Sometimes I have evil thoughts that prove I’m a bad person. Let me share one of those such thoughts with you.
Last year I turned 39. For the month leading up to my birthday I vowed to do 39 acts of kindness. I loved doing it and it made me feel good about myself at a time when I had no job and was turning 39, which is no picnic.
This year I turn 40. I don’t know who those people are that demand they are happy they are turning 40 and that their 30s are behind them. I hate those people. They have to be lying right? Well either their pants are on fire or they need a swift kick in the bum. Either way I’m not a fan of them. Personally I am NOT looking forward to the end of March and my milestone birthday. If you asked a 13-year-old Wendy where she would be at 40 single, no kids, no job and close to nowhere to live would not be what she would say. I dare say she would call such a person a “loser.” Who can blame her … she is 13 and has no idea the bumpy road ahead of her.
Since I’m in pain over this upcoming day I’m not really in the mood to relaunch my month of good deeds. Instead I would like to cause pain in others. If I had the money you know how I’d spend my birthday? Forcing my friends to do the one thing I am proud of. Bar Method! Bar Method as an exercise is not easy. If someone tells you it is then they are doing it wrong. I happily drive to Pasadena and walk up the stairs to the studio 3-5 days a week. All so I can have an hour to myself to de-stress and stay strong. As you know I’ve been doing it for years and, although it may not be obvious to look at me, I’ve improved DRAMATICALLY during that time and it was not easy. I worked very hard at it and frankly I want my friends to understand how hard that work is! I realize that is selfish and I shouldn’t care but I’m almost 40 so back off.
I’d LOVE to have a private class and make all my friends (men and women) come join me for the hour. Let’s just assume that all my friends would show up and it wouldn’t just be me and MAYBE a couple other folks (Leslie, Tricia & Giovanna I’m looking at you) having a private lesson in tucking (key pelvis move in Bar Method). MAN I’d love to see some of my male friends grunt their way through thigh (the most torturous portion of class). It would just make my heart soar. If I could afford such a magical hour here is the set list I would like:
- Plank after leg lifts – w/ option to bend leg and point foot up
- Shoulder raises (vs. arm walks)
- Bicep curl (anything as long as it isn’t in wide second position because that kills me)
- Push ups (hold at the end)
- Reverse push ups (hold at the end)
- Leg lifts in parallel
- Thigh! (1 – chair w/ ball 2 – legs together with ball 3 – parallel w/o ball just to give them a chance)
- Butt! Pretzel at the barre. I actually like standing seat the best since I can feel it target my tush but it’s too easy to cheat at that.
- Curl! Arm dancing (as long as I can do it a few more times between now and then to perfect my form … that is a freakin’ hard ab work out), high curl, straight leg clam
Any Bar teacher would look at that set and cringe but I don’t care. It’s the exercises I like paired with the ones I’m good at! It’s the Wendy Show Off Set! For those that don’t know Bar Method lingo let me translate:
- Core ouch
- Shoulder ouch
- Bicep ouch
- Tricep ouch
- That muscle in the back of the bottom half of your leg ouch
- Quad crazy ouch
- Butt crazy ouch
- Ab crazy ouch
Then after class I want to go get drinks at a bar bar! The next day I can glow in my ability to walk and sit down as my Facebook feed is flooded with my friends agony over the smallest movement due to muscle ache.
See … isn’t that evil. For my 40th I want pain.