Author Archives: wendynewell

I’ve Got Your Back

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

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ry=400Don’t you worry about a thing. As of last night I’m officially up to date on how to administer Adult CPR. Go ahead and drop to the ground without a pulse. I’ve got your back.

The last time I took a CPR class I was a sophomore in College so there is no doubt that things have changed a bit. I’ve been meaning to take the class for a while now but finally have the time. I figure given the age and activity level of my group of friends at least one of us should be in the know! My father was younger than a majority of my current male friends when he had a heart attack. At the time the family was on vacation and we were at the pool of the Circus Circus RV park. I remember very little about what happened. I remember my mom ripping down the motorhome’s awning so she could drive to the hospital. I remember my dad laying down during the drive. I remember sitting in the hospital with my younger sister and being given hospital coloring books to keep busy. I remember my mom calling other people and not being able to talk since she was crying so having to hand the phone to me even though I had nothing to say. Mostly I remember spending time at my Grandma’s house where my cousins and aunt came to visit us and having a blast!

It’s no surprise that during my high stress career I’ve managed to have my own chest pain scares. At one point I realized I had been experiencing chest pains for over a week and was nearly blacking out on the hill that weekend. My mom forced me to make a doctor’s appointment where my blood pressure was so high they didn’t believe the machine was working correctly. The next day driving to work I thought “Something isn’t right I should go to the ER”. It was followed by the thought, “Sigh. I don’t want to go to the ER. What a drag.” That was followed by the thought, “If I die of a heart attack at work my mom is going to kill me.” So I mad a u-turn and headed back to the Emergency room close to my house. After a very quick chat with the admitting nurse I was rushed to a bed. Apparently they take “I’ve had chest pain for a week and it has gotten severe” very seriously. Once again my blood pressure was crazy person high. I wasn’t having a heart attack but they were extremely worried. I made a pact and promise with them that if they didn’t admit me I would go to the cardiologist the next day. I really didn’t want to spend the night in the hospital. Of course I had a HMO so getting to the cardiologist the next day was a whole different headache.

Speaking of headache … for years I had been hearing my dad’s story of how the medicine they gave them at the Las Vegas emergency room caused him the worse headache of his life. Unlike me my dad doesn’t get migraines and doesn’t even really get headaches so I figured he was exaggerating. Just like a man … right? My dad just happened to be sitting next to me when the nurse rubbed nitroglycerin on my chest. Eager to show his knowledge and help me my dad explained that nitroglycerin is what had given him the worse headache of his lifetime but did help the whole “having a heart attack” problem. Again I rolled my eyes. Come on. How bad could it be. HOLLY FUCKING SHIT (excuse the language but it is necessary to convey the pain). Headache is not the right word. Alien beings trying to eat my brains and claw their way out of my head … that’s what I experienced. It didn’t go away fast either. My cardiologist (when I finally got in to see him the next day after a number of long dramatic phone calls) gave me nitroglycerin pills to carry with me. Whenever I had chest pain I had to weigh the option of death due to a possible heart attack vs. mind numbing headache pain.

The most fascination thing I learned in class last night? Nitroglycerin plus Viagra equals death. So there you go gentlemen. Don’t get all shy and embarrassed when asked what medicines you take by the paramedics. If you take Viagra you better tell them or you may die from a teeny tiny little white pill slipped under your tongue. In fact to be safe you should probably get a medical bracelet saying you take Viagra. You know … just in case.

(Everyone should know basic CPR. I took my CPR class at the local community college. To find a class near you go to the American Heart Association website http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/CPRAndECC/CPR_UCM_001118_SubHomePage.jsp)

Mind Your Manners

28 Monday Jan 2013

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ry=400Recently I noticed on Pinterest a pin that informed you of the proper way to address wedding invitations.  I don’t plan to send out that type of correspondence anytime soon but I do send letters through the mail at least once a year.  It wouldn’t hurt for me to brush up on my mail etiquette.  Turns out that stuff is crazy!  No wonder it’s a popular pin there is no way to remember all those insane rules.  There were a couple of surprises to me, good and bad.  Good – If the woman of a couple has a doctorate while her husband does not her name comes first.  For example, Dr. Wendy Newell and Mr. Riggins Newell.  That makes perfect sense but I was surprised that it was actually a valid rule.  Bad – If children are invited their names shouldn’t be on the front envelope but should be included in the inside envelope (Or maybe it was the invite itself.  I’ve already forgotten.).  If the child is a male then his title is Master.  As in, “Master Riggins Newell.”  What the hell?  Master?  Seriously?  Am I the only one that feels uncomfortable with this rule?

It made me start thinking of the other manners I follow that are no longer popular or even known.  I wanted to share them with you.

  • Don’t Slurp Your Soup – Slurping shouldn’t really be an issue unless you dine with neanderthals.  Still there is a proper way to eat soup.  “As little ships go out to sea / I dip my spoon AWAY from me” (I didn’t actually know this little rhyme before my in-depth research for this post.  When I say in-depth I mean use of Google and assumption that when discussing manners on the internet majority rules.).  This means scoop the soup with your spoon away from you.  I do try to do this whenever I eat soup but honestly sometimes only have the energy to pull it off when with company.  Additionally, soup at my home is often served in a Tinkerbell mug making a spoon and any rules about it, no longer necessary. 
  • Gift Me Or Else – This rule is one where when it isn’t observed I wince a little on the inside but can’t really hold it against the culprit.  She probably has no idea it is bad manners and is just trying to make your life easier.  Good intentions do not equal good manners.  When sending invitations for an event, wedding, baby shower, bridal shower, etc. it is considered bad manners to list where the guest of honor is registered.  Don’t try to out wit this rule by placing this tidbit of information on an insert.  That insert is still inside the invite so still counts.  Technically it looks like the guest of honor is not only expecting a gift but have mandated where it should come from and what it is.  When put this way you can see how it would be considered uncouth.  Right?  Instead the guest of honor should have told host, close girlfriend (maid of honor for example) and family (mother for example) where she is registered.  Then it is up to the guest to ask for this information if it is wanted.  On the flip side if the invite asks for no gifts it is considered rude to bring one.  Can’t win can you?  Giving a gift at a social gathering when you were specifically told not to only causes the other guests to be uncomfortable, wondering if they should have done the same, but also the host who is looking out for the happiness of all her guests.  If you would still like to give your friend a gift it is fine it just needs to be done at a different time and place.  Just think of it this way, you get to give a gift, your friend gets a gift, plus you now get to spend more one on one time with the friend you love!
  • Stop Ruining Good Wine-ing.  Wine glasses come in all shape and sizes but one hour of television where the characters are drinking it proves that not many know how to hold their wine glasses correctly.  Wine glasses should be held by the stem so that your body heat doesn’t warm the liquid and therefore change the taste of the wine.  Although most important when drinking wine served chilled, like white and champagne, this is actually true for all types and colors.  It seems a little ackward at first but you look so much fancier getting drunk this way!  Here’s the rub if you come to my house.  I use stemless wine glasses.  It’s almost like I’m mocking my guests isn’t it?  While we are on the subject of wine can I point out that there is a very small chance you should ever send back a bottle that you have ordered.  You should only send it back if the wine has turned which should be painfully obvious to your nose once you get anywhere near the cork.  Those folks that swish the wine around and make a production out of tasting it then nodding their head in appreciation are weirdo snobs.  Smell the cork.  If it doesn’t smell like death you are good to go. 
  • I’m Done.  Turns out I’ve been doing this one all wrong.  When finished with my meal at a restaurant I have always signaled to the waiter that I’m ready for him to clear my plate by putting my folk and knife down on my plate in an X.  It usually worked so I was shocked to discover, during my in-depth research, that most people would consider this impolite.  Apparently I’m a barbarian.  Instead the more common suggestion is to lay the fork and knife side by side across the plate at 10 and 4 o’clock.  Tines facing up or down is still very much up for debate.  I think from now on when I’m finished with my meal I’ll dramatically throw knife and fork to the ground, raise my arms in an Evita pose, and yell, “I’ve finished.  Take all this away now my minions.”  That should be pretty clear.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending how you look at it, hard-core written in stonephoto (7) manners have been fading away.  You can take everything I’ve said above and find at least one person who says the opposite online.  The internet gods will let anyone post on the world-wide web without checking their facts.  So it’s your turn.  What do others do that make you silently cringe inside knowing that they were obviously raised by wolves?  Personally I can use all the help I can get.  After all at my house feeding Riggins from your folk isn’t considered bad manners it’s considered good sharing!

Lesson in Failure

27 Sunday Jan 2013

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Before I dive into how I failed let’s start on a positive note.  Look who read my post (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/beautiful-inside-and-out/) and responded!  Well her or someone with access to her Twitter account.62314_10200476591017263_1938208159_n (2)

That’s right!  Ann freakin’ Curry.  Isn’t that exciting?  It made me giddy!  Her response reminds me that I sent Dr. Drew a link to a post where I not only talk about him but told you ‘all to subscribe to his podcast (https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/the-best-medicine/).  That’s worth a shout out by him right?  Just a tiny one?  Fine.  I’m done with him.  … … … Oh who am I kidding?  I still love him!  He is a lickable dreamcicle with a creamy center made of logic and medically sound advice.  Despite his shunning me I will continue to believe everything he says without question.

Now back to the topic at hand and why you tuned into this broadcast — to hear about my failure.  Well my friend last night was a homemaker/crafter disaster zone in my house.  It was only a matter of time before Pinterest wronged me.  I had such a good record happening and the run was bound to end at some point (read about successes https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/if-i-can-do-it-you-can/.  Speaking of successes I made this the other day and it was delicious – http://skinnyms.com/slow-cooker-macaroni-and-cheese/.)  Last night I decided to make my mom a birthday cake.  Easy enough right?  Wrong.  I was smart enough not to make the entire thing from scratch and instead went for the cake mix + can of soda technique.  I’ve made cake this way before so I know it works.  Not to mention I was experiencing an extreme headache due to caffeine withdrawal and this gave me an excuse to buy a six-pack of delicious caffeine rich soda.  It just taste like chocolate cake with a kick of diet coke.  It isn’t the real southern soda cake, which includes a long and tedious list of ingredients (well to me it is long), but instead the So. Cal fake version.  I DID decide I was going to make the coke glaze to put over it (recipe here – http://mayflaum.com/2011/06/08/the-chocolate-cola-cake/).  That was my first fatal mistake!

Now while I was in the grocery story I did glance over at the unsweetened cocoa powder that the recipe calls for.  4+ bucks.  Are they insane?  I’m not paying 4+ bucks for something I need 1/4 of a cup of.  Now I realize to you 4+ bucks may not seem like a lot but let’s remember I’m unemployed with zero income.  I had regular cocoa at home.  I’d make that work.  Mistake number two.  Liquid sugar.  That’s what I made.

In my attempt to make up for the sweetness my cocoa was adding I didn’t include as much confectioners’ sugar.  It seemed so logical at the time.  Looking back, mistake number three.  I just made really watery liquid sugar.

For some reason when I poured the cake into the suggested pan size it seemed like the cake was going to be more of a flat bread since the batter barely covered the bottom.  No worries.  I’m smart remember?  I just shoved the cake from that pan into a nice small 8×8 one.  Mistake number four.  The cake was 1/2 the size which meant I had twice as much liquid sugar.  I mean glaze.  Twice as much glaze (it soooooo wasn’t glaze).

Finally when the cake came out I didn’t pop it out of its pan and onto a cooling tray where any extra sugar-water could artistically drip down the sides.  Not that I own a cooling tray.  Nah.  I just poured that concoction right over the top of the cake and watched as it quickly drizzled and then ran and then pooled down the sides between the cake and the pan.  Mistake number … I’ve lost count.

Because I’m a genius who deserves a treat I waited a bit and cut myself a big ol’ slice.  Admittedly it didn’t look right or at least nothing like the picture.  In fact it didn’t seem to have any glaze on it at all.  Once I cut into it the whole thing seemed a bit goopy, which was odd because the cake was definitely well cooked.  After 1 bite I realized all the glaze — ALL OF IT — was now soaked and soaking the bottom of the cake.  My lovely birthday surprise for my mom was now essentially a diabetic inducing chocolate bread pudding.  Blah!  Looking back all my mistakes seem obvious.  At the time I was oblivious to my own stupidity.

In between cake cooking, eating, and gagging I was attempting to make her a beaded bracelet.  This should have taken me all of 15 minutes.  Instead I strung all the beads only to realize it was way to big so took off most of the beads to start over (there was a fancy charm in the middle so it had to be centered).  Then I made the entire thing only to realize, as I tried to put it on, that I had used two different size clasps on each end.  So I cut the wire and started again from the beginning.  After remaking the entire thing I was thrilled to have it completed only to realize I put a jump ring (which I hate doing as I’m no good at it so was reeeeeaaaaallly careful to do it well) on the center charm (this allows the charm to fall the correct direction) when it wasn’t needed.  That means the center fancy charm would always hang sideways.  I was done.  I added it to my present as is.  I told my mom I’d be happy to remake it once it started to bother her but it wasn’t going to happen last night!

Finally I decided to fold a pocket in the wrapping paper to store my Mom’s card (like this – http://navybeanonline.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-to-make-pocket-wrapping-paper.html).  Not hard right?  Apparently difficult for me.  It took me waaaaayyyy too long to make a silly little fold.  The first piece of wrapping paper fought me and then ended up being too small.  The second piece of paper I finally got to work and then realized the “pocket” was too deep.  I used it anyway.

I gave it all up and went to bed.  Sometimes that is just the right answer!

 

Beautiful – Inside and Out

25 Friday Jan 2013

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(Riggins did not enjoy this photo session. He is currently pouting because I forced him to do it.)

I just saw Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. I liked it! Granted I’m an easy sell when it comes to movies but even so it was well worth my discounted before noon/weekday ticket price. Just like any good fairy tale it was creepy (name me one fairy tale that doesn’t give you the chills if you really think about it) and had wonderful messages. One, of course, is that evil eventually makes you ugly not only on the inside but the outside. Good witches are pretty all the time. Bad witches have no choice but to become ugly. I’m not ruining anything for you here. You’ve seen Wizard of Oz so I assume you are up to speed on the whole witch beauty thing. It seemed perfect that after the movie I Operation Beautiful bombed the crap out of that place. (More on Operation Beautiful in a bit.)

It made me start thinking of the whole bullying issue (stay with me here). Bullying is the key hot topic right now and of course it is hurtful and bad but are we tackling it the right way by saying, “don’t bully – it’s mean?” Deep down doesn’t the big fat meany bully already know he is being mean? Unless he is truly mentally unstable (which I suppose is possible) this should come as no big surprise to the bully. “Oh wait. This is mean? I’m just doing this due to my insecurity and need for external validation from my peers? Well good thing you told me. I’ll stop now.” Give these kids some credit won’t you? There is a PSA type TV commercial that is running right now that is making me crazy. Granted bad commercials in general chap my hide but this one is both bad and treats it’s viewer like he is stupid. Horrible combination. It has some girl getting practically thrown on the ground and kicked Jet Lee style in the school hall by the lockers (what school has lockers anymore) while others ignore the abuse. Come on. Seriously? Besides isn’t childhood bullying usually more emotional in nature especially among girls? The level of beat down this kid is taking while others just pass by is ridiculous. Instead of going negative with our message why don’t we turn it positive? Give praise and awards for being nice and doing good deeds. Kids aren’t stupid (most of them anyway). Why are we treating them like they are.

I love following blogs and such of people trying to pass out messages of happiness and strength. This isn’t new (I never watched Oprah but this is very Oprah-esk) but it seems to be catching on which is amazingly wonderful!
If you follow @AnnCurry on Twitter or search the hashtag #26acts you will find a treasure trove of people reaching out and being kind. (More info on how and why Ann Curry started this viral push toward niceness – http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-205_162-57560308/ann-curry-proposes-26acts-of-kindness-goes-viral/) You can’t read through very many before you start crying and believing that humanity is indeed good (unless you have no soul or are a bad witch).

Now, as promised, more on Operation Beautiful (http://www.operationbeautiful.com/). Per the web site – “The goal of the Operation photo (6)Beautiful website is to end negative self-talk or “Fat Talk.” If this little blog only does one productive thing, I hope it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is — it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically.” To participate you grab a sticky note pad and a pen and write out positive messages to strangers then leave them in places they will be found. The woman who started this movement, Caitlin Boyle, is adorable. Truthfully I don’t follow her Operation Beautiful blog but I do read her personal blog (http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/). Caitlin also goes around the US conducting inspirational discussions with teenagers within high schools spreading her message that everyone is beautiful. Although aimed toward teens, who are often at the age where you struggle with your self-identity and care deeply about what others think, I’m all for getting the message out to adults as well. Seriously, if I was on a date and, feeling self-conscious, popped into the restroom to “freshen up” (aka try to slather on more make up in an attempt to look alluring) and came across a post-it staring at me telling me I was already beautiful it would be a game changer. I’d drop my make-up bag back into my purse, stand up a little straighter, smile at myself in the mirror and pronounce, “That’s right! F*** it. Let’s go do this thing Post-It” and then proudly head back to my date with more self-esteem than before. I’d love it if more people around the world became a part of Operation Beautiful. It’s so easy and can lead to such happiness.

There is another duo of woman specifically crusading against the negative, harmful, and untruthful messages about the ideal beauty as portrayed by the media. They have started “Beauty Redefined” (http://www.beautyredefined.net/). Much like Caitlin the founders, Lindsay and Lexie Kite, are inspirational speakers and spread their message through presentations along with Facebook and Twitter. They actually sell pre-printed post-it notes through their site, with messages that are designed to spread ideas of positive self-image and knock down any media that is helping spread visual lies. I really like two parts of Beauty Redefined. First of all they have an entire photo album on Facebook dedicated to real, un-photoshopped women who are proud of who they are (http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.426191410745343.98353.193209467376873&type=3). They also have an eye-opening gallery of photoshopped pictures of celebrities that is just fascinating (http://www.beautyredefined.net/photoshop-phoniness-hall-of-shame/). These pictures are supposed to show us that even those gorgeous models and actors on the cover of that magazine aren’t that skinny and perfect looking in reality. You know what it shows me???? It shows me with a little better lighting, a snazzy make-up artist, and a buttload of computer wizardry I too could be a super model! That just makes me happy!!!!

Happy Friday and remember you are beautiful (no matter what any asshat may say to you)!

Taste Like Chicken

24 Thursday Jan 2013

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I was in a car with co-workers once and somehow the conversation lead me to the following comment, “When you are in a packed elevator do you ever look around and decide who you’d eat first if you got stuck in there for a really long time.” I think those people are still afraid of me.

Don’t look at me like that. I wouldn’t kill someone but if I was stuck somewhere, like an elevator, for an extremely long time and someone just happened to die of starvation, I’m not against looking to his carcass for a source of protein. I did hear somewhere that eating human can sometimes carry some sort of horrible brain disease. I think I learned that on the show Oddities. I suppose it would be safer cooked. I don’t know how I’m going to safely start a fire in an elevator. We’d have to assume something really bad went down to trap us their for so long. Some sort of end of human race event that caused everyone outside that elevator to perish. Hmmmmm. That reminds me of a book I recently finished, The Dog Stars (http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Stars-Peter-Heller/dp/0307959945. It got great reviews but honestly I didn’t love it. A plague kills off most of the human race and small gangs of survivors do what the have to, to survive. The lead character made people jerky. To his credit he only fed that to his dog but that’s an idea. I wonder if eating jerky is safer than uncooked? Can you make jerky in an elevator? I bet that would smell horrible. Although a dead dude stuck in an enclosed space with you is eventually going to start smelling too. I guess I haven’t really thought this through.

Oh stop pretending I’m freaking you out. Sitting there all high and mighty behind your computer screen thinking, “I’d never eat a person.” You know what I say? Never say photo (5)never. You think that poor rugby team thought they’d be chowing down on their friends/family to stay alive after a horrific plane crash? You don’t know what you’d do for survival if out of options. For example, I can say I’d never dive into a dumpster behind a sushi restaurant (I hate sushi) and eat up but if there was some sort of deadly disease spreading across the planet and they discovered the only cure was a type of mold that grows on decaying raw fish and chopsticks but is only strong enough to work if eaten directly from the dumpster, I’d be diving in head first!

If I died of natural causes and your only chance of survival was to chomp down on my thigh I’d be okay with it. I’m dead what do I care? I’m an organ donor after all (as everyone should be) that’s just really stepping it up a couple notches. If, in my death, I can save you then go for it. No need to thank me.

Don’t even suggest I eat Riggins. That’s disgusting. I’d rather die.

The Fashion of Fit

23 Wednesday Jan 2013

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luluI’m really liking this push toward strength and fitness for the ideal female look right now. Admittedly this may just be a Los Angeles thing since we live in our own little cultural bubble, but you can’t cruise Pinterest or Facebook without seeing some great fit tag lines like, “Skinny women look good in clothes. Fit women look good naked.” “Strong is the new skinny.” or “I’d rather be fit and sexy than weak and dainty.” Not to mention who wouldn’t want Michelle Obama’s arms? Doesn’t all that sound like we are starting to support healthy body image messages for young women? Don’t get me wrong you can take it all too far and make it way to competitive (cough cough cross-fit cough) but the underlining message is positive.

With this fitness push comes the need for its own fashion. Women’s boutique fitness wear are making a killing. When I use to go to a gym I’d wear the crappiest workout clothes I owned, not caring at all what I looked like. Then I read somewhere if you invest in some good-looking work out gear it motivates you. “Nah,” I thought, “that’s silly.” IT ISN’T. You do actually feel more like working out if you know you look cute. I think it is worth the investment (especially if you take any work out classes and have to stare in the mirror at yourself for an hour)!

Based on the overflowing drawers and closet that house my workout gear I feel I can be considered an expert on the subject. Let me breakdown fitness wear as I know it:

Nike – Screw off. No woman or dog lover should wear Nike. I realize I’m in the minority on this topic but that is what I think. I stopped buying Nike gear a while ago and have given away those pieces I did own (except my running gloves and one sweatshirt which I feel terrible wearing in public). I realize my one woman boycott means nothing to Nike nor their profit but it makes me feel better about myself. If you pay a murderer of dogs and a cheating lying bastard to be your spokesperson then I don’t need to give you any of my hard-earned cash. Don’t get all wimpy on me with the, “he served his time,” “his personal life is none of our business,” “he said he was sorry,” “he’s still good at what he does,” “it’s how he was raised,” or a zillion other excuses. Those men made money on their name brand and they decided to screw up their name brand so I will no longer buy something that utilizes their name brand. Plus their swish isn’t nearly as cool as the other ladies wear clothing symbols.

Lululemon (http://shop.lululemon.com/home.jsp) – The queen of ladies workout gear. You will be hard pressed to find a yoga, bar method, zumba, etc class without spotting a few dozen of the Lululemon sings adorned on participant’s clothing. There is a reason why they are the best. They are COMFY! On top of that they are cute. Downside … they are pricy. To workout I do own a number of Lululemon pants but I own more of their clothing for non-work out times. It just seems a shame to sweat in them! There is a section of my closet reserved for their hoodies and they took over as my go to travel gear. My view on packing is the less I can put in the suitcase the less I have to lug around and the less I have to unpack. I have a Lululemon sweater that can be worn 4 ways (crew neck, turned around for v neck, then flipped inside out to do it all again in another color) and a tube like item that can be used as a dress, skirt, shirt, scarf, or shawl and then flipped inside out to be used all those ways in a different color. BRILLIANT! I suggest investing in a Lululemon work out outfit if you haven’t already. You will feel like one of the gang!

Lucy (http://www.lucy.com/) – The majority of my workout gear has the Lucy orange stripe. Less expensive than Lululemon so more attainable. 80% of my workout pants belong to this club along with my favorite crop pants. I think their fitted yoga tanks are cuter than Lululemon too. That is if you don’t mind wearing a skin-tight top. They also tend to have good deals in their sales section. Lucy is my unsung hero. Every now and then I see another woman with the orange stripe on a garment and I give her a head nod. Sisterhood of savvy shoppers.

Athleta (http://athleta.gap.com/browse/home.do?ssiteID=AT) – This is Gap’s answer to Lululemon. Their clothes don’t seem to fit me well so the pieces of my wardrobe with the purple star emblem include protective sun-shirts and bathing suits. Man do I love their bathing suits! I have my performance suits that I use to swim in but I want something a little prettier when I’m recreational swimming. My biggest problem has always been that fashion suits are useless. Totally and utterly useless. I don’t need to worry about a wardrobe malfunction while I’m frolicking in the sea. I find sunbathing both useless and boring so if I’m going to be near a body of water I want to be IN the body of water having fun. This usually includes my goggles which really destroy the cute look but at least my bathing suit can be attractive! The performance suits at Athleta are the perfect answer to my swimming problem!

Target (http://www.target.com/) – That’s right! The store that has everything has a large spot in my work out gear closet. Target technically does have a workout brand, C9 by Champion. I don’t own those things. I head straight to the women’s section and pick up a giant handful of lean and long tanks. Plain ol’ tanks. They are PERFECT. When I run I’ll wear a sweat wicking shirt of some kind but when I’m hiking or taking Bar Method class I’m happily sporting a Target tank. I do have to live with the shame that my top doesn’t have a cute little brand emblem on them but I’m okay with that.

There you go! Go get yourself something pretty and get yourself strong!

Psst … Come Here … Yes Again

23 Wednesday Jan 2013

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Hey you guys. Remember this post – https://wendyandriggins.wordpress.com/2013/01/15/psst-come-here-for-real-this-time/? At the end I mention the homeless gentleman with the cat. I haven’t seen him since I wrote that. Do you think the Pasadena mob got to him? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh! The last couple times I’ve walked by them I could feel their eyes on me. Do you think they know I called them out in that post? Uh Oh.

The Death Race

22 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Did you know that yesterday was Squirrel Appreciation Day? Me either. Luckily for us this wise journalist really knows his stuff and informed me – http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/blogs/happy-squirrel-appreciation-day. In honor of such an important occasion I thought I’d share my story of The Death Race happening in my backyard.

When it comes to Riggins’ instinct to kill I’ve always lived by the “circle of life” philosophy. After all if you are a critter that feels it’s necessary to hang out in my back yard that’s really on you. Riggins is a master ground squirrel assassin and to stop his blood thirst I had him start wearing a bell while hiking off leash. Gives the little critters a heads up. He will and has gnawed on a dead bird or taken out a family of baby possums. Circle of life.

I do find it fascinating that he knows his own kind. I’ve found dead rats in the backyard and yet he will sniff a chihuahua and move on with a head nod (what’s up buddy).

I also like to help him understand and connect with his roots. His mommy was a Germanfly riggins Shorthair Pointer. A hunting dog! You know how when a couple adopts a tot from another culture and then feels like they should do things to help that child never forget his/her skin color is different from theirs (I’d give you examples but I can’t without sounding horribly racist so you will have to think those up on your own)? Same thing … just with a dog. So a long time ago I set up the Death Race. It’s been out of commission for a while but this past week I started it up once again!

My backyard is a type of critter zoo. Somehow I moved to the urban jungle and didn’t realize it. One of the critters that are plentiful are squirrels. So I did what any caring mother of a hunter dog would do and set up a squirrel feeder in one of the tall trees in my backyard. As the squirrels make their way from the back fence to their snack and back their only goal is to NOT GET CAUGHT BY THE DOG. Riggins makes this harder by following them from the ground taunting with a ferocious bark. The little creatures jump and teeter from the branch of one tree to the other. If one falls (you can hear tiny squirrel gasps from the stands) Riggins and the squirrel have a beat where they just stare at each other before ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Then it’s up to the squirrel to get up and get out FAST. Losing means death.

Okay this is mean. I admit it. But I’m on Riggins side. He LOVES it and, as of right now, has never caught a squirrel contestent. I figure at this point word is out and it is only the badass tattooed squirrels who make a bet and come into the ring. I assume it’s how you become a squirrel man.

If I Can Do It You Can!

21 Monday Jan 2013

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photo (3) That would be the name of my Food Channel program if I was a host, “If I Can Do It You Can!” I’m the first to admit I’m not a candidate for Top Chef. The problem with cooking is I’m not great at it, its boring, and clean up is a pain in the bum. If an ingredient needs prepping (ex. carrots cleaned, skinned, and cut) you can guarantee that the last 1/4 of it is going to be handed to Riggins just to get rid of it. I’m the queen of the short cut. Why cook chicken when my corner Ralph’s makes a great roasted chicken already cooked and ready to go? If you can find something pre measured and boxed or already 1/2 completed I’m going to use it. Mom didn’t raise a fool. Unfortunately, I’m on a budget so as I tighten my belt I’ve made an attempt to be more open-minded about cooking (gasp) from scratch.

Pinterest has become my go to for recipes. (https://pinterest.com/wendylnewell) Which recipes I choose to actually attempt to make has to go through the following checklist:
* Can I read the list of ingredients without falling asleep (aka not a long list)?
* Do I understand all of the cooking terms (I’ve looked up sear before so this really limits what I can make)?
* Do I have all the ingredients and if I don’t do I know what they are and approximately where they are in the store (this has been a real problem with trying to find dog biscuit recipes)?
* Is it healthy (this doesn’t apply to most desserts)?
* Is it Wendy stomach compatible (my stomach hates a large list of foods)?
I thought I’d share those recipes I’ve made and are worth you giving them a shot. I’ll let you know if I’ve substituted anything in case I’m coming over for dinner and you want to make sure I’ll eat it. One of my friends, who is a much better cook than I am, told me the first time she makes something she won’t do any substitutions sticking to the recipe so she knows what it should taste like. Isn’t that smart? I don’t do that. I also feel like I should warn you that I have the sophisticated palate of a 14-year-old boy. The blander the better! You may want to add more spices and such …

COWBOY CAVIAR – http://www.tipjunkie.com/all-crafts/ripening-avocados-recipe/
Move over guacamole (I love guac so much that this is really hard for me to type) there is a new dip in town! There are a zillion different versions of Cowboy Caviar on Pinterest but I found the easiest! I strongly dislike the name of this dish so from now on it will be called Wendy’s Famous Dip. It is crazy good. On top of that leftovers work well as the guts of a veggie burrito! There won’t be leftovers so I suggest putting some of the deliciousness in another container and sticking it in the back of the fridge just for you.
My Changes – No red onion. No cilantro. Added green onion (is that what you call the long skinny green stalk like things that have a tiny little white bulb at the end? — you know what I mean. I added that thing).

BANANA ICE CREAM – http://www.cometogetherkids.com/2012/05/banana-ice-cream-made-from-bananas-only.html
I honestly don’t know why every parent on this planet doesn’t have bananas stocked in their freezer at all times. If you freeze bananas and then put them in the food processor (this woman’s insane. Blender won’t work. If you don’t have a food processor go to Target and get a cheap one) you get banana soft serve ice cream. Okay you and I know it isn’t ice cream but you know who doesn’t? EVERYONE WHO EATS IT. It really is magic.
My changes – I don’t like bananas. The texture, taste, really everything makes me want to gag. So I cover that taste up with a scoop of peanut butter and some coco powder. In reality anything can be added to change-up the flavor a bit. Also this woman spent way too much time cutting these bananas up. You are going to put them in a food processor after all. Just chop them into chunky pieces and freeze. I put each in its own plastic bag so I know how much is one banana.

SHREDDED CHICKEN – http://dashingdish.com/recipe/the-easiest-shredded-crockpot-chicken/
I can’t digest red meat (this is as tragic as it sounds as steak is delicious) and don’t like fish so chicken is my go to protein. When I had a job I’d buy one of those pre cooked whole chickens and then peel off what I needed during the week to add to dishes. I had to find a way to do it cheaper but cooking chicken scares me. I’m afraid it’s going to be undercooked and kill me or I’ll cross contaminate and the next time a cut up an apple it will kill me. I found this recipe and thought I’d give it a shot. YOU GUYS IT TOTALLY WORKS. I was in awe as I was easily able to shred my cooked chicken breast. Honestly I had no faith in it at all. I now have a tupperware of shredded chicken in my fridge to grab when needed!
My changes – I didn’t have chicken broth. Believe it or not this is actually odd. I normally have left over chicken broth in my fridge at all times (not kidding). Now that I needed it I didn’t have it. I substituted that for one cup of water and one cup of white wine. For “spices” I grabbed a bottle of mixed spices called California Garlic Mix (or something like that). I’m sure chicken broth would be better but this is pretty dang good!

NUTELLA BROWNIES – http://www.motherthyme.com/2011/08/nutella-brownies.html
Did you know that you can make brownies from scratch and don’t have to use a box? I was shocked too. These are pretty tasty! I did try to cheat and mix by hand but after a while gave up and brought out the mixer. Probably a good idea.
My changes – I don’t like egg yolks so any recipe that calls for eggs is going to have the equivalent of egg whites instead. I wasn’t happy with the amount of sugar so put in 1/2 a cup and then 1 cup of applesauce. My butter was salted because that’s what I had (it’s shocking I actually had butter and didn’t use margarine but I had some left over from Xmas treat making). Finally I sprinkled powdered sugar on top because I’m fancy like that.

NUTELLA COOKIES – http://kirbiecravings.com/2011/09/three-ingredient-nutella-cookies.html
You had me at three ingredients. I’ve made these a couple of times and they are a good cookie to stick in a container and the fridge so you have a sweet (but not to sweet) treat to end your day with.
My changes – Once again egg whites instead of eggs. I also added a cup-ish of oats (because oats are delicious) to my second batch so it’s now a four ingredient recipe.

BANANA OATMEAL CUPS – http://greenlitebites.com/2009/03/07/banana-oatmeal-cups-with-chocolate-chips/
This woman is overselling these things a bit but I do like them. Warning they are DENSE so really are a breakfast dish. My love for oats overpowered my dislike of banana in these.
My changes – Do I need to say the egg white thing again? I didn’t have chocolate chips just hanging around (who does) so grabbed a small handful of chocolate melts (because it makes MUCH more sense that I had those lying around) and chopped them up into pieces.

CRISPY BALLS – http://monimeals.com/blog/crispy-balls/
Ha ha ha! I said balls! Ha ha ha (14-year-old). I can’t put into words how good these are! The best thing about making desserts is that I know what is in them and it disgusts me which means I am not tempted to eat them. I ate these. Yum yum yum! Seriously if you are going to make anything on this list make this (or the Wendy’s Famous Dip).
My changes – I used caramels from Trader Joes instead of Kraft caramels. I was at Trader Joes and theirs are bigger which means less to unwrap so really a no brainer. Even with that extra help I don’t think I used as much as the recipe calls for because I was sick of unwrapping.

CHOCOLATE CINNAMON PRETZELS – http://www.yourcupofcake.com/2011/02/white-chocolate-cinnamon-pretzels.html
These are easy to make. That’s really all I have to say about them. People did really like them but I wasn’t blown away.
My changes – One batch I made with milk chocolate vs. white simply because it worked better for my presentation. One batch I used coconut oil and one olive oil. Both worked. I also spent a large amount of my time googling “cinnamon sugar” to try to figure out if it was different from just a mixture of sugar and cinnamon. It isn’t. I don’t know why they just wouldn’t say that. Cooking snobs.

BITE SIZE PARTY BARK – http://happyhourprojects.com/2012/08/bite-sized-party-bark.html
These are easy to make, pretty and don’t cause much of a mess. Sold! They also look impressive so they get an extra star for that.
My changes – I didn’t use chocolate chips. Really how much sugar do you need people? I have no idea what Vanilla Candiquik is. I used white chocolate melts. I was using a snowflake mold but it was a treat for a New Year dinner so I added colorful sprinkles and called them white chocolate fireworks. No one was fooled. Finally I subed walnuts for peanuts because I had them.

APPLE PANCAKES – http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/the-chew/recipes/Carla-Hall-Fried-Apple-Pancake-Rings
These are delicious. I really liked them more than I expected. I’ve made them twice once for a party and once for my family for breakfast during the holidays. Don’t make them for a party. That was actually kind of dumb of me. They taste better hot and don’t travel and sit on a party chip table well. It would also have made my life a lot easier if I had an apple corer. But I don’t.
My changes – Ummmm … everything. I bought pancake mix, added water, and dipped the apple rounds in them and cooked them like normal pancakes. Then, because I’m lazy and didn’t want to make the sauce, I added powder sugar and called it a meal!

BAKED SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN – http://life-as-a-lofthouse.blogspot.com/2010/09/baked-sweet-and-sour-chicken-with-fried.html
This stuff is pretty tasty! I can see that it would be a winner as a family dinner dish. I’m incapable of cutting down a recipe to accommodate just little ol’ me so when I made this I ate it for dinner for over a week. It got old after night 4 but before that I was semi amazed that I had made something so yummy.
My changes – I didn’t make the fried rice. I made a rice but it wasn’t this rice. That egg white thing. I changed canola oil to olive oil. Once again the amount of sugar scared me although now that I’m looking at it again it doesn’t seem like that much. I think I may have read it as 3-4 cups instead of 3/4 of a cup. Whatever. I used 1/2 the sugar (whatever I thought it was) and 1 cup of apple sauce.

There you go! If you have a Pinterest pin that passes everything on my checklist please share!

Happy cooking (and cutting and cleaning — sigh it’s already too much).

Succinct (concise – brief – laconic – compendious – short)

18 Friday Jan 2013

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photo (2)Wow I just scrolled down through my last few blog postings and I have to say I’m a bit of a windbag! That’s a lot of words. Personally I don’t like long blog postings. Unfortunatly for me it seems I’m incapable of being succinct. Imagine how Riggins feels. He has to listen to me all day!