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Once More Unto The Breach — What???

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

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photo 5 (10)I’m about to say something no respectable Theatre Arts major should ever say (Certainly not a “Sweetheart of the Stage.”  Seriously that was written about me?  I honestly don’t have any recollection of that and would say you were lying if I hadn’t just found the college newspaper clipping.) but here I go … I don’t like Shakespeare.  GASP.  It’s just so BOOORRRRIIINNNG.  Shakespeare lovers are shaking their head and tsk tsking me.  “It’s not boring at all,” they will exclaim, “there is love and death and incest and magic.  Everything you could possibly ever want in a story.”  Ok sure.  Unfortunately it is all wrapped up in annoying unreadable poetry.

As You Like It (I'm sitting on the bench to the right of that dude - David)

As You Like It (I’m sitting on the bench to the right of that dude – David)

I know wherefore art I speak (see it’s ridiculous).  In college I was Rosalind in As You Like It.  You know who Rosalind is?  She is the chick who pretends she is a guy and WON’T SHUT UP.  Seriously she talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks.  It’s exhausting.  The rest of the cast and crew got to hang out back stage having fun and playing games and I was on stage throwing out words that 3/4 of the audience couldn’t understand.  They had to be there because they received English credit for sleeping through/seeing the production.  Now I’m not one to complain about a leading role but COME ON.  That gal needs to back up and take a breath now and then.  Unless you are there just to practice your craft part of the college theatre experience is the backstage shenanigans.  Something the actor playing Rosalind gets no part of.

I don't remember the name of this show. I'm sure someone will tell me. I'm the bride. I love wearing wedding dresses.

I don’t remember the name of this show. I’m sure someone will tell me. I’m the bride. I love wearing wedding dresses.

I have a friend who is a BRILLIANT actor and she is in an all woman’s Shakespeare group.  I’ve seen one of their performances and they really are spectacular.  She was recently in something and I really wanted to go to support her but I just couldn’t pull myself to the theatre to sit through the production.  Let’s face it there is no way I’m going to concentrate that hard to understand what is being said.  I’ll follow you along the big actions that involve someone cutting off someone elses head and such, but beyond that I’m lost.  I’m not saying I couldn’t follow it I’m saying I don’t want to.  I feel bad about that.  Not too bad though.

I don’t even want to see movie versions of Shakespeare plays.  If you update them to the point that the only thing left is the general plot then that’s ok.  West Side Story is terrific.  If you just set it in some fancy world and keep all the iambic pentameter than screw you.  Unless it’s Patrick Stewart doing a one man show (that man can do no wrong) then I want nothing to do with it.  No amount of glittery beautiful costumes and awesome scenery can offset the fact that I can’t understand what that “fool” just said let alone understand why he is a “fool” when he isn’t the least bit funny.

Three Sisters (I'm the one in black sitting on the floor)

Three Sisters (I’m the one in black sitting on the floor)

Then there is the dude himself.  I guess it isn’t so much him as all the post scholars who debate who he was.  Who gives a crap?  Shakespeare, Bacon, Marlowe, does it matter?  They are all dead.  WAAAAAAYYYYY DEAD.  Who gives a flying flip?  It doesn’t change the plays and sonnets one bit.  Just accept that there was some dude who wrote this dribble and move on.  The one thing I will give him is his ability to make up words and make us all think that is a-ok.  When something ridiculous comes out of my mouth and is questioned my response is, “If Shakespeare can make up words so can I.”  So thanks for that Shakespeare or Marlowe or Bacon or whomever.

The Beggar's Opera (All the way to the right with cleavage and puffy sleeves. I was in the chorus but frankly shouldn't even have been there. I'm a horrible singer."

The Beggar’s Opera (All the way to the right with cleavage and puffy sleeves. I was in the chorus but frankly shouldn’t even have been there. I’m a horrible singer.”

Different but related subject.  I’m the first to say that a student who graduates with a  Theatre Arts degree is better suited to succeed in the real world than most degrees.  You laugh but these are the folks that worked day and night for an end goal and deadline.  There was no “can’t” they just made it happen.  These are folks that have learned the skills of emotional manipulation and public speaking.  These students haven’t been able to just do what they want but instead have had to help others for the good of the team’s goal.  Granted my Theatre Arts major isn’t doing me any good right this second but I’m confident that my success in business and sales started with the training I received on and behind the stage.  Although when I look back through all the pictures I have what I miss most about being on stage is the fabulous costumes!  Perhaps I need to add more flair to my daily life.

Now to show you how innocent I was here are a few Wendy quotes from that article I mentioned earlier:

“Newell believes that none of the work that goes into a production should be considered most important. … ‘I don’t think a good actor is someone who acts for himself.  A good actor will share energy with everyone involved;  backstage crew, audience, as well as those on stage.  A selfish actor has no business on stage.'”

“When asked why she loves acting … ‘It’s an interesting way to share energy with other people in a good way;  in a positive way.'”

Wasn’t I just adorable?

 

I Don’t Tell You How To Raise Your Kid

10 Monday Feb 2014

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photo 2 (51)It’s amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I get about how to raise my dog or what to do with the dogs I’m watching.  Let’s face it.  I don’t care what you think.  I am fully aware the Dog Whisperer would be horrified at half the things Riggins does.  Lucky for me I don’t talk to the Dog Whisperer so I don’t have to hear about it.  I feel like I do a pretty good job holding my tongue when I see other dog owners doing something I consider “wrong.”  Things like keeping your dog on leash at an off leash dog park.  Bringing your young son into a dog park and playing frisbee then getting upset when a dog jumps up on your son.  Not using a seatbelt for your dog.  Using a choke collar vs. walking harness.  You know why I hold my tongue?  Because it is none of my business.  Zippola.  Unless the animal is in real danger my advice is not needed.  I’m even hesitant to give advice when asked.  I always tend to start with an “I’m not sure but you could try ….”  Unless you are my friend in which case I will give you hell if you are using a retractable leash!

When Riggins was younger and faster he wore a retriever bell when we were hiking.  You can easily purchase retriever bells at pet stores.  They are made specifically for hunting “retrieving” dogs.  Riggins wasn’t being used to hunt but it was in his genes and I was sick and tired of him catching ground squirrels, running down into the bush where I couldn’t get to him, and then coming back up smacking his lips having thoroughly enjoyed his tasty snack!  The bell was necessary on two levels.  1.  His health.  Eating raw critters isn’t great for you.  2.  The grossness level because it is really really gross.  Yet more than once I was told by random people that I was harming my dog.  I once had a young “vet assistant” try to shame me to the point that I lost it on him and verbally abused him to the point that he gave up his walk and headed back to his car.  Don’t you dare tell me I treat my precious prince Riggins poorly.  I will hurt you.  Emotionally, mentally, physically, all the above …

Recently I was walking with the pack I had in an legal off-leash area.  We were near the end of a hike and all were pooped and happy.  I had had zero issues the entire time and had passed many different kinds of dogs and people.  All without incident.  Then two woman passed me and said, “I can’t believe you let that pit off leash.”  “That pit” was my adorable Lousy.  I didn’t have the energy to fight, and if I had Lousy would have gotten all worked up because I was angry and probably just proven their point, so I just rolled my eyes and kept walking.

I’ve been told I shouldn’t walk so many dogs if I can’t control them.  At the time my dogs were just cruising along together and the woman with such great advice had three dogs pulling at their leashes, growling at my gang, and gnashing of their teeth.  When I informed her I was in control and it was her dogs that seemed to be less than socialized I was scolded for not being a loving dog owner who cared about rescues like hers.  Sigh …

Each dog park has their own human gang.  The dogs can all get along so you would think their human owners could too … nope.  Once I took Riggins to a local dog park after being gone from him for a while.  He was SO EXCITED.  He ran around like his tail was on fire.  Granted you should not take a non exercised dog into a dog park.  If your dog has too much wild energy you should walk/hike them first BEFORE entering the dog park.  But let’s face it who, besides the infamous Dog Whisperer, would do that? Every one of us take our dog to a dog park because they need to work off some energy and we don’t have the same level of umph to make it through a long walk.  Riggins jumped up on a “cool kid” who was sitting on a bench talking to another “cool kid” gang member.  The woman LOST HER SHIT.  Crazy screaming that Riggins was too big and hurt her and blah blah blah.  Of course Riggins shouldn’t have done that and I apologized but when she wouldn’t shut up about it I lost my cool.  She was, after all, in a dog park.  Do you know how many times I’ve been covered in slober and/or mud because of dogs jumping up on me?  Do you know how many times I’ve been actually knocked on my butt by dogs running into me.  It’s a dog park!  I may have gotten over dramatic and started screaming things like, “Oh my god don’t hurt her.  Watch it Riggins don’t go near her she is so fragile she just can’t take it.” etc.  Good times.

photo 1 (58)I tell you all of this just to set the stage of what happened to me this weekend at a different dog park.  It was Saturday afternoon so the place was pretty packed.  I had 3 dogs with me, all very well-behaved.  They were more interested in following me around then wrestling or playing with any of the other dogs.  Since it was crowded there was bound to be a few dog fights.  It’s just what happens.  Normally it’s nothing as long as the humans keep their cool.  The problem is the humans never keep their cool.  At one point a german shepherd came into the park at full force.  He was SO HAPPY to be there and just couldn’t control himself.  My experience with german shepherds is that they are rough players.  They, in general, want to play and have fun but their “play” actions are seen as aggressive by other dogs and it starts a brawl.  Not a real brawl a bark and gnash fest.  If it was a real brawl and the german shepard wanted to hurt another dog he could … quick as lighting.  Even though the poor german shepard was just trying to settle into the park many folks went cray cray, screaming and moving their dogs away.  Of course that just made it worse but the german shepherd’s dad was a good guy.  He moved his dog away and sat him down until he was calm enough to go back and play.  At that time I had moved my dogs to go get water and we met the german shepard on our way.  He happily followed us and all the dogs sniffed around and checked each other out with zero incident.  On my way away from the water fountain I passed some grumpy dude who murmured, “you best get your dogs out of here.”  I took one of my headphones out of my ear, looked at him and said, “what?”  “You heard me.” was his response.  Oh yah jackass.  I heard you.  He obviously thought the german shepherd was mine since I had no issues being near him.  Ignorant ass.  I just rolled my eyes which caused him to stare me up and down.  I popped my earphones back in and got lost in my Adam Carolla podcast while walking away.

I don’t know why anyone thinks it is okay to pass such horrible judgment and even worse advice out to total strangers.  I don’t know you.  I don’t want to know you.  Judge me from a distance all you want but there is no need to come up to me and tell me how to do my job as a dogsitter or a dog mom.  If you do there is a good chance I will unleash a number of hard truths at you and I’m not sticking just to your dog …. it’s all fair game fatty!

Just So Sleepy

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

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photo (78)I’m soooo tired ….. so sleepy.  I’m jealous of those people who can sleep 5 hours and bounce up and be productive.  I need 9 hours asleep.  9??? Yes 9.  Look it up.  That’s still within normal range.  Hovering way up on the high side but still “normal.”  Luckily I have no kids and no job so I can actually get the 9.  I’m usually in bed and counting sheep by 10pm.

Why am I so tired when I do nothing all day?  Part of it is that I’m not getting great sleep. Dogs taking up bed space, my brain’s inability to turn off, the medication I take, and many other common complaints are definitely to blame.  Still what has changed since I left my 9-5 (Ha!  9-5 my ass.  More like 5-9.) job that causes me to be too pooped to pop?  Then I remembered I don’t do nothing all day.  I do a ton of activity all day.  Most days I get 3 hours of exercise.  That’s a lot for someone who is use to sitting on her bum in an office (or airport/airplane/office lobbies) all day.  I wake up and do 2ish (sometimes more sometimes less) hours of high alert hiking in the morning with the dogs.  Why high alert?  I need to make sure I have all the dogs all the time, that they aren’t in anyones way, that they aren’t going to be eaten by wildlife, etc.  I spend most of those 2 hours (if they are off leash) counting them over and over to make sure I haven’t missed anyone.  I’m also doing squats the entire time as I get down to their level to take pictures for my guest dogs folks or to pick up poop (they all poop so much).  Down and up and down and up.

photo (77)In the late afternoon I head over to my Bar Method studio for an hour of hard-core “human only” strength and endurance training.  It’s exhausting stuff.  For anyone (and I mean any man) who thinks Bar Method is easy and just a light little woman’s workout I suggest you get yourself in a class and then post your apology below in the comments section.  I had completed triathlons when I took my first Bar Method class and I still had to step out at one point to keep from throwing up and couldn’t move without screaming “ouch” the next day.

Once in a while the instructors of the Bar Method studios get an update on some moves.  That happened recently and last night I did something called “arm dancing” for the third time.  Right now my abs are killing me from that work.  You would think after years of taking classes I wouldn’t hurt but every day the moves are a little (or a lot) different so your body never settles in and gets used to what you are doing.  You are also getting better at the work and more specific in your moves which makes all the work more targeted.

IMG_7561What’s arm dancing you ask?  Well … lie down on your back with your feet on the ground, knees up.  Jam a few firm pillows behind you so that you can push your lower body and lower ribcage into the floor while keeping your shoulders up in a curl.  Your shoulders should be below your knees in front of you.  This is a “low curl” position.  Your abs should already be feeling something.  Now curl tighter and put your arms straight out over your knees one hand on top of the other.  Now without moving your body and keeping curled as high/tight as possible bring your arms slowly up and slowly down.  Now do that a bunch of times.  I have no idea why moving your arms in this position causes so much pain in your abs but it does.

My guess is those 3 hours of working out are what is causing me to gravitate toward my bed (and Bengay) whenever possible.  All I ever need is just a few more zzzzzzzs.

Super Bowl My Way

03 Monday Feb 2014

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I don’t care about football.  Yes Riggins is named after an ex-Redskin football player but that wasn’t my doing.  Blame that on my ex-boyfriend.  Luckily its an adorable name and fits him so there was no need to change it when Riggins and I headed off on our own.  To those under 40 Riggins is better known as one of the leads in Friday Night Lights and that is who everyone assumes he is named after.  My guess is that the FNL Riggins was named after the Redskins John Riggins so I don’t feel like I’m lying when I respond, “yes” when asked if he is named after cutie Tim.

Not originally from LA. Sporting a flower crown.

Not originally from LA. Sporting a flower crown.

Los Angeles, my city, does not have a football team.  We have a baseball team (two if you count Orange County … no one in LA does), a soccer team (or so I hear), a hockey team (two if you count Orange County) and basketball teams coming out of our ears.  Football we got nada.  It’s tragic for people like my dad who LOVE football.  You really have few choices if you are a native (or native-ish) LA-ian when it comes to who to cheer for.  Those who migrated here will vote for whatever team is from their home city.  Those of us that were born (or nearly born) here have to choose our team.  Some go for the ex LA, now St. Louis, Rams.  Others go for the less obvious ex LA, now Oakland Raiders.  The Rams were part of LA for a long time, 1946-1994 (I had to look that up).  If you are true to this city, like my dad, then you hate the team that deserted you (like my dad).  It doesn’t matter who is playing against the Rams my dad wants that team to win.  The Rams left him high and dry and he is hurt by this fact and no amount of time will ease his pain.  Most of us slide on down to San Diego and cheer on the Chargers.  Still others randomly pick a team based on friend loyalty and/or team colors.

Dragon and Krissy

Dragon and Krissy

The Super Bowl to me is a time to chat with friends and eat a bunch of bad for you stuff.  That is what I did.  I went to my friend’s Super Bowl party fully prepared to watch the game.  Honestly I gave that up before it even started.  I had brought Dragon over with me to enjoy the festivities.  He’s a good party companion.  We started in the garage/back yard (aka the main TV viewing location) but then I got hungry and I wanted to see what new food had appeared so I headed to the kitchen.  Someone brought taquitos and I had to have some of those so I hovered around there for a bit.  Then I wanted my phone, to take pictures of Dragon in party mode.  I had to go into the kids room where my purse was and got involved in a conversation about whatever cartoon was on TV.  I took some pictures of Dragon and sat back down to watch the game only to realize I had left my giant bottle of sparkling water in the kitchen so I had to go back to get that but on the way I cruised by the bar and saw that someone had brought pre-mixed margarita drinks.  I’m not one to say no to a margarita so I poured myself one of those and forgot all about my water and sat back down.  Then I remembered my water and got back up and realized they were watching the game in the

Dragon and a cup full of margarita.

Dragon and a cup full of margarita.

living room which was way warmer and less crowded with better sight lines then the garage/back yard.  So I sat down.  Then some new friends showed up and I had to head to the kitchen to chat with them.  This went on from the time I got to the party around 2:30 until I left after the game about 7:30.  I figure the cardio I did walking back and forth gobbled up some of the taquito calories.

Anyway … that’s how I celebrate the Super Bowl.  I can’t tell you many details about the game except that Bruno Mars is adorable and tiny enough to fit in my pocket, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers don’t give a crap about the cold they need to be shirtless, and that the bird team beat the horse team by a lot.  Obviously I should be a sports announcer.

Sweet Doggies Everywhere

30 Thursday Jan 2014

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Lousy

During my dog sitting business I’ve watched a lot of dogs and most of them come back to stay more than once.  Some, like Dragon (schanuzer) or Asscher (golden retriever), are with me enough that I remember their personalities, likes and dislikes without having to reference anything.  Others like Vesper (german shepherd), I have to be reminded about their personalities and special individual needs.  Luckily when a dog leaves me to go home he/she gets a “Report Card” that reviews what we did during his/her stay and a few stories about the dog and his/her interactions.  When a dog is coming back I don’t fully remember I look back at their old report card and end up giggling all the way through it.  I find all these dogs so amusing!  Here are a few snipits from these write-ups:

Asscher

Asscher

“Asscher finally lived up to your warning that she doesn’t like hats and glasses.  Tuesday she jumped in my lap when I had my feet in the pool and snatched my hat off my head.  She was nice enough to give it back to me even when I made her pose with it on and take pictures.  Today (Friday) I was sitting on the ground in the park taking her picture and she decided I could do without my hat and glasses.  All I could hear over my own giggles while pushing her off, was the rest of the humans in the park laughing their heads off. ”

“Jax and Bear celebrated Riggins birthday with him on Sat.  Bear wouldn’t wear a hat but Jax played along and all three got an extra treat for posing in pictures!”

“I can’t even express in words how much Dragon and Jax love each other.  The two of them are inseparable.  Dragon is going to have a tough time after his friend leaves!  My favorite thing they did was play tug of war which Jax always let Dragon win at.  It was adorable.  Sat after everyone got a bath Jax sat nose to nose with Dragon as I combed out Dragon’s hair.  He wasn’t going to let his buddy deal with such horrors alone.”

Dragon

Dragon

“Friday night I was in bed sleeping and the dogs heard something at the front door.  Dexter was on it and I could hear his bark as he lead the charge.  Dragon (a schnauzer) and Riggins were on his heels to back him up.  In the meantime Kona (a pit mix) ran the other way, jumped on my bed, and buried her head under my arm.  That was how it went for the whole weekend.  If barking was required, Dexter would sound the alert and Kona would run the other way.”

“Lousy was definitely the leader of the pack.  He would “jump in” any of the dogs that tried to join them.  Once they proved they could hang with him he was happy to include them in the fun”

“I would laugh every time Dexter got in the car.  Riggins would go first and get comfy.  Then Dexter would jump up and immediately crawl on top of Riggins.  Riggins would give me a look like, “this kid … what are you going to do?”  Dexter would then find a spot VERY VERY close to Riggins (close as in partly on top of).  The two of them are so sweet together!”

“Riggins can sometimes be a little old man but he LOVED playing with Peanut.  Peanut would jump on him or give him nonstop kisses until Riggins engaged.  Then the two of them would play for hours”

“Sometimes when we went on our hiking/walking adventures she [Creature] would squeak the entire time.  While at Hahamonga/Rose Bowl my friend who was with us was in awe of her little squeak.  It made us both laugh.  Someone who passed once asked me if she was sad and I said, ‘Nope … she is thrilled to be running around!'”

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Creature

“At the dog park Ike was quick to engage in play with other dogs.  Riggins would want to jump in but didn’t know how.  All that energy would end up with Ike humping some poor dog and Riggins humping him.  None of the dogs ever seemed to mind.  I broke up a lot of hump trains this weekend!”

Don’t you just want to cuddle them all?  (Just a second I have to go let Vesper out of time-out for being mean to Dragon.  BRB.)   What I NEED to do is write out the “Wendy only notes” on the report cards before I save them on the computer.  You know those little things I need to remember but aren’t really highlights of the trip.  Things like,

“Had to get used to putting Vesper in time-out for being mean.”

“Tends to want to pee in the dinning room.”

“Tends to want to pee on me.”

“Wants to eat all male runners on the hiking paths.”

“Wants to eat all the horse poop on the hiking paths.”

“MUST sit on my shoulder at all times.  Like a bird.”

“Will only eat if I feed her by hand.”

Who am I kidding.  Even with their little oddities I adore them all!  If you want to see more pictures of cutie dogs being happy head over to my babysitting page at http://www.dogvacay.com/pro/wendyandriggins.

 

Doctor Torture

29 Wednesday Jan 2014

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As you know I’ve had a headache for over a week.  I’ve also had a sharp pain in my lungs for a similar amount of time.  I felt it was time to go to the doctor.  My poor tortured doctor.  Here is some of our conversation.

Nice Doctor:  Hi Wendy.  How are you today?

Me:  Good.  I mean.  Except I’m here.

Nice Doctor:  Well what brought you in?

Me:  I’m pretty confident my right lung has collapsed and I have a brain tumor.

Cricket.  Cricket.  Cricket.

photo (74)In fairness to my doctor he is used to my overly dramatic self diagnosis.  In my past few appointments I’ve demanded my hand was shattered.  I had tendinitis and he told me to take ibuprofen.  That worked.  I’ve demanded I was having a heart attack and dying.  I don’t remember what the actual diagnosis was, short of me being crazy, but I’m sure he told me to take ibuprofen.  Today I was diagnosed with a tension headache (the most common of all the headaches) and some long name of something which just equals inflammation of something near my lungs that makes it hurt.  Cure for both?  Ibuprofen.  What did doctors prescribe before ibuprofen was discovered and put into a nice little pill?

Anyway.  I paid the nice man my co-pay and got the dogs and went to the dog park.  Since I wasn’t dying I figured I should jump back into life.

Some People Are Adorable

28 Tuesday Jan 2014

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(For some reason the videos aren’t embedding correctly.  My head hurts too much to try and fix it.  Please click on the links to view and just pretend they look good on this page.)

I’ve had a headache for over a week and pain when I breathe.  I’m pretty confident I have a collapsed lung and a brain tumor.  I suppose I should go see a doctor but that is so painfully boring so instead I’ll write this blog post!

You are used to me telling you about people who annoy me so I thought I’d give you a few recent examples of people being adorable.  When I say “people” I mean celebrities because they are all that really matters.

* Adam Lambert on Ellen – I don’t usually watch Ellen and I don’t watch American Idol so I was in for quite a surprise when I turned on the TV and happened to run across Mr. Lambert guest DJing on Ellen.  Honestly short of screaming his song “Whataya Want From Me” while driving (it’s a great song to sing/scream along to) I don’t really know Adam Lambert’s music but that’s ok.  Between his daytime talk DJing and that song he gets my “Cute as a Button” award.  Just watch this clip of him on Ellen and you will know why.  Isn’t he just sweet and adorable?  Super heart him.

* Drake on SNL – Much like Mr. Lambert I’m not really familiar with Drake’s music and I’ve all but given up on SNL.  I still record it but then usually fast forward through about 80% of it.  Not the night Drake hosted.  I was hooked after his monologue.  Give it a view … isn’t he just adorable?  He easily outshined most SNL hosts skit after skit.  Watch out LL Cool J, Drake may be my new favorite acting rapper (just kidding LL … you will always be my number one).

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* Pharrell Williams – I can think of two songs that Pharrell sings on but whenever I see his name come up on my iTunes I’m all in.  Reason number one is that he is adorable.  First of all his is hilarious in the Blurred Lines video.  I’m talking the dirty nudie video not the “safe for YOUTUBE” version.  Robin Thicke is so creepy you want to go take a Silkwood shower just from watching him.  TI makes you which that chastity belts (with a really strong lock) were back in fashion.  Pharrell you want to cuddle and cover in kisses.  It’s like no one told him the idea behind the video before he showed up (essentially naked women walking around fully dressed singers) then they called action and he just lost his mind and can’t stop thinking “LOOK BOOBIES!!!”  Only Pharrell can look cute in a snappy happy rape song video.  Sure Pharrell wore a ridiculous hat to the Grammys.  Apparently it was an homage to some old school hip hop video.  I don’t care what it is.  I think he pulled it off and I love him more for it.

* Vin Diesel – Oh  you know I love Vin!  Love love love love love love Vin.  Remember when Riddick came out and I was all a flutter?  Well apparently Riddick hit number one on the EVD charts.  I don’t know what that is but I agree it deserves a celebration.  A celebration in the form of a Vin dance!  I mean please … be cuter … Riddick 4 Ever!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehwRXIPSWic

 

Saving That for a Snack Later

23 Thursday Jan 2014

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Let me explain a typical Wendy day for you.

  • Get up and throw on work out clothes to take the dogs out on a hike. (Since I have the tank top already on from sleeping in it I just have to add pants and a work out bra.)
  • Come home and shower.  Put on a new set of work out clothes because getting into regular clothes and taking them off later just seems like an extra step I don’t need.
  • Do some work and look for jobs online
  • Go to Bar Method
  • Come home and shower again.  I realize California is under a state of emergency due to an extreme water shortage so two showers a day seems excessive but I sweat excessively.  What’s a gal to do?
  • Put on pajamas (Tank top and underwear)
  • Watch TV
  • Go to bed and read a book.
  • Sleep
  • Repeat

This means I’m lucky enough to live most of my life in yoga style gear.  I say lucky because any woman over the age of 32 will tell you work out gear is the most comfortable clothing ever invented.  Men … I dare you to purchase a Lululemon outfit and not want to wear it all day every day.  This also means I wear a sports bra all the time.  THAT means I constantly have sports bra cleavage.

photo (70)Now I always have cleavage but sports bra cleave is different.  Normal bras push down on you in between your boobs.  Not comfy sports bras (yoga kind not running kind that just mush your boobs into one giant uni-boob)!  Comfy sports bras make a tiny (or large depending on what you have going on up there) pocket right between you boobs.  I tell you this because it is AMAZING to me how items find their way in there.  It’s like a have a magnet at the bottom of my bra that is sucking things down.

I’ve talked about the popcorn at movies before.  That is the best example I have.  I’m 39 years old.  I have no idea how I managed to drop so much popcorn as I’m stuffing it in my face, but I do.  Right down my sports bra cleavage it goes.  I try to casually fish it out but no matter what I always have to go to the restroom after and dump out my bra.  Much like you used to do when you were a kid after a day at the beach.  Except substitute sand for popcorn and your bathing suit crotch for a sports bra cleavage pocket.

Yesterday I had a cake donut (don’t judge I needed it and it was goooooooooooood).  Then I headed off to Bar Method class.  At one point of class I realized I had donut crumbs rolling around in my bra but couldn’t do anything about it.  When I got home I had cake crumbs stuck to the perspiration pool in between my boobs.  Although I have to admit the sports bra I wore yesterday was super boobalicious.  During heel raises, while I was staring at myself in the full length mirror, I thought that was definitely the sports bra I should wear if I ever convinced a guy I liked to come to class with me.

Speaking of boobalicious sports bras.  As I mentioned earlier running bras tend to mush your boobs up against your body.  It’s distracting to have them all wobbly while you run not to mention it can hurt.  Last Nov when I was with friends in Catalina watching my friend run the Marathon a woman crossed the finish line with the MOST boobalicious sports bra I have ever seen.  It was AMAZING.  She was well endowed and somehow had found a bra that kept her in place while still looking good.  It was kinda shaped like a halter bikini top so there was no sports bra, popcorn attracting, pocket.  A usable sports bra without having to fish food items out of it!!!!!!! I wanted to go ask her what brand it was and where she got it but I was too embarrassed to admit I was staring at her chest.  Although believe me.  EVERYONE was starring.  That is how great that running bra was!  If you know what it was please share.  That is important information that needs to get out there and be talked about!

Leave my Babies Alone!

22 Wednesday Jan 2014

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pizap.com13904298048481Maybe it is because I’ve had a headache on and off (currently on) for days.  Maybe it’s because I need to invest in Pepto Bismo I down the stuff so regularly.  Maybe it’s because I was snuggling cutie Lousy at the time I read the Facebook post.  Whatever the reason I blew my top.  Per a Facebook post by a dog group Pasadena is discussing passing a BSL (breed specific legislation) ordinance against “pit bulls.”  Oh no you didn’ (with finger snap).  Of course, because I’m a hysterical person, I, like many others, jumped to the idea that this means they weren’t going to allow pit looking dogs in their city.  Not on my watch Pasadena.  Not on my watch!  Luckily before I came on my blog to rant about it I did some research.  Turns out the BSL is specifically about spaying and neutering pit like dogs.  So I’m not so worked up as much as I was a few minutes ago.

First of all let’s address spay and neutering.  Do it.  ESPECIALLY if you have a dog breed that is unfairly targeted because of his/her breed.  There are way too many dogs in shelters and way too many of those are “aggressive” breeds (a term I don’t believe in but using to get my point across).  (I actually had no idea that so many dog owners were against spaying and neutering … perhaps they are just against being told they have to do it?  I’m not sure.)  Wouldn’t it be great if a gaggle of pittie owners could show up to the Pasadena council meeting with their “fixed” papers and say, “I don’t know what you are all talking about.  Go talk to the owners of those yippy chihuahuas.”  Should this be a breed specific law?  No.  Calling out one breed for one reason or another is ridiculous.  Unlike some other dog owners I’m a-okay with neutering and spaying laws (I actually thought there already was one … maybe that is just the city of LA) but I’m NOT okay with you demanding that of only one or two specific breeds.

NOW let’s talk about the breed of “pit.”  First of all there is no such breed.  Many breeds fall under what we consider “pit bulls.”  How would you decide if a dog had pit in him/her or not?  For many dogs I watch I get the comment, “it looks like he has some pit in him.” pizap.com13904325719081 Probably.  So what?  Let’s say you have sweetie Kona in front of you and it is obvious she is a mix of the “pit” breeds.  Then you would have one of the sweetest dogs I’ve ever met in front of you as well.  I love her so much I wrote a blog about her and her fellow pitties.  The reason you distrust pits (if you do) is because of what you have heard/read about them.  If I asked every single one of you what breed dog you have had an “issue” with I can almost guarantee other breeds would be more represented than those that we label as pits.  Pits get their negative PR from asshats like Michael Vick and others who raise these type of dogs to fight and kill.  That is a bad owner not a bad dog.  Even the dogs that were saved from Vick’s horrificness are living lives where they have proven to be sweet and kind animals.  

People who know pits will tell you they are extremely loyal and protective.  That they are cuddlers who want to be in your lap as much as possible.  That their big jaws that you may be afraid of give them the biggest smiles you have ever seen.

pizap.com13904329345771I’d like to convince you that pit babies shouldn’t be feared any more than any other breed.  I could do research and pull out stats on what breed has hurt humans the most and all of that nonsense but I don’t think it would matter if you truly are afraid.  I’m not suggesting that you go out and get yourself a pet you are fearful of.  I’m not saying that you have to love my sweet Kona or adorable Lousy.  I’m saying that you aren’t allowed to tell me I can’t have them as part of my family.  And although I personally am okay with breeding/neutering laws you don’t have the right to tell specific breeds that they have to be fixed just because you perceive them as scary.

Oh Pasadena.  I love you so much.  I wish I lived in you.  I go to you for everything from dining to doctors and yet your snobbishness is sometimes too much to bear.  Come on Pasadena.  Show me that you are classier than this and keep BSL out of your city.

(Pictures are of my adorable darlings that I have watched and loved that could be labeled as part pit bull.  Each and every single one of them a sweet doll.)

No Pain No Gain

21 Tuesday Jan 2014

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CaptureSometimes I have evil thoughts that prove I’m a bad person.  Let me share one of those such thoughts with you.

Last year I turned 39.  For the month leading up to my birthday I vowed to do 39 acts of kindness.  I loved doing it and it made me feel good about myself at a time when I had no job and was turning 39, which is no picnic.

This year I turn 40.  I don’t know who those people are that demand they are happy they are turning 40 and that their 30s are behind them.  I hate those people.  They have to be lying right?  Well either their pants are on fire or they need a swift kick in the bum.  Either way I’m not a fan of them.  Personally I am NOT looking forward to the end of March and my milestone birthday.  If you asked a 13-year-old Wendy where she would be at 40 single, no kids, no job and close to nowhere to live would not be what she would say.  I dare say she would call such a person a “loser.”  Who can blame her … she is 13 and has no idea the bumpy road ahead of her.

Since I’m in pain over this upcoming day I’m not really in the mood to relaunch my month of good deeds.  Instead I would like to cause pain in others.  If I had the money you know how I’d spend my birthday?  Forcing my friends to do the one thing I am proud of.  Bar Method!  Bar Method as an exercise is not easy.  If someone tells you it is then they are doing it wrong.  I happily drive to Pasadena and walk up the stairs to the studio 3-5 days a week.  All so I can have an hour to myself to de-stress and stay strong.  As you know I’ve been doing it for years and, although it may not be obvious to look at me, I’ve improved DRAMATICALLY during that time and it was not easy.  I worked very hard at it and frankly I want my friends to understand how hard that work is!  I realize that is selfish and I shouldn’t care but I’m almost 40 so back off.

I’d LOVE to have a private class and make all my friends (men and women) come join me for the hour.  Let’s just assume that all my friends would show up and it wouldn’t just be me and MAYBE a couple other folks (Leslie, Tricia & Giovanna I’m looking at you) having a private lesson in tucking (key pelvis move in Bar Method).  MAN I’d love to see some of my male friends grunt their way through thigh (the most torturous portion of class).  It would just make my heart soar.  If I could afford such a magical hour here is the set list I would like:

  • Plank after leg lifts – w/ option to bend leg and point foot up
  • Shoulder raises (vs. arm walks)
  • Bicep curl (anything as long as it isn’t in wide second position because that kills me)
  • Push ups (hold at the end)
  • Reverse push ups (hold at the end)
  • Leg lifts in parallel
  • Thigh! (1 – chair w/ ball 2 – legs together with ball 3 – parallel w/o ball just to give them a chance)
  • Butt! Pretzel at the barre.  I actually like standing seat the best since I can feel it target my tush but it’s too easy to cheat at that.
  • Curl! Arm dancing (as long as I can do it a few more times between now and then to perfect my form … that is a freakin’ hard ab work out), high curl, straight leg clam

Any Bar teacher would look at that set and cringe but I don’t care.  It’s the exercises I like paired with the ones I’m good at!  It’s the Wendy Show Off Set!  For those that don’t know Bar Method lingo let me translate:

  • Core ouch
  • Shoulder ouch
  • Bicep ouch
  • Tricep ouch
  • That muscle in the back of the bottom half of your leg ouch
  • Quad crazy ouch
  • Butt crazy ouch
  • Ab crazy ouch

Then after class I want to go get drinks at a bar bar!  The next day I can glow in my ability to walk and sit down as my Facebook feed is flooded with my friends agony over the smallest movement due to muscle ache.

See … isn’t that evil.  For my 40th I want pain.