Tag Archives: bed

Just Me

14 Monday Apr 2014

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photo 3 (27)Has this ever happened to you …

You are going to the bathroom and then all of a sudden have a wave of nausea come over you that is so strong it includes sharp stabbing pains to your abdomen forcing you to have to lie down.  Right now.  Of course the perfect spot would be on the cool bathroom floor but you can’t flop down there because a giant golden retriever is taking up the majority of the floor while the rest is inhabited by two little dogs who make it their job to hold guard over your ankles whenever you sit down to poo.

photo 2 (36)So you crawl a few feet and lie down in the hall only to realize that you shouldn’t have procrastinated cleaning the carpet the past two weeks because it smells like dog ass.  The stench is really only making your nausea worse and  making it hard to think about anything but cleaning the carpet so you army crawl to the bedroom and managed to lie down on the bed face down.

Deciding dehydration is part of your problem you managed to get the inner strength to stumble to the fridge for some coconut water before going back to the bathroom to lie on the floor.  The little dogs had followed you into the bedroom leaving premium floor space free.  Of course since you didn’t clean the carpet what made you think you cleaned the bathroom floor?  Too gross to even attempt you head back to the bed only to realize it is now being utilized by 3 dogs.  Since you don’t have the strength to move anyone you lie backwards on the bed with photo 1 (35)you legs over your own dog in the hopes he will understand you have no choice at this moment.

As  you lie there moaning all you can think of is all the work you need to be doing right that second not to mention the now even more urgent need to clean all the floors in the house.   Finally  you feel stable enough to hit the bathroom and take a shower only to emerge a new person.

No?  No one?  Just me?  This morning experience was all mine?

photo 4 (19)P.S.  I’m fine.  I think it was a lack of sleep (I don’t sleep well the first night with new dogs.  I’m always afraid they are going to die in their sleep.), dehydration (although I didn’t do a long hike this morning, I did have to carry the fat chihuahua part of the way),  and eating too much at lunch (I was hungry).  I suppose if I am truthful though I really just needed to poop.

Pictures are of the dogs on their hike this morning.  Notice the smile on the fat chihuahua’s face while I’m carrying him.  He is pleased as punch with himself.

Shadow Sleeping Positions

09 Monday Dec 2013

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photo (16)I’m exhausted.  I have no right to be and I have to admit the 2 hour hike in Griffith Park with Riggins and Asscher this morning didn’t help.  Still, considering what I’ve done, my sleepiness is way out of proportion.  I’ve decided I have Shadow to thank for that.

Shadow was dropped off Wednesday night by her dad for her one night stay with us.  Riggins and I instantly fell in love with the sweet girl.  1/2 Whippet, 1/2 Doberman, and 100% sweetie.  Her dad said Shadow sleeps in her own bed at home but she would love to sleep on my bed if I allowed it.  As we got ready for bed that night Shadow sadly curled up in her teeny tiny dog bed that I had placed on the ground near the foot of my human bed.  She looked up at me with such sad eyes I had no choice.  It was only for one night.  I invited her up to sleep with me.  Whippets, Italian Greyhounds, or any skinny dog with a needle nose, like to sleep under the covers so that’s what I let Shadow do.  I lifted up the covers and she buried her way down and plopped herself down next to (or on) my legs.  She was happy as a clam.  Eventually during the night Riggins decided he needed to be in bed too so he jumped up and settled in.  By morning the three of us were as snug as a bug in a rug.  I could hear everyone snoring.  Everyone but me!  Sleeping with a dog at your legs isn’t exactly restful.

Shadow’s stay got extended and the one night became four.  Each time I crawled into bed Shadow was right behind me.  I couldn’t say no now!  Shadow went home yesterday so last night you would think I would have had a great night.  Not so much.  I missed having my little leg warmer curled up next to me.  Sigh … I can never be happy.

I thought I’d share Shadow’s sleeping positions with you so you can understand better what I lived through:

1.  THE SHADOW CHAIR – This consisted of me curling up in an almost fetal position so that Shadow could snuggle up against the crock of my knee (aka under my butt).

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2.  THE LOTION LICK – Once in a while I’d try to lie down flat and if I did that Shadow would just lay herself flat against my leg putting her in the perfect position to lick off all the lotion I had just put on my legs.

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3.  THE SCISSORS – This was the teams favorite sleeping position.  I slept at an angle giving Riggins room on his human pillow and Shadow just enough room to nuzzle between my legs.

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4.  THE BIRTH – Self explanatory.

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Sweet dreams to all the human and dogs out there!

Pillow Meet Pillow Case

14 Thursday Nov 2013

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I’ve been making my bed for years.  Weekly I suck it up and strip down the dog hair covered linens and replace them with crispy clean new ones.  For my entire life I’ve put pillow cases on one way.  I grabbed the end with my teeth (some folks put them under their chin but I wasn’t one of them) and then forced the pillow into the sack and then violently shook it with all my might.  It didn’t work well and I nearly gagged each time I did it.  Still I stubbernoly continued doing that specific chore that way for years.  That was until I figured there had to be a better way.  A way that took less time and didn’t cause me to want to throw up.  Logically I knew there was no way every maid on the planet was making beds this way.  It was just too horrific.  I Googled other ways to do it and although they seemed super simple I couldn’t figure it out.  I used what I could from the tutorials and put together a signature move.  The Wendy Lobster Shimmy.  It is the best way to make naked pillows less naked!  (I realize people have been probably been using this method for years but I don’t care … it’s mine).  Here is what you do:

* Grab your pillow case and turn it inside out.

* Push your hands in and grab the two end corners from the inside.  Making lobster claws.

* Use your lobster hands to grab two corners of your pillow

* Flip the pillow case over.

* Shimmy it down!

Ta Da!  Confused.  No worries I made a tutorial video for you.  I look horrible in it so you are lucky I’m sharing it with you.  After watching it I thought about putting on make-up and shading, getting better light, finding a better location, and locking away the dogs.  All that seemed like a lot of work and I had already tried two takes so I wasn’t doing it again.  Please pretend I did …

Take 1:

Didn’t teach you much did it?  No worries here is take two (proof I need a professional make-up artist/team … and yes Asscher is humping me … she was excited by the entire production).

Take 2:

 

Unmade Bed Vs. Poo Foot

15 Thursday Aug 2013

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There are a few things in this world that make me realize humans can be real suckers.  Sushi, for example.  It’s super overpriced RAW fish … you realize you are all getting scammed right?  Or any cup of coffee over 75 cents.  Personally, I’ll never get over paying for bottled water.  One of the things that always puzzles me is making the bed in the morning.  Making a bed in a room that you will spend very little time in before you are going to jump in and mess that bed up all over again seems a bit futile doesn’t it?

photo (4)With all my dog watching I have gotten much better at my daily bed making.  I make my bed and then throw another sheet over it to “lock” it from any furry beast that may jump up on it during the day.  If at all possible I try to cut down on the number of dog hairs I lay my head on at night!  The last couple of days Riggins and I haven’t had any dogs to host so I haven’t been as gung-ho to take the time to make the bed before jumping in it again either later that day for a quick nap or that night for a long snooze.  During this time I’ve had to admit to myself that I would much rather crawl into a messy bed then a strictly made one.  When I make my bed I tuck in the corners and straighten everything out, as I assume you do.  Then when I get in I have to PUSH my legs down to the bottom and flail around for a bit to get everything untucked, comfy, and wrapped around me (or not).  It’s such a pain!  When my bed is just a giant pile of pillows and blankets I can jump in, pull what I want over me, kick off pillows, and snuggle into my own personal human birdie nest.  In the morning I take anything that got pushed off the bed during the night and throw it on top to be snuggled in again later that day.  If a dog takes a blanket, or for that matter all my blankets, I just grab my afghan (that doesn’t live on the bed) wrap myself up in a burrito and lie back down in my own personal comfy cocoon!

Dexter (cocker spaniel) is staying with us again today.  As soon as he showed up we headed off for a hike.  Once home I forced Riggins and him to pose for pictures for this post.  That is when I noticed that Riggins paw was covered in goop.  When I say goop I’m going to have to assume it is animal poop with mother nature attached to it (leaves, twigs, etc.).  He also smelled a lot like dead animal.  AND HE IS HAPPILY HANGING OUT ON MY UNMADE AND UNLOCKED BED!!!  AAAAAAAAHHHHH! (At one point in our adventure I stopped to take pictures of Dexter and me.  When I turned around Riggins had made his way upstream and off trail.  I assume that is where he picked up the dead animal scent and poo foot.)

Now I not only have to give Riggins a bath and make my bed I also have to change the sheets.  Gross.  Thanks a lot Riggins!  Way to screw up a perfectly good “not doing that chore” excuse!