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I Have No Clue if I Have a Solar Spirit – Re Post

04 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

A goody from Jan. 2011.  Enjoy and have a spiritual weekend of the solar kind …

I Have No Clue if I Have a Solar Spirit

Posted on January 10, 2011by wendynewell

I haven’t shared any Match.com profiles lately.  Honestly I haven’t paid very much attention but I thought I’d share this one.  This “gentleman” broke 5 of my Match.com rules:

* Pictures of himself shirtless.  In fact 5 out of 10 of his pictures required him to take his shirt off.

* Profile written in all caps.  Who, at this point, doesn’t know that all caps via the computer = yelling.  Who knows.  Maybe he really is yelling his profile.  Maybe he feels that you are so mesmerized by his abs that you he needs to yell to be heard.

* Inability to use spell check.   I can’t spell, so usually can’t pick on people for misspelled words.  BUT in this case I think I can.

* Use of any kind of emoticon.

* Excessive use of punctuation.  It’s annoying.

His profile –

“About him & Who he’s looking for

WOW!!! IF I SAY EVERYTHING ABOUT ME HERE THAN…? WHAT WILL BE THE SURPRISE!?!?!? HOWEVER I’M LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO ENJOY LIFE! POLYTE AND EDUCATED BUT WITH A SOLAR SPIRIT TO SHOW HAPPYNESS!I LIKE TO PLAY MANY SPORTS… AND I LIKE VERY MUCH SALSA! WHOT ABOUT YOU? ;)“
Seriously … what is a “solar spirit?”

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Locher’s Love

03 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

designer, fun, Humor, Locher's, Locher's Paris, style

photo 1 (2)Years ago I found this adorable online store, Locher’s Paris, that had the most precious women’s blouses and necklaces.  So feminine and petite.  Then I looked closer and saw that the genius designers used these lovely fashion items as a way to get across much more important messages.  Messages that speak straight from my heart.  Messages like, “You Suck” and “I am the Greatest and Fuckin’ Gorgeous.”  OF COURSE I ordered up a couple of shirts (I actually don’t remember what the shirts I had said.  I think they were directed more toward men and what they could do with themselves) and a beautiful necklace.  The shirts have long since been worn out but the necklace still lives on.  It has the cutest little picture of an adorable baby on it with a sweet little button and bow hanging off the top.  It says “Fuck Off”.  When I wear it I sometimes get comments like, “is that your baby?” and I get to reply, “No.  It says fuck off.”

photo 5 (1)Recently I received the best news.  Locher’s was releasing new shirts.  What?  What???  Because they are genius it was a slow tease and they released their new lovely designs slowly to their adoring fans.  I had plenty of time to convince myself I could do without a haircut/color and eyebrow wax to purchase a couple.  How could I not?  The second they were available I rushed over to their website and filled up my virtual cart.  Since then I’ve been anxiously waiting for my purchases to arrive.  Every time I come up my drive way I crane my neck to look over the 1/2 brick wall to see if there is a package waiting for me.  Anytime I have somewhere to go I think, “if my shirts come today I can wear one out.”  They never came.  I was so distraught photo 3 (1)I didn’t know what to do.

Finally I jumped online and sent Locher’s an email. Here is our exchange:

Me to Lochers:

Subject: order help

> Hi there –
>  
> I ordered two of your new blouses when they first became available and have yet to receive them.  Unfortunately I didn’t keep the email receipt since I haven’t had problems with orders in the past.  Can you help me find if the order has been shipped and if so where it is?
>  
> My address:
(deleted so you can’t stalk me)
>  
> Thank you!
> Wendy
>

Lochers to Me:

> Hello there lovely Wendy,
> These shirts are for PRE-ORDER of our LIMITED EDITION COLLECTION and will not be shipped out until OCTOBER 15TH (you must have not seen the message in red on each pagehttp://www.lochers.com/apparel5.html) and you will receive and email of shipment that day. I know you are eager to get these tops I would be too but you must be a little more patient…..and don’t forget darling, all good things come to those that wait….
> 
> Sweet Wishes and have a fantastic week!
> Denise

Me to Lochers:

I didn’t see that.  I’m just happy the package wasn’t sent to a neighbor by mistake. If I saw one of them in my brilliant blouses I’d go insane.

Thank you for the quick response.

Lochers to Me:

I would too…….. xo

photo 2 (3)Don’t you just adore them?  Not only are they a company of talented designers but also brilliant at customer service.  As an added bonus their website and Facebook page are a hoot.  Brilliantly designed with the most poignant of pictures.  I really suggest you check them out and purchase one or two things for me …  I mean for you … and me.

Chao.

All pictures here are from their Facebook page.  Facebook.  Website.

 

photo 4 (1)photo (12)

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The Most Delicious of all the Corns

02 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Asscher, candy, candy corn, Chief, corn, Dragon, Fall, Halloween, Odo, popcorn, sugar, treat

I love corn.  It’s simply delicious.  On the cob, topping my salad, popped, anyway you want to make it and give it to me, I’m all in.  I seriously considered going to the movies today JUST so I could get some movie popcorn.  Remember a year or so ago when some scientist health freak type people got on the internet and started bad mouthing my precious corn?  Something about it being a “bad” vegetable.  Too much starch or something.  Lumping it in with the also delicious potato?  I refused to listen.  Leave my corn alone!  LEAVE IT ALONE!  It still goes in the “fruit and vegetable” section of the food pyramid right?  Then zip your pie hole internet.

photo 1 (1)Of all the corn deliciousness there is one that stands out … candy corn.  Ok.  Technically it is not corn at all but it is good enough to proudly carry the “corn” name so it gets to be part of the club.  There are few things more exciting than knowing that October is here and candy corn will be gracing the isles of every grocery store in the US (technically it is always there year round but now it’s in your face … where it belongs).  Saturday I wasn’t feeling well so to pep myself up I bought a bag of yumminess.  I haven’t purchased a bag in years.  You know why?  I eat it.  That’s why.  And I did.  Wow was it delicious.  Today I finished off the last 16 oz. all by myself.  When I say today I mean this morning for breakfast.  The bag of open candy corn sat on my counter for the past few days and I’d happily take a few pieces every time I walked by.  For 5 glorious days I’ve been riding a sugar high that has been amazing.  My taste buds are dulled to any other taste beyond “sugar,” my eyes water a little, slight gagging in the back of my throat, slight eye twitch.  All signs of sugar overdose that causes you to grab more and stuff it in your face (or in the case of candy corn carefully eat off each color starting with white and ending with yellow).  I gotta have it man.  The bag is like a magnet to my soul and just draws me in.

In this world there are two types of people.  Those who worship at the candy corn gods and those who dismiss them with a shake of the head.  I just don’t understand the “no thanks” people.  What is wrong with you?  It’s a delicious sugar treat shaped somewhat like a giant corn kernel with festive fall coloring.  How horrible was your childhood that you can’t see the goodness in a piece of candy corn?

Granted I can’t give candy corn a pass and say it’s healthy.  Although it is fat-free so that has to count for something ,…. right?  Right????  A serving size (24 pieces although they should just measure by the handful it would make it a lot easier) has 150 calories, sodium, carbs, and sugar.  All other “nutrition” is 0%.  Exactly what you want from a piece of photo 2 (2)sugary goodness.  So the words “glaze” and “wax” are included in the ingredient list.  So what?  What are you doing looking at the back of a candy corn package in the first place.  Stop being such a square and eat it already.  Enjoy the sugar high with me!

(Gotta catch you up on the dogs that have visited over the past few days.  Dragon was here for an extended weekend and Asscher has been here during the days this week.  New faces, Odo a lab mix, stayed for the long weekend too and Chief, a lab, spent Sunday with us.  I’ve included some pictures so you can see how adorable they are.)

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A Statement Piece – How-To

30 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

birthday, birthday crown, craft, flower headbands, flowers, headbands, how-to, statement piece

A few weeks back my friend Dee Dee sent me to this website – HERE.  Along with the suggestion that we get on that fast!  Just a week or so later my friend Esther received this for her birthday:

photo (11)

It was a sign!  It was really two signs, that I needed to get the glue gun out and make some flower headbands!  I just needed a reason … then I remembered the perfect occasion.  Our friend Tricia’s birthday party was this past weekend.  A few of us couldn’t attend the actual gathering so went Hollywood bar hopping with her instead.  The ladies involved and the location was the perfect storm for gigantic flower headbands!

photo 1A little about me.  I live for “statement pieces.”  When I had a much more exciting life and went out more I would wrap myself in ribbons or a hat or a giant flower or …..   I love it!  What is the point of going out if people aren’t going to stare at you.  That’s my philosophy!

Off to Michael’s I went.  The flowers that were used for my friend Esther’s Frieda Kahlo inspired headband were super fancy roses.  I found them … they were $10 EACH.  I don’t care how pretty the flower is I’m not spending ten bucks on it!  Luckily for me the fall flowers were on sale and it was easy to find a few bundles that were well priced and pretty.  For the birthday girl I went a little fancier and got a softer color.  Me?  I’m not a soft color type of gal!  I want primary colors and I want them to be bold!

photo 5After a quick stop at Rite Aid (or something similar) to grab a bundle of basic headbands I headed back to my house to get the glue gun turned on.  Then I watched the premiere episode of Grey’s Anatomy that I had recorded earlier in the week.  That gave my glue gun approximately 1 1/2 hours to heat up to a temperature that could have the gun second as a spot welder.  I have the old fashion glue gun that spits out molten lava and causes me to scream FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK on a fairly constant basis while using it.  The instructions on the site say to pull off the photo 4flower head from the stem and cut of the little stem that is left.  Don’t do that.  That little stem is what holds everything together.  Do pull off the flower head and just leave it at that.  Then grab your hot glue gun (aka tool of torture) and glob it on the flower.  I had to hold the flower in place, above my head, up to the ceiling fan to get it to set faster.  It is a little bit of a pain in the bum but not horrible.  Just keep piling giant flowers on your headband until you are satisfied.

Oh I forgot …. I covered the headbands with photo 2 (1)a strip of ribbon first.  I figured it would be prettier and would give the flowers something to stick too.  I had purchased a combo pack of headbands so each were a little different.  The ribbon helped unify them plus gave the super skinny headbands more real estate to work with.

After all were made I looked in awe at my creations.  They are BEAUTIFUL and were a big hit.  I was asked by folks more than once that evening where photo 3they could purchase one for themselves or their girlfriend/wife.  Yes they are big.  Yes they are bright.  Yes they are perfection!  Totally worth the multiple burns on my fingers and toe (yes I got hot glue on my toe) and the giant chunk of skin missing from my ring finger (if you get hot glue on you don’t pull it off … I repeat … don’t pull it off).  I’m sure it won’t be the last time you see pictures of me with giant flowers adorning my head like a mysterious fairy crown!

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Pain in the Side

26 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

bar method, core, Dragon, Exercise

After this week of Bar Method I have a serious ache in all the muscles around my mid section. A good ache. Every once in a while the instructor says “at the bar” and I’m giddy! Stretch “at the bar.” Pretzel “at the bar.” Curl “at the bar.” All the “at the bar” options target different muscles or the same muscles deeper, than their non bar sibling. Early this week we had an “at the bar” day and my waist muscles still hurt. There is nothing better than feeling like you worked that horrible mid section” area. That big blobby area between your boobs and your hips.

I’m a wimp during certain exercises or stretches until the instructor tells me it targets and slims my waist. Then I’m all in. Lay down and cross your right leg over your left. Grab your ankles and lift them up to you ears than down. Ummmm. I’ll pass. Until she tells me it will slim my waist and then I’m happy to contort myself into the ridiculous pose! Those are my magic words!

I don’t feel like you understand my pain so this is what I would like you to do. Head to the closest Bar Method class. This requires some of you to fly to the US or Canada. Worth it. Then keep going to class until you hit an “at the bar day.” It isn’t a popular teacher choice so it could take a while. No worries. It will give you time to perfect your technique. Then call me the next day so we can talk about how it now hurts to breathe.

What I do for beauty. It’s amazing.

20130926-212334.jpg

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Mini Marshmallows Two Ways

25 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Cooking, dessert, lego, mini marshmallows, s'more, yummy

A few posts back I alluded to some Oreo balls I made for my nephew’s birthday.  Because of that cooking frenzy I have a bag of mini marshmallows sitting on my counter.  In case you do too here are two things you can do with them!  By the way I suggest not thinking too hard about what marshmallows are made of or you will not want to eat them.

photo 2LEGO OREO POPS – I have made my fair share of Oreo and cake balls (if you want to see someone do these right head on over to Bakerella’s site).  Balls are easy.  You tap into your inner kindergartner to make balls out of food and then dip them in chocolate.  If you want to get fancy you can add sprinkles or chocolate drips over them.  Making cake balls is a pain in the bum.  Oreo balls allow you to skip 4 or 5 steps and end up with something similar.  Within my set of friends some prefer cake balls, some prefer Oreo balls, and some can’t tell the difference.  When I asked my sister what kind of cake her and my nephew wanted for their birthday she said that Logan had requested cake balls.  I negotiated that down to Oreo balls and a cake.  To make the “balls” extra special I decided to make them into Lego heads.  Logan’s love for Legos knows no bounds.  After a quick search on Pinterest I figured out how I wanted to make them (if you want to see Lego pops that turned out better than mine search on Pinterest and you will find a ton).

To make Oreo balls take a package of Oreos (I’ve used Trader Joe version when I knew kids allergic to something in normal Oreos would be eating them) and stick them all in the food processor.  Zap them until the are just crumbs.  Then add a brick of cream cheese and zap that together until it looks like play dough.  Brown, yummy, play dough.  I wrap up the sugar blob in wax paper and stick it in the refrigerator for a while.  This is a good step for both cake and Oreo balls.  The “play dough” can get really gooey really fast.  Chilling it helps make rolling balls easier.  After a bit I took the blob out and rolled out some barrel shapes until I got annoyed with them and changed over to just making balls.  Now for the marshmallows!  Take a mini marshmallow and cut it in half.  Glue (using chocolate) one 1/2 to the top of each barrel.  If you want any pops put the sticks in now using more “glue” to help keep them stable.  Stick all those in the freezer.  Once they get hard it is easier to move on to the next step.

The “covering in chocolate” step is always where I run into trouble.  This is what holds me back from making super fancy shapes.  That and a complete lack of patience.  Grab some candy melts (I used yellow because Lego heads are yellow) and melt them down to a liquid form.  This is my fail point.  I can not get the right consistency.  This time I think I was screwed up by some water that was left in the bowl I grabbed to melt in.  Water is chocolates enemy.  I had to ditch that batch and start over.  Once you get something that is liquid enough dip in your Lego heads and/or balls to coat them.  I place them in the freezer one more time to help set them up.

At this point the balls are done!  Ta Da!  If you went crazy and decided on making Lego heads then grab an edible pen and draw on some faces.  If you are me the edible pen you bought is crap and won’t work.  As a last-ditch effort I grabbed some yellow scrapbooking paper, drew some faces, cut them out, and “glued” them to the pops (using chocolate).

Oreo balls or Lego heads or whatever shape you want to make are always a hit!

photo 1 (1)PRETZEL S’MORE BITES – I had seen a recipe for these on Pinterest and they looked yummy.  I had a dinner party to go to earlier this week so I decided to give them a try.  I didn’t actually follow the recipe (shocker).  If you want really chocolaty treats use the Pinterest recipe.  Here is what I did.

Place a layer of pretzels on a covered cookie sheet.  Place 4 mini marshmallows on top of each one.  I got bored and started just putting 3, one in each pretzel hole.  4 is better.  It gives the top pretzel more to stick to.  Place the sheet in an oven (350 is what I did) until the marshmallows get all puffy and sticky.  It won’t take long.  Grab some more pretzels and smash one onto each marshmallow pretzel pillow.  Melt some chocolate melts and then grab each pretzel sandwich and dip it in.  For fun and color add sprinkles before the chocolate sets up.  Stick in the fridge before packing to take to your party.

These were a big hit!  I’m told that I’m allowed to name them “kid approved.”  Adults love them too although one friend said she would do without the sprinkles because they just fell off and rolled all over the place.  Another friend said I had improved on the already delicious s’more treat.  I give credit to the salt on the pretzels.  Salt just makes everything better despite what my heart doctor says.  These are also Wendy approved since they are quick and easy to make.

There you go!  Next time you have some mini marshmallows handy think of this post!

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To My Sweet Riggins

25 Wednesday Sep 2013

Tags

dogs, love, Riggins

photo (12)

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Posted by wendynewell | Filed under Uncategorized

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Please Send Soap

20 Friday Sep 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Asscher, dogs, Dragon, hiking, Morgan, Riggins, runyon, smell, soap

image (22)I really wish this was a smell-o-vision blog post.  I really need you to fully understand how badly I stink (or stank, to be more specific).  Last night after Bar Method class (where I sweat like it’s my job) I came home and did some chores.  Finally I drug myself into the shower only to find I was out of body wash.  Kind of a relief really.  I had taken a shower earlier in the day and how clean can a person be?  I did a quick rinse and got ready for bed.  This morning I woke up and put on my hiking gear and headed up Runyon with the dogs.  Looking back I realize I missed the step where you put on deodorant.  When Dragon showed up he immediately peed on me.  I guess he owns me now.  I changed my hiking pants but really just toweled off the pee.  I was going to Runyon where the entire hill smells like dog pee.  I’d fit right in.  After a long and sweaty hike, which included me getting down on my knees in dirt and filth to get pictures of the puppers I headed back to the car.  Instead of immediately heading home to take a shower I went downtown to the Paws/LA headquarters to drop off some donated art for their fundraiser.  When I was finally heading back home it hit me.  I smelled.  Not good.  I smelled BAD.  It was somewhat amazing.  I’m shocked the dogs would even come near me.  Once home I ran in and took a shower using shampoo as body wash.  A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.  I rarely use perfume and never do if I’m just at home alone, but I felt it necessary to spray a mist of vanilla scent on before getting dressed again.  Whooo weeeee.  Smeeeellly.

Since I can’t take pictures of my smell and technology has yet to allow me to send a horrific scent to you via blog post you will have to settle of adorable pictures of the dogs from this week.  Enjoy!  Pictured:  Riggins (you know him), Asscher (golden retriever), Morgan (poodle), and Dragon (schnauzer)

image (23) image (24) image (25) image (26)

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Rip it Off

19 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

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Tags

ballet shoes, bar method, Lululemon

pizap.com13796228705831

Source Source

Yesterday while I was putting on my twisted ballet slipper I thought of how embarrassing it was that I had gone to years of Bar Method classes tying the bow on the top of my toe vs. tucking it in.  How many people looked at me and giggled under their breath?  Dozens?  That class is chock full of ex-ballerinas someone had to have noticed.  They should have clued me in.  Of course I’m not sure how I would have reacted.  I would like to say that I would have smiled and said, “Thank you so much.  That is so sweet of you to tell me.  As you can tell I really have know idea what I’m doing.”  I fear that instead I would have gotten all prickly and said something like, “ummm … yay … I know THAT.  This is how I like to do it.  Back off.”  I’m not very good at taking criticism even when it is meant to help me.

It is for this very reason that I don’t go up to those ladies with tags hanging out of the Lululemon (expensive and very popular active wear brand) shirts and rip them off for them.  At least once a week some young skinny thing prances into class with that long Lululemon tag trailing out behind her.  I want to help.  I want to fix it for her.  But I don’t.

pizap.com13796231026731

Source

To make up for all the times I haven’t said something I’m writing this blog to alert the world.  Lululemon wearing ladies please give me your attention.  Those long tags on each and every piece of Lululemon clothing you wear is meant to be taken off.  They have made it super simple.  No scissors or teeth needed.  Just grab that long tag and pull.  It will come right off at the seam.  I’m not the first person to write this in a blog post.  Even Lululemon themselves tried to spread the word.

Whew.  I feel better now.  Let’s look out for each other ladies.  No one wants to look foolish while contorting their body into positions called “pretzel” and “water ski seat.”

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Showtime Idols

18 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by wendynewell in Uncategorized

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Tags

Californication, Hank Moody, HowAboutWe, Match.com, Showtime

HowAboutMe suggested I might like this guy.  He is, apparently, a kola (only picture of him on his profile.)

HowAboutMe suggested I might like this guy. He is apparently a kola (only picture of him on his profile.)

As you know I dislike Match.com.  While I was angry at them I joined up with HowAboutWe and then immediately ignored it.  This week I decided to go on and start checking things out.

HowAboutWe is specifically designed, if used correctly, to go against one of my biggest complaints about online dating.  No one actually wants to go for a date.  Email – sure!  Text – always!  Msgr – okay!  Meet for drinks – NO WAY JOSE!  I still don’t understand how you are supposed to date without dating but apparently that is how it is done now.  On the HowAboutWe site you think up date ideas, post them, and then guys/gals reach out to you if they want to partake.  How much easier can they make it?

I posted a few date ideas and had gotten a few responses.  The response I got the most was “I’m intrigued.”  Which, if you haven’t guessed already, is the default response if someone is … intrigued.  It’s the bar meeting equivalent of sitting next to a pretty girl but not talking nor making eye contact hoping she will talk to you first.  A good majority of those guys I emailed back and so far one has responded.  He suggests we exchange yahoo messenger ids so we can IM each other.  NO …. NO NO NO NO NO … THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS PROMISED.  IM each other?  NO!  You were intrigued by my date idea … LET’S DO THAT!  Good lord.  Do I have to do everything?  Put your good shirt on, get in your car, and go on a date.

That was annoying but not as annoying as this guy:

Capture2

Hank fucking Moody.  THAT is who he named himself after.  Do you know who Hank Moody is?  Let me explain.  Hank Moody is the main character of Showtime’s Californication.  He is disgusting.  DISGUSTING.  It’s like if you took Mulder (or was he Scully.  I didn’t watch that show.) stripped him of his dignity, refused to allow him to shave, force feed him a bunch of addictions (booze, sex, stupidity, smoking, weed), and had him roll around in Asshat juice.  He is the ultimate Peter Pan and I’m afraid way too many middle-aged men look to Californication as a “how-to” for their lives.  I haven’t watch the series in years so it is possible the character had a brain tumor that was causing his faulty personality and once removed he became an emotional stable man, but I doubt it.

Hank Moody in all his Moody glory.  Source

Hank Moody in all his Moody glory. Source

Giving yourself the name “Hank Moody” is the reddest of red flags.  It’s like saying, “I’ll only go out with you if you are a model (which has actually been said to me on a dating site) and want to be used for sex and thrown away the next day … or the next hour depending on my mood.  You get nothing out of this except for the joy of my company which many have suggested is witty and sharp but in reality is the result of a deeply disturbed and unhappy man.”  No thanks.  I’ll pass.

For the record I suggest that men of dating sites stay away from all Showtime idols as sources of code names.  Hank Moody, Dexter, Ray Donovan, and Marty Kaan should all be avoided.  There is a difference in liking a TV show (I like 3 of 4 that these characters are a part of) and choosing a troubled character as your onscreen dating persona.

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