Author Archives: wendynewell

Would You Like a Side of Fava Beans with That?

20 Thursday Jun 2013

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I’ve always said if I died in my house and wasn’t discovered for a while Riggins would eat me.  That freaks people out but I’m okay with it.  After all, I’ll be dead.

Recently a couple of my visiting dogs have decided that I’m delicious and will lick me nonstop.  I realized it was due to the coconut oil that I put on as moisturizer after showering.  Apparently this entire time I’ve been basting myself for the big feast and didn’t even realize it!

image (9)Right now I have four dogs in my house.  The ever adorable Riggins, the brother and sister team of Jax and Bear, and finally my daycare darling Asscher.  Jax and Asscher have become BFFs and consider themselves the lord and lady of the wading pool.  These are two happy water dogs!  Riggins has never liked water.  He won’t even go near the bathroom unless forced to on his death march to get a bath.  The fact that I willingly get in the shower and/or tub everyday simply blows his mind!

Today, after two different outings to two different dog parks, I realized I was filthy and badly needed to wash up.  I was feeling a bit tired and achy so choose to take a nice relaxing bath.  I ran the water, tossed in a dash of epsom salts and a splash of coconut oil (you can see where this is going already can’t you).  As I happily slipped into my tub ready to read a few chapters of The Game of Thrones my bath took a turn for the Psycho.  The dynamic water duo came bounding into the bathroom (not thinking there would be a problem I hadn’t closed the door) and immediately stuck image (6)their heads into the tub.  Asscher was the worse.  She would not leave the side of the tub.  In trying to make her stop drinking directly from the dirty tub water I would push her away only to have her realize I was even tastier than what was in the tub!  The two of them, with Asscher as the lead, proceeded to try to lick as much as me as they could.  I tried to sink deeper in the water but then my legs had to pop out … so I pushed them in and my arms had to come out … I couldn’t submerge enough.  Imagine you were Queen of the Nile and being bathed by your faithful servants except your servants were dogs and their bathing instruments were their tongues.

I had no choice but to ditch the bath and hop into the shower to wash off the slobber that I View From the Tubwas now drenched in.  Asscher and Jax waited, not so patiently, just outside the glass shower door ready to resume licking as soon as they could.  As I toweled off and quickly grabbed my clothes I noticed King Riggins was happily lounging on my bed with Queen Bear on the floor beneath him.  Neither even raised their head as I ran into the room in search of clothing with my faithful followers at my heels.

I realize you are pretty grossed out by this entire post.  Believe me I am too.  I may have to take another shower after writing about the incident.  Right now Asscher is wandering around the house belching.  Apparently salty, coconut flavored, warm water makes you a bit bloated.

Life is Just so Daily.

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

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Whew.  Is it just me or has this week/month been a doozy?  I feel like the world needs some cheer and happiness and, for my money, nothing spreads happiness more effectively than a bottle of Cabernet!  Sadly I can’t share wine with you so instead I’ll share pages of my Mary Engelbreit calendar.  They are almost as good!

I have loved Mary Englebreit’s colorful and creative art pieces for as long as I can remember.  I’ve owned a number of ME items but none seem to give me as much joy as my daily desk calendar that my folks give me for Christmas each year.  It is full of daily happiness!  Sometimes, if one reminds me of a specific person, I’ll mail it off to them so they can enjoy too.  I don’t have all of your addresses so let me share some of my favorites with you here …

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“In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.” – Flora Edwards (art by ME)

"Don't just be good be good for something." ME

“Don’t just be good be good for something.” ME

"Real Life" - ME

“Real Life” – ME

"Keep Your Wits About You." - ME

“Keep Your Wits About You.” – ME

And the one that hangs on my wall for me to enjoy every single day …

"Life is just so Daily." - Dick Sattler (art by ME)

“Life is just so Daily.” – Dick Sattler (art by ME)

Here is to a good Thursday for all!

 

 

 

H2Blows

18 Tuesday Jun 2013

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I have a confession to make. I dislike water. It’s just not good. I don’t understand what all the hubbub is about. Sure your body may be 70% ish water and it may be vital to survival but does it have to taste so sucky? As far as I’m concerned those people who demand they like water are just showing off and shouldn’t be trusted.

Alright fine, I’ll gulp back an entire large SIGG water bottle during and after Bar Method. Yesterday I couldn’t get to class so instead went for a run before heading off to meet up for a friend’s birthday dinner, and upon sitting down gulped back three entire glasses of ice-cold H2O. I didn’t do this because I like the clear liquid I did it because I’m in a constant state of dehydration and without drinking post exercise (and post super Wendy sweating) I know a headache as big as the grand canyon is going to smack me right in the head.

I always drank a TON of water while I was attending sales conferences but this was more to fight boredom and have an excuse to leave the room a dozen or so times to use the bathroom. That’s another downfall of water. I already have to pee more than the normal person. Add water and I might as well just move into the bathroom.

Still, I know it is important and I should be drinking more. I do like sparkling water, I realize that makes no sense, but that stuff is pricey and I’m just not in a financial position to shower myself in such frivolous niceties right now. What to do? One day, as I strolled down the grocery aisle, I saw the Crystal Light water flavoring bottle things. This seems to photo (5)be quite the craze right now as all the “water” and “sports drink” folks seem to have a horse in the “liquid water flavor” race. I choose Crystal Light. It’s 0 calories and was probably on sale at the time. After trying it out I returned later and purchased a couple more flavors. One day I saw that the generic Ralph version was on “close out” so I bought a couple of those to have too. I love them. They make water so much tastier. I actually don’t use a lot of the flavoring and will often put a squirt in then keep adding water to the glass as I drink (this is just tap water …. I use a Brita filter but lets face it I change that filter only once in a blue moon so I’m probably consuming at least 99.99% straight tap water). The purple-ish Crystal Light colored one is my favorite. That’s why you don’t see it in the picture because it is all gone! Yuummm yummm.

Admittedly it may all be in my head but who cares? I can now stomach drinking glasses of water during the day. I don’t feel any better or any different but doctors and estheticians everywhere say I should so I’ll keep it going for a while.

As it’s getting hotter the dogs need more water too. Riggins is an odd duck and will only consume water if I’m with him. I think it is his way of not drinking water while I’m gone so himage (10)e doesn’t have to pee but he doesn’t seem to drink water when he is outside alone either. Scares me … silly pup. ALL the dogs will gobble up the water like it is … well … water, each time they come through the door. Today at the dog park Asscher (my daycare doggie) refused to drink anything but when we came home she drowned herself in the big bowl. I’ve had to up the ante on the water bowls I use and now have the “big one” out for all to enjoy (I sit them by the kitchen sink so that they are easy to access for the dogs and all humans are bound to trip over them). The dogs get an additive in their water too. It’s to help keep their teeth clean and breath smelling nice(er). There are a number of different versions of this product. Riggins and I like the one available from SitStay.com the best but the one we have now is from one of the big pet supply chains. Of course once outside both Asscher and Riggins use the wading pool as a giant dog bowl. That works too!

 

Personalized Cheers

17 Monday Jun 2013

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photo (9)This past weekend I attended a bachelorette party and finally got rid of, I mean gifted, the last of my glass art. This also happened to be the first glass I decorated and it showed! It was a disaster of pink glitter, hearts and lace. Although to my credit, that is what it was supposed to be.

The hostess of the party sent me a link to a bride goblet she found online weeks ago and asked if I would make one for our guest of honor. Sure! I screamed. How hard could it be? This is what actually started the decorated glass gifting. I started by putting the bride’s name as well as the word “bride” on the glass but that looked horrible so I took that off (I used fingernail polish remover). This is also the point I learned that the glass marker really doesn’t mark on top of itself very well so my idea of a lovely “mixing of colors” on the stem turned into a bunch of chunky paint blobs. Once almost every inch of the goblet was covered in pink, purple or silver paint, I forced myself to set down the pens and walk away. I treated the glass the same way I did the others I have made.

I NEEDED sparkles. So I did what any intelligent person would do and took a crapload of glitter and mixed it in with some Mod Podge and sponged the beautiful concoction all over the glass yelling, “you can never have enough glitter!” The sparkles really helped class up the glass quite a bit! Once dry I realized that the glitter was on so thick it covered up my carefully constructed paint design. I stuck the glass under some hot water and scrubbed with some dish soap. This caused the Mod Podge to disintegrate (kinda) and with a few swipes of my nail it all came off. I stood over my sink and scrapped off a large amount of the glitter I had so expertly applied earlier. Oddly enough the glue/sparkle mix sticks REALLY well to my sink and it is still sparkly today. One good wash and the sparkles and glitter will come off the glass but, GOOD NEWS, the paint will (should) stay!

I had purchased a good luck charm and attached it to the glass with some appropriately frilly lace ribbon. The charm turns into a bracelet so the bride had a token of the night she could wear post party. THAT is how you make a personalized bridal wine goblet or a set of gaudy and sparkly drinkware! (The other ribbons you see in the picture each had a cowboy themed button on them and we used them to tie around our plastic wine glasses.)

image (10)For the party we took a 2 hour horseback ride through Griffith Park offered by the Sunset Ranch. At the end of the ride you sit down to a super yummy BBQ. Some of the ladies choose to skip the horses and just meet up for chow. The Sunset Ranch folks were beyond nice and took the initiative to separate our group from the bigger riding group so that we had a private horse party with a hunky male guide. We thought it was pretty clever of them to give the hottie to the bachelorette party. Honestly all the guys (and gals) who work at the ranch are hotties so it didn’t really matter who our guide was but I feel like someone somewhere had put some thought into who would lead our group out. Hottie (whose name, I think, is Douglas … but I could be wrong about that … sometimes I’m not the best listener) also played the guitar and sang during dinner which made him even dreamy-er. Hottie scolded me for playing with my phone while I was on horseback when I should have been enjoying the nature of Griffith Park but, I HAD to take pictures to document the event for you and the attendees … plus it was REALLY important for me to post to Facebook while I was up on the hill and had reception … tee hee.

The entire event was a ton of fun and I would suggest it to anyone who visits LA. They have a number of different ride options depending on how much you want to spend and image (7)how long you want to be out. They also have a ride that takes you to a local Mexican restaurant and then you ride back to the ranch. I did this a year or so ago and I like our 2 hour + BBQ ride much better. The other dinner ride is LOOOONNNNNGGGGG (at least for us non horse people) …. For the last 1/2 coming back to the ranch I was practically lying on my horse begging for the ride to be over and then at the end dismounted and laid on the ground for a bit. The 2 hour ride was the PERFECT length and there was no need for me to collapse after. I don’t even hurt today. I give credit for that to Bar Method inner thigh and but work. Thighs of steel I’m telling you!

Happy bachlorette day to our friend Emily (she is the one in the pictures with the pink tank top)!

More Crafts

14 Friday Jun 2013

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We celebrated my niece and father’s birthday today so I can tell you more about some of the crafts I’ve completed recently.  Get ready to be impressed (tee hee) …

photo (7)Papa’s day – Riggins always gives people presents.  I use to think long and hard about which gift to put his name on for fear he was the giver of the more impressive present.  Then I realized that the recipient was probably smart enough to figure out that Riggins didn’t really get on Amazon, place the item in his shopping cart, get it delivered, and wrap it.  For dad’s day I made my father a giant (really heavy — too heavy really but it was all I could find for the right $ amount I was willing to spend) tea mug.  I was lucky enough to find a silhouette online of a dog and a man who could pass for my dad and Riggins.  I used the same method I did with the glasses in my past post.  I told you more people would be receiving decorated glass gifts!

image (9)Brobee head – My niece is OBSESSED with Yo Gabba Gabba.  She loves them all and now tends to lean toward Foofa as her favorite, but for a long time Brobee was her main man.  I decided she needed a Brobee headband.  To be honest the headband itself is a little big but beggars can’t be choosers.  I took some red felt, cut it into 3 squaty triangles, sewed each triangle together, stuffed each one with felt scraps, glued them to the headband, and then sewed the bottom of the triangles together for good measure.  TADA!  BROBEE HEAD!  She liked it but was just as happy to have her Mom wear it.  Clover was nice enough to model it for you while she was here.

image (8)Cowboy Boots – I read on Facebook that my girlfriend’s son, Gavin, had a cowboy theme day at his school/day camp today.  I LOVE dress up days.  Those are always the best.  I offered to make him some fake cowboy boots if she brought over the material.  To make these I took one square (well rectangle) of brown felt and cut it in 1/2.  I sewed the back together then used one of Gavin’s shoes to cut the top to fit.   Next, I sewed the top together.  For the “leg sleeves” I took two more pieces of felt and sewed them together then grabbed my cowboy boots as a template and cut the top in the cowboy shape.  I put velcro on the back of the “leg sleeves” for easy on and off action.  Finally I grabbed a brown sharpie and faked a cowboy boot pattern.  Of course you can put a piece of elastic under the shoe part to help it stay on and even safety-pin the sleeve to the shoe cover to keep it in place.  I think they turned out pretty sharp and I’m told Gavin was happy with them, which is really all that matters.

Just because I like you I’m going to leave you with this adorable picture of my niece and nephew safely eating their cookies in a location Riggins and Asscher couldn’t get to!   Have a wonderful weekend!image (33)

Treats in the Mail

13 Thursday Jun 2013

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rigginsYesterday and today I received fun packages in the mail.  Isn’t that just the best?  It’s always so much more fun than a crappy ol’ paper envelope with a stupid bill inside!

The package yesterday was a giant box of goodies from the DogVacay folks.  It had treats in it for the dogs and for me.  We were all pretty excited about it.

Today’s package was something I had riggins3ordered myself.  Sometimes Vistaprint bombards you with so many email deals that the only logical thing to do is to get on the site and order yourself a custom-made hat with you and your dog’s name on it.  Totally normal.  Nothing weird about that at all.  If you have never used Vistaprint before I suggest you just stay away from the site as it is horribly addicting and has really decent prices for the high quality of products.  If you *have* to go on feel free to make me another “Wendy and Riggins” hat in a different color.  I feel like I need a collection of them!

Be Badass

12 Wednesday Jun 2013

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image (4)You know when you see something on Pinterest you want to make so you have to then make up a reason why you need to do it?  That happened to me yesterday.  For awhile know I’ve seen wall hangings that had sayings written in hot glue and then painted monochrome (monochromatic … ahh I don’t know which is correct … one color).  I wanted to try making one!

I just had to think of a worthy recipient!  One of my good friends is sort of amazing maybe a little bit crazy but in an amazing way.  She is not just a marathon runner but an ultra marathon runner.  I didn’t even realize those existed until she started participating in them.  She recently told me she was going to be running a 50 mile race in Catalina.  50 MILES … ON AN MOUNTAIN FILLED ISLAND.  WHAT???????  She does a marathon every year on Catalina and last year I came with and ran a 10K.  Just over 6ish miles up and down hills.  AAAAAAHHHHHH.  She looked better after finishing her 26ish miles than I did after my “run”.  Now she is planning to almost double that distance.  That deserves some words of encouragement!

photo (6)I rushed to my craft closet(s) (which desperately needs to be organized as I found my glue gun in the first box I looked in but the glue was in the last) then to Michael’s to gather what I needed:

  • hot glue gun
  • hot glue
  • spray paint (for a canvas you only need a small can unless you want to use the rest for tagging later that day)
  • canvas (50% off at Michael’s right now)
  • pencil (harder to find in my house than you would think)

Although there are numerous examples of this craft on Pinterest I couldn’t find one with instructions.  How hard could it be?  Here is what I did:

  1. I printed out on the computer what I wanted to write so I would have something to refer to
  2. To act professional I first wrote on the canvas with pencil.  Tips to learn from my mistakes – hot glue is harder to manipulate than your pencil.  Put more space between letters and then you think you need.  After a while I pretty much ignored my pencil markings
  3. Then I grabbed my glue gun and went at it!  Tips to learn from my mistakes – treat the glue gun like a paint pen holding it perpendicular to the canvas.  Don’t touch the tip to the canvas but hold it away so you can get a nice clear 3d effect.  When writing letters act like you are teaching a kindergartener by making each line individual and picking up your “pen” after each movement.
  4. As you know hot glue dries fast (so don’t make mistakes) which makes it even more image (3)fun.  I need instant gratification!  When I was finished with my wording I used my finger to scrub off any glue “webs” between letters.  Tips to learn from my mistakes – this is a much more important step than I realized.  Do it well.  I’d suggest getting an old toothbrush or something and really scrubbing off any signs of webs.
  5. Then I grabbed some magazines to cover up the patio, told the dogs to stay away or they’d become a different color, and spray painted the top and sides.  That was pretty fun.

1/2 hour later I went back to get it and tada!  Art!

be brave

be strong

be badass

be you!

Good suggestions for all of us!

P.S. My mom asked why I didn’t center it.  I choose to be artistically off-center starting at the bottom left and working up.  To be honest I did this because I knew it would be a pain in the butt to actually center correctly.

Living Through a Dog Fight

11 Tuesday Jun 2013

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ry=400I’m writing this knowing I have a number of dog lover followers and not all will be happy with me.  I would like your thoughts and opinions on the subject.  I, myself, am still very torn.

I’ve always felt relatively safe walking Riggins around the neighborhood and letting him off leash on Runyon.  I know others have had issues but I never have.  It helps that Riggins is a big wimp and runs away from a dog fight vs. right into the middle which tends to be a dog’s instinct.  Now that I walk all my dog house guests along with Riggins, I’m getting a little more hesitant.  First of all, I don’t know these dogs as well and secondly, I would have a nervous breakdown if anything happened to one of them.  Most of the dogs that stay with me aren’t as active as Riggins and me so their folks are trusting me when I say our outings are safe.

I love dogs and think, in general, they are sweet loveable creatures.  Still, everyday there are articles of dog attacks.  One day I read an article on Dogster.com about a woman being attacked by three dogs while on a walk and it pushed me over the edge to do something about the safety of me and my dogs.

As I mentioned before most folks in my neighborhood walk their dogs with giant sticks.  I really dislike that.  I find that just the act of carrying that “weapon” causes dogs to be on guard and more aggressive automatically.  Coming at me with any kind of weapon while I’m walking my pack will guarantee you some unhappy dogs!  I did research and choose to photo (4)purchase an animal deterrent spray.  Unlike pepper spray animal deterrent spray is specifically designed to be aimed at a dog’s nose.  It’s the smell that causes them to pause and step back giving owners time to restrain anyone involved in a fight.  It promises to be safe and not harmful to the pets nor to humans.  The reviews on Amazon seem to back this promise.  (Ignore the fact that deterrent is spelled incorrectly on the canister.  There are a few choices but I picked this one because it had free shipping.)  It’s tiny and has a belt clip that I can easily attach to my pants, fanny pack, or backpack.

The product does warn that it isn’t effective on all dogs pointing out that super aggressive dogs may not be stopped.  Let’s face it … what is really going to stop a super aggressive dog?  Not much.  Mace is another choice that some folks go with.  If you choose this you need a smaller active ingredient % than what you would use on humans.  I wasn’t ready to take the leap to mace.

I haven’t needed to use the spray yet and I really don’t want to.  If the situation arrises where I do need it I hope I remember I have it!

So what do you think?  I want to know.  As fellow dog lovers what do you consider the safest way to deal with aggressive behavior while out and about with your dog(s)?

(The cutie dog in this picture is Chloe.  She is my good friends baby and is obviously completely harmless.  It’s just the only picture I have of a dog snarling!)

My Underwear

10 Monday Jun 2013

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(Pictures of me in my underwear would be weird so please enjoy these pictures of cutie dogs instead.)

I had a dream last night that I went to Victoria’s Secret to have them measure my bra size.  They took the two measurements and were in shock that I was even alive.  Apparently I was all out of wack and my portions were impossible, hence my inability to find a well-fitting bra.  I was horrified.

I think there were two things causing this nightmare.  One – I really do need a new bra or two.  Two – I really need some new underwear.  That night as I was brushing my teeth I grabbed a pair of nighttime undies.  How are nighttime undies different from daytime undies?  Well I’m glad you ask.  During the daytime I wear a classy thong so I don’t show any unsightly panty lines.  At night I can’t imagine sleeping well with a piece of fabric up my butt so I change to a more full fitting underwear.  A gynecologist will tell you to sleep with no undies on at all but I just can’t do it.  I need a barrier between my nether regions and the bed sheets especially if there may be one or more dogs joining me in the bed … UNDERWEAR NEEDED!

image (3)The minute I put last nights pair on I realized I knew them well.  These have a HUGE hole in the side.  HUGE.  Crazy big.  I mean to throw them away each time I find them but then I wear them, throw them in the laundry, and they get put back in rotation.  For a second I thought about taking them off and throwing them away right then, but they were already on so …. I just got into bed.  Don’t judge me.  I had a long weekend and just wanted to crawl into bed ASAP.

My problem is I don’t like shopping for underwear.  I don’t care.  I need an underwear club” where I give them my credit card and they just send me a new set every three months or so.  I’ve stormed out of Victoria’s Secret more than once.  Either because I hated one of the “helpers” or it was too annoying to find my size, or in the dressing room I wanted to cry, or I saw a price tag that made me furious.  It’s traumatizing.

Shopping for underwear falls under all the other girly things I can’t take the time to care about.  Like getting my nails done.  Sooooooooooo boring.  While shopping for clothes I’ve thrown fits in dressing rooms screaming, “Why would this stores buyer purchase such hideous clothing??!!!???”  The only reason I get my hair professionally cut and colored is because my hair lady is my friend and is a hoot to talk to.  I’m about as tom boyish as you can get without actually being a tom boy.  I’m not saying I don’t like to be fancy and girly.  I do!  If it was socially acceptable I’d live in a corset and carry around a fan for dramatic effect all day long.

photo (8)Since I’m not going to Victoria’s Secret to live out my nightmare I looked up how to measure my bra size online.  Please note I’m right now wearing a 36 C.  I figured my measurements would say I needed a D cup and that would make sense.  I’m okay with that.  Nope.  According to the internet and my tape measure I’m a 34 F.  HA HA HA HA … Bullshit.  I know I have large boobs but F … That’s bigger than a DDD.  I feel like if I got an F cup I could store a couple of the small dogs I babysit in each one for safe keeping while we are on a walk.  F.  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Screw it.  I’m going to put my sports bra on and call it a day.