOD have changed a bit recently, which annoy me, but should make advertisers happy.  The biggest change is that most major broadcast networks will not allow you to fast forward.  That’s right advertisers …. YOU CAN’T FAST FORWARD.  Here is the problem … the ads right now are horribly and tragically boring.  Either the same ads that originally ran with the program are included or one/two ads play over and over and over and over.  To make your ads work here you need to think about who is watching and when.  Dated ads won’t work.  If I’m watching a show delayed by a week after its’ original air date, I’ve already missed that Toyota Tent Sale.   Do you know what is more annoying than being forced to watch boring ads?  Being forced to watch boring ads that are so old they no longer even apply.  Finally, don’t play the same ad over and over and over.  You’ve now pissed me off.  There is research to support that this just isn’t my reaction but I’m too lazy to go find it.  You will just have to believe me.  Here is where I have to give it to my friend.  He said that advertisers should do a series of ads.  BRILLIANT!  Yes!  VOD should have a sponsor per show and all ads should either be promos for that network or a series of ongoing advertiser ads that tell a cohesive story.  Then it is almost like the program itself is breaking up the story of the featured advertiser, not the other way around.

Sometimes my friend is smart but please don’t tell him I said that.  It will make my next heated advertising conversation with him that much harder to win.

On Your Left

19 Tuesday Feb 2013

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bike1Last Friday Riggins and I went up the hill with our friend Krissy. As we huffed and puffed Krissy explained to me how she is often amazed at how beautiful Runyon is and then remembers she hates exercise and grits her teeth, puts her head down to help focus, and curses violently. I told her that it was the same for me and not just on the hill but with any activity that causes me to sweat. She was shocked, based on the number of activities I do and how often, she assumed I loved all of it. Nope. There is always a point where the euphoria of doing something good for me wears off and I’m left with my head down cursing the world. The “sport” I have the biggest love/hate relationship is cycling.

Actually to call what I do cycling is a bit over dramatic. I ride my bike. That’s about as far as it gets. I’ve never loved biking but started going out on a regular basis when I was training for my first triathlon. Since then, when not in serious “get ready for a race” gear, I try to go out “for fun” once in a while. When you tell someone you have done triathlons (sprints — that’s key — the shortest of the tri sports) they will eventually tell you that the only leg they could/want to do is the bike. I’m the exact opposite. If there was a way to ditch the bike leg for another lap around the lake I’d be extremely happy. There are a number of reasons the bike is my least favorite of the tri spots. First of all, I don’t really care. As you know my goal is to finish the race and not die. If I cared more I’d try harder. Secondly I don’t have a racing bike. I have an adorable and perfectly acceptable hybrid (my bike – http://papa-wheelies.com/product/10specialized-womens-ariel-9152.htm). The bike cost me exactly $0 but a ton of American Express points. Biking in a triathlon would be a lot easier in a better and more expensive bike. Problem is I can’t stomach spending thousands of dollars on a form of transportation I’m not in love with. Finally, I don’t clip in. Clipping in means that your special biking shoes are clipped in or attached to the pedals of your bike. This allows you to maximize your effort by passing energy into the bike when you push down AND pull up your legs. I’m essentially having to work harder since I waste my up leg motion.

All of that being said I do enjoy heading out on my bike, zooming around, and pretending I’m as fast as the once illustrious Mr. Armstrong. Here are my tips of having an enjoyable biking experience (if you want to take the word of someone who admits she isn’t any good at it):

  • Ignore others advice. This seems pretty pushy of me doesn’t it? Here is the thing … I’ve found that cycling is the douche’s sport. I have yet to be answered in the negative when I’m on a date and say to the guy next to me, “you are a cyclist aren’t you?” You can spot them from a mile away. They will happily download their pompous arrogant knowledge at you if you ask or not. I suggest ordering a double gin and tonic and tuning them out. This is the same group of guys who will tell you why it’s okay for them, as cyclists, not to follow the rules of the road and why it is always the cars fault if there is an accident. Just yesterday I almost creamed one of these fools who decided he didn’t have to stop at a four-way stop sign. As I broke suddenly to let the person not surrounded by a large hunk of metal, to continue on without me hitting him he was nice enough to start screaming and gesturing wildly at me. Douche.
  • bike3Cars are evil and in the car vs. bike fight the car always wins. I happen to live in an area of California where my insurance is crazy high simply because of the amount of accidents in my neighborhood. There is NO WAY I’m sharing a road with these fools! Instead I make my way to a bike path that parallels the Los Angeles River (see pictures). The fact that the douche cyclists don’t like this path makes it that much better. People here are usually very nice (or homeless and crazy) and it is an interesting juxtaposition between the cars screaming by on the 5 freeway and a little piece of nature with the river and it’s birds and plants. The LA River bike path (at least the portion I use) starts at Griffith Park’s soccer field and weaves it way toward downtown Los Angeles. It takes you away from Burbank, through Glendale and Silverlake, and into Elysian Valley, known as FrogTown. At one point there were so many frogs in the river in this area they would make their way, hopping, out into the streets. The entire route is covered in murals (and tagging — in case you want to brush up on your gang knowledge) and art. Each gate to and from the river is a pretty iron fence with animals from the river included in the design. Like me, I suggest finding a spot where cars aren’t allowed or at the very least the bike path is wide enough that it gives you some protection against drivers.
  • Despite my inability to allow myself to spend oodles on a bike, safety equipment is a must. Even on my bike path that is mostly flat, a helmet should be worn. I’ve almost wiped out a number of times due to other humans on the path. Once a “filming crew” (as in they had a camera and no permit) member ran down the bank into my path just as I was coming out of a blind corner. I almost hit him and that would have caused my body more harm than his. Somewhere there is an independent film with me cursing widely at the camera. Another time on one of the few downhills I came, very quickly, upon a group of cyclists who decided it was a good idea to stop and block the path at the bottom just when your speed hits the fastest. I nearly wiped out as I tried to slow the bike and grabbed onto railing to really stop as fast as possible. They heard some key curse words as well. There are many stories of real cyclists who fall, especially on a downhill, when there is nothing but the road and speed to blame. A helmet has to be worn. Biking gloves are also a good purchase. Finally get yourself some cycling pants. I realize walking around with a giant pad in your crotch can make you feel foolish but believe me you will be glad you did. I don’t know why they don’t just add the padding to the seat and be done with it. Since they don’t, add it yourself via your shorts. Your butt will thank you.
  • bike2Remember that if you go away from your starting point you have to get back to it. Don’t go so far that you won’t be able to make the trip home. My bike path is slightly downhill at first which gives you a false sense of security. When you turn around to go back the slight uphill is a killer. Be aware of where you are and how you are going to get back. My path is around 12ish miles. Honestly anything longer than 15 makes me want to cry. It is about 3/4’s of the way back when I start looking down and cursing the sport for torturing me. It happens every time!

Cleanliness Sucks

18 Monday Feb 2013

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“Cleanliness sucks.” – Riggins Newell

rigginsObviously this is Riggins speaking.  I like cleanliness in fact I dare say taking a bath is one of my favorite things to do.  If there was a way to make the bathtub mobile, maybe add a few wheels and a motor, I’d happily go about my life peacefully soaking in warm water with a glass of red wine at my side.  Tub cruising.  Alas this brilliant invention does not yet exist.

Riggins, on the other hand, is a dog.  A boy dog at that.  His goal is to get and then stay as disgustingly filthy as possible.  His favorite dog park isn’t the nice sweet one with clean benches and ample green grass. Nooooooooo.  His favorite is the gross one that’s all dirt and dog pee where you sit at your own risk.  If he happens to find a stinky pile of anything that can’t be digested then he will just flop down on his back and roll around to make sure the stench gets in real deep into his fur.  Suggesting a bath is Riggins idea of hell on earth.

Since I live with the kid he gets a bath once a week.  This is when the dog people who read this blog inform me that washing a dog once a week is actually bad for his skin.  Yah yah I hear you, but did you hear me about the rolling around in grossness?  Riggins is an outside dog who wants to spend his indoor time cuddled up in my face.  Believe me.  You’d find a way to give him a bath weekly too.  To set your minds at ease I do use a special shampoo (designed for show dogs — nothing is too good … obviously) that is actually safe to use daily.  This is swapped out, every other week, with a special medicated shampoo from the vet (In case you were wondering I use Suave or anything cheaper than a giant bottle of Suave that just happens to be on sale for my hair.  We can’t all be kings of the castle.) which is also safe to use as frequently as weekly.

Bath time is always after a hike, which Riggins has long since figured out.  He refuses to go inside directly from a hike and will instead demand to go in the backyard as if I’d forget what I was planning on doing if he can stall long enough.  I take this time to prep.  The white bath mats get thrown into the hall, the towels move down to the floor and I go to the linen closet to grab a Riggins and Wendy towel and hang them up.  I install the dog wash hose onto the shower head and finally strip off my shoes, socks, and any other outer garments that can be shed.  Then I go get the victim.  Once inside Riggins knows it’s getting real when I take of his collar.  This is when he goes into survival mode.  He slips into the corner of my dinning room in an attempt to blend into the darkness.  Usually I just get behind him and tell him to move it and he will slowly …. very very slowly walk his way into the bathroom and into the shower.  Once he gets all four legs into the stall he is resigned and gives me little to no problems.  He takes his medicine until he is freed.  Post Riggins wash, I strip off the last of my clothes and make myself clean as he runs up and down the hall violently shaking in the hope of flicking off the pleasant scent he has acquired.

This weekend I tapped him on his journey to the shower and he acted out just for you (Please ignore any clutter or untidiness.  It doesn’t make sense to pick up until after the wet Tasmanian Devil settles down a bit.).  Enjoy:

Strike Dance Rise!

15 Friday Feb 2013

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6d79b8c1a709e1745b_5vm6bnp62Yesterday, Feb. 14th, I took part in the event “1 Billion Rising,” (more info found in an earlier post – http://wp.me/p159Ee-9q) a global strike to refuse to accept continued violence against women. As I mentioned in my original post I don’t have much personal experience to bring to the table but I think it is an extremely important issue and one that deserves all of our support. 1 billion women (1 in 3) hurt by violence is simply unacceptable. I’ll give you a quick walk through of my day then leave you with a video from the founders of One Billion Rising.

Sadly Riggins didn’t join me in protest. First of all, he refused to learn the dance to Break the Chain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WufjSyE_rK8), which was just lazy on his part. Secondly, he doesn’t like crazy and/or smelly people and I was headed to the heart of downtown Los Angeles. He was better off left at home.
photo (1)Parking at Pershing Square, where the gathering was being held, was pricey so I drove up a few blocks and parked at a cheaper lot (since it is near one of my favorite bars it is also a parking lot I’m familiar with). The jaunt to the event location would not even be a question in NY but here in LA that length of a walk is simply unheard of. I wasn’t in the best area but in the middle of the day the streets of downtown are a 1:1 ration of scary and businessmen/women. I figured being a victim of violence while heading to a rally against violence was simply too on point to actually happen

The gathering I went to was one of the smaller ones in Los Angeles as women (and a few brave men) ducked out of their offices on their lunch break to lend their support. As more image (2)participants came together we all grabbed a cardboard heart to write why we were rising and tied it around our wrists. I REALLY wanted to write that I was doing it for the penguins (why? read – http://wp.me/p159Ee-aM) but this was serious stuff. Not the time or place for an inside joke just to make you and me giggle. I wrote, “I’m rising because love is better than hate …. always.” I ran out of room so the bottom half is unreadable. Still, it seemed more appropriate than the penguin comment.

The event organizers introduced themselves and started things off. First a very nice (I assume. I mean, I didn’t talk to her but I figure she is nice.) women in very tall heels (extra points for dancing in those) sang an original song image (1)she had written. Deep … moving … emotional. Then a dance troop did the Break the Chains dance for us before a quick tutorial. I was very happy I put in the time the night before and earlier in the morning to learn the dance as the tutorial was down and dirty and not much help if you weren’t already in the know. Then we all danced it together. It was FABULOUS! So much fun to just not give a flying freak what anyone thinks and dance with all your might in the middle of Los Angeles. After that they put on more music and just let the dancing continue.

Later that day I went to my Bar Method studio in Pasadena which had donated all their classes to One Billion Rising. With the complimentary class was a suggested donation to the cause. You know I love Bar Method and the fact that it was supporting such a positive message was an extra bonus.

All day it was inspiring to watch online as the videos come in from around the world of women and men rising. If you want to check them out some can be found on V-Day’s YouTube page or the event’s Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/OneBillionRising). I hope that our global dance party helped bring attention to the horrible issue of violence against women and sparked more discussion and solutions.

As promised — Video

*Trigger Warning* A film by @EveEnsler and Tony Stroebel.

 

 

 

 

I’m Not Okay Living in the Antarctic!

13 Wednesday Feb 2013

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I realize this post will cause me a lot of grief from those located in less desirable weatherdownload locations but I don’t care.  IT’S COLD!  I live in sunny Southern California.  SUNNY being the keyword.  It has been sunny during the day.  I can’t deny that.  You’ve seen all the pictures I’ve posted lately.  Unfortunately, once that sun drops behind Griffith Park my house doubles as an iceberg.  A FREEZING LIFE DESTROYING ICEBERG!

Certainly you can blame my fragile, born and raised in Los Angeles, body.  Anything outside of 68-90 degrees makes me grouchy.  67 degrees is intolerable.  Lately our nights have been getting down to the low 40s and even (gasp) mid 30s.  WHAT THE FREAKIN’ FREAK IS THAT????  I didn’t agree to live in the Antarctic.

I put blame on our buildings.  My house in particular.  It isn’t built for drastic weather swings.  I can spend 1 million dollars on my monthly power bill, have the heater tuned up to 95 degrees, and my house will never reach much higher than the outside temperature.  All my man-made heat will just find it’s way through my walls, under the house and up past the “attic.”  No insulation.  If you go to Minnesota right now and go into a building you can happily take your coat off and enjoy the unnatural warmth.  If you come to my house I suggest you bring a hoodie.

photo (9)Sunday at dinner my good friend from WI couldn’t stop laughing at me.  I was ready for a So Cal cold snap.  I had my dad’s giant down jacket on (he would say I stole it while I say possession is 90% of the law) along with a super comfy infinity scarf my mom knitted for me.  I had thought about long johns but decided they would be too bulky under skinny jeans.  My WI friend demanded to take pictures of me bundled up to show her children how ridiculous I was.  She says ridiculous and I say warm and toasty.  At the same time another friend had the guts to say, “it isn’t that cold you can barely see your breath.”  BARELY.  I CAN BARELY SEE MY BREATH.  EXCUSE ME FOR OVERREACTING.  LET ME GO GET MY BIKINI ON!

Lately I’ve had to add pants to my normal pajamas (tank top and underwear).  Last night I had a one woman protest against the cold and refused to put pants on so that my legs could return to their nightly freedom.  It was so cold under my covers I had to curl up in a ball like Riggins.  Even running in place on my side to help build up friction and heat didn’t help.  I needed to get up and get pants and socks.  I could feel limbs giving into frostbite but as cold as it was under those covers it was colder out of them.  I couldn’t fathom making the 4 feet journey between the foot of my bed and my dresser.  Finally, a light bulb went on and I realized my afghan was on top of my duvet.  Exposing as little skin as possible to the raw air of my bedroom I grabbed the afghan, tucked it under all the covers and wrapped myself up in it like a burrito.  The yarn made a barrier between me and my ice-cold sheets allowing me to sleep.  Bear Grylls would be proud of my survival techniques.

I’m not the only woman who has had to suffer through such ridiculous weather.  Did you see the recent news on Kate Upton‘s photo shoot for Victoria Secret’s swimsuit cover?  Hilarious.  I can’t even make it funnier by interpreting it for you.  Just read it …. http://tinyurl.com/afwux4w.

“‘The penguins kept me going,’ she joked. ‘They’re adorable, and any time I was like, ‘I can’t take any more, I can’t,’ I would look at them and I was like, ‘OK, for them.’’’ – On NBC’s Today Show.

Joking?  You sure about that Matt?  I think she may have been really doing it for the penguins.  She’s a hero people.  She temporarily lost eyesight and hearing for that shot that is so generic and already so heavily photoshopped (http://tinyurl.com/buhkshx) it could have been taken in  my living room right here in “sunny” California.  All icebergs look the same.

The Perfect Family

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

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photo (2)Well before even reading this post you know the answer is going to be Riggins and me right? It’s not! It’s Riggins, me and about 5 other dogs in a nice house in the country. Just kidding …. kind of … not really. Okay. Let’s pretend that I don’t think it’s mentally healthy to become the crazy dog woman from nowhere. Then what would be the perfect family?

Although I’m not in a relationship myself right now I have had some experience and have been exposed to stable families in my lifetime. My mother and father are still together and live in the home I grew up in. My sister and her husband live happily with their two kids. I myself haven’t always lived alone. Out of college I had a female roommate for years and multiple apartments, and once lived with a boyfriend for years, and multiple apartments. Needless to say I do much better with just Riggins and me. The facts would lead you to believe that I’m hard to live with but I’d much prefer to say that any problems were the other persons fault. After all Riggins has no complaints.

Dr. Drew informed me, during one of his brilliant podcast episodes, that there has been studies to say that it is healthier for men and women (or men and men, woman and women, whatever you define as a couple) to sleep in different rooms. That the separation leads to a more restful night. Dr. Drew said he wasn’t really sure if he bought into it. You know what I say? No shit it leads to a more restful night! You needed to do experiments to prove this painfully obvious thesis? Sleeping with someone else is just horrible. If you sleep with someone night after night you have no idea the horror you are living. Space hogs, blanket hogs, cold feet, sweaty parts, SNORING, gag! Now I know I’m hard to sleep with. I’ll admit that. I tend to flop around a lot and even if I’m not doing that I show stress signs while I’m sleeping that can be very off-putting. One thing I do is I’ll sleep on my back with my knees up. Then as I get deeper into sleep my knees fall to one side until my body notices and I yank them back up. I can see where this could be annoying.

Adam Carolla, probably on the same podcast with Dr. Drew, will tell you the key to a happy marriage is money and real estate. To be honest I may be wrong about the money thing but I know for sure he says real estate. He’s right. Real estate is KEY!

Frida and Diego2

Although I’m sure found everywhere. My source – http://caracarmina-atelier.blogspot.com/2011/01/frida-and-diego.html

In yesterday’s post I mentioned Diego Rivera. The very talented artists, Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo came up with the perfect real estate solution. They had his and her houses with a bridge connecting them. I’m sure you can say, and there is evidence to support, they didn’t really have two independent houses, ignore that. Just focus on the brilliance of two casas in one. Also ignore the fact that the coupling of Rivera and Kahlo wouldn’t really be considered the model for a healthy relationship of security and monogamy. The casa made of two casas. That’s the take away here. Please also overlook the design of their casa(s). It’s hideous.

Two houses fixes so many problems. I don’t have to be nice and try to weave his crap into my colorful and thoughtful room designs. I don’t have to tell the cleaning lady to just skip the extra room because the slob didn’t take the time to pick up before the cleaning lady came (YOU HAVE TO PICK UP BEFORE THE CLEANING LADY COMES. ASK ANY WOMAN,) so I just threw everything strewn around the house into that room. The bathroom smells better. The list goes on and on. SO MANY PROBLEMS SOLVED!

Now here is where I take it further than Frida and Diego. I would love to have children but simply don’t feel I could take on the responsibility (financially, emotionally, time-ly) alone. It would also probably be healthier for the child to have another adult influence beside the crazy sitting here typing. Here is where my brilliance comes in. I’ve always said my casa(s) will be a home for myself, and NPH (Neal Patrick Harris aka Doogie). We could live happily in our duo abodes with the bridge connection allowing us to happily raise our children together at the same time allowing us our privacy to date and live our hetro/homo sexual lives even though we don’t find each other sexual attractive. NPH is adorable, hilarious, and seems like he’d be a blast. Plus I could go to the Magic Castle whenever I wanted!

When the world found out NPH had a serious boyfriend I was crushed, for two seconds, that my dream life had died, but then I thought, “bring him along…. why not?” It takes a village.

Then the world found out that NPH and his ridiculous gorgeous significant other were having children, and my dream died. All I really brought to the party was my uterus and apparently that was no longer needed.

So now my dream home is reserved for Anderson Cooper. Could totally happen.

Crafty (Said as if you were Janet Jackson singing Nasty Boys but saying Crafty instead of Nasty)

11 Monday Feb 2013

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I’ve been on an extra crafty kick the last couple of weeks and wanted to share some of my accomplishments with you.

image (5)TABLE RUNNERS – My mom had made herself a very cute valentine table runner and after seeing it I wanted to make one too.  It looked easy enough but at the same time clean and professional.  I decided I was going to make one for my friend Leslie as a hostess gift for an upcoming gathering.  Off to JoAnns I went with Mom to see what we could find.  After both agreeing that Leslie would like the material we picked out we were on our way.  Back at my mom’s house she took her fancy quilting cutting mat, t-square, and fancy fabric wheel cutter and showed me how to make the pieces perfectly rectangle.  Honestly I didn’t see the need for this step — a thought which would soon come back and bite me.  At home I really did whip up the very pretty table runner in no time.  The hardest part, as my mom had already warned me, was trying to make the two overlapping sides even.  Still I managed to make the entire gift with very little cursing.

The success of that project led me to believe I needed to make another one for the guest of honor at the same social gathering.  Our friend Rachel was going to be visiting us from WI and if that wasn’t enough to earn her a handmade table runner it was also her birthday.  After hiking with the two dogs (http://wp.me/p159Ee-ah) Sunday I cruised on over to the crappy JoAnns in my neighborhood.  Sadly, although not surprisingly, that crappy location was closed and the dogs and I took off in search of another one.  At the new-to-me JoAnns I came upon the most beautiful and colorful fabric ever!  I picked it up and thought, “I guess I shouldn’t go that crazy with the colors for someone’s gift” so I put it back.  Then I found coordinating fabric and it was on!  I grabbed both spools (they aren’t spools — what are they called? ) of fabric and took off to get them cut.  After leaving the store I immediately called my mom to tell her she wasn’t there to stop me from buying they most colorful fabric available!

Remember when I said the first step was to square off your fabric?  Well I didn’t have my mom’s fancy tools this time so I had to make do with what I had.   I really tried to skip that step but the fabric wasn’t laying right together.  So I did what I always do when I need some sort of t-square type measuring device.  I went to my bookshelf with art books to locate something that could be an adequate substitute.  I grabbed the works of Diego Rivera.  Much like the man himself the book is larger than you would expect.  I carefully folded the fabric and laid the book so that it was square to the top seam, drew a line down the side and cut.  It didn’t take long before I realized it wasn’t straight and had to do it all again screaming, “Way to screw me Diego!”  I have a feeling he heard that a number of times during his life.  After extensive cursing at random sewing items and lots of exclamations of “good enough,” I did get the table runner together.  It isn’t as perfect as my first one but my theory is if  you are staring at a table runner long enough to notice it isn’t exactly even, you have bigger problems to worry about!

If you want exact instructions there are a ton of how-tos on Pinterest for the 10 minute table runner (Total lie by the way.  Takes longer than 10 minutes.).  I’m not sure which came first but here is one you can reference if you’d like to make your own – http://tinyurl.com/b3pnavk.

SCARFLETTE – Totally made up name for the scarf like item I made for my friend photo (5)Giovanna’s birthday.  Her birthday was actually a couple weeks ago but the scarflette wasn’t ready yet.  Her birthday card had contained an “I OWE U.”  I was able to finally finish my creation this weekend.  This is the first thing I’ve ever knitted.  EVER!  Pretty exciting.  If I am to be truthful I did cheat and used a Knifty Knitter (http://tinyurl.com/aoowesn).  Despite their lack of electricity and modern conveniences those Amish really hit it out of the park with the knitting loom and fireless fireplace.  I wonder what I could invent if I didn’t watch TV every night.  (Enjoy Morgan modeling his mommy’s gift.)

image (4)GIFT BAGS – This past week my mom send me a picture of some cute owl bags.  When I went to visit her this weekend she happily exclaimed that she had purchased brown bags so we could make the owls.  So we did!  I folded up the table runners I had made and used these cutie bags as their gift wrapping.

This original idea came from Pinterest but I can’t seem to find the original post.  You will just have to pretend there is a link here.

BRACELETS – Last year one of my Christmas presents was a cute little gizmo that let’sphoto (6) you make little round sticker like things to embellish scrapbooks, cards, etc.  I finally had time to check it out and found that I had also received a package of blank charms you could put the round sticker on.  I made my mom (http://wp.me/p159Ee-8G) and Giovanna (it was with her I OWE U so I wasn’t a total looser) both one.  They are now back in my possession as they need to be remade shorter.  Even though they don’t fit … yet, I made them so it counts for this blog!

A BIRD NEST MATERIAL HOLDER THING – Official name that I made up.  I made this for my folks anniversary.  It holds nesting material that the little (or big) birds can use to make their babies a super attractive and comfy home.  I wrote a how-to for my sister’s blog so hop like a bunny over there if you are curious how it is done – http://giveawaytrain.com/bird-nesting-craft-how-to/

Whew.  I’m in awe of my own craftiness.  It isn’t over yet.  I still have a St. Patrick’s Day table runner to make along with my very first quilt (gasp).  I’ll let you know how it goes!

 

 

Weekend Fluff Break

09 Saturday Feb 2013

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I normally don’t post on the weekend but I figured you could use some fluff!  Okay … that was a bold-faced lie.  I know that Sangita’s (http://joshsang.wordpress.com/) children like posts about Riggins and I gotta give my readers what they want!  Maybe that isn’t as much of a bold-faced lie as a little white lie.  Oh well.  Either way I figured you might enjoy some Sat dog fun too.

Sit back and enjoy the escapades of Riggins and Morgan (Riggins’ BFF), Kings of Runyon (a dog park that is a hike up one of the Hollywood hills).

First to the hill!  As my east coast friends posted pictures of mounds of snow on Facebook the boys and I enjoyed a crisp morning hike in the Southern California sun:
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Next stop was my folks house for a visit.  On the freeway I turned around and found them sitting like this (yes I took a picture while driving … it was necessary to capture the moment … I’m an artist):

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Here are the two little cherubs with their best innocent faces.  In reality Morgan spent his time stealing and hoarding all of the squeaky balls and Riggins walked around whining for attention.

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What’s a post about dogs without video?  Useless I say.  Let’s fix that right now!

Morgan showing off for one of his human sisters, Shelby: 

Riggins early morning jealousy: 

Making a run for it: 

There you go!  I hope you enjoyed your fluff break.

1 Billion Rising

07 Thursday Feb 2013

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picstitch (2)Just over a year ago I traveled to India for work.  Our offices were located just outside of Bangalore and the hotel I stayed at was just down the street.  It was pretty easy to get around.  All I had to do was get in a car that was waiting for me and go from hotel to office and back again.  That was part of my problem.  From reading this blog you know that I do a lot of outside exercise.  The back and forth from one artificial environment to the other was making me claustrophobic and just a little more than a little crazy.  At one point I’d had it and I went to the desk to ask them if it was okay if I ran up the road (it was a big loooooonnnnnngggg road) for 2  miles and back.  Just 2 miles and back.  I’m sure I’d make friends with a few street dogs along the way but dogs like me so that was cool.  “Oooooh NO ma’am,” was the answer.  It was said with such certainty and a dash of “are you off your rocker” attitude that I didn’t even question it and instead slowly shuffled off to the hotel’s tiny smelly gym.  Based on recent news stories out of India about gang rape victims I suppose I should send the hotel a gift basket.

Honestly my personal relationship with violence against women is non-existent.  I was lucky to grow up in an atmosphere where women are equal, not possessions, and sometimes even a tad bit smarter than the male sex (wink).  Still, I realize this isn’t true of all countries, of all families, and of all people.

Feb. 14th has been designated the day for one billion to rise up against violence against women ( http://www.onebillionrising.org/).  One Billion Rising is an event led by V-Day, a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls founded by Eve Ensler (author of the Vagina Monologues).  According to the web site:

picstitch“The concept of the campaign [One Billion Rising] is simple. If you take into account the statistic that 1 out of 3 women will experience violence in her lifetime, you are left with the staggering statistic that over 1 billion women on this planet will be impacted by violence. On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 2.14.13, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.”

I plan to take part in the event and would love if you would as well.  Visit the event web site to search gatherings that are happening locally.  The movement is global but if there isn’t an event close you can learn the dance to Break the Chain and jump out of your chair midday for a solo dance party! (Video of song with dance is embedded below.  You can also find a how-to video online where Debbie Allen will break it down for you.)

Woman freakin’ rock — and rock hard!

(First set of pictures is of some of my favorite ladies dancing, just because it is fun, in Bangalore.  Second set of pictures is of some of my favorite ladies dancing at Dee Dee’s bachelorette party in downtown LA.)

Color Me Happy

04 Monday Feb 2013

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photo (1)Last week my good friend from NY, Jen, e-mailed me to tell me the Color Run 5K  (http://thecolorrun.com/) was going to be in LA and I needed to sign up.  Jen is not a 5Ker.  In fact I once almost killed her on the hill by forcing her to go up the Spine (aka the hard way) with Riggins and me.  She still won’t let me forget it.  If Jen said she had a blast at a 5K then it must be magical!  After looking through the website it became very obvious that this was going to be more fun if I could convince others to give up their Saturday afternoon with me.  After a mass email to anyone I knew that has ever done any kind of race I managed to corral my friend Dee Dee to come along.  Dee Dee is a blast so she was the PERFECT companion for this “race.”

I’d like to take a quick time-out to give you my theory on races.  I truly dislike really competitive races and would much rather be with a group of people whose goal is that everyone finishes and has a good time doing just that.  Let the really good elite athletes take off first.  They are amazing but we are not one of them (I’m presuming a lot about you right now aren’t I?).  I’m also not part of the next wave.  Those who aren’t elite but either were in their high school days (long gone by) or just have competition running through their veins.  I think this wave of athletes is the harshest.  These are the kill counters.  I find counting your “kills” disgusting and unsportsmanlike.  Counting your kills is when you are running (or whatever-ing) and you count up each person you pass.  Now if you have to do this in your head to motivate yourself, be my guest.  Making a contest out of it and proudly proclaiming your kill number … well … it makes you a douche.  There I said it.  I feel so much better when I run by someone who has started walking and encouraged them to keep going.  It’s an anti-kill.  That’s the next wave, the middle of the packers, the anti-killers.  One of my favorite races has always been the Danskin Triathlon (http://www.danskintriathlon.net/).  Given that it is an all female race the stress is already cut back on (sorry dudes but you are a giant ball of testrosterone competitive stress).  Add the fact that all participants are encouraged to help cheer on fellow competitors and you have a chorus of “you go girl” pushing you to the finish line!  Ladies if you have ever wanted to do a triathlon do this one.  It’s a wonderful and supportive atmosphere and I bet money that you can finish and finish happy (or at least not dead).

The Color Run calls itself the “Happiest 5K on the Planet.”  Woooooooohhhh … hold on there Color Run … that’s a mighty big proclamation you are trying to sell there.  You sure you can make good on that promise?  I mean I’ve done some 5Ks where people were pretty happy.  Dee Dee and I would just have to find out for ourselves.

I was giddy with anticipation the day before as I picked up our race packets and was anxious to get to the action.  When Dee Dee showed up to my house Saturday afternoon we both eagerly agreed that we were going ballz out on this thing.  Get mega colored or gophotohome was our motto.  There is something freeing about doing a non-timed 5K that consists of you running, walking, skipping and dancing around the Dodger’s stadium parking lot while volunteers happily throw colored powder at you.  Using our sunglasses as a shield we would gleefully run up to anyone with color demanding to be hit with it while twirlingphoto (10) around like lunatics.  Total blast!  Dee Dee was nice enough to alert me when my teeth were an unnatural un-white color.  Apparently I smiled a lot while getting doused.

At the end of the “race” (it’s a race in so much as there is a start and finish line) we headed down to the party pit where every ten minutes or so everyone in the audience threw color up in the air all at once.  After coughing our way through a cloud of happiness we headed off to our own end of the race party … at a local bar.  You’d be amazed how easily you forget you are covered head to toe in color until someone asks you about it.  Between a beer and delicious caramel and bacon covered popcorn (oh yah — you heard that right) I’d look over at Dee Dee and think, “I totally forgot we look like weirdos right now.”  Weird and happy!  Just the way I like it!Image-1

I dare say the color run is … The Happiest 5K on the Planet!