Just a short few blocks from my house you will find a large number of fast food joints.  McDonald’s, Burger King, Jack in the Box, & Taco Bell all a stones throw from each other.  This closeness has resulted in what I refer to as “The Happy Wars.”  Since fast food is fast food and it is all bad for you and cheap, there is only one thing that can drive a customer from one location to another and that is customer service.  These folks know that and are ready to throw down!

I rarely eat fast food and when I do drive a few more blocks to Subway where, sadly, the employees are seconds away from being totally incompetent and customer service to them means simply screaming “WELCOME TO SUBWAY” as quickly as possible and in unison the second you walk through the door. (All right that was a bit of a lie.  I also enjoy Taco Bell but usually go to the one further away as it is “in my path”)  BUT I am a frequent consumer of the medium diet coke via one of my local QSRs drive thrus!  (I realize I’m not supposed to drink caffeine.  Let’s forget that for a second.  I really wish they would have a caffeine free option.  My local movie theatre offers that now!  Isn’t that glorious???  Less guilt for me as I suck down a giant bathtub size drink while watching a flick!)  Due to my use of the drive thru’s I can tell you that The Happy Wars are happening!

The leaders are Burger King and Jack in the Box.  I use to only go to Burger King.  I went every morning and didn’t even have to order a “medium diet coke” as they knew.  In fact the woman became my bff and was beyond nice.  Due to route changes and the need to be on the other side of the road (scrapping together every second possible in a day) I don’t go there as often but when I do I get the “How are you doing????  I haven’t seen you in a while.  Have a great day.  See you soon.” in the most genuine heartfelt tone you can imagine.

Jack in the Box is Burger King’s biggest customer service rival.  I have a number of examples.  Recently my gal friends celebrated the holidays with our traditional “dinner and drinks” out.  A few of us took the “drinks” part to heart and stayed out too late drinking too much.  That lead to a slumber party at my house with a NEED for food the next day.  I suggested Jack in the Box, so off we went.  The woman who took our order was very worried for our well-being and asked if we were okay.   I don’t blame her as we looked like we had been run over by not one but a fleet of trucks.  Still, she seemed to care about us!  Can you imagine?  Someone working for minimum wage at the local Jack in the Box cared enough to check on us.  THEN the most amazing thing happened.  A little old man came in and after, what seemed like hours of thought, ordered 2 breakfast meals.  When the nice woman handed him his bag of food she asked if he needed help taking it to his car.  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING?  A more recent example of Jack in the Box’s power of nice happened this morning.  I swung through the drive thru for my morning diet coke and happened to get stuck behind a guy who apparently ordered everything on the menu.  So I had to sit there for precious minutes before I could get a hold of my required liquid.  The man behind the window said, “Sorry for the delay.  I’m going to only charge you for a small soda because you had to wait.”  WHAT??????  HOW FRIKIN’ BRILLIANT IS THAT?   You know they still made a 10,000% profit off the soda I got and yet that tiny 54 cent discount made my day!

Taco Bell is next on the nice list with McDonald’s (still nice but in a less obvious way) coming in last.

I love good customer service and the crazy nice employees of the fast food joints in my hood make me a tiny bit happier every time I visit them.  So WOO HOO FOR THE HAPPY WARS!

When Finding Nemo came out a number of friends suggested I was Dory.  I suppose I should take that as an insult as she was a bit of a ditzy fish with short-term memory loss.  Still she had spunk so I’m going to look at it as a compliment!  I think they were referring to her wiliness to just push on, singing happily to herself, as she went off unafraid of failure.  At least that is what I tell myself.

I do constantly chant her mantra, “just keep swimming” in my head.  In fact I think it is the key to success for any fitness program.  When friends ran their first 5K they asked me for advice.  My only advice, “just don’t stop.”  Once you stop you are sunk.  Literally, if you are swimming.  It s SO easy to stop.  It’s SO EASY to not put on those work out clothes and so easy to choose the sofa & TV over getting out and sweating.  SO EASY!  So just don’t do it.  Don’t give yourself a chance.  Just keep swimming!

I usually try to work out more during the holidays since work stress is usually lighter and I get a few vacation days/hours.  This holiday was a work out disaster.  My adorable nephew was sick during X-mas and soon after the entire family was out with the cold.  Personally I had to stop and sink.  Sink right down to the sofa which is where I stayed for  DAYS!  Every morning I’d hope for the best and then have to log on to the computer to cancel my Bar Method class.  It just wasn’t possible.

Despite continued cough and running nose I had to get back to working out.  After all I signed up for my 4th tri that is to take place March 19 (which means I’m already behind in swimming/biking training) so I needed to get going.  Last night I went off to Bar Method class after a week and 1/2 off.

Now here is the key to the “just keep swimming” method of fitness … staring after stopping is a pain in the bum (and a pain a number of other places too).  Anyone who has started any kind of weight lifting or strength training exercise regime will tell you how horrible it is at first.  Well that is if they remember and are telling you the truth.  It’s HORRIFIC.  Seriously every single muscle hurts.  Every single one!  You can’t even imagine walking and breathing without pain let alone going back to the gym/class/etc to do it all again.  A similar thing happens when you leave for a bit and come back.  Even just a week and 1/2 off and I knew I was heading into a world of hurt.

Today I can’t walk without thinking, “ouch!”  BUT I WENT BACK!   I didn’t want to.  I almost talked myself out of it a number of times.  BUT I WENT BACK!  Now I need to make it through a class without running out to blow my nose.  I also need to start swimming (35 degrees when I got up this morning so I’m not really looking forward to the pool) and biking ASAP!  Oy vey!

JUST KEEP SWIMMING.

December is a hard month for Riggins.  He tends to be a very emotional dog anyway so anything that causes his routine to change adds to his anxiety.  December is a month of activities and holiday parties which means I’m spending less time at home/doing Riggins related things.  This alone doesn’t make him happy but to add insult to injury my outings often put me next to other animals and THAT is the final straw!

It’s the worse when I’m hanging out with his poodle friend Morgan without him, which has happened twice lately.  I come home, open Riggins’ gate and he goes sniffer crazy!  Sniff, aggravated look at me, sniff, sniff, sniff, complexed look, sniff, sniff, a look as if to say, “are you f***ing kidding me?  You saw Morgan without me?  What is wrong with you?  seriously lady I’ve been outside ALONE this entire time and you are off having fun with my friend.  COME ON!,” sniff, sniff, sniff.

My company Holiday party had me at a house with not one but two dogs.  Upon returning I got a sniff, sniff, sniff, “what the H E Double Hockey Sticks is going on now?  Two dogs????”  Sniff, sniff “listen here lady.  Two dogs mean a dog park.  WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING AT A DOG PARK WITHOUT ME???”  Sniff, sniff, sniff, “Don’t try and bribe me with treats.  You are on my naughty list!”  Sniff … “Okay fine, give me the treats.”

Yesterday I came home smelling like a baby AND a cat.  OH THE HORROR.  Riggins response, sniff, “what the …” sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, “it can’t be …” sniff sniff, “I thought I knew you!!!!!!!!”… sniff sniff.

AND AS IF THAT ISN’T ENOUGH … Riggins (along with his doggy and kitty cousins) have Christmas presents wrapped under the tree.  They are waaaaay down at the bottom of the pile as far away from a snout as possible but Riggins is a hunter with a keen sense of smell.  He knows they are there . Plus his grandma got all her grandchildren (including Riggins) a countdown to X-Mas garland that has mini-stockings, gloves, & hats with numbers hung on it.  Everyday is a new treat and one day closer to the big day!  BUT JUST ONE TREAT A DAY WHEN THERE ARE TONS MORE JUST HANGING ON THE MANTEL WAITING TO BE GOBBLED UP!   Poor Riggins spends his evenings pacing the 6 feet between the fireplace and the Christmas tree, wondering why he is living such a tortured life!

You know I heart NCIS.  It is the greatest show on TV.  I have to say that despite my love for them I was horrified at how the characters came to the conclusion that a victim/suspect was lying and most likely the killer in a recent episode.  (To be honest it may not have been a recent episode as I spent most of the TV summer hiatus watching re-runs.)  My boyfriend (aka Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo – but again to be honest all the male characters are my boyfriend.  Even Ducky.  Seriously.  I love them all.) concluded that a woman was lying since she said she slept alone when her bed was messed up on both sides (meaning no alibi).  It turns out she was indeed lying and was a mistress to some married man and didn’t want to get him in trouble — drama!  When Ziva (or some other logical woman character) suggested she didn’t make her bed everyday (again being fully honest here I don’t remember who said what exactly) he came back with the logical, “but you always sleep on the same side.”

Here is the zinger … I do sleep on both sides!  Not only am I a restless sleeper who can take out any number of blankets, pillows and a comforter within just a few hours I do sleep on both sides of the bed at one night and since I’m lazy, often don’t start with the bed being that put together in the first place.  Here is how my night goes:

I stand over the bed and analyze my strategy.  Then I grab, what may or may not be the corner of a sheet and comforter from the foot of the bed, or one side of the bed, or the floor.  I then toss it up haphazardly to give the illusion of a squared off blanket start to the night.  Then I crawl in on the side of my bed that has the nightlight since I almost always read before going to sleep.  During the reading time I’m wiggling and kicking and willing the covers to make it over my entire body.  This seems easier than just making the bed correctly from the beginning.  Then I set my book down, turn off the light, wiggle closer to the middle, and go to sleep.  At some point, as you know, Riggins decides he wants to come up and join me.  Since he is no dummy he doesn’t go around to the cold unused side.  Instead he stands by the side I’m mostly on and cries until I roll over to the cold unused side, lift up the blankets, pat the bed, and tell him to “up up up.”  (I sometimes have to stand up for him to get the gist and then immediately plop back down on my new side.)  Now I’ve got a few hours to mess up the other side of the bed!  I use my time wisely wrapping and then kicking off blankets and flipping around and around in a pattern that sometimes mirrors Riggins circle, circle, flop routine.

So you see Mr. Special Agent Hottie I DO SLEEP ON BOTH SIDES OF MY BED.  After a night of “sleep” I stand up and it looks like there was a crazy party in my bed the night before.  When in fact it was just me … Riggins and me!

Here is the thing.  I’m crazy independent.  There is very little Riggins and I can’t tackle on our own.  I rarely have a “female” meltdown because I don’t have a partner (aka boyfriend/husband) to help me through my day-to-day life.  In fact, I’m usually a very angry woman if you dare suggest otherwise.

I’m told, by my mom, I was mean to a guy at Home Depot recently when I asked him where the Draino was.  I needed some main line root cleaner but instead of being an arrogant ass and saying, “Where is your main line root cleaner?”  I said, “Where is your Draino.”  As I knew they would be sitting on the shelf side by side.  When the Home Depot rep shook his head in disgust and in his best “I’m talking down to a female voice,” said, “Why, little lady (I may have added that part for color), you don’t want to be using that horrible stuff now do you?”  I wanted to grab him and say, “listen here you male chauvinist pig head tell me what god damn isle the Draino is on.”  Instead I said, “I know.  You all hate Draino.  That isn’t what I’m buying I just want to know where it is.”  This most likely was done in an elevated theatrical voice and was accompanied by minor stomping in the direction the gentleman pointed.

Don’t even get me started on how much I hate the car dealer guys who work in the service department.  My only words to them seem to be “Oil and filter.  no.  no.  no.  Oil and filter.  Only.  Oil and filter … only.”  I like to bring Riggins along as, since I started going there, they have added a sign that says “no dogs” and seem very very afraid of him.  Gets me in and out of there with little hassle and in lightening speed.

I LOVE going to movies by myself.  LOVE hiking with just Riggins and me.  Have no problem hitting the Rose Bowl for a jog or run on my own.  Don’t mind traveling (took the Catalina Express alone this weekend) alone and have no problem eating at restaurants alone.  Find putting together furniture and electronics a challenge that I can handle without help.  I am smart enough to only purchase clothing I can zip up myself.  BUT once in a blue moon even I have an, IF I ONLY HAD SOMEONE TO HELP ME, meltdown.

I’m prepping for one of those now.  You see I’m having a social gathering on Sunday and I need to add a leaf to my dining room table to accommodate the party food/snacks.  No big deal.  No big deal if you have someone helping you.  Do you know how impossible it is to insert a leaf in a table on your own?  I M P O S S I B L E.  I’m gearing up for a throw yourself on he floor, sob uncontrollably, no one will ever love me, tantum Sat around 3ish.  I figure that is about the time it will all go down.  I’ll let you know how it goes!