Tag Archives: Riggins

You Talking to Me?

05 Tuesday Feb 2013

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photo (1)The answer to the question, “you talking to me?” is probably, “no.”  I’m usually talking to Riggins.  Given I’m with him more than any other living being this make sense.  Normally it’s not confusing since it’s just the two of us in our house.  There isn’t anyone to even question our conversations but the hill is a different story!  There are a ton of humans there to experience my crazy.

More than once I’ve managed to confuse humans by my commands to my dog.  I try to make it obvious that I’m not just walking up a giant hill and through a canyon mumbling to myself and barking out orders like a person who escaped from an insane asylum.  I keep Riggin’s leash around my waist in easy view and pat his butt or grab his tail when he walks by.  Still he is usually far enough away from me that my outbursts toward him and his behavior can cause confusion.

I have had strange looks when yelling, “come on, shake a tail feather” when Riggins is lagging behind and “hey buddy, hold your horsies” when he is too far ahead of me.  It doesn’t help that, while going downhill, he is often behind me looking for ground squirrels to gobble up and I stop, turn around to glare in his direction.  My stare often goes through other human hikers as I clap and say, “let’s go.”  Once I looked back to check on Riggins and realized a gentleman thought I was staring at him.  It took awhile to shift my focus as I was looking behind him to check on my dog.  He took a beat and then smugly nodded his head with a “yes it’s me” attitude.  I thought he was a freak until further down the hill when it hit me that he was an actor on a crime TV show, CSI or one of those.  He was still a freak but at least his actions made sense.

Once, near the top of the trail I unhooked Riggins and his good friend Morgan (a standard poodle) who was with us that day.  After walking a few steps I yelled, “COME ON BOYS.  LET’S GO” in a very theatrical voice accompanied by an appropriate arm swing and “westward ho” point.  My exclamation to the dogs happened just as I passed a gaggle of men.  They all looked at each other, shrugged, and followed me as if to say, “she said let’s go … what are we waiting for?”

Going up the spine one day a little boy with his dad was trying to make it down the toughest part.  The steep incline caused him to decide shuffling along on his butt was safest.   A human sitting down anywhere on the hill is Riggins signal that he should be in their lap getting hugs and kisses.  I’ve seen him lick the face of kids butt scooting down that hill but this kid did not seem like he’d be into it.  I growled out, “leave him alone” in a very scary commanding voice.  The dad looked at me as if I was out of my mind.  He had assumed I was talking to his son.  Can you imagine?  What freak would think it was okay to growl at another person’s son????

photoJust last week we were going up a precarious section and Riggins thought it would be okay to stop right at the top blocking my path as well as other hikers.  Exasperated I sighed, “you are in the way, move.”  A poor young woman in front of Riggins apologized profusely as she moved to the side.  I felt horrible and had to point out I was talking to the dog, not her.  Who would say that to a fellow human hiker?

Breaking this all down I wonder if I’m seen as the bully of the hill.  The bully with the oddly friendly dog.  Perhaps.  Oh well.  Everyone on the hill should just assume when I’m talking it isn’t to them!

(Picture of Riggins in flight.)

Riggins – Cuddle Dog Therapist

31 Thursday Jan 2013

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(I’ve posted before about Riggins successful attempts to sneak into my bed.  To catch up you can read this original post – https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2010/07/30/just-call-him-mr-sneaky/). 

It’s riggins bedcommonly known that a dog will try to make his/her human feel better and will want to be next to him/her during unhappiness and sickness.  A quick double click-through Yahoo! News will uncover a handful of stories of a dog refusing to leave the bed/grave/home of a sick master.  Sniff.  How much do you love dogs?  With all your heart?  I thought so.

As I’ve mentioned before 2012 was a tough year for me and therefore murder on Riggins sleeping behavior.  First of all, I found myself stuck in a horrible depression (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/the-best-medicine/) and Riggins felt like he needed to comfort me whenever possible.  Then I managed to give myself a concussion, and Riggins and I spent our day and nights laying together in my bed listening to podcasts (The way to get over a concussion is do nothing.  No TV, no reading, no working, no computer.  Can you imagine the boredom?  Good thing my brain wasn’t working right and I had Riggins as a friend willing to take a life time-out with me!  The only thing you are supposed to do is look for signs of a stroke.  Since Riggins isn’t the best companion for this job every once in a while I’d smile and touch my face to make sure both sides of my mouth were curved up).  During 2012 I had back to back mammograms that showed a mass so had to get a biopsy.  A boob with a hole in it added to that scariness as we waited for the biopsy results.  During this time I slept in a sports bra, for support, and Riggins HAD to lay up against me so I could feel his fur on my back, which both of us found comforting.  At the end of last year/beginning of 2013 I managed to almost poison myself.  Not on purpose.  Turns out if your neck gets swollen and it’s hard to move, you have trouble breathing, get a rash all over your body, and every part of you aches it is because you are allergic to the antibiotic you are taking.  Due to the holidays I didn’t get to the doctor to figure this out until I only had one pill left.  Oops.  Not only was I really sick I was very scared.  Riggins cuddled closer.  Finally, Riggins spent 1/2 of 2012 with his grandparents while I traveled.  Just like any good grandchild he knows how to work it and managed to find himself sleeping face to face with my dad in the master bedroom as my mom was kicked out and forced to find slumber in the guest bedroom. 

Riggins had a lot to deal with!  His master was a mental and physical basket case and he had become even more spoiled!  This had led him to be both super-duper needy and super-duper supportive.

Now as things slowly get back to normal he will fall asleep in whatever room I’m in.  While I was working that was the bed in the office.  Now it’s the living room sofa.  I go to bed, read, and have a few hours to myself before there is a dog nose in my face.  Wanting him, to be, and being used to him being, my emotional rock (and be a source of warmth — it’s been a cold winter) I’ll flip over to the other side of the bed and let him up.  He demands that the covers be pulled back before he gets into bed.  He takes his job as a security blanket very seriously and has upped his game during the year of trauma.  Now he HAS to be touching me.  His circle circle flop requires him to flop on top of me to make sure he is as close as possible.  More than once he has caught me off guard and I’m awoken by a giant weight being dropped on me taking away my breath for a moment.  Sometimes he decides that he needs to use the area between my hip bone and stomach as a pillow.  I do not see how this is a comfortable spot at all but he is happy with it.

riggins bed 2There use to be a really easy way to get him off the bed if you didn’t want him on it.  All you had to do was tackle him with an all encompassing hug.  He could lay on  you but you weren’t allowed to smother him.  It would lead to him huffing off and back to one of his original beds in another room.  Not anymore!  In fact he seems to want to be full body hugged.  No matter how much you drap on him he just soaks it up and wants more. 

I realize to get a good nights sleep you should keep all distractions away from your bedroom and bed.  This includes animals.  Still I’ve been so happy to have Riggin’s comfort and support this past year I can’t find it in myself to make him get down and out.  Nor do I want to!  I guess we are both spoiled.

 

Mind Your Manners

28 Monday Jan 2013

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ry=400Recently I noticed on Pinterest a pin that informed you of the proper way to address wedding invitations.  I don’t plan to send out that type of correspondence anytime soon but I do send letters through the mail at least once a year.  It wouldn’t hurt for me to brush up on my mail etiquette.  Turns out that stuff is crazy!  No wonder it’s a popular pin there is no way to remember all those insane rules.  There were a couple of surprises to me, good and bad.  Good – If the woman of a couple has a doctorate while her husband does not her name comes first.  For example, Dr. Wendy Newell and Mr. Riggins Newell.  That makes perfect sense but I was surprised that it was actually a valid rule.  Bad – If children are invited their names shouldn’t be on the front envelope but should be included in the inside envelope (Or maybe it was the invite itself.  I’ve already forgotten.).  If the child is a male then his title is Master.  As in, “Master Riggins Newell.”  What the hell?  Master?  Seriously?  Am I the only one that feels uncomfortable with this rule?

It made me start thinking of the other manners I follow that are no longer popular or even known.  I wanted to share them with you.

  • Don’t Slurp Your Soup – Slurping shouldn’t really be an issue unless you dine with neanderthals.  Still there is a proper way to eat soup.  “As little ships go out to sea / I dip my spoon AWAY from me” (I didn’t actually know this little rhyme before my in-depth research for this post.  When I say in-depth I mean use of Google and assumption that when discussing manners on the internet majority rules.).  This means scoop the soup with your spoon away from you.  I do try to do this whenever I eat soup but honestly sometimes only have the energy to pull it off when with company.  Additionally, soup at my home is often served in a Tinkerbell mug making a spoon and any rules about it, no longer necessary. 
  • Gift Me Or Else – This rule is one where when it isn’t observed I wince a little on the inside but can’t really hold it against the culprit.  She probably has no idea it is bad manners and is just trying to make your life easier.  Good intentions do not equal good manners.  When sending invitations for an event, wedding, baby shower, bridal shower, etc. it is considered bad manners to list where the guest of honor is registered.  Don’t try to out wit this rule by placing this tidbit of information on an insert.  That insert is still inside the invite so still counts.  Technically it looks like the guest of honor is not only expecting a gift but have mandated where it should come from and what it is.  When put this way you can see how it would be considered uncouth.  Right?  Instead the guest of honor should have told host, close girlfriend (maid of honor for example) and family (mother for example) where she is registered.  Then it is up to the guest to ask for this information if it is wanted.  On the flip side if the invite asks for no gifts it is considered rude to bring one.  Can’t win can you?  Giving a gift at a social gathering when you were specifically told not to only causes the other guests to be uncomfortable, wondering if they should have done the same, but also the host who is looking out for the happiness of all her guests.  If you would still like to give your friend a gift it is fine it just needs to be done at a different time and place.  Just think of it this way, you get to give a gift, your friend gets a gift, plus you now get to spend more one on one time with the friend you love!
  • Stop Ruining Good Wine-ing.  Wine glasses come in all shape and sizes but one hour of television where the characters are drinking it proves that not many know how to hold their wine glasses correctly.  Wine glasses should be held by the stem so that your body heat doesn’t warm the liquid and therefore change the taste of the wine.  Although most important when drinking wine served chilled, like white and champagne, this is actually true for all types and colors.  It seems a little ackward at first but you look so much fancier getting drunk this way!  Here’s the rub if you come to my house.  I use stemless wine glasses.  It’s almost like I’m mocking my guests isn’t it?  While we are on the subject of wine can I point out that there is a very small chance you should ever send back a bottle that you have ordered.  You should only send it back if the wine has turned which should be painfully obvious to your nose once you get anywhere near the cork.  Those folks that swish the wine around and make a production out of tasting it then nodding their head in appreciation are weirdo snobs.  Smell the cork.  If it doesn’t smell like death you are good to go. 
  • I’m Done.  Turns out I’ve been doing this one all wrong.  When finished with my meal at a restaurant I have always signaled to the waiter that I’m ready for him to clear my plate by putting my folk and knife down on my plate in an X.  It usually worked so I was shocked to discover, during my in-depth research, that most people would consider this impolite.  Apparently I’m a barbarian.  Instead the more common suggestion is to lay the fork and knife side by side across the plate at 10 and 4 o’clock.  Tines facing up or down is still very much up for debate.  I think from now on when I’m finished with my meal I’ll dramatically throw knife and fork to the ground, raise my arms in an Evita pose, and yell, “I’ve finished.  Take all this away now my minions.”  That should be pretty clear.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending how you look at it, hard-core written in stonephoto (7) manners have been fading away.  You can take everything I’ve said above and find at least one person who says the opposite online.  The internet gods will let anyone post on the world-wide web without checking their facts.  So it’s your turn.  What do others do that make you silently cringe inside knowing that they were obviously raised by wolves?  Personally I can use all the help I can get.  After all at my house feeding Riggins from your folk isn’t considered bad manners it’s considered good sharing!

The Death Race

22 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Did you know that yesterday was Squirrel Appreciation Day? Me either. Luckily for us this wise journalist really knows his stuff and informed me – http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/blogs/happy-squirrel-appreciation-day. In honor of such an important occasion I thought I’d share my story of The Death Race happening in my backyard.

When it comes to Riggins’ instinct to kill I’ve always lived by the “circle of life” philosophy. After all if you are a critter that feels it’s necessary to hang out in my back yard that’s really on you. Riggins is a master ground squirrel assassin and to stop his blood thirst I had him start wearing a bell while hiking off leash. Gives the little critters a heads up. He will and has gnawed on a dead bird or taken out a family of baby possums. Circle of life.

I do find it fascinating that he knows his own kind. I’ve found dead rats in the backyard and yet he will sniff a chihuahua and move on with a head nod (what’s up buddy).

I also like to help him understand and connect with his roots. His mommy was a Germanfly riggins Shorthair Pointer. A hunting dog! You know how when a couple adopts a tot from another culture and then feels like they should do things to help that child never forget his/her skin color is different from theirs (I’d give you examples but I can’t without sounding horribly racist so you will have to think those up on your own)? Same thing … just with a dog. So a long time ago I set up the Death Race. It’s been out of commission for a while but this past week I started it up once again!

My backyard is a type of critter zoo. Somehow I moved to the urban jungle and didn’t realize it. One of the critters that are plentiful are squirrels. So I did what any caring mother of a hunter dog would do and set up a squirrel feeder in one of the tall trees in my backyard. As the squirrels make their way from the back fence to their snack and back their only goal is to NOT GET CAUGHT BY THE DOG. Riggins makes this harder by following them from the ground taunting with a ferocious bark. The little creatures jump and teeter from the branch of one tree to the other. If one falls (you can hear tiny squirrel gasps from the stands) Riggins and the squirrel have a beat where they just stare at each other before ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Then it’s up to the squirrel to get up and get out FAST. Losing means death.

Okay this is mean. I admit it. But I’m on Riggins side. He LOVES it and, as of right now, has never caught a squirrel contestent. I figure at this point word is out and it is only the badass tattooed squirrels who make a bet and come into the ring. I assume it’s how you become a squirrel man.

Succinct (concise – brief – laconic – compendious – short)

18 Friday Jan 2013

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photo (2)Wow I just scrolled down through my last few blog postings and I have to say I’m a bit of a windbag! That’s a lot of words. Personally I don’t like long blog postings. Unfortunatly for me it seems I’m incapable of being succinct. Imagine how Riggins feels. He has to listen to me all day!

Fluff (As Promised)

18 Friday Jan 2013

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logan and rigginsAfter yesterdays downer of a post I promised you fluff today. So here you go! What is fluffier than kids and dogs. I dare say nothing!

Riggins has never really been a kid friendly dog. It isn’t his fault. He just never had any children around him when he was growing up. When I moved into my current house I had a housewarming party and one of my good friends brought her adorable baby boy to the party. He sat, like a cute blob, in one of my outdoor folding chairs and Riggins would have none of it. He circled that kid, head down butt up, and growled and growled. I usually say Riggins doesn’t like kids because of their frantic energy or high-pitched squealing (let’s face it both those things bother us too it just isn’t social acceptable to put our butt up in the air and growl at them) or the fact that they are at his height staring right into his eyes and heading straight for him in what he translates into an attack. None of that explains why he growled at my friends baby. That poor kid wasn’t even old enough to talk. He was literally just sitting there barely moving.

You can imagine my concern when my sister had her children. I took time off of work when my nephew was born so I could be with them. After Logan was born I spent two nights in my sister’s house on my own discussing with Riggins that he was not to eat the new baby. I did all those things you read about. Brought a blanked (or something) to have him sniff before meeting Logan, etc. I have to say it was a shock how he reacted. He was cool with the kid. When my niece was born he was cool with her as well. I was shocked. I can only assume he could feel that they were family and more importantly if he did something to hurt one of them he would be up a creek without a paddle!

We have had our ups and downs. Riggins was extremely jealous of any attention the kids got. If there was a baby on your lap you can guarantee Riggins was trying to sneak up on your lap too. He was a master of pushing his nose under the lump of baby and wiggling his way in between the two humans. He still is jealous but as the kids grow it has gotten better. When we are home he can go weeks without wanting to come up on the couch with me and snuggle, preferring to spend his time in front of the open door or curled up in the dark under the dinning room table. Then we get to my sister’s house and he has to prove he is my baby. Most of the time during our visit he can be found draping himself on my lap.

I still have to remind both kids that running = playing. They seem to like being chased by the big black dog at first until they realize the next part of play is a tackle! We were at the local winery by my sister’s house once where both dogs and kids can run free. Logan took off giggling with Riggins in full flight behind him. Dogs are faster than kids so it was only a matter of a few feet before Riggins took the lead and did so by happily pushing Logan down. He was fine. He is short and his fall was on grass and a zillion autumn leaves but he was shocked and the laughter coming from his family did not help one bit!

The most amazing thing is what he allows my niece, Kira, to get away with. They love each other. When she was younger she would walk around the house behind Riggins with her hand on his butt. She is CONSTANTLY wanting to kiss him. Makes me nervous and Ikira and riggins always have to remind her not to bother Riggins while he is eating or sleeping. He has allowed her to use him as an ottoman and a blanket and once while camping allowed her to put colorful smiley face stickers all over him. Every once in a while he will look up with a “well what do you want me to do? She’s adorable. We all make sacrifices for family” look on his face.

My family and I still watch the kids like a hawk when they are around Riggins. Like I said before dogs are animals and can lash out at anytime but Riggins has shown a level of patience I never expected from him. He has even gotten better with other kids. Better ….. not great!

I hope you enjoyed your end of the work week fluff piece! Have a great weekend.

The Best Medicine

17 Thursday Jan 2013

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sad(I’ve been hesitant to post this. Do people really want to hear the ramblings and sorrow of a crazy person? Will people judge me? I’m still tied down by the stigma I feel around the diagnosis of depression. The thought that it isn’t a real mental disease, that it just means you are weak and unable to deal with regular ol’ life, that you are just being selfish and mean to friends/family, and so on and so forth. I finally decided to post because of all of this. I don’t want to be ashamed of being sick and having the strength to get help. Perhaps my story can help someone else. I know when it came time for me to push back my own mental negativity toward depression medication and take that leap it helped me to know that people I love and respect had at one time, or still are, been treated for depression. It helped show me that I wasn’t weak and I wasn’t alone. I hope my story can do the same for someone else. If you aren’t inline with this thinking or just don’t want to deal with it please feel free to skip today’s post. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be back to a fluffier topic like the crazy antics of adorable Riggins, the insanity of my last date, or my novice ramblings on how dogs and people should live together.)

The other day I was sitting on the sofa and looked over at Riggins and started laughing. Real honest, can’t stop crying, laughter. He was just so cute. His ears were pulled down and his bright orange eyes were staring out at me and he looked just like a little cartoon woodland creature (actually a specific one but I can’t for the life of me remember the character’s name nor what show he is on so it isn’t much help to you or this story). All of a sudden it hit me. I was LAUGHING. Real honest to goodness LOLing right there in my livingroom. It made me think back and I realized my last week has been full of laughter. Talking to my mom, hanging out with my dad, Skyping with my sister and her family, at dinner with friends, watching TV (did you see that episode of The Big Bang Theory where they were dressed up as characters from Star Trek:The Next Generation? I laughed out loud at that episode no less than 1/2 a dozen times). This realization made me so completely happy. You see I had been struggling with a devastating depression and hadn’t laughed, really laughed, in a long time.

Let me start by saying I know I have a wonderful life. I’m honestly so lucky to be surrounded by friends, family, and Riggins. All who love me for who I am and will always be there for me. I say that because as I get into my story it starts to sound like I don’t understand that. I do. I just couldn’t see that through the darkness at the time.

I’m not naive enough to think my depression was caused by one event. I can tell you that the one event, my job, was the straw that broke the camels back. Even saying that it was just my job isn’t true. I really looked forward to working with many of my co-workers and enjoyed the somewhat new and exciting world I lived in of social media. I could list off everything that contributed to “the job” being my undoing but I don’t want to. It isn’t important.

Looking back two things astonish me. One, I didn’t realize sooner that I was in real trouble. There were so many signs! There was absolutely no reason for me to hurt as much as I did. Two, I am impressed with my strength to seek help and claw my way out. The battle of human vs. depression is not an easy one and anyone who tells you it is should go jump in a lake because his pants are on fire!

So what were those signs? What was I really feeling? I seem to have so many stories but I want to share the few that really lead me to knowing I needed help, finding it, and taking the scary steps to making it happen.

I was on a business trip in Chicago. As usual I was up late the night before working, didn’t sleep well in the hotel bed (the fist night in any hotel is never great), and woke up early to attend conference calls and do work before heading out for my day of meetings. That was the first time that I realized I was losing my shit over things that shouldn’t bother me. My morning was a disaster and I can’t even tell you why. I just know that I sat at a desk, on the phone, doing emails, crying. Everything threw me into a tailspin. I was full and couldn’t handle anything else no matter how small or insignificant. Anything and everything would cause me to overflow. Just before I had to leave for a meeting I tried pulling myself together, grabbed my 1 quart plastic bag with my 3oz or smaller containers of make up and looked in the mirror. I stopped short and put down the bag. I had never seen someone so sad as the person staring back at me in that mirror. Make-up wouldn’t help. I put on my jacket, grabbed my computer, and left the room for my meeting. The show must go on.

It got to the point that I couldn’t go a day without crying. When not on the road and working from home I’d throw myself on my bed and sob. Full out gasping for air sobbing. Riggins was going out of his mind. He didn’t know what was happening or what to do. He’d jump on the bed next to me as far away as possible and then get on his stomach and army crawl up to me until his nose was touching my face. This is when I realized my condition wasn’t just hurting me. It was hurting others. I came to realize that Riggins didn’t mind spending days after days and week after week with my folks while I was traveling for work. Why would he. My parents house was a fun happy house while mine was covered in a shroud of darkness and unhappiness. Who wants to hang out there?

One morning I finally realized it was all too much. I needed help. I called my primary care physician and was told that I could get in to see him in a week. The receptionist asked if that was okay and I agreed. After all I had lasted months being sad what’s a few more days? (I’m trying to think of another adjective beyond “sad” that I can use in this post and just can’t come up with one. That’s what I was. That’s how I described it.) A little later in the morning I got in my car and took off to get a soda. This was how I gave myself time outs in my day. I’d load up Riggins and we would visit one of the many fast food drive thrus in the area and order a large diet coke. Sometimes, to shake things up, with extra ice. While in the car I called my mom and dad (using Bluetooth of course) and immediately lost it. When asked what was wrong my response was, “I’m just sad. I’m just so sad.” (Time out for a second. Can you imagine being on the phone with your daughter and hearing that???? I mean how heart wrenching is that. I suppose this is the perfect time to take a step back and address my friends and family. I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for any trouble or heartache my depression caused you. It was unfair for you to have to take that on but I’m so lucky that you did. Thank you for being so caring and wonderful. I love you.) Since driving was impossible through the tears I pulled over into the Walgreen’s parking lot and stopped the car. When I could talk without gasping for air I called my doctor’s office and told them they had to see me today and as soon as possible. I needed help. Not just a pat on the back and a “it’s going to be okay.” I needed help from a doctor and I needed it as soon as possible.

Driving to the doctor’s I couldn’t stop crying. Not sobbing more like leaking. In the parking lot I tried to pull myself together. I was honestly concerned that the doctor would see me and immediately admit me into the hospital for treatment. I went through every exercise any female executive learns on how to trigger the other side of your brain and keep from crying. Look up and to the left, do math in your head, and if all else fails make a fist with your hand and jam your nail into your palm. None of this helped. This wasn’t an angry or sadness that was coming from an external source like being flown to NY to be yelled at by your CEO in front of your peers while he mispronounces your name as Wednesday (happened). This was an internal source of sadness. One at a time every cell in my body was turning toward sadness and darkness. At this point I realized I was at war with a sickness that had a definite time limit. I had to find a way to regain the parts of me that I was loosing and do so before so much of me was gone there was no going back. That was the day I started depression medicine. It helped. It helped a ton. I went back a number of times until we found a combination of medicine that worked for me. I could breath again. I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t on the cliff looking down with my toes hanging over it anymore.

One evening I was out with a very good couple friend of mine. We had dinner and then headed to a very cool bar for drinks. This bar was fabulous. Dive-y and the perfect Wendy vibe. I made the mistake of looking at my work email on my phone and that was it. Down the rabbit hole I went. My male friend asked me why I wasn’t having any fun. “Crap” I thought, “I can’t even fake it anymore.” I tried to assure him that I was, that I loved the bar, that it was just work stuff that I needed to shake off. It was then that I realized I was a giant liar. I wasn’t having fun. It was more than that. I couldn’t have fun. I went home and cried (shocker).

As I walked my life tightrope (with at lease a tiny net due to the drugs) my mantra became, “just get through it.” Just get through this early morning conference call. Just get through this business trip. Just get through this flight. Just get through this night. Just get through. That’s how I lived my life. Just barely getting through. One day I managed to give myself a concussion. That little adventure deserves it’s own blog post all by itself! Treatment for my self inflicted concussion was to do nothing. No work, no computer, no email, no phone calls, no TV, no books, nothing. For a second I saw what was important. My job wasn’t important I was important. I needed to get out of my job. This was no long a choice. It was a necessity. I started to plan how I could get a new job, one where I could be happy, and be able to leave my current one.

During my recovery my parents came over to check on me and have lunch. I remember sitting around my little dinning room table that once belonged to my grandmother, eating Taco Bell, and telling my parents I just need to get through it. Just needed to get through this week. Just needed to get through the two work trips that were on my calendar in the next couple of weeks. Just get through the holidays. They left and headed home. A couple of hours later I received a call from my dad. He suggested I should just go ahead and quit now. My father is the most logical human on the planet. I simply can not imagine a situation where he would not just condone but suggest that I leave a job without having another income available to me right away. That’s what I had gotten to. The unimaginable.

So I quit. It was really difficult. The company didn’t want me to leave and I had a number of discussions with people higher up the chain than me trying to convince me that staying was the best action to take. I didn’t tell them I was depressed. I didn’t tell them I had spent the last year hurting myself, my family, my friends, and my beloved dog. I just told them it wasn’t a good fit for me. I had my doubts a number of times. There was more than once that I almost lost the strength and took my resignation letter back. After all, as I mentioned near the beginning of this post, I really did like working with a number of my co-workers. One of my very good friends must have sensed this and sent me an email. She reminded me that during one of my business trips I had sent her an email saying I wouldn’t mind if the plane crashed because at least then I wouldn’t have to do this trip. CAN YOU IMAGINE SENDING THAT TO SOMEONE? How horrific! I didn’t just think that, I wrote that down in an email and sent it to someone I loved and didn’t think twice about it. Nail in the coffin. I was quitting.

Now on paper I should really be depressed! I have no job and don’t really have any hot leads. I’m struggling with the decision of staying in my profession or taking the hard step of leaving all I have accomplished and finding a career that may be more morally fulfilling (aka make less money). On paper I should be depressed but I’m not! I’m happy. I’m beyond happy. I’m laughing. My life is good! I realize I still have work to do. I have yet to go to therapy. I know I should but I haven’t been able to take that leap yet. Dr. Drew would be so unhappy with me going the pill route first without even trying talking to a professional. But that is what I had to do to save myself. (If you have read any of my blogs you know I adore Dr. Drew. Did you know he has his own podcast now? It’s like a wave of calm and sanity amongst the insanity fo life. He has one podcast that he does on his own and one he does with Adam Carolla. You should defiantly go subscribe to both – http://adamcarolla.com/carolladigital/.)

I realize this was a long posting but I hope it helps someone. Please please please, if you find yourself starting to slip down the spiral of sadness and depression get help. Don’t wait as long as I did. Get help as soon as you can. Go to your primary care physician and tell him/her what is happening. Grab a friend or family member by the arm, tell him/her you need help and don’t let go until they help you. Later, after you are better you can apologize for being selfish (because you had to be) and thank them for the strength they gave you.

Like me you have a right to be happy. Like me you deserve to laugh.happy

(This picture is from our annual ladies holiday dinner this year. I love it glowing eyes and all because I’m laughing!)

Psst … Come Here

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Before I start I feel like I should finish off yesterday’s post about hiking off leash.  It’s crazy and annoying that it’s illegal to have your dog off leash while hiking most mountain trails.  It’s a mountain.  What’s going to happen?  If you are a responsible dog owner (pick up the poop) and your dog is a well-behaved hiker (doesn’t wander too far off trail, continually checks in with you, and doesn’t harm fellow hikers) why can’t he/she be off leash?  I think I made a good case for how a dog is better behaved off leash in my last post so let me just add that it is not easy to hike with a dog leash in your hand.  It’s actually a royal pain in the bum.

I realize that those who want dogs on leash are technically, according to the law, in the right.  My question is why.  Are you afraid of dogs?  Fair enough.  I understand (I really don’t but I feel like I have to say that to win you over to my side).  Let me tell you how to safely pass a dog on a trail.  Walk by them.  That’s it.  Don’t look at them.  Don’t acknowledge them.  Just walk by them.  If a dog is off leash on a trail you aren’t the first human he/she has passed.  Frankly an off leash dog is the least of your ry=400animal/insect worries on a mountain hike.  Let me ask you what you would rather come across, a pack of domesticated dogs off leash or a gaggle (who knows what the real group term is) of blood sucking ticks.  AAAH.  I JUST GROSSED MYSELF OUT.  Ticks are EVIL vampire beings.  Blah.  So disgusting.  Do you remember that episode of House when that girl was really sick and no one knew why, except House who decided she had some gross tick related disease?  Then the pretty doctor (who is now a firefighter on another show) said that they checked everywhere and she didn’t have any ticks.  Then House raised an eyebrow and said, “everywhere.”  Then they checked and she had a tick on her who-haw!  AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  CAN YOU IMAGINE?????  If I ever have a tick on my who-haw kill me.  Seriously I will not be able to go on knowing that happened.  Glah.

This post has gotten widely off topic.  I need to start again ….

Walk This Way

14 Monday Jan 2013

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photo (1)This past weekend it has been FREEZING in LA.  I don’t care what others in the country think about that statement.  IT’S FREEZING.  We are not built for this cold weather.  I swear the only insulation my house has is whatever rat poop found its way into the walls and 90% of my coats are decorative (aka useless).  I can guarantee its warmer in your house in Minnesota than it is in my house in Los Angeles right now.  I’m frozen solid.

Anyway, since it’s ridiculously cold I went up Runyon with Riggins in the afternoon instead of the morning this past weekend.  I haven’t done that in forever.  New group of people!  Walking through the dirt parking lot I passed 3 young men.  One yelled out at me, “you look like you are a really good mom to that dog.”  He went on to say I looked very attractive and was sweet so he is my new BFF and I’ve decided afternoons are a much better time to hike!

As a good mom to my dog (he said it not me) I thought I’d pass on some of my walking/hiking knowledge to you!  At no charge!  Let me start by saying I am not a trained animal person but I have seen a number of “Dog Whisper,” “It’s Me or the Dog,” and “My Cat from Hell” so I feel like that, along with my own street smarts, is training enough.  Maybe we shouldn’t consider this real “rules” as much as “what Wendy thinks.”

Walking a dog on leash – My view is don’t do it if you don’t have to.  Dogs are crazy on leash.  In general a dog will want to protect his/her master and tethering the dog to you only makes that protective instinct worse.  When Riggins is bad on leash it’s because he perceives the crazy person/dog passing us to be a threat to me causing the guttural growl that translates into, “don’t mess with my Mama.”  I know very very sweet dogs that are a**holes on leash and being walked by their master.  (This is a good time to stop and say all my dog’s bad behavior and problems are my fault.  Isn’t that the first thing you learn in all those TV shows … it’s always the humans.)  Best to walk/hike in a location that allows off leash.  Of course you have to walk on leash most of the time so here are my tips:

* Get rid of that retractable leash.  Seriously.  I realize a good number of my friends use this type of leash.  I dare you to find one trained (aka not me) dog person that says walking on a retractable leash is ok.  They won’t.  It’s impossible to control a dog on that kind of leash.  Get a lead.

* Stop the sled dogs!  Don’t walk a dog with a harness on that allows him/her to pull with his/her full weight.  All dogs instantly become sled dogs in a harness.  Big or small you are just asking that animal to pull.  Use whatever equipment gives you control of the dog.  Riggins uses what I call his “walking harness.”  He hates it because he knows if he is bad it pulls around his arms … so don’t be bad.  (his looks kinda like this – http://www.amazon.com/Guardian-Gear-Harness-Large-Black/dp/B007E4S750)

* Why the giant stick weirdo?  Almost every person in my neighborhood walks their dog while holding a giant stick.  I assume to ward off other dogs from attacking theirs.  I’ve walked Riggins in this neighborhood for 6 years and NEVER ONCE had a dog attack either one of us.  Once — just once — a giant pitbull made it out of his gated backyard and came running toward Riggins and me at full force.  I stopped, held my ground, held up a “stop sign” with my hand and said “OFF.”  This was followed by a “SIT” (with appropriate hand single) and “GO HOME.”  The giant scary dog did exactly what I said.  EXACTLY.  Turns out that “scary dog” was really well trained (even if his humans didn’t know how to secure a gate).  This isn’t always going to happen.  I’ve known dogs to fight and know dogs and humans that have been hurt in the exchange but you carrying a stick really only makes it worse.  DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARY IT IS TO SEE A HUMAN COMING AT YOU THE OTHER WAY WITH A GIANT STICK????  Seriously — you are asking for it.

* Walk pretty.  This is what I tell Riggins he has to do.  Walking pretty means beside me and a 1/2 step behind me.  Riggins is a champ at this (as long as it’s me walking him, he hasn’t seen a squirrel, cat or chicken — it’s happened — and doesn’t have to poop).  He often gets told he is a “good dog” from strangers when we are on a walk and  he is on his best behavior.  I really think what helped him most with this was having him run with me when he was younger.  I held the leash in a way that he had to pace right next to me and after a while of constant pace he had no choice but to fall in line.  A pooped dog is a well behaved dog!  That and a short leash.  A short leash just makes it easier for you to control your dog.  I use one that is a mix of long and short like this, http://www.arcatapet.com/item.cfm?cat=15069.

* Keep out-of-the-way!  This is going to be one not everyone will agree on but I read it somewhere and it makes sense to me.  When walking a dog and another dog is being walked coming at you the dogs should both be on the inside so that they pass one another with no human in between.  Looking from the front it would be, from left to right, human, dog, dog, and human.  I know this is a killer for some but a well behaved dog should have no problem with this.  Remember that a dog tethered to his/her master is going to be more aggressive with his/her “save my human” mentality.  If you, the fragile human, put your body between your dog and the other dog doesn’t it make sense that your dog will go crazy trying to get over and protect you.  If everyone remains calm two dogs can pass each other, quickly sniff, and move on.  Riggins gets a C+ on this.  He has NO PROBLEM when we are walking the neighborhood as long as the other dog doesn’t bark first.  Riggins is the anti-alpha so he waits to see how the other dog reacts.  Unless the other dog is tiny.  He will walk past a tiny barking dog like it’s nothin’.  He is also REALLY BAD at this when walking in certain locations like around the lake at Silver Lake (this is LA so it isn’t a lake as much as a reservoir with a giant chain link fence all around it).  Riggins learned to walk on my right side and come hell or high water that is what he is going to do around the lake.  That leaves him smashed between me and the small concrete burm/chain link fence.  I’ve tried to get him to the other side when dogs pass and have even pushed his butt over to make that happen but it doesn’t last long.  Luckily he is perfectly happy in his safe smushed position and really never even notices the other dogs on that walk.

* Lots of dogs are good.  My neighborhood has a good number of dogs but they are house dogs and don’t do much more than sit at home and walk around the block once in a while.  Their owners cross the street or go up a driveway or walk in someones lawn to get away from the big black dog and crazy woman coming at them on the sidewalk with no intention of moving.  In short most of the dogs aren’t socialized.  Silver Lake, for example, is dog heaven.  Most dogs are pack dogs and being with others is good for them.  Riggins is always much better behaved when on a walk in a high dog populated area.  When off leash and on a hike Riggins will happily fall in line behind whatever group of dogs he can find.

* Be cool man.  You want your dog to freak out?  You freak out.  Nothing annoys me more at the dog park than when two dogs get a little aggressive in their play and from all around the park you hear “NO NO NO NO NO, OFF OFF, NO , CHARLIE COOOOOMMMMMEEEE HHHHHEEEERRE, NO NO NO NO NO” usually in a high-pitched voice.  That only makes things worse.  I think we  can all agree that dogs feed off our energy so keep calm.

Wow this is a long post and I haven’t even gotten to my hatred toward the leash law on hiking trails and really probably lost most of you after the first paragraph so I’ll stop.  One final word.  I know I’ve been very lucky.  As much as I believe dogs can be trained and well-behaved I realize this isn’t always the case and a dog is an animal that, at any moment and for any reason, can use his/her teeth for evil.  After writing all this I’m probably going to be eaten by a labordoodle on my next walk.  If that happens I leave everything to Riggins.

And … I’m back!

10 Thursday Jan 2013

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Riggins at Echo Mtn.I just got dog ear cleaning liquid in my mouth.  Not tasty.

I’ve been gone for so long I don’t even know where to start.  I’m tempted to just leave it at those first two lines.  Seems poetic.  I guess that would be mean … such a tease.  Let me get you caught up on the past 1+ year.  I started a new job and then quit that job.  The year was full of travel, hotel food, depression meds, and lots of wine.  I find depression meds have more effect when taken with alcohol.  I’m sure Dr. Drew would agree and condone that.

I’m now completely unemployed.  S C A R Y !!! (scary — I had to write that without the spaces to see if it came up on spell check as being incorrect.  It looks wrong doesn’t it?  Oh well.  WordPress accepts it, I accept it.)  It’s interesting (or a sad comment on our society) that when I admit to someone I left my job without a safety net the answer 85% (estimated percentage) of the time is, “Wow.  I wish I could do that.” or “You are so brave.  I’d love to do that.” or other such “you are brilliant Wendy and I want to be just like you” type comments (at least that is how they get translated in my head).  Apparently there are very few people in this world who like their job.  Isn’t that sad?  Well I’m on the search for a job that will make me happy!  If you can think of anything send me a note.  I’m up for anything (almost anything — don’t go all Dirty Jobs crazy on me).

Quick list of what I’ve learned so far in my first full week of unemployment:

  • Hiking every morning and going to Bar Method in the evening can really be considered a full day of work.
  • Rice Crispies are crazy delicious and can be eaten for breakfast, lunch, dinner or a tasty snack.
  • Duck Dynasty is oddly entertaining.
  • There is an AMAZING amount of people who don’t work during the day in this city.
  • Generic is just as good as brand name … stop being a snob.
  • You can buy soda in a bottle and pour it over ice yourself.  You really don’t need to go through the closest fast food restaurant drive-thru and order a “large diet coke with extra ice.” (I wonder if they all miss me.)
  • Despite what I’ve said/believed in the past naps are kinda awesome.
  • You can go through an entire day without wishing death on someone.  It’s actually a nice surprise.
  • If I HAVE to I can cook a pretty decent meal.  Add on pt – There is no good recipe/movement/grocery purchasing that works well for a single person.  That means I cook something Sunday and eat it all week.  This really isn’t new I’ve always done this but now I just don’t skip the corners (bake the chicken myself instead of buying one of those pre baked chickens — for example).  I feel like with the social dynamics of the US (or at least Los Angeles/New York) moving toward more singles living their lives happily alone this is a hole that needs to be filled.  Someone get on that.Wendy & Riggins Jan 2013
  • Riggins is the cutest dog in the world (not new information just felt like it needed to be said).

So there you go!  I’m back and hoping to post more wonderful tales soon.